Omg: Old!

[melell]

I tried OLD for a short time, wasn't really looking to actually date, but wanted to see what it was like.

 

I am not sure if it was because of the area I was in, but I would get so many messages every day it was exhausting. And with the majority of guys being really transparent (ie obvious they are trying to play it cool, be cool, impress, have sex) in my head I just grouped all guys on there as desperate.

 

I really don't know how the decent guys on there even get a chance because the majority ruins it.

 

Guys really shouldn't take it as rejection when they don't get dates, the entire thing is very, very tedious in my experience. You would be better off taking night classes dance, cooking, meditation etc to meet potential dates.

[mrs rubble]

I've updated it a lot of times. Humor has come and gone and come back.

Damn! I wonder why no response then.

I did about 5yrs of OLD here in NZ. Not replying is just rude, the only ones I didn't reply to were the ones where they sent pictures of the penis's or "wanna root". Otherwise I'd reply and say thank's for your message but,

-I'm not interested.

-Our differing religeous views will be a problem.

-I think you should spend more time with your 7 children.

-I've just started seeing someone and want to see where it's going.

 

"not interested" could mean anything from, "You sound like a bore" to "I can't stand men with goatee beards."

[melell]

You make some good points. I've had women say to me all guys want is want thing. I say that's not me. They accuse me of being dishonest about it. End conversation. Other times I've gotten a fake number or the never returned call.

 

That doesn't surprise me at all. After a week on there it was pointless me even being signed up, I was past listening to anyone.

[Hope Shimmers]

OK I'm a female on OLD who needs to vent: have been in OLD for 3 months, so far I've gotten:

 

The Shirtless Photo: nice, but...what ELSE do you do besides go to the gym?

 

The Photo w/kids: POF has a video for men that specifically states not to do that, besides if they're young kids, don't you care enough to shield them from the prying eyes of (perhaps) crazy strangers (and me too).

 

The Group Photo: unless you specify "that's me in the middle" how am I supposed to know what you look like? Also, it's usually one of you all hoisting alcoholic beverages: Party on Dude, just don't expect me to message you.

 

The photo w/another Woman: unless she's in a Disney Princess costume or the like at an attraction you visited on vacation, my 1st instinct when seeing this is "who's that Bhotch & why are you hugging her?" If your pic shows you having fun w/a woman then you don't need a dating site.

 

You forgot these:

 

The Motorcycle Photo (sometimes shirtless, too)

 

The Photo With Another Women Almost But Not Quite Cut Out

 

The Sports Fan Photo

 

And, I have yet to read a profile of a man who doesn't say he "loves to travel". (If I ever find one who says they HATE to travel, I'm going to date him just for principle)

[pickflicker]

Then YOU'RE doing something wrong. Hasn't been my experience in the least bit.

 

I have to agree. Once you develop a thick skin and can handle rejection (which unfortunately, only comes from being rejected) online dating is easy for both genders. Just don't take it seriously.

 

I used to hate it, until I figured it out. Now, no dramas. Not sure if I'll meet my soul mate, but it's still fun.

 

I doubt guys are using it as a last resort. They're using it, because everyone is on there.

[salparadise]

I really don't know how the decent guys on there even get a chance because the majority ruins it.

 

By differentiating yourself in a way that's meaningful to the type of woman you want to appeal to. I've been on OLD over the past few years and had a few relationships that began online. My pics aren't anything great, and I'm definitely not a chick magnet in real life, but I've done ok. It's the writing that pulls them in, content and style. I use long copy that's sincere but sprinkled with humor. I have mostly quit sending first messages and just let them contact me. I get a few nice messages a week typically (plus a bunch of throwaways). All of the women I dated awhile contacted me first, except one, and she viewed me multiple times as if to say- please contact me. I think the dynamics are probably different for various age groups. I'm looking for women in their late 40s or 50s. When I get a phone number I save it to a group in my contacts and right now there are 97. I talked to all of them and probably met two-thirds of them.

 

When I look through other guy's profiles I am amazed at how little effort (or skill) they put into it, and sometimes how inherently unappealing or inappropriate they seem to be. I work in marketing communications, so this stuff looks obvious. Based on my observations, all you have to do is make a good effort and avoid the most obvious mistakes. It's probably a much different world for the 20 to 30 something groups.

