a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So a bit more to add to my story. I really appreciate anyone who could help or give me a bit of advice. So my break up has reached the one month stage. She split up with me because of distance between us. Im over that bit. Not worried about the reasons anymore because its happened and theres nothing more to say on it. We went to no contact. But.. I have received text messages pretty much weekly asking how i am, what have i been up to, what am i doing at the weekend etc? She used the whole "i want to be friends" line and "i miss you, i still want you in my life" lines. I have replied to these messages.. simply because its polite. i have no hate towards this girl. But you know.. shes the one texting me 100% of the time. I text her back because i like to think its the decent thing to do. I wanted to know, from a girls perspective, why you do this? It kind of baffles me. Shes the one who split up with me after all. ** I know guys do this too btw. So im not picking on the girls Any advice would be great. Thanks
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Well I'm not a girl but I can tell you that she does this kind of thing to make sure you are still hooked. There's nothing polite about a breadcrumb it's like ` o i dumped you and you're not good enough to be my bf but I like you as a friend`. Don't respond to them because when you do it's like you don't have any self respect or dignity. 4
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Fair enough, i see where you're coming from. I will ignore any more messages. What i'm worried about, well not worried, but i don't want to seem like a d*ck. See what i mean?
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Also, the way we split up wasn't a "youre not good enough for me". Maybe im being naive here, but it was a fairly decent breakup. we were only seeing each other every other weekend and sometimes not even that. It was a long distance thing that just didnt work. Like i said.. maybe im just being naive.
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Yes you are naive because if you were good enough for her, you'd still be together and I wouldn't write my opinion to you on Ls. My advice is still " Ignore her texts and move on " but it's up to you what u do. 6
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks man. Appreciate the response.
Kopite Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Also, the way we split up wasn't a "youre not good enough for me". Maybe im being naive here, but it was a fairly decent breakup. we were only seeing each other every other weekend and sometimes not even that. It was a long distance thing that just didnt work. Like i said.. maybe im just being naive. It really depends on you buddy. If you weren't that close and the break-up isn't affecting you that much, then what's the problem keeping in contact/remaining friends? The no contact thing has nothing to do with "trying to keep your dignity", it's mainly about trying to move on and not stay hurt. It's up to you really.
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks for responding. I guess you are right. I mean it did affect me bad.. i do think i have managed to keep my dignity through it all anyways. For me its just a weird situation.. i mean I know nothing can change at the moment between us. So im fully focused on moving on. Thats not to say i dont want to be horrible and cut her off. I just dont look to her in my phonebook to text first anymore. But then you get these messages, its just a spanner in the works isnt it really? Not sure they really help anything.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 they are evil, that's why. haha just kidding. no contact bro, walk on! 1
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) now go, make haste! Edited February 27, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back all the answers you need. 1
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Im reading the "if you want them back thread". So i do understand the whole concept behind NC.. and clearly it works. I do have a question though: So ive been with this girl for a year and a few months.. texting/skype/seeing/talking everyday practically for that amount of time. So if i go to Full NC and ignore the breadcrumbs.. isn't that rude? (btw i know asking this question seems totally stupid.. when i read this back to myself i think why am i worried about being rude.) BUT like i dont hate this girl.. im not angry at her for breaking up really. It just sucks and i wish it was different man. like im trying to think from her side.. wouldnt it just be like "oh well hes being a d*ck"? Ta
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Im reading the "if you want them back thread". So i do understand the whole concept behind NC.. and clearly it works. I do have a question though: So ive been with this girl for a year and a few months.. texting/skype/seeing/talking everyday practically for that amount of time. So if i go to Full NC and ignore the breadcrumbs.. isn't that rude? (btw i know asking this question seems totally stupid.. when i read this back to myself i think why am i worried about being rude.) BUT like i dont hate this girl.. im not angry at her for breaking up really. It just sucks and i wish it was different man. like im trying to think from her side.. wouldnt it just be like "oh well hes being a d*ck"? Ta dude, dafuq cares about being rude. she broke up with you... threw you away. how does that make you feel? its about you bro. f--k her feelings. trust me on this. all the logical thinking does NOTHING. as a matter of fact, you want to do the opposite of everything you think you're suppose to do. be a man. that's why she wants, she wants you to grow balls so she can want you again, so she can wonder about you, wonder what you're doing, if you miss her, she has to feel challenged, and so she feels she has to chase you. ( they don't even know this, but that's what they need sub-consciously or not, in order to feel attracted enough to you to want you back) TRUST ME ON THIS. 5
