Author Chewbacca Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Of course you will! But I don't think it's this chick. Sometimes you don't get to decide how something ends, but you can still decide how you handle it and what comes next. When I go to University I'm likely to find somebody that is worth my time (fingers crossed). I did my best not to be needy with her, but I made the majority of the conversations with her, but she was either shy or acting shy. I just wish the situation settled well, even if she wanted to truthfully be friends. I mentioned about meeting up in the future a few weeks after I said I wanted to take things slow, but it was just to get a rough idea. I gave her the time she needed, didn't I? Edited March 31, 2014 by Chewbacca
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Well put. At first, she did appear convinced by it & seemed excited. However, as the months past by, I felt like I was running out of ideas & things to say. I did feel like an ego-booster, but I'm not sure that was the case. You were. You gave her compliments and made her smile and she ate that up. But, when the opportunity to make this real comes about and you were no longer going to be just a person on the other end of Skype, she bailed out on you. I speculate that she already had a thing going with this other dude. You were filling some of her emotional needs because, if I'm reading this correctly, the other guy wasn't fully available yet. As soon as he dumped his girlfriend, you got dumped. This is the kind of girl that you were dealing with. My advice, find a girl more local to you. A girl you can actually take out to dinner and a girl you can actually touch. There's something to be said about a girl you can actually kiss. IT'S FUN!!!!
Author Chewbacca Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 You were. You gave her compliments and made her smile and she ate that up. But, when the opportunity to make this real comes about and you were no longer going to be just a person on the other end of Skype, she bailed out on you. I speculate that she already had a thing going with this other dude. You were filling some of her emotional needs because, if I'm reading this correctly, the other guy wasn't fully available yet. As soon as he dumped his girlfriend, you got dumped. This is the kind of girl that you were dealing with. My advice, find a girl more local to you. A girl you can actually take out to dinner and a girl you can actually touch. There's something to be said about a girl you can actually kiss. IT'S FUN!!!! The guy who I thought to believe she was speaking to is now back with his ex, but their relationship seemed very immature, as you can tell, because they split up a few times. I'm not sure that I used, but she basically seems to be in 'little girl' mode & doesn't respect or realise what people make her happy, and should I wait for that to happen? Probably not.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 The guy who I thought to believe she was speaking to is now back with his ex, but their relationship seemed very immature, as you can tell, because they split up a few times. I'm not sure that I used, but she basically seems to be in 'little girl' mode & doesn't respect or realise what people make her happy, and should I wait for that to happen? Probably not. Nah dude! You put yourself out there. You pretty much said, "Here I am! Ready for the taking and I'm ready to be yours." And she pretty much threw you under the bus. She wants to remain friends, but you can't. You cannot be friends with her of you still harbor romantic feelings for her. Plus, I'm sure you didn't enter into a relationship with her for the final outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her, right?
Author Chewbacca Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Nah dude! You put yourself out there. You pretty much said, "Here I am! Ready for the taking and I'm ready to be yours." And she pretty much threw you under the bus. She wants to remain friends, but you can't. You cannot be friends with her of you still harbor romantic feelings for her. Plus, I'm sure you didn't enter into a relationship with her for the final outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her, right? True. Yes I did in this case because she was acting shy and a little scared of a relationship, that's why I said those words. But then, as time went by, she didn't respect it & probably believes she's better than she thinks. She's that type of girl, doesn't know what she's doing & hurting others along the road until she matures (if that happens)
Author Chewbacca Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Just delete her altogether on whatever social media you have. She'll notice and how she reacts will tell you all you need to know. I recently reached out to my ex and out of all of the things she wanted to bring up or talk about, she was most pissed off that I removed her from my Facebook. I couldn't believe it. She said I was immature and ridiculous. It showed me how shallow she really was. When I tried to talk about something else that should have been more important, she went silent again. At the end of the day, do what's best for you. If she notices and says nothing, you are already starting your healing by severing the ties to her. I'm tempted to delete her now, I have at least unfollowed her on social media. Would you agree that I have been treated very unfairly? I have already been through a heck of a lot in my personal life
