What do you think

[banksy2020]

This girl and I have been talking and basically she said she don't like tooo introduce her kids to random guys, i said that's messed up and she said she dont want guys in and out of their lives, I said i will be there for awhile and she said we will see..., we kept talking after that and the next say i seen her, she was kind of cold. we talk a lot and she seems flirty and she is with a guy though but it is at the end of the relationship. I do not know what to do? I am really into her and honestly i usually do not go for girls with kids, but her for some reason I would. PLEASE GIvE SOME ADvICE

[Eggplant]

What is the problem? Why do you want to meet her kids right now?

[firemanq]

Smart lady, she is concerned for her kids, and rightly so. Kids want and need a male figure in their lives. You show up, and the kids bond with you. They don't call you daddy, but their hopes get built up. A couple of month go by and you leave. That can really crush a child. As Jen

Behrman says, the new man should not be introduced to kids until the adults relationship has lasted at least a year.

[HomanWater]

You will never be a priority for this woman. Kids will ALWAYS come before you. Decide if that's really OK before investing into that situation.

[ctxinfl]

She's 100% correct. You don't introduce the person you are seeing to young kids quickly. I have a young daughter and though I've no exact time line set as to when I'd introduce her to someone my gut instinct is that it would take months, as in at least six, before they'd meet. Not only do you not want the child bonding to someone that may not be around next week, you must also think of the child's safety.

[hotpotato]

So she is still in a relationship. That's not a red flag to you?

 

Of course, she wouldn't want men to come in and out of her children's lives. You can say you'll be there, but how does she know? That is something you prove with action not words.

[banksy2020]

O I know the kids will always come first, and it was an off hand comment she made about me meeting them after telling me to come over, but she knew I couldnt, she was like I dont want you to meet me kids... the whole I dont want ppl in and out of their lives comments. My thing about it was when she said we will see, after I said I would be there. Im probably making a mountain out of a mole hill, but just kind of wondering if that was like a prove me wrong or I am interested kind of comment.

[banksy2020]

and yes thats a red flag, we have not had any sexual contact or anything of that nature, but I know the relationship is on it's last legs. She is making preparations to leave him. (i.e. new place to stay, transportation, etc.) She don't want to piss him off and put herself in a worse position.

[GoreSP]

She's right.

 

If she keeps bringing in new boyfriends, the kids will get attached to the boyfriend and when the couple breaks up, it is hard on the kids. It would be like they are losing their father over and over and over again.

 

I realize that we, as adults, know the difference, but kids don't understand that.

[hotpotato]

and yes thats a red flag, we have not had any sexual contact or anything of that nature, but I know the relationship is on it's last legs. She is making preparations to leave him. (i.e. new place to stay, transportation, etc.) She don't want to piss him off and put herself in a worse position.

 

That's what they always say, and they always make the other person sound bad...

[AnneT1985]

I think she is being a responsible parent with the kids situation. However regardless of the state of her relationship, she is in one. Unless you want some major drama, I'd move on.