Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Everyday you get better as long as you stay NC. what sucks is if they reach out to you with "breadcrumbs" then you're back to square 1. The worst part is when blind sided you feel lied too! My ex and I would always say "if something was wrong we would talk about it". She mentioned marriage and the whole but during my last visit to see her. And the night before we split we watched our TV shows. And in the mail I received her love letter. Even the night she ended it she was confessing her love and telling me she couldn't wait to see me .. Makes you think, how someone can be so selfish and not give the two of you the chance to rectify what is "bent" in the relationship. That's exactly what it is, selfish. He is so selfish. We had everything, and he will never have that again, he knows it. But he couldn't take the focus off himself to allow someone in his life. He did for awhile but couldn't handle it when it got a little hard.
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'm starting to look at the bad things he did during this breakup, and how his selfish need to be "alone" caused traumatic results. Oh wow, it's like we're going through the same experience. My ex too wanted "time alone" and it broke my heart to pieces. He told me he still loved me when he walked away, and all I can think of is "why would you want to be alone when you love someone"? Why would you need space from someone who used to be your best friend? I don't understand! You are so much stronger than I am. I am still holding on to false hope and can't let go Here are a few mistakes that I made, please try to avoid them: - Don't be his friend under any circumstances. I tried to be his friends until he figures himself out. worst mistake ever! -Don't break NC ever ever. Not on his birthday, not on your birthday. Just disappear. -Make sure you immediately block him on all social media. What you may see can destroy you. My ex told me he wanted space, he wanted to be alone. I saw him flirting with other women and having fun on Facebook and Instamatic and it destroyed me. Good luck!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Oh wow, it's like we're going through the same experience. My ex too wanted "time alone" and it broke my heart to pieces. He told me he still loved me when he walked away, and all I can think of is "why would you want to be alone when you love someone"? Why would you need space from someone who used to be your best friend? I don't understand! You are so much stronger than I am. I am still holding on to false hope and can't let go Here are a few mistakes that I made, please try to avoid them: - Don't be his friend under any circumstances. I tried to be his friends until he figures himself out. worst mistake ever! -Don't break NC ever ever. Not on his birthday, not on your birthday. Just disappear. -Make sure you immediately block him on all social media. What you may see can destroy you. My ex told me he wanted space, he wanted to be alone. I saw him flirting with other women and having fun on Facebook and Instamatic and it destroyed me. Good luck! Trust me, the strength comes and goes. Today is only the first day of NC. I cried and pleaded, and held on, even called a psychic! I had this idea that even though he moved out he would realize it in time and come back and we could fix everything. I thought that up until yesterday. I spoke to him and he was talking to me like he wanted to offer me some holy advice. His words were "try and move on Lauren" "Find things to distract yourself" "I thought you were better than this, I thought you were strong" "You want to lay down and die, go ahead" "You have your friends and family to lean on" F'in narcissist
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 WOW!!!! He is a piece of work!! Very heartless!! He saved you from a life of hell!! Please do not ever take him back if he comes crawling!! Yes distract yourself, and do be with your friends and family!! Learn some new things! SMILE SMILE SMILE!!!!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I read a great article too, he is very narcissistic, but he has the ability to turn it off, but that is also part of being a narcissist I guess. I bet a lot of men/women here have been with similar partners. When I referred to him as a narcissist during our breakup he simply said "I'm not denying that". Yuck. But yet I found myself so in love with him and we had such great times...BUT this is probably why I am here: Worth the read. Sydney Couples Counselling: 7 Signs You?re Sharing Your Bed with a Narcissist | Clinton Power + Associates
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 And I'm a great catch, I'm well educated, I've traveled abroad and had amazing experiences, independent, etc...So I'm like why doesn't this man want me? But I'm realizing it's not me, it's his own insecurity and his own inflated sense of self that has not allowed him to keep anything meaningful in his life.
