loquita1 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I wrote before how my husband and I have been separated. How he says this and that and wants out. Yesterday we went to our therapy session. Our year and half separation has come to an end. The therapist help with the end but it still hurt. My husband or soon to be ex no longer has feeling for me. He said its dead. this was all hurtful but its out. The therapist looked at me and said, its done. Do not let what he says change this moment. The reason why he said this is because ex would say things that made me feel there was a possibility. ex wants to be friends. I cant. he keeps saying he wants to move on. part of me feels he already has. he just wanted to keep the peace. it just pisses me off so bad that I tried for such a long time to please him for nothing. my therapist said that ex has mental issues. well he didn't say it but once my ex said he had this and that thoughts he jumped on the ban wagon. therapist said that ex is a black or white kind of a person and there is no reason in between all or nothing. And I'm more like a grey person. I cried. I still haven't gotten over it. I cannot see my life with out him. when I think of my marriage ending its very hard. we have a 4 year old that we co-parent now. so on a daily basis I will see him. the no contact is impossible. we have daily contact. today he called me 4 times 3 times at work to ask about tball and lent. and just now about my son's poop. I kept it short. I met with old friends for lunch and when they asked me about ex (they didn't know our situation, no one does) I told them and cried. does it get better? I don't want to explain to all what went wrong. we never aired our dirty laundry and everyone thought we had a great relationship. I thought we had a good relationship except for our problems. sorry for the rant but I need to tell someone. 1
blacknoir Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I thought we had a good relationship except for our problems. Loquita, I'm going to just be blunt here, and try and put some perspective that you may not necessarily want to hear. I'm in the same place (seriously, almost the *exact* same place) as your H, emotionally. For (probably) the last five to seven years, I've been unhappy. I've been miserable, and I've been aching for more. I sat with it, and it chewed me up internally, for many many years, working long hours and then coming home and going straight to my office. Yes, I know and accept that it was not the correct thing to do, but I am also a "black and white" person. If there was to be no effort (as I interpreted it) from my W, then why should I give everything/anything that I have? My M was, and is, dead. Sexually....emotionally...it was gone. I moved on years ago, and she thought, as you do, that everything was fine, I was just angry at her for something stupid and little, but that eventually I'd get over it and things would go back to "normal". "Normal" wasn't good enough for me any more. And yet still I wanted to try and...well, do the "right" thing (at least, in my mind). We built a house, just last year, and I knew that it was actually *her* house, where she and my children would live. I set them up for the future, knowing that I would not be in it as I once was. There are other aspects to my situation, which I will not bring into this thread. Maybe there was a catalyst for him - maybe there wasn't. I just want you to realize where he might be right now, and how I think that he may have already gone through the "5 stages" already, and now he's just putting those things into words - maybe for himself, maybe for you. And you're not there yet - you're just now coming to the realization that yes...it is over....and that's hard. I'm sorry - I truly am. I put my feelings into words on paper for my W a short time ago. It was not easy to finally speak what I had been feeling for so long. And next week, at our first joint counseling session, I will likely say many of the same things that your H said. That will likewise not be easy, but I will do it, because it needs to be done. I wish I could give you comfort, but it would only be cold. And so, I will simply and truly wish you the best with your situation, and hope that you will too someday find peace.
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