[organizedchaos]

I have to agree. Once you develop a thick skin and can handle rejection (which unfortunately, only comes from being rejected) online dating is easy for both genders. Just don't take it seriously.

 

I used to hate it, until I figured it out. Now, no dramas. Not sure if I'll meet my soul mate, but it's still fun.

 

I doubt guys are using it as a last resort. They're using it, because everyone is on there.

 

Precisely. It's a tool to use but not replace meeting people in real life.

 

You don't have to have model looks. Anyone not getting any responses in a year or more or just one or two responses in a year is doing something wrong.

 

Whether it's using bad photos, not writing an interesting profile, or poor communication skills, you're coming across as desperate, needy, clingy or doing SOMETHING to make someone give you a wrong number or not reply.

[Allumere]

I posted this on my FB page March 2010 (so yes,I get the frustration):

 

Dear Online Dating Site Suitors,

 

No, I do not want to see pics of you in ladies underwear (not that there is anything wrong with that), I'm not into swinging or interested in being trained as your slave (not that there is anything wrong with that), looking to be your mother, nor do I want to support you. No, I am not a C/D cup (are you blind?) and I will not be your girlfriend's playmate. By the way, that is not a picture of you...I do have a TV and read the magazines at the grocery store. Over a million, really? and you are here why? 6'2?..ah, you need to measure again. I know you are all honest, loyal, funny men and want nothing more than to find that special person to hold hands with at sunset.

[organizedchaos]

Whatever. You need supermodel looks. You bet I'm desperate and needy and clingy. If you were in my ****ing position you would be too but since you've always had it easy you have no god damn idea of what you're taking about. I'm deleting my ****ing profile now.

 

Well, given your response above, now it's obvious why you have had such bad luck. I'd give you a wrong number too.

 

And I don't have supermodel looks. I'm 42 but also mentally stable, in good shape, able to carry on an interesting conversation, have a career, and socially well adjusted.

[D.Mc.]

Thanks for replying to me everyone. I'll just keep on checking each day on email to see what comes my way from OKC & POF. I do need more pictures, my problem is that since I don't have much of a social life IRL, I've got no pictures of me doing anything! I go to school & work, no photo ops at either place. OLD was supposed to broaden my horizons, so I hope it works out. Then I can post a picture of me hugging some guy on my profile :-) I do wish my small circle (all female btw) of friends were available to me but they are geographically distant/married/not on my time schedule & mostly all 3. Maybe it will be better tomorrow...

[Teraskas]

Precisely. It's a tool to use but not replace meeting people in real life.

 

You don't have to have model looks. Anyone not getting any responses in a year or more or just one or two responses in a year is doing something wrong.

 

Whether it's using bad photos, not writing an interesting profile, or poor communication skills, you're coming across as desperate, needy, clingy or doing SOMETHING to make someone give you a wrong number or not reply.

 

While I do somewhat agree with a previous poster, (Who's posts seem to have vanished in this thread.) I feel the need to clarify a few things.

 

I'm no male model by far, but I update my pics regularly, and use different outfits so that they don't constantly think 'Ok, great, you like the colour black, anything else ?'.

 

I practically rewrite my profile every 3 months depending on the amount of 'success' I have with it.

(As a matter of perspective, I've had 172 new profile visits since the last profile rework.)

Hardly seems to matter, as I've messaged them all, and received nothing in return.

As a previous poster also mentioned, paid sites work differently.

From personal experience, it doesn't seem that way.

The site I'm referring to is Meetic.com (I think the English version is match.com, why the rename for some reason, I dunno. :S )

Regardless of having a paid subscription option, the site itself is cluttered with free profiles.

Back when I sent those messages, there was even a button at the bottom of the screen which allowed them to send me a free response, yet they even failed to utilise that.

 

I always try to differentiate myself from the competition.

My writing style is on point, contains humour, lacks spelling errors, and boils down to the ability to write a coherent amount of text which brings my message across, which most guys there seem to fail at.