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 And I'm a great catch, I'm well educated, I've traveled abroad and had amazing experiences, independent, etc...So I'm like why doesn't this man want me? Ha! been wondering the same. I've been asked on dates right after the breakup, and all my friends couldn't believe I got dumped by him. I am sure you can get anyone you want and you'll heal so fast. I like your attitude. It took me so long to get to where you are right now. I was in denial for too long, and broke NC way too many times. I know I can find another man. But the sad truth is, I still want the one guy I can never have. He had many flaws of course, and he was so selfish and self-absorbed during and after the breakup. But I felt great with him, and I love him so deeply. I can't believe that someone would talk about marriage and commitment, and then suddenly decide that they "need time and space alone". Some people just suck!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Ha! been wondering the same. I've been asked on dates right after the breakup, and all my friends couldn't believe I got dumped by him. I am sure you can get anyone you want and you'll heal so fast. I like your attitude. It took me so long to get to where you are right now. I was in denial for too long, and broke NC way too many times. I know I can find another man. But the sad truth is, I still want the one guy I can never have. He had many flaws of course, and he was so selfish and self-absorbed during and after the breakup. But I felt great with him, and I love him so deeply. I can't believe that someone would talk about marriage and commitment, and then suddenly decide that they "need time and space alone". Some people just suck! UGH yes, they do. BUT if he wants to be alone, then be alone. No one really wants that no matter how much you tell yourself. The reason I am getting here is because he did this to me before. To day the day, one year ago. How's that for eerie??? I struggled everyday, I went from 120 lbs to 100 lbs in a month.I cried, I called, I did really stupid things during that time because i was NOT myself. He told me he wanted to be alone then too. Things went from bad to worse. I stopped seeing my friends and family, and went on anti-anxiety medication. I would check his call log because I knew his password and would see he was making all these calls and drove myself crazy. I called his ex girlfriend because I saw they were chatting here and there. ALL of these things I did, I regret. I look back to this time last year and I was worse off. That was last March, last June I changed my cell number after some very bad things happened. Then one night he called my house line, he was outside my house. He came in with promises and hope, and since I was so broken I thought he was the only thing that could fix me. He told me he couldn't live without me, he made a mistake, he realized this and that, and I took him back. We went on without a hitch last summer, even though I traveled abroad for 23 days. He wanted to move in, make commitments, and have a future, he was like a new person...but he wasn't. I refuse to ever be in that state again so this time, I feel stronger and I feel motivated to move on. 1
franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 UGH yes, they do. BUT if he wants to be alone, then be alone. No one really wants that no matter how much you tell yourself. The reason I am getting here is because he did this to me before. To day the day, one year ago. How's that for eerie??? I struggled everyday, I went from 120 lbs to 100 lbs in a month.I cried, I called, I did really stupid things during that time because i was NOT myself. He told me he wanted to be alone then too. Things went from bad to worse. I stopped seeing my friends and family, and went on anti-anxiety medication. I would check his call log because I knew his password and would see he was making all these calls and drove myself crazy. I called his ex girlfriend because I saw they were chatting here and there. ALL of these things I did, I regret. I look back to this time last year and I was worse off. That was last March, last June I changed my cell number after some very bad things happened. Then one night he called my house line, he was outside my house. He came in with promises and hope, and since I was so broken I thought he was the only thing that could fix me. He told me he couldn't live without me, he made a mistake, he realized this and that, and I took him back. We went on without a hitch last summer, even though I traveled abroad for 23 days. He wanted to move in, make commitments, and have a future, he was like a new person...but he wasn't. I refuse to ever be in that state again so this time, I feel stronger and I feel motivated to move on. This is what would worry me about even getting back together with my ex even though I love her. I don't want to go through this again with her but at the same time my emotional side says it's worth it because it's her. You don't have a choice in this life of whether or not to be hurt, but you DO have a say in who hurts you.
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 That was last March, last June I changed my cell number after some very bad things happened. Then one night he called my house line, he was outside my house. He came in with promises and hope, and since I was so broken I thought he was the only thing that could fix me. He told me he couldn't live without me, he made a mistake, he realized this and that, and I took him back. OMG OMG, same thing happened to me. This is so strange. He left once, and I was devastated, and did lots of stupid crap. He came back one night, called me and told me he was outside my house. He told me he realized what a big mistake he made, he was crying and telling me how much he loves me and can't live without me. He sounded very sincere and I was in love with him. We got back together, and were very happy. I fell even more for him and he was talking about marriage and all. I was so sure he was the one. Fast forward to early January, he left again. and I thought he'd come back again, but he didn't. I don't think I can ever let go or recover after this one. This man caused damage beyond repair. I shouldn't have taken him back the first time. I was driving myself crazy ad everything around me reminded me of him. So I left the country and I'm now far away from him and any reminders. But I still suffer so much. ughhhhh!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 OMG OMG, same thing happened to me. This is so strange. He left once, and I was devastated, and did lots of stupid crap. He came back one night, called me and told me he was outside my house. He told me he realized what a big mistake he made, he was crying and telling me how much he loves me and can't live without me. He sounded very sincere and I was in love with him. We got back together, and were very happy. I fell even more for him and he was talking about marriage and all. I was so sure he was the one. Fast forward to early January, he left again. and I thought he'd come back again, but he didn't. I don't think I can ever let go or recover after this one. This man caused damage beyond repair. I shouldn't have taken him back the first time. I was driving myself crazy ad everything around me reminded me of him. So I left the country and I'm now far away from him and any reminders. But I still suffer so much. ughhhhh! Wow. Where are you living now? And where did you originally live? We are in the SAME situation, it's very weird. I used to think when we were together that I would die if he left again. He did and I'm still here. I'm going to send you a private message.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I just don't know to send a private message
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Wow. Where are you living now? And where did you originally live? We are in the SAME situation, it's very weird. I used to think when we were together that I would die if he left again. He did and I'm still here. I'm going to send you a private message. I used to live in California with my ex, and now I'm back in France (my native country). I am in the process of looking for a new job and slowly building my life again. It's super slow though, I can barely function correctly. I've been struggling to send private messages here as well, but someone told me that I need more than 200 contributions to be able to do that!! Hang in there, we'll get through this. Seeing that other people are going through the same helps a lot. I thought I'd die as well, but I'm still alive. The pain is so strong though that I'd rather be dead. I hope this will pass soon. I just want to feel normal again!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I know the feeling of not functioning correctly. Did you guys live together?
