lolablue17 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I think NC is not a saint value. it depends. This guy, paperwings, in his case the NC is a must. But in your case, I'm not familiar with the details. If you want a better closure or even more then once, maybe you can get over stage by stage, and talking to him can help you, if he is willing to give you that.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 The mornings are the worst. I woke up today with this awful feeling in my heart. Its hard to look over and not see him in bed with me, or get up and make breakfast and sit at the table with him and discuss all the news we read on our iPads. It's little things. And while he was selfish and I see that, the feeling of empty and hurt lingers in me. I loved this man, more than I loved anyone. I have my high and low points throughout the day. Morning are always low. I wonder what he's doing, when he is moving into his new apartment, and how he can sleep at night knowing that he walked out on probably the best thing in his life, all because he wanted to "be alone" and told me he never wants to be married. How does one change their mind like that? Why tell me it's what you want, move in, and take the next steps toward our future. I'm so heartbroken.
rosedl Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It gets easier. But, it isn't linear. Today, it is eight weeks no contact. A lot of that time, it has been ok. Past couple days have been hard again. Then, it lightens up. I miss him but I know there is nothing I can do to change anything and the way he treated me doesn't deserve reward with my chasing him. I just remind myself that it hurts but he has treated women like **** all his life, and better out in two years then twenty. It sucks, I know. It does get better. Promise. 1
Saurren Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It gets better OP. As long as he didn't propose then dumped you after realizing he didn't want to get married. I proposed then got dumped 5 months latter through a stupid text message.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Talking helps. Especially here. This forum has really been my sanity. Today I want to call him so bad. Last Saturday was the day he brought a uhaul here and moved out. Now this week it has set in, and I am feeling extremely depressed and sad. I know I can't call, because what would I even say? It will just make it worse.
paperwings Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Your morning messages get to me. A few weeks back I had the most vivid dream: I was laying in bed, and I reached my arm over. I felt something. I reached further, and yes, something...someone was there! Then she reached back and told me she had come back that night, and she was here to stay. I promptly woke up to the reality of the situation. Nobody was next to me. It was the most beautiful... nightmare. Tore me up. It was all so real. I picked up the phone, selected her name and had my finger on the call button. But I just gritted my teeth and cried through it. I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain. Just stay strong. Talk to friends, or post on the forum. We're here for you. We're all in, or have been in, this same, scary place. Take care.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Hey I feel the same but its pointless breaking NC. I have begged , pleaded, negotiated with him so many times. He made the decision to leave. Its time for you to heal. Day 3 NC for me Day 3 for me too.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Well I just got a "breadcrumb"...was not expecting it. It was a text saying "i still have your garage clicker. I can drop it by some time today" I thought of 2 things: 1. He wants me to respond ( so I'm not) 2. He knows my address, he lived here, so why not mail it.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 And just as expected, when I did not reply as he expected, another breadcrumb: "Do you want me to drop the garage opener by or mail it?" I think he can figure it out...
