123anthony Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 We had an amazing relationship. Not amazing enough for her to stick around for some unsaid reason. But enough for her to string me along afterwards. Probably incase it doesn't work out with her new "friend". You let me into your mind and soul and I fell in love. It’s unfortunate we only had that time together, and nothing more. I loved you, for all of it. You were perfect. You told me the good and the bad, everything, and I still felt the same about you. You told me your ambitions, fears, and even your embarrassing stories. You made me feel like I would always be a part of your life. I felt bliss! The problem was I fell for you, but I fell too far. I wanted to help you reach your goals, and to conquer your doubts. I wanted us to experience new things together, good and bad. I wanted to travel the world with you. Grow and learn from each other. I knew it wouldn’t happen over night. You had your obligations and I had mine. I was still trying to learn how to be mature, to balance these things in life I had never dealt with before. Love (you), family, work, and my mind. You were already a lifetime ahead of me in those experiences. My thoughts didn’t become reality in time. Maybe it was just unlucky, or it wasn’t meant to be! I’m sure you remember where we started, just being friends. Maybe that’s why you’re afraid to actually be my friend again. That’s where it starts. I wanted to be your friend, but at what cost. There are too many questions that we haven’t asked each other. Are we both open to new beginnings? I don’t think you want to answer that. So I guess the grace is in letting go. I’m going to miss you. It makes me sad that you aren’t in my life, and I’m sure you feel the same. But I’m happy your not here because you felt, “bad.” The sadness will fade, and even some if not most of the memories. I never got rid of any of our pictures or belongings. I started to use your lanyard. I still twist can tops. These are and will always be an important part of us. I’m sure we will both miss making new memories. Our new relationship has become half hearted talks and empty feelings. Every time I was about to let go, you threw a tiny lifeline. You wanted to be friends, to talk, to hold on to us. But never really did it. I was ready to hold onto anything and everything, to hold onto you. In the end I’ve realized that’s not fair to me. I'm bowing out. I don’t know what you were trying to save. You don’t say much anymore. How can I be myself if you can’t be yourself? How can I stop dwelling if were making more progress in erasing each other from our lives than starting something new. I can’t make something new by myself. I would rather let go, than continue erasing you. And you continue erasing me. There’s no point in steering this letter towards why you aren’t in my life anymore. I understand that it’s in the past. I wanted to ask how to keep you in the present, but I can’t settle for bits and pieces. My heart wont let me. I wanted to be blind. I wish I could turn my mind off sometimes, because I could be wrong about all of this. We agreed we were above this, but I guess one or both of us lost sight of that. If we don’t realize the past doesn’t define our future relationship, then we can never grow. I feel like you had to convince yourself otherwise, that things couldn’t be. That it would be easier to move on, find something new. That the past can’t be changed, but I hope you don’t believe that. I really hope you realize that all of this effort was present in our relationship. Were they grand gestures? Not often enough, but they were my gestures, small and always present. Yours. I don’t think about it as if you broke my heart, you really made it grow. If it isn’t apparent, I forgive you K-------. No matter what, and I hope you see that. I built on my old love and I’m able to show it in many new ways! My last letter wasn’t a goodbye. It was blinded by the idea of keeping you in my life. All you have to do is let go. I can’t force this to be real, no matter how much I try. You tell me one thing, and then show me another. Love or friendship shouldn’t be fiction. I would be lying if I didn’t say there’s a part of me that wants to see you again, to make this work. That maybe I would want to reopen this dialogue if you ever felt different about our future potential. But I can’t make this work on my own, and you already know that. I realize the need for future comfort is the biggest thief of life, so I won’t hold on to that hope. It doesn’t matter now if it was you, bad timing, the world, or I. You said it yourself, “What will be will be”. In my head I have no hope, in my heart, who knows – always and never. If we wanted to be, could we be. If we wanted to be in the future, could we be. Logic says we could. So what will be will be. You’ll continue to stay a beautiful person to me. I hope you’ve grown from that girl who thought I needed to be drunk to appreciate her. Whoever can’t appreciate you for who you are, has a blind heart. I was sober and in love with you for quiet sometime. You’re worth every