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Pretty girls with fun friendly, personalities; how often do you reject guys?

somedude81

By somedude81
in General Relationship Discussion

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Just a random thought I had.

 

There's a girl in one of my dance classes who is pretty, has a nice body, who is also really friendly and fun to talk to. She has a boyfriend and I was wondering how often she has to turn guys down.

 

I figure that girls like her are always turning men down.

 

As a guy in my situation, it's frustrating when a hot girl sits down next to me and starts talking to me when I know she's taken. I'm 95% sure she's just being friendly, but there's still that 5% chance.

 

Then I wonder what it's like for her to reject guys. Does she get upset when guys try to cross the friendship boundary, or just accept it as a fact of life?

Got it Established Member

Got it

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Let me tell you it is the bane of my existence and such a hard road to walk. One can never understand the albatross around one's neck when they have been favored genetically. Sigh. . . *hand on forehead and sighing heavily* :p:laugh::mad:

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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From the girl's perspective it's not about rejecting a guy but rather looking for the guy she feels most compatible with.

 

When you know the girl is taken but she is being friendly she really just wants a chat. She's not necessarily trying to cheat or size you up as her next BF. It's a live in the moment kind of polite human interaction -- nothing more.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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From the girl's perspective it's not about rejecting a guy but rather looking for the guy she feels most compatible with.
I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean feel most compatible with? Most compatible with of the guys who are currently there just to talk to?

 

I'm sure she's been in a situation before where guys she was just being friendly with asked her out and she had to turn them down.

 

When you know the girl is taken but she is being friendly she really just wants a chat. She's not necessarily trying to cheat or size you up as her next BF. It's a live in the moment kind of polite human interaction -- nothing more.
That's why I said that I'm 95% sure that she just wants to chat and is being friendly.

 

Though what is really getting to me, is that I was in this same exact situation at around the same time last year with a girl who ended up becoming my first and only girlfriend. She left her boyfriend to date me. I know that what happened to me isn't the norm, but it's not wrong of me to say that all of my girlfriends left their boyfriends to date me.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I understood your Q to be about why a woman would talk to a guy but then turn him down when he asked her out. The answer was that she's not on a power trip. She probably just wanted to talk but didn't want to date you because she didn't find you compatible with her. She thinks somebody else would be better.

 

If your one & only experience is that women leave their BFs to date you then you are going to have a warped perspective on this. Most women don't do this. They may have only wanted a conversation but your experience suggests they 100% of women will leave their BF for you which you acknowledge isn't the norm.

 

Going forward, if you know she's taken, assume she only wants conversation unless you get a much more overt signal like her kissing you

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Candy_Pants Established Member

Candy_Pants

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Rejection happens. It's a numbers game, right? Plus I am more of the pursuer type. I tend to reject the majority of men who approach me unless I've already been eyeballing them.

 

As far as being friendly, yeah. That's my "norm". And if/when men cross the line I handle it accordingly. It's amazing how a wedding band can keep guys at bay :laugh:.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I understood your Q to be about why a woman would talk to a guy but then turn him down when he asked her out. The answer was that she's not on a power trip. She probably just wanted to talk but didn't want to date you because she didn't find you compatible with her. She thinks somebody else would be better.

Oh no, she hasn't rejected me. I haven't made any sort of move to show I'm interested.

 

I was just wondering that if I did, what number guy would I be that she's rejected recently? I'm betting that she rejects guys all the time. I was also curious that if I did make a move, how would she handle the rejection.

 

If your one & only experience is that women leave their BFs to date you then you are going to have a warped perspective on this. Most women don't do this. They may have only wanted a conversation but your experience suggests they 100% of women will leave their BF for you which you acknowledge isn't the norm.

 

Going forward, if you know she's taken, assume she only wants conversation unless you get a much more overt signal like her kissing you

Yes my perspective is warped because the situation so closely mirrors the one I was in last year.

 

I wonder if she has any idea how tempting she is.

 

LOL yes, her kissing me is a much more signal of liking but that is most likely never going to happen with any woman, that I'd need some more down to Earth signs that she is interested in me, and may end things with her BF.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Rejection happens. It's a numbers game, right? Plus I am more of the pursuer type. I tend to reject the majority of men who approach me unless I've already been eyeballing them.