Ultimately, I believe the reason why I lack success on there is because of the 'douchebags' there who seem to ruin it by trolling the pool of women, because those are already in a relationship, want something on the side, etc. Thus making them of the mindset that 'All men who use OLD are desperate' or 'Why should I even give this guy a chance ? He's just putting on the 'nice guy' front to get into my pants.

On top of that there are also women who use OLD as a confidence boost, relying on rejecting men through those means.

Or those only looking for 'friends'. (Sorry, but some folks don't seem to realise that a DATING SITE is for DATING. There are specific sites which focus on finding friends, so I don't see a reason why a DATING site should be used for this.)

Thus dramatically cutting down the chances for decent guys on there looking for a tad bit more than what their personal lives have to offer.

Edited March 7, 2014 by Teraskas

[organizedchaos]

While I do somewhat agree with a previous poster, (Who's posts seem to have vanished in this thread.) I feel the need to clarify a few things.

 

I'm no male model by far, but I update my pics regularly, and use different outfits so that they don't constantly think 'Ok, great, you like the colour black, anything else ?'.

 

I practically rewrite my profile every 3 months depending on the amount of 'success' I have with it.

(As a matter of perspective, I've had 172 new profile visits since the last profile rework.)

Hardly seems to matter, as I've messaged them all, and received nothing in return.

As a previous poster also mentioned, paid sites work differently.

From personal experience, it doesn't seem that way.

The site I'm referring to is Meetic.com (I think the English version is match.com, why the rename for some reason, I dunno. :S )

Regardless of having a paid subscription option, the site itself is cluttered with free profiles.

Back when I sent those messages, there was even a button at the bottom of the screen which allowed them to send me a free response, yet they even failed to utilise that.

 

I always try to differentiate myself from the competition.

My writing style is on point, contains humour, lacks spelling errors, and boils down to the ability to write a coherent amount of text which brings my message across, which most guys there seem to fail at.

Ultimately, I believe the reason why I lack success on there is because of the 'douchebags' there who seem to ruin it by trolling the pool of women, because those are already in a relationship, want something on the side, etc. Thus making them of the mindset that 'All men who use OLD are desperate' or 'Why should I even give this guy a chance ? He's just putting on the 'nice guy' front to get into my pants.

On top of that there are also women who use OLD as a confidence boost, relying on rejecting men through those means.

Or those only looking for 'friends'. (Sorry, but some folks don't seem to realise that a DATING SITE is for DATING. There are specific sites which focus on finding friends, so I don't see a reason why a DATING site should be used for this.)

Thus dramatically cutting down the chances for decent guys on there looking for a tad bit more than what their personal lives have to offer.

 

Some of what you say about people's reasons for using OLD are true. And no one can avoid that.

 

But your consistent lack of success on OLD has to be as a result of something more. You may think you're writing a good profile in your eyes, but to the opposite sex, it may read as something else. Without seeing your photos and what you write, I can't really give you any further advice.

 

All I can say is my experience has been totally different and I'm no male model either. I did match.com and got a gf within the first month that lasted 3 years. Just ended 7 months ago. I've used Tinder with so much success I had to stop, I couldn't juggle so many dates. But I've now met a girl from Tinder that I've been seeing a little over a month. Tonight I'm seeing her again for our 7th date and it looks like this is going somewhere. I've stopped Tinder all together as I want to focus only on her now.

[JourneyLady]

I haven't tried OLD but as i understand it, multi-dating is quite normal.

Unless they make it clear they are no longer looking?

 

Uh... this was after he said we should be exclusive, and pulled his profile. (From the site we met on, not the other one. I had hidden my profile already on the other one and went to delete it, only to find he was still there... AND CHECKING IT WHILE WE WERE CHATTING!!!)

[JourneyLady]

You forgot these:

 

The Motorcycle Photo (sometimes shirtless, too)

 

The Photo With Another Women Almost But Not Quite Cut Out

 

The Sports Fan Photo

 

And, I have yet to read a profile of a man who doesn't say he "loves to travel". (If I ever find one who says they HATE to travel, I'm going to date him just for principle)

 

My ex loved to travel. As long as I was doing more than half the driving, it was a large car with extremely comfortable RV seats and as long as I footed the bill for all the fast food for him and his boys. :-p Oh and the upper scale hotels... on my dime tool

 

Camping travel? nahh... not so much.