Author LauBee20 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Those of you familiar with my story, it just took a heart breaking turn. My BF moved out. I considered him the love of my life and vice versa. Things have been hard, and after three days NC, I got this email. I was debating whether to share it here because it's very personal. Needless to say, this is what I woke up to. I feel like I am living in a Shakespeare tragedy. Please read this and let me know your thoughts: You said I left, ran out on you, abandoned you without any reason. And while you were right about me leaving quickly it was not without reason. The time we spent together, the love that you gave me, and the love I have for you all entitle you to know why I left. I've had some of the best times of my life with you. The connection we had was intense and irreplaceable. I know that and I felt it everyday. I know that I wasted it and will never find it again. You loved me with every piece of your heart and every bit of your soul. I want you to know that I felt it and love you for it. It is your love that I will miss the most. I don't know why I couldn't be content with that or why I ran away from it. I'll never know why I was so afraid of it. I've always been this way and your love couldn't change that. One reason why I left is that although I knew it would hurt you now, I knew the hurt would be greater down the road. You've been with me long enough to see I hurt the ones that love me most. Nobody loved me more than you. Ever. You said I hated living there and you were wrong. Coming home and seeing you everyday gave me a sense of purpose. Waking up without you has left a hole in my stomach that aches with emptiness. I don't know why I felt so stifled or crowded by you. You rarely stood in the way of the things I wanted to do and your "rules", if we can call them that we're not unreasonable. I think that I pushed them (like staying out all night) to sabotage us, to bait you into breaking up with me. You have done some things that really angered me (like the repeated invasions of privacy) but none of them were a fatal blow. We all have our insecurities and yours led you down that path. That is not what I will choose to remember from this relationship and that is not why I left. I kept telling you that living with you was preventing me from being me. I don't really know what this means or if it's even true. I just know I have this fierce independence that's threatened when people try to get close. No one ever got as close as you and that scared the **** out of me. It's sad, Lauren. It's really, really sad. I left because you loved me too much. Last of all, my family. The situation with my family is hopeless. I don't think you ever truly believed that but it is. I love my family. I wanted nothing more than to share you (us) with them. In the beginning we did lots of things with them. I take full responsibility for making a mess of that. I brought them into our fights and created an intolerable situation for us. I refused to commit the girl I loved to a lifetime of discomfort and ill will from a family that she is supposed to be part of. You deserve much better that that. Your family treated me very well and I carried guilt and shame everyday with the knowledge that it wasn't being reciprocated. This is not a cop out. This part of our relationship affected me more than you could ever have imagined. I wake up now and can't believe that we are here. I am so sorry I ruined our chance at true happiness. I'm so sorry I took this all away from you. I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you about all of these things and decided that leaving was the better option. You continually said that this was so easy for me but it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know what is worse: living with the knowledge that I hurt you the way I did or knowing that I will never see you again. I loved you Lauren. And I will forever. The bottom line is you deserve better. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. I'm sorry that I won't be there to share it with you.
franklingrad7 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Those of you familiar with my story, it just took a heart breaking turn. My BF moved out. I considered him the love of my life and vice versa. Things have been hard, and after three days NC, I got this email. I was debating whether to share it here because it's very personal. Needless to say, this is what I woke up to. I feel like I am living in a Shakespeare tragedy. Please read this and let me know your thoughts: You said I left, ran out on you, abandoned you without any reason. And while you were right about me leaving quickly it was not without reason. The time we spent together, the love that you gave me, and the love I have for you all entitle you to know why I left. I've had some of the best times of my life with you. The connection we had was intense and irreplaceable. I know that and I felt it everyday. I know that I wasted it and will never find it again. You loved me with every piece of your heart and every bit of your soul. I want you to know that I felt it and love you for it. It is your love that I will miss the most. I don't know why I couldn't be content with that or why I ran away from it. I'll never know why I was so afraid of it. I've always been this way and your love couldn't change that. One reason why I left is that although I knew it would hurt you now, I knew the hurt would be greater down the road. You've been with me long enough to see I hurt the ones that love me most. Nobody loved me more than you. Ever. You said I hated living there and you were wrong. Coming home and seeing you everyday gave me a sense of purpose. Waking up without you has left a hole in my stomach that aches with emptiness. I don't know why I felt so stifled or crowded by you. You rarely stood in the way of the things I wanted to do and your "rules", if we can call them that we're not unreasonable. I think that I pushed them (like staying out all night) to sabotage us, to bait you into breaking up with me. You have done some things that really angered me (like the repeated invasions of privacy) but none of them were a fatal blow. We all have our insecurities and yours led you down that path. That is not what I will choose to remember from this