Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 First of all, thank you for reading this, it is much appreciated: On a summer holiday, I came across a girl from the hotel who found me on a social media site, despite not talking to each other (she came on holiday not long before I left). We are both college students (I'm a year older). We have spoken to each other almost every day for 5 months via text message & occassionally skype. She's smart, nice, cute, and she feels special to me (unlike most girls that I have known). She smiles when I speak to her & seems happy. We've been very close for those 5 months, and I really didn't want this to end. Recently I asked when would you like to meet up and she said in the summer, which I agreed to as we have exams before-hand. I said it would take time & I want to take it slow as it's difficult, but we can do it, and I might be moving not far from her to a University in September (possibly). I've asked this a few months back too so I kept waiting patiently. She seemed shy about it & barely made eye contact. We used to Skype a lot, laugh a lot and smile a lot. She said I felt special to her & always make her smile a few weeks ago, because she was really down about her education. Then, I made the effort to speak to her when I was on holiday so she wouldn't miss me. We've talked for ages & I've been nice to her, when she was down. However.. She has said I trust her & she trusts me & I would wait for her, but now I've asked to call her, she says she is busy and became more unavailable, and says it more commonly. A week later without talking, she texts: I'll have to blunt saying this but I want to end it.. It was nice to know you.. I'll struggle with distance.. couldn't cope going further... we're bound to mKe people who make us feel happy.. hope to continue still being friends. She didn't want to call either which is more disappointing. She has gone from messaging me every day to barely talking to me for almost 2 weeks and suddenly says this. Furthermore, I still have a feeling that she has gained interest in someone she has known through school. I remember her talking about him on one occasion being friends, and saying that a lot of people believed he was actually gay. Now if I'm right, I can understand that she would go for someone closer but it makes me feel pretty hurt and vulnerable despite agreeing to meet in the future. When they were younger, they were prom-dates too. She seems to have a few guy friends that don't seem to be lets say 'masculine,' and he is one of them. Just a day after this, I noticed he has split up with girlfriend and his girlfriend didn't like her according to her, and he would only talk to her if nobody else (i.e. his girlfriend) was around. It does turn out to be that way, I hate knowing that despite my commitment and it's difficult to keep my opinion on that to her. She can sometimes be the type of girl who is emotionally immature and doesn't know where her head is. If I'm honest, I feel unbelievably sad and hurt, I couldn't believe it. Is there any way it could work or she'd come back to me in the future? I put a hell of a lot of effort into this, and I assume she's going to someone who's already hurt or treated her badly, even if it was just a friendship. I'm struggling to move on, can I do something?
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I hate to be so blunt in your situation, but she seems pretty stern with her decision. Analyzing the guys she interacts with isn't going to make you feel better. Rule of thumb: You can't make someone love you. It's good that this happened sooner before later, imagine if you actually transferred school, and you guys didn't work out... 6
HappyLove Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 You deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 For now you have to let her go & work on healing your broken heart. I suppose in the future if you ever ended up living near each other again, it wouldn't hurt to look her up but for now, she doesn't have what it takes to sustain an LDR so let her go.
Author Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for the support guys. I find it difficult to take my mind off it, as it came as a shock to me. I couldn't even call her, which really made me angry despite the support & commitment I've put into this. I'll be very surprised she will never contact me again, but I do feel like saying something, even if my assumptions are false
hasaquestion Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Trimming all that shaggy brown hair and putting some clothes on would be a start. 1
preraph Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Sorry you got let down. But you've got to respect her wishes and move on. Don't keep holding on to the friendship hoping romance will come back. Really, it would be best to just let all communication dwindle down to nothing and get out with friends and start doing fun things and forget about it. 1
Author Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Sorry you got let down. But you've got to respect her wishes and move on. Don't keep holding on to the friendship hoping romance will come back. Really, it would be best to just let all communication dwindle down to nothing and get out with friends and start doing fun things and forget about it. I'm going to try & get over it if I can. I do respect her wishes but her mixed signals showing she likes me & then ending it sudden and boringly really hurt my feelings. I feel like a rebound to her. We agreed to be friends now but how do I know she is just saying that to make me feel a bit better?
preraph Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 ^ Exactly. You don't. And since you have more feelings for her, that's why I say it's better to just get it over with and move on and not keep that door open.
Author Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 ^ Exactly. You don't. And since you have more feelings for her, that's why I say it's better to just get it over with and move on and not keep that door open. Yeah I will get over it. Maybe the best is yet to come. Without sounding bigheaded, numerous people say I'm a very nice guy, a role model and a gentleman. Maybe she'll realise what she has lost and want to come back in the future, which will very likely be too late. I'm still young, and education stands as the most important thing in my life
Author Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 There's a 99% chance it's over, and if she does talk to me, it'll just be friendly. I prefer to talk to her like friends again so the situation isn't awkward. I believe she made it awkward.
Author Chewbacca Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 She seems that way. I've just noticed the guy who I was on about is back with his girlfriend, they must've had a falling-out. How odd and childish
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'll echo what others said and say this: You can't convince someone to come back to you. Let got of this one; I promise you that in time, you will move on too. And frankly, why would you want to persuade her? You deserve more than someone who needs to be convinced to be with you. 2
Author Chewbacca Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 I'll echo what others said and say this: You can't convince someone to come back to you. Let got of this one; I promise you that in time, you will move on too. And frankly, why would you want to persuade her? You deserve more than someone who needs to be convinced to be with you. Well put. At first, she did appear convinced by it & seemed excited. However, as the months past by, I felt like I was running out of ideas & things to say. I did feel like an ego-booster, but I'm not sure that was the case.