[Bruce Leigh]

Uh... this was after he said we should be exclusive, and pulled his profile. (From the site we met on, not the other one. I had hidden my profile already on the other one and went to delete it, only to find he was still there... AND CHECKING IT WHILE WE WERE CHATTING!!!)

 

That sucks but at least you found out early on and didn't waste another second on him.

[nic05]

I met my now ex on POF two years ago.

 

Actually met plenty of really nice guys on free sites. So I don't necessarily agree that you will have a better response from people on paid sites.

[InnocentMan]

Attractive people want to date attractive people.

 

Average people want to date attractive people.

 

Ugly people want to date attractive or average people.

 

The attractive people pair up relatively quickly.

 

The average and ugly people stay on the site for years and bitch on forums about how awful it is.

 

Old equation solved.

[D.Mc.]

Hi, Innocent: I'm not sure about that. It's human nature to naturally think of ourselves as "attractive", & I don't know about Britain, but in the US kids get their esteem boosted from the crib onwards, up until another person finally tells them they're just average (usually when they've graduated college & looking for their 1st job). Perhaps you should create a dating site requiring one to send in a photo FIRST & then be approved for membership, that would really send home the message about someone's perception of their own attractiveness? I'm thinking suicide rates would go up too... If I get tired of waiting for OLD to payoff, I'll just investigate becoming a professional dominatrix & take my frustrations out on men from then on - oh wait, isn't that what dating is for?

[Teraskas]

Some of what you say about people's reasons for using OLD are true. And no one can avoid that.

 

But your consistent lack of success on OLD has to be as a result of something more. You may think you're writing a good profile in your eyes, but to the opposite sex, it may read as something else. Without seeing your photos and what you write, I can't really give you any further advice.

 

All I can say is my experience has been totally different and I'm no male model either. I did match.com and got a gf within the first month that lasted 3 years. Just ended 7 months ago. I've used Tinder with so much success I had to stop, I couldn't juggle so many dates. But I've now met a girl from Tinder that I've been seeing a little over a month. Tonight I'm seeing her again for our 7th date and it looks like this is going somewhere. I've stopped Tinder all together as I want to focus only on her now.

 

The funny thing is that I hired a dating coach, to check out my profile from a female's perspective. (As part of the subscription price)

She told me to tone down on the negativity a bit, but in general it seemed allright.

Her conclusion was that the women on there 'fear rejection' and are mainly registered for finding friends, rather than being remotely interested in something which requires commitment. :/

Practically done everything I could to change things up and introduce humour on my profile without going overboard.

So I'm basically shrugging right now as I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

Some female feedback from the ones I send messages too would be nice, but seeing as that's not happening...

Truth told, it doesn't seem to me that I'm at fault in this.

 

I'm intrigued by what I've been hearing from this 'Tinder' app.

I'm tempted to give it a shot, but like OKC and POF, I sincerely doubt that the amount of enlistees from Belgium is high.

Edited March 8, 2014 by Teraskas

[pickflicker]

The funny thing is that I hired a dating coach, to check out my profile from a female's perspective. (As part of the subscription price)

She told me to tone down on the negativity a bit, but in general it seemed allright.

Her conclusion was that the women on there 'fear rejection' and are mainly registered for finding friends, rather than being remotely interested in something which requires commitment. :/

Practically done everything I could to change things up and introduce humour on my profile without going overboard.

So I'm basically shrugging right now as I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

Some female feedback from the ones I send messages too would be nice, but seeing as that's not happening...

Truth told, it doesn't seem to me that I'm at fault in this.

 

I'm intrigued by what I've been hearing from this 'Tinder' app.

I'm tempted to give it a shot, but like OKC and POF, I sincerely doubt that the amount of enlistees from Belgium is high.

 

"Tone down the negativity"? Remove it all together. There is nothing worse than reading a guys profile and it's full of bitching about how hard dating is. I delete those people immediately. It's like sounding off about your current boss, to a potential future boss - you'll never get hired.