4everalones Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I know the feeling of not functioning correctly. Did you guys live together? yes, for a few months. Then he moved out the day after the breakup. I was just sitting there crying like a lunatic. The last thing he told me is "I hope you'll forgive me some day. I still love and care about you. It's really not you, it me", and then he hugged me and left for good. A month later, I packed my stuff and left California. I couldn't stay in that house. Everything around me reminded me of him! And his last words are still hunting me! I made the mistake to try to remain friends, and that backfired. I met him one last time before I left the country (I think I was trying to prove that I am a better person - the person he fell in love with). He was cold and distant and it just put me back to square one. I told him I missed him, and I was just faced with awkward silence. I should have stuck with NC the moment he broke it off. I shouldn't have tried to be his friend, or meet him for a last goodbye. Oh well, lessons learned...!!!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Wow, this is really hard. It feels like 20 days not 2. There were so many things I wanted to say, that I normally would have said to him. Anyone else dealing with the reality of NC? How do we get through it? I find myself having conversations in my head constantly.
lvroflife Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Write everything you want to say on paper. Do not send it. Text your friends. I use to text myself what I wanted say
Lifegoezon Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Depends what you're wanting to say. I had discovered my ex was cheating and dumped him. I found it really helpful to send a final email getting it all off my chest but I wasn't about to plead or beg for him for a reconciliation. If that's what you''re thinking of doing - don't. Write a journal. Put what you feel and what you'd like to say to him. Don't send it. That's what I do with my unresolved feelings. And posting here helps.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Depends what you're wanting to say. I had discovered my ex was cheating and dumped him. I found it really helpful to send a final email getting it all off my chest but I wasn't about to plead or beg for him for a reconciliation. If that's what you''re thinking of doing - don't. Write a journal. Put what you feel and what you'd like to say to him. Don't send it. That's what I do with my unresolved feelings. And posting here helps. I have been writing a lot down. As I write I realize this was only a man who lived for himself, and did not know how to live for another person in his life. Of course all the negatives flow, it helps me feel better. But yet I still miss him, he walked out on me without much warning, simply stating "he wants to be alone", after living together and moving forward he took a giant step backwards. Yea there was troubled waters but I was trying to build a bridge to get over them, he stopped trying.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 yes, for a few months. Then he moved out the day after the breakup. I was just sitting there crying like a lunatic. The last thing he told me is "I hope you'll forgive me some day. I still love and care about you. It's really not you, it me", and then he hugged me and left for good. A month later, I packed my stuff and left California. I couldn't stay in that house. Everything around me reminded me of him! And his last words are still hunting me! I made the mistake to try to remain friends, and that backfired. I met him one last time before I left the country (I think I was trying to prove that I am a better person - the person he fell in love with). He was cold and distant and it just put me back to square one. I told him I missed him, and I was just faced with awkward silence. I should have stuck with NC the moment he broke it off. I shouldn't have tried to be his friend, or meet him for a last goodbye. Oh well, lessons learned...!!! Hey girl! How are you today? Just checking in...
paperwings Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 This will get harder before it gets easier. I broke 10 days of NC to take a phone call... she said missed me so much. I melted. But for what? She ran away and broke my heart. Just a trap. I am back to another 5. Text on monday, email today. No reply from me. It's like going back to day 1 of the breakup if you give in. Be strong. You've got this.
lvroflife Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Only respond to the key phrase "I miss and want to work this out". But in your case LAu. Keep it moving this dude is selfish
4everalones Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hey girl! How are you today? Just checking in... Feeling okay. I just sent you an email. I hope you're feeling better
mangetout Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hey I feel the same but its pointless breaking NC. I have begged , pleaded, negotiated with him so many times. He made the decision to leave. Its time for you to heal. Day 3 NC for me
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