truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 The gf has nothing mentally wrong with her. Some people are just plain ol mean. And when they find a sucker who will do whatever they tell them to they hit jackpot and just continue to abuse those people. She's just hanging in there because as I read looks like OP is gonna be a doctor, so this chick is no dummy she's looking to cash in later on. Get help for yourself OP and don't let anyone treat you like this, you owe yourself better! Men sure do love bitches. You hit the nail on the head. She'll bully him, manipulate him, even cheat on him... all with the idea she can be in control and cash in later. OP she is no good. Probably hot on the outside but very ugly on the inside. Remember: looks fade, but her behavior won't.
StanMusial Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) Why in the hell did SHE tell YOU to go see a therapist? LOL. Am I missing something here? The therapist's wallet gets fatter, she puts you in the wrong, and la dee da let's all do some online pop psychology. Wheeee! Edited March 7, 2014 by StanMusial
Author Dante311 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 So... Update! We're still together. We spoke this weekend. I mentioned to her I want to move forward. She then fell into a "mood" describing how she is hesitant to want to invite me to a house party she was invited to this weekend because she wants a social life outside our relationship. I took one look at her and she saw it in my eyes. I told her during the week is one thing... as she cut me off and said, "I would be upset if you went to a house party on a weekend without me. It's just not right to go without you. Can you blame me? Can you forgive me? I should want you to come." ...after some more talking... she finally agreed to want me to go with her and for some stupid ****ing reason, I'm still with her. Why???? WHY????? WHY?????
Downtown Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I'm still with her. Why???? WHY????? WHY?????Dante, I'm not sure about the answer. But, if it were me, the place I would start looking for answers -- as I suggested earlier -- is my overview of BPD red flags in Rebel's Thread. If that discussion rings a bell, there are at least five posters in this thread who would be glad to discuss it with you.
BrewskiBruce Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Dante, I randomly came across this web site looking for something else on the web. For some reason I clicked on your post looking around to see what this place is all about. I read your original post and my face fell open at what I was reading. You my friend are in the position I was in with my wife for 10 years. This may not mean much coming from a random stranger on the internet, but, you need to run. Run hard and run fast. I've been living your life for years. I've gone to counselors, therapists, men's classes for years. Why? Obviously there's something wrong with ME right? NO. There's nothing wrong with me at all. What it is is I had been dealing with a narcissist for years. A person with BPD. At one point in the relationship I even pointed this out and ran through all the signs with her. I tried to get her to see how she treated me for years. Let me tell you that even if she realizes there may be something wrong with her NOTHING will change. It will only get worse as times goes on. There will be promise of "change" or what have you. It won't come ever. It may seem like it for a short period, but it will end. There will be ups, and downs. She will treat you like a king anytime she wants or needs something, and then revert once she gets what she wants. Do yourself a favor and realize this. Do not buy into it. Like Downtown said in his post. I had a set of rules that i'm held to, and she had her own set. No matter what i've said, or how much i've pointed this out to her it NEVER mattered. She never saw it. She was the victim of every circumstance in her life. She shifted blame like a pro, and had a mountain load of excuses for everything. Don't fall into the same traps I did. I was a complete idiot then, and I got suckered time, and time again. It will always burn you out because you will waste all your energy asking, "why?" You'll get in your head to much and lose self esteem, and self respect. I spent years living on 3-4 hours of sleep if I could sleep at all. Too much stress, to much thinking all the time. There were days I was so burnt out I didn't even want to get out of bed. I lost all motivation to do anything at all. Now 10 years later i'm moving on. I'm rebuilding my self esteem, confidence, and motivation to live a happy life. I don't know what magical force led me to your post, but if you do anything at all for yourself, stop letting her in. Let her go. Move on. It's not about being a man and sacking up. It's about being a human and having self-respect. Good Luck. 2
Author Dante311 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Wow. This is powerful, and moving. Thank you all. This weekend was bad, but we got through it. She was invited to a "house-warming" party friday night at the captain of her co-ed volleyball team. We already argued about that, but she saw my side - and would be upset herself if the roles were reversed. Well tonight she asked him if she could bring her boyfriend. My thoughts were, it's a Friday night party and from what I've experienced (and HE KNOWS I exists.. I've met him)... if you invite someone for a "party" you should anticipate the s/o to come to. Somehow she has convinced me that the captain is not ok with me coming (she understands why I'm annoyed, but happy I'm "ok" with it - which I'm not by the way)... so she's going to go and I'm supposed to see her after. I set a time after to meet up. She agreed to meet up at 10pm... and start the weekend with me. If the roles were reversed, I believe she would be upset if I actually went... I can't take this anymore. I'm hurting inside. You all are awesome
2nd tyme Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Listen to this guy BrewskiBruce. He knows what he is talking about. If you are like both of us, you will probably ignore this advice. But you shouldn't. Believe me, you have a chance to avoid years of misery.