Author Chewbacca Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 It has been a month since this happened. She said she wanted to still be friends, but hasn't spoke to me since. I know the relationship is pretty much over put she has basically ruined the friendship & lied at the same time? I would like a casual conversation after she made the ending a little awkward.
sooshi Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I know that this hurts, Chewbacca. She might've said she still wanted to be friends because she wanted to be polite. She said a lot of sweet things to you, but in the end, they were rather empty words, unfortunately. Be with people who WANT to be in your lives. I know it's not that easy because you've card about her so much. The ending may have been awkward, but you courageously acknowledged it -- it was an ending. She didn't handle this maturely, and it seems like she was thinking more about herself than you. If she truly wanted to remain friends, she would've said something by now. She would have reached out to you. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's hard and painful. She wasn't very good to you--remember that. You were there for her, but she wasn't there for you. Surround yourself with people who ARE good to you and who are there for you when you need them. 2
Author Chewbacca Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 I know that this hurts, Chewbacca. She might've said she still wanted to be friends because she wanted to be polite. She said a lot of sweet things to you, but in the end, they were rather empty words, unfortunately. Be with people who WANT to be in your lives. I know it's not that easy because you've card about her so much. The ending may have been awkward, but you courageously acknowledged it -- it was an ending. She didn't handle this maturely, and it seems like she was thinking more about herself than you. If she truly wanted to remain friends, she would've said something by now. She would have reached out to you. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's hard and painful. She wasn't very good to you--remember that. You were there for her, but she wasn't there for you. Surround yourself with people who ARE good to you and who are there for you when you need them. Thanks very much, you've seemed to understood my situation well. I am tempted to remove her from all social media. I now feel like I've been used as an ego-booster, and the fact that she just cares about herself is embarrassing. Maybe I should just not talk t o her but keep her on social media. It's a sad story
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Thanks very much, you've seemed to understood my situation well. I am tempted to remove her from all social media. I now feel like I've been used as an ego-booster, and the fact that she just cares about herself is embarrassing. Maybe I should just not talk t o her but keep her on social media. It's a sad story Just delete her altogether on whatever social media you have. She'll notice and how she reacts will tell you all you need to know. I recently reached out to my ex and out of all of the things she wanted to bring up or talk about, she was most pissed off that I removed her from my Facebook. I couldn't believe it. She said I was immature and ridiculous. It showed me how shallow she really was. When I tried to talk about something else that should have been more important, she went silent again. At the end of the day, do what's best for you. If she notices and says nothing, you are already starting your healing by severing the ties to her. 1
pickflicker Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Thanks very much, you've seemed to understood my situation well. I am tempted to remove her from all social media. I now feel like I've been used as an ego-booster, and the fact that she just cares about herself is embarrassing. Maybe I should just not talk t o her but keep her on social media. It's a sad story Keeping her on there just fuels hope. There's no reason to have her on there. Just delete her. What's the worst that could happen? The relationship is already over.
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Why would you want to be with someone you have to convince to love you instead of someone who just loves you? 2
iDrumKing Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Why would you want to be with someone you have to convince to love you instead of someone who just loves you? Amen to that!
Author Chewbacca Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Why would you want to be with someone you have to convince to love you instead of someone who just loves you? I know, I fully understand you, it just seems really sad how it has ended, because of her. Not even a friendly conversation occurred which was hurtful, particularly when you originally believed the relationship had very good potential of lasting a long time. It just annoys me when girls act shy and like you, you help them along & they appear to be really happy with you, and then this happens. I don't think she is interested in anybody else, but appears to be a little bitchy on social media sites & a little immature. Like Sooshi said, it's difficult to get over someone who you've cared a lot. Talking via camera or text for 4 months was a difficult thing for me to do, I just wanted to take it to the next level because it was frustrating. She would get excited but then wanted to delay it. I believe I wasn't impatient or anything, I just didn't want an ending like this to occur. Talking to her & keeping her smiling and happy via this method was a bit of an achievement in my opinion, it is not easy at all. As previously said, she's seemed to mainly only care about herself & treated me poorly. It's just depressing, I hope I find somebody worth my time in the future
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I know, I fully understand you, it just seems really sad how it has ended, because of her. Not even a friendly conversation occurred which was hurtful, particularly when you originally believed the relationship had very good potential of lasting a long time. It just annoys me when girls act shy and like you, you help them along & they appear to be really happy with you, and then this happens. I don't think she is interested in anybody else, but appears to be a little bitchy on social media sites & a little immature. Like Sooshi said, it's difficult to get over someone who you've cared a lot. Talking via camera or text for 4 months was a difficult thing for me to do, I just wanted to take it to the next level because it was frustrating. She would get excited but then wanted to delay it. I believe I wasn't impatient or anything, I just didn't want an ending like this to occur. Talking to her & keeping her smiling and happy via this method was a bit of an achievement in my opinion, it is not easy at all. As previously said, she's seemed to mainly only care about herself & treated me poorly. It's just depressing, I hope I find somebody worth my time in the future Of course you will! But I don't think it's this chick. Sometimes you don't get to decide how something ends, but you can still decide how you handle it and what comes next.
Recommended Posts