Maybe I am scared about being in so deep and getting hurt

[hugznkisses21]

Just a general opinion from people who have read my posts….

 

Do u guys think my insecurities and my over-analyzing (I am seeing a councellor…..i have anxiety and I am terrified of trusting and being hurt- hence my many topics on this board) is driving myself nuts? Do u think that I am making a big deal out of everyday things ina relationship due to my fears…..am I making this lots of work for myself.

 

I dearly love my bf and he loves me but I am picking apart everything anf driving myself crazy with What If’s that I am forming in my head from his moods, or my moods, or my difficulyty to trust, or my loss of a parent or me being cheated on or what have you….

 

This is the longest relationship i have had soo the deeper in love i fall teh more scared I get...about everything

 

Why cant just go with the flow like everyone else i WORRY about everything my bf says that to me for me to relax more

 

I have anxiety....sometimes i think depression and I come here to feel better and thing is is when im depressed i think up everything wrng in my relationship and get scared

 

I dont want to think negative at all but im sooo scared of the un known ( i thin it all started when my mother passed suddenly) so im so scared of the future and getting hurt when so much of my feelings are at stake....but funny thing is when i do relzx and just enjoy my relationship theye really isnt too much to complain about....besides the every day stresses which i freak out that is hes ina bad mood or im in a bad mood...oh no he hates me kinda deal

 

U guys i know im driving u nuts sorry!

[hugznkisses21]

bump

[Barby]

Okay I know I'm always the one that responds to your posts, sorry I just feel compelled when I read them.

 

Yes I believe a LOT of it is you over-analyzing things, no one but you actually knows how things are but from you issues that you post about it seems you're trying to overly figure him out everytime you turn around it's something new. (Not that that's a bad thing). But i think you stress yourself out too much this way!

[hugznkisses21]

barby u are always there for me....dd u read my temper post...about his moodyness

[hugznkisses21]

?

[hugznkisses21]

bump

[Barby]

Sorry I stepped out for a bit, yes I did. Honestly I hate to sound like I'm going against what you think or feel but I seriously believe that with the lack of intimacy, you take everything, every action, every word, every thing about him and try and fit it into place, like seeing what the total picture looks like. (looking to see if something's wrong).

 

 

I honestly don't think that there is much going on other than him being very stressed, feeling like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. Trying to please his family, trying to please you, where does that leave him?

 

NOT that you're a bad guy here, not at all....but I mean I think the overanalyzing is causing you to be over-paranoid, and question everything about your interraction with him and your relationship.

 

 

In previous posts you've stated that you won't leave him, you've talked to him, told him how you feel, he's apologized and explained why things are the way they are (and it all sounds legitimate)....and sadly until you get your own place things probably won't change much.

 

He probably gets snappy due to stress, stopping the smoking, trying to please everyone...he's probably running himself raggid and feeling like he's running on empty emotionally, physically, and maybe he's dealing with the stress the best way he knows how...?!

 

 

Please try and not worry so much, work on your plan of getting your own place, then see how things go..if it still doesn't change THEN you'll know it never will. I feel that it will, that things will get better (but I'm not in your situation). But I think all will be okay once he isn't so stressed out!

[hugznkisses21]

wow thanks barb...that post opened up my eyes.

 

I wish u were on my shoulder everyday to help me out.

I cant express sometimes how great your posts make me feel and how much relif they are to me.

 

Its nice to hear someone say everything is going to be ok u are just making a big deal of it.

 

I am absolutly terrified that after 2 of getting hurt. My ex cheated and left me with so much pain after 6 months taht I am left with fear all the time that this means this and that means that. I know that he sint the best communicator that we need to work on and he does have stresses and copes with them differently than me but i also know my worrying just adds to the mix for him cause Im another thing stressing him out.

 

what do u offer as advice to kick this habbit. I am in councelling so im trying right now but i dont alwasy have someone to run to to help me ease my mind when im worried.

 

Iam an overanalyzer i will admit forsure......everything to me is a red flag

[Barby]

You know I can completely and totally understand that you're trying to keep yourself from being hurt again, therefor you're looking for the small indicators that would normally signal red flags. That is a smart thing to do, but you have been with your boyfriend for such a long time that I honestly believe if he had any abusive/cheating/lying ways, it would have came out already!

 

 

As far as what to do when you start feeling this way, and to help ease your mind, just keep reminding yourself, he's WITH you because he WANTS to be, with the relationship being in a difficult position as it is, if he didn't LOVE and WANT to be with you, he most likely would have given up and walked away along time ago.

 

 

I don't mean to make it seem like you're stressing him out more, but if you're questioning his every action or lack of action and coming across to him like you're doubting his love/sincerity for you......then he's probably feeling the "vibes" and in turn stressing worse about what he could do to make you feel better. Which instead of being able to, the added stress only causes the tension on both sides to feel worse!

 

SO try and constantly remind yourself that if he didn't love you and want this relationship, it would have been over by now. I doubt he would try and console you, be with you, love you, drive to see you, do anything and everything to please everyone, and continue to communicate with you his desire to have you by his side if indeed he didn't really want that! You have to keep that in mind!

[Barby]

Sorry double post, I tried to add to the other post that I think your co-dependency and FEAR of being abandoned has A LOT to do with your need to affirm your relationship with your BF. I seriously believe that you are scared of him abandoning you (I believe you mentioned losing a parent or family member not so long ago) I'm thinking it could stem from this. You're doing all you can to try and see the warning signs and prevent abandonment which sadly isn't usually possible but this time I believe you're worrying WAY too much!

[hugznkisses21]

Yes barby i know u are right....i know and that is half the battle right?

Why do i feel like im not even half way there.

 

Maybe I should PM these with you if u dont mind.

[Barby]

I just responded to your PM.