compliment and every grand gesture. Don’t try to tell yourself otherwise, and don’t try to hide your pretty heart, mind, and soul. No one deserves better than you. To simply put it, you’re someone’s idea of ideal beauty. Mine? If you know you loved, then you can love again. I learned that suffering in silence only gets you so far; I forgot what it was like to cry, to be passionate about something, to share! Too share your and my feelings, and emotions. Intimacy. I can’t make you feel my sentiment and ideas, but I can show you and tell you one last time. It’s only hard to let go because we make it seem that way. Everyone wants that future comfort, because it feels so good. I wanted to be angry with you, but I can’t, I don’t know how. I love you, the experiences, and the memories, The shape of our relationship will change, but my care for you will not, I’m saying Goodbye K--------. AMENDS “I wonder if there will be a morning when you’ll wake up missing me. That some incident in your life, would have finally taught you the value of my worth. And you will feel a surge of longing, when you remember how I was good to you. When this day comes I hope you will look for me. I hope you will look with the kind of conviction I’d always hoped for, but never had from you. Because I want to be found. And I hope it will be you – who finds me.” (Maybe) -- Lang Leav To send or not to send.
SammySammy Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I think you should print it. Then burn it. As it burns, let her and the relationship go. But, whatever you do, ... DO NOT SEND THAT LETTER. 1
pickflicker Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 This isn't the movies. Those letters end up making you look like a complete fool in real life. Don't send it. 3
melell Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Don't send it. To be entirely honest I have received a similar letter. I got it at a time where my feelings for the person had gone, I was no longer in love. It is really hard to relate to what a person is saying when you don't feel the same. I didn't feel the same so I read it as the person being weak, irrational, illogical and without pride. It actually killed any residual attraction I had towards the person. On its own the letter I received was a beautiful letter, had I still had feelings it would be extremely sentimental and meaningful. But once I had decided I no longer wanted that person it became meaningless. The letter was so far from how I was feeling, I read it as emotional, illogical dribble. I am a fairly thoughtful person, and I care about others, I appreciated the sentiment-but regardless, the letter was not at all inline with how I felt, I was never going to understand it. In my opinion it is near impossible to spark mutual feelings when mutual feeling isn't there- people won't understand unless they feel the same. If your ex was going to be able to comprehend what your letter means to you, and feel it as you felt it while writing it, she would be with you right now- more than that she would be telling you everything you wanted to hear, she would be feeling exactly as you feel. It is really hard when two people feel differently, but it is what it is. 3
Colton Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Do not send that... We can only give you our opinions and advice, but what you do in the end is entirely on you. I thought about sending a letter like that to my ex, virtually just the same length and same idea. Everyone told me that it was a bad idea, but for some reason I believed it was not. About 3 or 4 of my guy and girl friends (all in our early 20's) told me that it was a bad idea, but I still did not believe them. It wasn't until a mom (who I work with) in her late 30's told me my letter was the "stupidest thing she's heard of in a long time" and that my ex will "probably just be rolling her eyes the entire time she read my letter", did I finally see that it really was dumb. What are you trying to accomplish by sending her a letter like this man? This isn't moving on, it's just you trying to tell her you moved on and hoping she comes running back. Look your ex split just like mine. If you have even the remotest hope to get her back it would be by improving yourself through and through and not contacting her or responding to her AT ALL. Improving yourself entails everything from family, to friends, to new and old hobbies, to your health, your job, your schooling, to dating, etc. She might come back in a few weeks, a few months, but, honestly, probably never. But if she does come back, you'll probably be a different person, changed for the better and be in a happier place in your life. Even then you should not acknowledge her what-so-ever unless she actually says "I want to get back together". And by that time, after all your improvements to yourself, would you even want her back?
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Don't send it. Do you see the unanimous advice here? Think about the worst case scenario here: You send it. She laughs & shows it to her friends then it goes viral. Do you really want to be that guy?