clia Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) I think you should do exactly what she said -- find someone else. Preferably someone local. I don't find her response to be immature at all. She's mature enough to know that you are both young and that long distance relationships are extremely difficult. She couldn't handle it. So she broke up with you. There isn't really anything for you to do other than to move on and try to get over it. The reality is that even though you initially met this girl in real life, you engaged in a virtual relationship for five months, which has likely created unrealistic expectations on your end. Get out there and meet a girl with whom you can have a real, live relationship. Edited: I see you have already posted this exact question several times. The responses likely won't change. You need to move on. Edited April 3, 2014 by clia 1
Valen Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Moving on is always harder when you're younger. These days, I can move on quite easily. Your whole goal is to find someone who will love you naturally, no need to try to convince them. That's how you know she's right for you. I only care about those who care about me. So in your situation, I would respond politely "take care." No further contacts after that. No more thinking about what I could have done differently. It's a waste of time. 1
Author Chewbacca Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 I think you should do exactly what she said -- find someone else. Preferably someone local. I don't find her response to be immature at all. She's mature enough to know that you are both young and that long distance relationships are extremely difficult. She couldn't handle it. So she broke up with you. There isn't really anything for you to do other than to move on and try to get over it. The reality is that even though you initially met this girl in real life, you engaged in a virtual relationship for five months, which has likely created unrealistic expectations on your end. Get out there and meet a girl with whom you can have a real, live relationship. Edited: I see you have already posted this exact question several times. The responses likely won't change. You need to move on. I know, it's just a difficult time, but I still have a feeling she used me to boost her confidence a little, as it was virtual to begin with. We agreed for it to happen and of course it didn't. The reason why I chose her over girls I see for real is that she seemed lets say 'the one.' I apologise for making a couple of reposts
Jethro Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 but I still have a feeling she used me to boost her confidence a little, as it was virtual to begin with So what- what does that have to do with anything? And the title of this thread asks what would you do as if there are choices... you move on man, find someone else. You don't exactly have a choice, do you? Especially with the distance.
Author Chewbacca Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Smells a little catfishy to me... I had that thought afterwards, however I have spoken to her for hours and hours on Skype.
Author Chewbacca Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Of course you will! But I don't think it's this chick. Sometimes you don't get to decide how something ends, but you can still decide how you handle it and what comes next. I discussed about taking things slow as it would take a long time but then I asked her when she should like to meet in the future a few weeks later, which I sort of regret now. I wasn't being pushy, I just wanted a rough guide as to when she would like to meet. I tried to be as good as I could to her
Author Chewbacca Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I'm gong to see a doctor this week as I have been quite depressed & struggle to concentrate on things lately, as I've had numerous setbacks recently (as well as this) which have affected me. I just don't understand why this has happened. She would be confident one minute but shy the next. I feel like distance is an excuse. I still worry if I scared her away by bringing up meeting up in the future not long after I said I want to take things slow. I wish to go back to her in the future or become friends again
flight E Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 It's obvious you are struggling with this. Just know lots of people have been through it and they are still standing. You will too. But you just have to want to get over it
Author Chewbacca Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 It's obvious you are struggling with this. Just know lots of people have been through it and they are still standing. You will too. But you just have to want to get over it Thanks for your input, it feels like I've done something wrong but others say I haven't. Pretty confused
Author Chewbacca Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Why would you want to be with someone you have to convince to love you instead of someone who just loves you? I agree with your words, but it is quite difficult to truly know whether you love someone via video calls, am i right? That's why I wanted to meet up one day, but she wanted to wait until the Summer, which I felt was too late. We were good friends too, & because I also miss her as a friend, could I message her to see how she is or something? I have friends locally but she can be someone I can speak to whilst at home
flight E Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 You have said you love this girl. That you will have her if you could, that you want to be her friend right. Then don't, I repeat don't reach her if you want any of those things. If you do I can assure you that you won't get any of those things simply because you care about getting them. If you know you don't care at all whether she is your friend lover or anything then reach her since it won't mean anything to you. This is painful we know but what you gain by letting go will affect you future relationship, job, finances and whole life positively. So if you love you don't reach her. Let her reach you then decide if it's worth responding to.