Author Dante311 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 You all make it sound so easy.... I know what I want to do....but I don't feel like I can. I snooped on her texts. I asked her if I could go after she felt miserable bc apart of her didn't want me coming.. She asked him... He said "yeah sure. My place is kinda small though".... She told me she doesn't feel comfortable brining me.... **** if this was role reversal.... I'd be up ****s creek with her, and she even said that to me. But **** no...I have to be ok with this. Not cool. I'm letting her take me out for my birthday Monday And that's it. I am trying to build up the courage to do it. I saw my therapist today and told him. He thinks it ended a while ago. I asked him again if I'm bpd or crazy. He said no... The only thing he would even consider diagnosing me with is add bc I work too much and try doing too many things at one time... He sees it in our sessions... Screw it. I am hanging out with a female friend who likes me tomorrow night. Not out of spite... Not to rub it in her face. I won't do either of those things... And no I have no intention of cheating. I want to take care of myself. The therapist told me I don't do enough of that..... Should I confront her about this party? Or try to play it cool? I'm so sad
2nd tyme Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 No need to confront on any one issue. You know what you need to know. Just let it go as easily as you can. This is not working for you any more . . . . blah blah blah. We were not saying bpd for YOU we were saying it of HER. It's going to be the hardest thing you ever did, but staying would be even harder, trust me.
Author Dante311 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 Well I'm the fool. Its my birthday... She ditched me to go out drinking. I bore her... She doesn't want to be with me. Yet... Last night I was this amazing guy she can't wait to have a relationship with. Ugh... ****
KatZee Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 NOW can you agree that this chick doesn't give a s.hit about you? You're her little bitch. That's it. This is not love, this is not a relationship, this is not healthy or anything. I'm not sure why you stay in this relationship. My theory is that while women 'friendzone' nice guys... men ignore the sane girls and date crazy ass bitches.... Agree with this 1,000%. It's actually a running joke between my single friends and I how all these psychos have boyfriends, yet WE, the sane, healthy, have our s.hit together, are single. It's been 2 years, and you've invested yourself, but honestly, it's time to go. Cut it off and repair your life.
Stay Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Dante, I randomly came across this web site looking for something else on the web. For some reason I clicked on your post looking around to see what this place is all about. I read your original post and my face fell open at what I was reading. You my friend are in the position I was in with my wife for 10 years. This may not mean much coming from a random stranger on the internet, but, you need to run. Run hard and run fast. I've been living your life for years. I've gone to counselors, therapists, men's classes for years. Why? Obviously there's something wrong with ME right? NO. There's nothing wrong with me at all. What it is is I had been dealing with a narcissist for years. A person with BPD. At one point in the relationship I even pointed this out and ran through all the signs with her. I tried to get her to see how she treated me for years. Let me tell you that even if she realizes there may be something wrong with her NOTHING will change. It will only get worse as times goes on. There will be promise of "change" or what have you. It won't come ever. It may seem like it for a short period, but it will end. There will be ups, and downs. She will treat you like a king anytime she wants or needs something, and then revert once she gets what she wants. Do yourself a favor and realize this. Do not buy into it. Like Downtown said in his post. I had a set of rules that i'm held to, and she had her own set. No matter what i've said, or how much i've pointed this out to her it NEVER mattered. She never saw it. She was the victim of every circumstance in her life. She shifted blame like a pro, and had a mountain load of excuses for everything. Don't fall into the same traps I did. I was a complete idiot then, and I got suckered time, and time again. It will always burn you out because you will waste all your energy asking, "why?" You'll get in your head to much and lose self esteem, and self respect. I spent years living on 3-4 hours of sleep if I could sleep at all. Too much stress, to much thinking all the time. There were days I was so burnt out I didn't even want to get out of bed. I lost all motivation to do anything at all. Now 10 years later i'm moving on. I'm rebuilding my self esteem, confidence, and motivation to live a happy life. I don't know what magical force led me to your post, but if you do anything at all for yourself, stop letting her in. Let her go. Move on. It's not about being a man and sacking up. It's about being a human and having self-respect. Good Luck. I will tell you I've been with a similar girl just like this, I would always feel like she gets her way but when I ask for mine it'll be different. She can be happy then switch to upset real fast. I never assume and diagnose it's bipolar or anything but I just always thought it was me. Well since we've broken up I do realize something that I never realized before, she could do all these things to me and be happy but when I do the same back she'll be upset. Selfish, bipolar, idk I can't pinpoint it and don't have to but I can tell you since cutting her out, I feel a lot better about everything. I'm a person I could never be with her, in about 8 months or so I've changed so much I don't know if it is because I'm finally away from that or if it's because I want to better myself and actually taking action but either way it's not a good relationship. Listen to this guy, he was married to someone like this and I had some experience, I want you to get out before you hurt yourself further. She use to tell me she won't be able to live without me, etc. all those crazy stuff and turns around and get angry and yell at me. I would always be the wrong one... Too many things to list but one thing I took from that relationship is how to spot someone I should avoid.
Woggle Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Why do you put up with this? What positive is she bringing to your life?
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