relationship and that is not why I left. I kept telling you that living with you was preventing me from being me. I don't really know what this means or if it's even true. I just know I have this fierce independence that's threatened when people try to get close. No one ever got as close as you and that scared the **** out of me. It's sad, Lauren. It's really, really sad. I left because you loved me too much. Last of all, my family. The situation with my family is hopeless. I don't think you ever truly believed that but it is. I love my family. I wanted nothing more than to share you (us) with them. In the beginning we did lots of things with them. I take full responsibility for making a mess of that. I brought them into our fights and created an intolerable situation for us. I refused to commit the girl I loved to a lifetime of discomfort and ill will from a family that she is supposed to be part of. You deserve much better that that. Your family treated me very well and I carried guilt and shame everyday with the knowledge that it wasn't being reciprocated. This is not a cop out. This part of our relationship affected me more than you could ever have imagined. I wake up now and can't believe that we are here. I am so sorry I ruined our chance at true happiness. I'm so sorry I took this all away from you. I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you about all of these things and decided that leaving was the better option. You continually said that this was so easy for me but it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know what is worse: living with the knowledge that I hurt you the way I did or knowing that I will never see you again. I loved you Lauren. And I will forever. The bottom line is you deserve better. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. I'm sorry that I won't be there to share it with you. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but that is a great email from him. As a guy, I know how hard it can be to be open like that (probably why he did so in an email and not in person). I wouldn't respond to it however, silence is the best form of a response in this case, he will interpret it. Stay strong as I am trying as well. -Aaron-
Author LauBee20 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I guess I appreciated it. Actually, I don't know how I feel.
lionheart153 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 It's probably very hard to read but at least he tried to give some explanation. My fiance left me very suddenly to and it haunts me every day. She hasn't reached out to even explain what happened. I think what he did was at least great to give you some closure. I hope it helps, it seems obvious that he feels guilty for what he did. Better than thinking the person you once loved never cared for you at all.
lvroflife Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 His narcissistic ways!! There is no such thing as loving to much!!
redbaron005 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I'm sorry for you LauBee. I hurt for you after reading that letter, and hurt for him. He needs space, plain and simple, and if you love him - it will be tough but you need to respect that and extend it to him. At the same time, I am very happy for you LauBee. Its rare to find love like that in this world and you should be so happy that you had the time with him that you did. He must really care for you to send a honest message like that. You must be one special bee. 1
KaliLove Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 He sounds like he has some serious self esteem issues and unfortunately that's not something you can help with. He has to fix himself before he can be ready to be with anyone. I'm so sorry Laubee..I'm sending you a hug.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I'm sorry for you LauBee. I hurt for you after reading that letter, and hurt for him. He needs space, plain and simple, and if you love him - it will be tough but you need to respect that and extend it to him. At the same time, I am very happy for you LauBee. Its rare to find love like that in this world and you should be so happy that you had the time with him that you did. He must really care for you to send a honest message like that. You must be one special bee. Thank you! It was rare. He and I both know that. He's not doing so well, but it was his decision to leave. If it's meant to be it will. I believe that. And for now I do have to let go.
lionheart153 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Thank you! It was rare. He and I both know that. He's not doing so well, but it was his decision to leave. If it's meant to be it will. I believe that. And for now I do have to let go. I envy your outlook, I hope I can get to that point eventually
Author LauBee20 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I envy your outlook, I hope I can get to that point eventually It took a lot, but if you push, it is perceived as manipulation. Trust me if two people are meant to be they will be. No time or distance will matter. I believe that. I love him, I do. After reading that email I felt better. I cried and cried, but I felt better.
legion113 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Looked like a crock of **** to me. I mean really, you break up with someone then send them a letter like that?! It's just a long drawn out romanticized version of "It's not you it's me!" He sent that letter to make himself the good guy. The letter was for his feelings, not yours.
mangetout Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 My ex sent me numerous text messages about how sorry he is that we ended, that its all his fault, that I deserve better, that he loves me and always will. In the end I wanted to throw my phone against the wall. I was so sick of reading these messages because at the end of the day he wasn't saying what I wanted to hear..that he wanted me back. Stay focused. He wanted out so don't give him anymore of your time! Give him what he wants....and that's nothing from you anymore. Day 6
Author LauBee20 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Woke up this morning and cried in the shower. I literally wake up and the first thing I think is "Is this day almost over" I have good and bad days, today is a bad day.
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