Author Chewbacca Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 You have said you love this girl. That you will have her if you could, that you want to be her friend right. Then don't, I repeat don't reach her if you want any of those things. If you do I can assure you that you won't get any of those things simply because you care about getting them. If you know you don't care at all whether she is your friend lover or anything then reach her since it won't mean anything to you. This is painful we know but what you gain by letting go will affect you future relationship, job, finances and whole life positively. So if you love you don't reach her. Let her reach you then decide if it's worth responding to. It's a difficult one. We had an amazing friendship to begin with, which I did aim to become a relationship eventually, because we got on so long. Basically, she doesn't seem ready for anything serious, but I want to be friends with her because I miss our friendship we had. It won't affect my education & future because that is my priority. I think it's one of those where you're too young to realise that this could've been a great long-lasting relationship, because we got on so well, it's wasn't 'puppy love.' I don't want to remove our friendship for good, & I'm just wondering how I can tell her this after not speaking for a while.
elseaacych Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 It's a difficult one. We had an amazing friendship to begin with, which I did aim to become a relationship eventually, because we got on so long. Basically, she doesn't seem ready for anything serious, but I want to be friends with her because I miss our friendship we had. It won't affect my education & future because that is my priority. I think it's one of those where you're too young to realise that this could've been a great long-lasting relationship, because we got on so well, it's wasn't 'puppy love.' I don't want to remove our friendship for good, & I'm just wondering how I can tell her this after not speaking for a while. Here's the thing. YOU DO CARE WHAT SHE IS TO YOU, even if you don't acknowledge it consciously. Answer the next question, with your preference. Both and or either is not an is not an answer. Question: Would you rather her be your friend or lover? If the answer is lover, you are still not over her and cannot form a meaningful relationship with her because deep down you have a subconscious expectation that it will turn back into something more, and more likely than not you will be very disappointed because you cannot control another' persons emotions. She will be unconsciously stringing you along, if you say you want to be her friend when you hope for something more. And you will be miserable. No one wants to be a friend with someone who is miserable, and few women want to string a guy along. I had to cut off a friendship with someone who wanted something more from me because it was not fair to him or me. Completely cut off, forever. I don't think you want this. Here's another thing. It is easy to kindle a friendship. People can be friends years and years after they have a romantic relationship because they have positive feelings associated with their past friendship/love. However, this takes years because there are raw feelings on both sides that need to be healed and you really can't be friends if there are unequal expectations. If you want the best outcome, (most likely a friendship), you have to play the long psychological game of getting over her and getting to the point where all you can be is a platonic friend. This is best for your psyche. Triple the time of your relationship before you reach out and ask for this. If you want some relationship with her in the long term, this is the only thing you can do.
Author Chewbacca Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 Here's the thing. YOU DO CARE WHAT SHE IS TO YOU, even if you don't acknowledge it consciously. Answer the next question, with your preference. Both and or either is not an is not an answer. Question: Would you rather her be your friend or lover? If the answer is lover, you are still not over her and cannot form a meaningful relationship with her because deep down you have a subconscious expectation that it will turn back into something more, and more likely than not you will be very disappointed because you cannot control another' persons emotions. She will be unconsciously stringing you along, if you say you want to be her friend when you hope for something more. And you will be miserable. No one wants to be a friend with someone who is miserable, and few women want to string a guy along. I had to cut off a friendship with someone who wanted something more from me because it was not fair to him or me. Completely cut off, forever. I don't think you want this. Here's another thing. It is easy to kindle a friendship. People can be friends years and years after they have a romantic relationship because they have positive feelings associated with their past friendship/love. However, this takes years because there are raw feelings on both sides that need to be healed and you really can't be friends if there are unequal expectations. If you want the best outcome, (most likely a friendship), you have to play the long psychological game of getting over her and getting to the point where all you can be is a platonic friend. This is best for your psyche. Triple the time of your relationship before you reach out and ask for this. If you want some relationship with her in the long term, this is the only thing you can do. I'm not over the fact that we haven't talked to each other for weeks, because it stands as a shock, as we used to talk all the time. As a consequence, I miss both the friendship & possible relationship side. If everything went successfully, this would've likely been a long-lasting relationship as we were great friends. I believe we both have the approach that the better friend you are, the more likely we would like a relationship, but that's just a thought. Recently I messaged her in a friendly way to see how she was doing, & she didn't reply. Because of this, I'm convinced her parents have restricted contact with me with is very frustrating & hurtful, because I strongly believe that if her Mum & Dad knew who I was in person, they would let her see me. So, yes, I would've loved something romantic to happen in the future, perhaps when she's 18, but my main focus is my education for now. I wish I could something about this though, I was thinking of sending a long message to show how I want to be friends with her, and if she doesn't, then fine. I don't really know what to do,
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