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Yeah don't send it. You're gonna give away your dignity dude. 1
organizedchaos Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Do not send that. And do as earth for the numerous other threads about sending letters. You'll see many others in the same boat as you getting the same advice. It will accomplish nothing but making you look weak. 1
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 So long and drawn out and especially of no affect to the other person when they have emotionally and mentally checked out from you and the relationship. The agenda here is that you want to send this sappy love note to hopefully stir feelings, remind her of what a sweet and loving guy you are, remind her of what she's losing, etc. Do not send it. Burn it and move on.
Under The Radar Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Don't send it. To be entirely honest I have received a similar letter. I got it at a time where my feelings for the person had gone, I was no longer in love. It is really hard to relate to what a person is saying when you don't feel the same. I didn't feel the same so I read it as the person being weak, irrational, illogical and without pride. It actually killed any residual attraction I had towards the person. On its own the letter I received was a beautiful letter, had I still had feelings it would be extremely sentimental and meaningful. But once I had decided I no longer wanted that person it became meaningless. The letter was so far from how I was feeling, I read it as emotional, illogical dribble. I am a fairly thoughtful person, and I care about others, I appreciated the sentiment-but regardless, the letter was not at all inline with how I felt, I was never going to understand it. In my opinion it is near impossible to spark mutual feelings when mutual feeling isn't there- people won't understand unless they feel the same. If your ex was going to be able to comprehend what your letter means to you, and feel it as you felt it while writing it, she would be with you right now- more than that she would be telling you everything you wanted to hear, she would be feeling exactly as you feel. It is really hard when two people feel differently, but it is what it is. ^^^^^THIS^^^^^ Do not send it.
Jethro Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 What in the holy hell makes you think that letter is a good idea at all. Stop. Just STOP. Have some freakin' self respect and move on. Go on some dates. Get laid. Enjoy life. Seriously, I am not one to bash anyone for expressing their feelings, and maybe this was a good letter for you and no one else but you, but my god... let it go. You want to empower her or yourself? Because you know what you can do to empower yourself? Don't talk to her. Not in the form of a letter, or a phone call, or a facebook post, or a wave from a distance. Hate to say this, but you probably shouldn't communicate with her father either.
herself Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hopefully you feel better just writing it out. And you know already that holding on is killing you. You have nothing to explain to her.ever have a cold your trying to get rid of but it keeps hanging on? Its what an ex feels like to the person who dumped them. While your hurting yourself continuing to contact her, your helping her heal faster. Cut her loose, block her. Let her wonder if your even living. Its amazing the healing that occurs when you do that and NEVER break it.
Musing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) I also got a letter once. I actually did several times, from guys so "in love" with me and just "could not live without me" (most of which were guys I went on dates with and had no actual relationship with but I digress) I did get weekly letters from my first ex right after the BU and those had more merit to them but the following still applies. These letters were filled with ache, resentment, passion, were incredibly drawn out and a lot like yours. I didn't feel all "Swoony", no revelations were discovered, no underlying love or admiration was stirred. I felt nothing but annoyance, a burden for seeing these messages knowing they were waiting for a response, guilt that they had put so much time and energy and I honestly wanted nothing to do with the messages that were sent to me. At all. To go off of what melell was saying - the only way you'll get a loving reaction out of her is if she felt love towards you already. And if that was the case you would not be writing the letter to begin with. The guys in my life that got the most respect from me were the ones that fell dead silent after a rejection because they were respecting my wishes and it showed they were strong enough to accept it and walk. In some cases, it made them more attractive and I was able to talk to them again once the dust settled and it didn't feel awkward. The guys that sent me those passionate messages I never did talk to again. Would have been way too weird. Sounds harsh, but in my case it was for the best. Edited March 6, 2014 by Musing
Boxerhd Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 You're letter isn't bad. I'm in a situation where I'm forced to move on. No hard feelings just unfortunate. We share mutual friends and they like us together but it's just where we are at now. I wrote her a letter also, and I was planning on sending it until I read a letter on this forum that sounded almost word for word like mine. Not the whole thing but certain sentences. That letter is now put away with things that belong to her. I am not ready to give it to her and she is not ready to care about anything I have to tell her romantically. The thing about NC that I have learned is that it's not a tool to heal and it's really not a tool to get your ex back. It's more of a way to keep your dignity. It's a way to believe in yourself enough to know that if she wants to rekindle anything, she won't regret it and if not she will. Also it shows her that you're not crazy and you put her wants first. After all that's what a real relationship is all about in my opinion. Putting each others wants and needs before your own. I've been there and I failed but after her I understand it clearer than ever. Her wants right now are not to be with me and they come first before mine. She needs a clean break and a fresh start. She may already be there but anything that you say to her now won't matter. She knows how you feel. You've been together for a long time. She may want to come back but then remember how hard it was for you to let her go and she may change her mind because she won't want to put you in that situation again. Never miss a good chance to shut up. That's how I look at it at least.
