OhhIsabella Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I apologize if there's already a posted thread about this that I overlooked. My boyfriend and I had moved in together at his place only two weeks after meeting each other. I understand now that this was incredibly quick and very detrimental to both of us. We've lived together for six months now, and I confronted my boyfriend several times about being selfish, lazy and unmotivated. Finally yesterday I proposed that we each move back to our parents to better ourselves. We had made little to no progress in our lives in these six months. We just worked and used our money to pay bills. I was not happy fully because I'm a person who enjoys advancing and not being stagnent. I realized my boyfriend was depending on me WAY too much. I never heard him talk about HIS dreams or goals. He centered his entire source of happiness from being with me. Personally I want to move back, work my office desk job, attend Paul Mitchell hair school, and obtain my cosmetology license. To have self worth and some acheivement. And I feel he has always been focused on fining a girlfriend rather than looking within himself and finding his own goals and self worth. He needs to save for his own car and stop driving mine, keep working and decide what he wants to go to school for. I know it's what's best for both of us. Because if we stay together living this way we will stay stagnent and he will keep depending on me to cook, clean, and to provide him happiness. When happiness has to come from himself first. We have agreed to stay together and just date. Have a normal courtship process that we failed to have. We both want to stay faithful and just work on ourselves right now. I feel this is best for us both. We got together at an unhealthy rate. Is this a smart choice? Or did I just probably ruin the relationship further?
Chocolat Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I feel this is best for us both. We got together at an unhealthy rate. Is this a smart choice? Or did I just probably ruin the relationship further? Smart - yes Ruin the r/s - maybe Relationships have a way of imploding when they go backwards, so this could be a death-knell. OTOH, you are smart to recognize that this is the right choice to make. From what you write, your bf has some introspecting and growing up to do. He may or may not be able to do it in a time-frame that works for you. My vote is to do it. 1
Canucklehead Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey Isabella, Good for you to see that things progressed too fast and you needed change. Your BF sounds like he might have some co-dependency issues. Though you may care for him a great deal, this issue may never change and you may have to judge whether you will be happy with status quo. Be confident about what you want out of life and look to see if your relationship is in line with your vision..... if not, you may need to move forward on your own. Good Luck Girl 1
mammasita Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 My answer is going to be biased because this is EXACTLY what happend to me. My ex and I moved in together after two months. Granted not as quick as you, but still extremely fast. We didn't take any time to get to know eachother, nor did we properly date, nor did I require him to court me...at all. After almost 2 years (more to the story of course...but) He moved out, we stayed together, tried to "date", get to know eachother again, and work on ourselves in the process. It failed and died a horrible death. Essentially - moving at warp speed ruined everything. In the end it worked out - He was not the person I thought he was nor is he the person I want to be with and I'm so glad it worked out the way it did. Major bullet dodged. Honestly, I think you're doing the right thing by moving out. Please move forward with that plan. I think you'll find that in the process of dating and getting to know one another the right way that he's not really the person you thought he was and you probably won't want to be with him in the long run.
Els Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Definitely a good idea to move back out. It may or may not ruin the R, but that's still a better option than living unhappily together. It's also a good thing that you have learnt not to move in so quickly in the future.
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Moving out is a good idea. It might strengthen the relationship but it might show you that the only thing holding you together was the apartment walls. Either way you have to pursue your goals & dreams which you can't do where you are.
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 You can do that, but I do not believe he is good for you. The FIRST day you met him, you forked out $300 because he couldn't pay his rent. Soon after you moved in with him. He got fired from his job because he chose to wear a nose ring. His car got seized because he couldn't pay his car note. When he used your car, you asked him to keep it clean he said it was a pain in the ass. You had to go to the laundromat to do laundry because he wouldn't or you had to beg him to do it. He told your brother that when you get your settlement check, "we'd be set and he can pay his debt and get his car back, etc. You've carried his behind in every possible way while you were staying with him -- laundry, cooking, cleaning while he was playing the video games. The issue here isn't about moving out. The issue is the person you are choosing to invest in. This guy flipped from nice guy to user within days/ weeks as soon as he got you moved in. You're ambitious and driven. You're only 20. You don't want to get so attached to someone that has the potential of dragging you down. You need to set the bar higher. Even your parents have noted that he is using you and from your first thread, it is evident. Please think about it. 1
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