 

As far as being friendly, yeah. That's my "norm". And if/when men cross the line I handle it accordingly. It's amazing how a wedding band can keep guys at bay :laugh:.

Hah, I think the wedding band may be the only thing to keep guys at bay. And even then it's not 100% successful. But it does at least give guys that impression that you are really off the market.

 

How often do men mistake the friendliness for something else?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I don't understand why you care if she rejected other guys recently. Just because a woman rejects other guys doesn't mean she will reject you.

 

 

The day I met my husband, some other woman had already shot him down earlier.

 

 

If you know she's taken, I'm serious, the subtle signals don't count. Only the overt one matter -- like breaking up with her BF or jumping you. Anything short of that is more likely harmless flirting.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I don't understand why you care if she rejected other guys recently. Just because a woman rejects other guys doesn't mean she will reject you.

 

Just curiosity. I don't know what it's like to actually reject people and I'm assuming that bubbly pretty girls have to do it quite often. And if so, what they think of rejecting guys.

 

The day I met my husband, some other woman had already shot him down earlier.

Heh, lose one gain one. Of course his gain was much bigger than the little rejection :)

 

If you know she's taken, I'm serious, the subtle signals don't count. Only the overt one matter -- like breaking up with her BF or jumping you. Anything short of that is more likely harmless flirting.

Ugh, I hate the term "harmless flirting." I just don't like getting my hopes up thinking that somebody I'm really into is just playing around. I know that's more of an issue for me.

 

As for the overt signs, the girl who became my girlfriend didn't kiss me first, and we didn't have our first kiss till the second or third date.

 

She broke up with her boyfriend about two or three weeks before school ended, but I didn't know. I didn't find out till I sent her an email and basically said, "if you were single, I'd like to take you out on a date." It just so happens that she was single and we planned our first date a week or so later.

VeronicaRoss Established Member

VeronicaRoss

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It's a numbers game, dating always is.

 

If you're interested in her ask her to do something with you, just the two of you, and see how it goes. Her response will tell you everything about her romantic interest.

 

If she rejects you understand that if she is beautiful and is honestly being friendly with you, she might still be completely willing to be friendly if you are too anyway.

 

Extroverts come across to others as flirting, to them they're just being themselves.

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Snakechammah Established Member

Snakechammah

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If you're looking to find out how a bubbly girls feel when they reject guys, let me tell you it's awful. It doesn't matter if it's the 1st guy or the 100th one, it still feels awful.

 

I'm very sensitive, and I understand the courage and effort it takes for someone to express their interest in me. It is really flattering as I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, and yet they pursue, so I do appreciate the confidence boost they give. But I'm a believer of justice. I would never lead a guy on if I knew in the first instant they're not right for me (by their mannerism, speech, dressing or just certain uncomfortable vibes) and I do gently let them know early if they're going to be friendzoned.

 

I don't like to waste their time nor shatter their ego. Everyone is special in their own way. A guy who doesn't suit me may be someone else's dream guy. As long as the person saying no, says it gently, in the most respectable way, and in a clear and concise manner that cannot be interpret otherwise, the man's dignity remains intact.

 

But rejecting anyone STILL feels awful. Because everyone deserves love, even though it won't be you to give them. Karma goes a long way.

 

I hope that gives you the perspective of a woman, who unfortunately had to be in the position to say no countless of times.

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Candy_Pants Established Member

Candy_Pants

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Hah, I think the wedding band may be the only thing to keep guys at bay. And even then it's not 100% successful. But it does at least give guys that impression that you are really off the market.

 

How often do men mistake the friendliness for something else?

Actually I think most socially savvy men take the friendliness at face value. Others, like pretend "friends" or guys who have little experience, or even men who want the friendliness to be *more*, read too far into it.

newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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she has to turn men down if they aren't her type, it wouldn't be because she's 'too pretty' but because the guy who asks might not look like or have what she wants. I think men grossly overestimate how often pretty women get asked out; why do you think so many beautiful women end up with rather ugly bfs? ugly guys have some inner confidence that allows them to actually approach a hot girl and try. so... try if you like someone, but if you know she has a bf leave her alone, she's probably just being nice and friendly.

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