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 You're right man. Too fking right. I read through your thread and the best line i've ever seen is at the end of your first post : "IF YOU ARE EASY TO GET, YOU WILL BE EASY TO FORGET" LS is quality btw.. The amount of Brocode points scored on here is through the roof. Thanks! 2
jphcbpa Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Give her the gift of missing you. Give her what she wants...she dumped you. She does not want you. Give her that. Let her have ALL of it she wants. Give her ALL the space she wants. Respect yourself. 5
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 You're right man. Too fking right. I read through your thread and the best line i've ever seen is at the end of your first post : "IF YOU ARE EASY TO GET, YOU WILL BE EASY TO FORGET" LS is quality btw.. The amount of Brocode points scored on here is through the roof. Thanks! real talk bro! & yes I agree, because its a forum full of bitter life experiences. we've all been there is what it comes down to. *brofist*
Chi townD Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Im reading the "if you want them back thread". So i do understand the whole concept behind NC.. and clearly it works. I do have a question though: So ive been with this girl for a year and a few months.. texting/skype/seeing/talking everyday practically for that amount of time. So if i go to Full NC and ignore the breadcrumbs.. isn't that rude? (btw i know asking this question seems totally stupid.. when i read this back to myself i think why am i worried about being rude.) BUT like i dont hate this girl.. im not angry at her for breaking up really. It just sucks and i wish it was different man. like im trying to think from her side.. wouldnt it just be like "oh well hes being a d*ck"? Ta Okay, since your break up went smoothly and you don't hate each other I would suggest the next time she texts just say, "Look I know you want to be friends but I can't do that right now if I'm still harboring romantic feelings for you. It wouldn't be fair to me or you. So, I'm just asking if you can leave me alone so I can heal from this break up." And then, that's it! Go dark on her. If she tries to contact you again and you don't respond, then you don't have to feel bad about it, because she knows exactly why you're not responding. 2
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks for all the responses guys. I think i will say something along those lines. Like i said before its her texting me so its not a problem my side to go NC.
Never Again Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 You also don't have to worry about being rude. She did hurt you after all. Giving her a reason just gives her closure. Her emotional well being is no longer your concern. If I could go back, I'd ignore the calls and texts I got. I was too afraid of being seen as rude or hurt, so I'd let myself get dragged into conversations where I'd try to be as happy and funny as possible. It just alleviated her guilt and helped her move on while I was stuck in the mire. If you go dark on her without a word, she'll know why. 4
jphcbpa Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 If I could go back, I'd ignore the calls and texts I got. I was too afraid of being seen as rude or hurt, so I'd let myself get dragged into conversations where I'd try to be as happy and funny as possible. . Did you ever communicated to you ex, "hey, I know that my fear of commitment caused this break up....I see it, I am working on it, would you work with me on this...ect"
Never Again Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Did you ever communicated to you ex, "hey, I know that my fear of commitment caused this break up....I see it, I am working on it, would you work with me on this...ect" Nope. I don't want to threadjack, but after my "closure-talk" 4 days after the breakup, I decided I wasn't going to talk about the past with her again. I pointed out all the symptoms of my problems at that talk but not the reason, but that's because I didn't really understand it completely myself until long afterwards. It seemed best to just go NC at that point. Once she decided to leave me, nothing I said was going to convince her to come back anyway.
Author a708 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Ahhh okay. Solid advice I think. To be honest, I always feel like I'm giving myself away after every conversation we have. I guess that's because I am really. Like I said I will go full no contact now. I think it's the best way seeing everyone's advice. Thanks for your advice!
Author a708 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) So i get a message asking if i want to meet up.. i genuinely feel like a bag of sh*t today. Its winding me up. Im getting pulled in all sorts of directions. This girl is not leaving my head.. and i just hate it! i feel like she is so confused.. like she has no idea what she wants. any advice? Edited March 3, 2014 by a708
David87 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Ignore the message, block her number, move forward and don't look back. It's a trap. 1
Author a708 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks, its so crap that its a trap! I have had a full on relapse today. I feel the worst i have since day one of the BU. I feel so horrible and sh*t. Im sorry for putting all this on here, but i need to vent a bit. Its such a terrible situation.. i know so many people go through it but ive just completely got my own back up today. Feel shocking!
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