frigginlost Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 If you can fit your testicles in the envelope along with the letter, than I'm all for it. But seriously, do not send that letter. There is some very, very, good advice from the woman on this thread. Listen to them. Keep the letter for the rest of the day, read it over and over again, and then burn it. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/154/912/berneydidnotread.gif Seriously, sending letters are almost always a lose-lose scenario. The more emotion involved, the worse they come off. Keep it for yourself, but don't send to her.
Author 123anthony Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Thank you everyone for the replies. I do feel like a bitch, it's hard sometimes haha! I guess there's nothing I can do, but let it be.
legion113 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Don't send it. To be entirely honest I have received a similar letter. I got it at a time where my feelings for the person had gone, I was no longer in love. It is really hard to relate to what a person is saying when you don't feel the same. I didn't feel the same so I read it as the person being weak, irrational, illogical and without pride. It actually killed any residual attraction I had towards the person. On its own the letter I received was a beautiful letter, had I still had feelings it would be extremely sentimental and meaningful. But once I had decided I no longer wanted that person it became meaningless. The letter was so far from how I was feeling, I read it as emotional, illogical dribble. I am a fairly thoughtful person, and I care about others, I appreciated the sentiment-but regardless, the letter was not at all inline with how I felt, I was never going to understand it. In my opinion it is near impossible to spark mutual feelings when mutual feeling isn't there- people won't understand unless they feel the same. If your ex was going to be able to comprehend what your letter means to you, and feel it as you felt it while writing it, she would be with you right now- more than that she would be telling you everything you wanted to hear, she would be feeling exactly as you feel. It is really hard when two people feel differently, but it is what it is. That is exactly what needed to be said. It seems like abeautiful letter, and the OP was probably thinking how anyone could not melt at such a letter, but you're right, unless she felt the same, it would look kind of ridiculous. 1
Author 123anthony Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Don't send it. To be entirely honest I have received a similar letter. I got it at a time where my feelings for the person had gone, I was no longer in love. It is really hard to relate to what a person is saying when you don't feel the same. I didn't feel the same so I read it as the person being weak, irrational, illogical and without pride. It actually killed any residual attraction I had towards the person. On its own the letter I received was a beautiful letter, had I still had feelings it would be extremely sentimental and meaningful. But once I had decided I no longer wanted that person it became meaningless. The letter was so far from how I was feeling, I read it as emotional, illogical dribble. I am a fairly thoughtful person, and I care about others, I appreciated the sentiment-but regardless, the letter was not at all inline with how I felt, I was never going to understand it. In my opinion it is near impossible to spark mutual feelings when mutual feeling isn't there- people won't understand unless they feel the same. If your ex was going to be able to comprehend what your letter means to you, and feel it as you felt it while writing it, she would be with you right now- more than that she would be telling you everything you wanted to hear, she would be feeling exactly as you feel. It is really hard when two people feel differently, but it is what it is. Your right. I shouldn't have to make her feel that way through guilt. If she want's us to be, it shouldn't be under pressure. Thank you and everyone else for telling me not to send it. It truly is hard to stop trying when you care for that person so much. That you would do so much, and they can't even give you a real explanation.
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