LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 And I am a complete mess. Just two weeks ago we went away and were happy. We had some underlying issues that were not resolved and had been getting into fights, and he came home and said it was over, he was leaving in a week. That week came, he moved out Saturday. A little background, this was a man that just told me he could not live without me, who broke up with me the same time last year and then came back, came back with promises and change, commitment, he moved in, we were so in love and nothing else mattered, until it did. Until Saturday, he made his decision to walk out on our relationship, I was blind-sighted because we always worked through any issue and came out stronger. He also told me he never wants to get married, after having told me he did, numerous times. I feel confused and alone, and like I will never find anyone that made me feel the way he did. Any support would be appreciated. Also I have been reading about NC. I am trying, but it is SO hard! I sit in my empty house and all I see is memories of him everywhere. This was someone I loved with every ounce of me, more than any relationship in the past combined. The love and connection was so deep and now it's gone, just like that. UGH, I am a total mess.
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'm very sorry to hear about this. Blindsided breakups can be the worst. I've been there. From what I read, this guy seemed to have been giving you not a relationship, but an illusion. Usually when the dumper blindsides you with a break up, the've checked out of the relationship long ago. It could've been 3 days or 3 months ago. So anything leading up to the breakup was sincere (just an assumption) Like I said Im very sorry about your loss. I know it meant a lot to you. Just start NC. If you feel like crying then cry. Let it out. Just don't contact him, and when you feel the urge, come here and talk to us, we can help you. 1
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I am sorry you are going through!! YES NC is very hard I broke last night! Try your hardest not too, because after you get your "fix" you will feel like crap!! It will get easier! I see you live in NYC so you have plenty of distractions! When I lived out there and my ex ex broke up I went out every night and jogged everywhere. I would jump on the 4 or 6 train get off then run back home (lived on Upper East Side) Now is the time to focus on you!! The first few days will be extremely hard, so go ahead and cry, allow the emotions to do what they must, but at some point force yourself to do something. Definitely try new hobbies, and think of ways to improve yourself! If you can take a trip somewhere (My ex and I broke up FEB 9 FEB21 I jumped on a plane and left). Rediscover you and focus focus focus on you! And if you ever feel you need to reach out to him just come here and talk with us! We are here to support you!! 1
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I'm very sorry to hear about this. Blindsided breakups can be the worst. I've been there. From what I read, this guy seemed to have been giving you not a relationship, but an illusion. Usually when the dumper blindsides you with a break up, the've checked out of the relationship long ago. It could've been 3 days or 3 months ago. So anything leading up to the breakup was sincere (just an assumption) Like I said Im very sorry about your loss. I know it meant a lot to you. Just start NC. If you feel like crying then cry. Let it out. Just don't contact him, and when you feel the urge, come here and talk to us, we can help you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I feel very misled. I feel so hurt. This was someone who came back into my life and fought so hard to be there. We were best friends, we spoke about everything. What he said to me today was, he saw all my friends getting engaged and married, and he doesn't want that (after he told me he did, numerous times). I'll never have answers as to why the sudden change of heart. It's not for lack of love, because that never changed, but he did, and he chose to walk out on me. And even after he left...his words, I still love you, are haunting me.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I am sorry you are going through!! YES NC is very hard I broke last night! Try your hardest not too, because after you get your "fix" you will feel like crap!! It will get easier! I see you live in NYC so you have plenty of distractions! When I lived out there and my ex ex broke up I went out every night and jogged everywhere. I would jump on the 4 or 6 train get off then run back home (lived on Upper East Side) Now is the time to focus on you!! The first few days will be extremely hard, so go ahead and cry, allow the emotions to do what they must, but at some point force yourself to do something. Definitely try new hobbies, and think of ways to improve yourself! If you can take a trip somewhere (My ex and I broke up FEB 9 FEB21 I jumped on a plane and left). Rediscover you and focus focus focus on you! And if you ever feel you need to reach out to him just come here and talk with us! We are here to support you!! Thanks! Yea NYC can be a very distracting place, but also a very lonely place. I just feel that everything I do, and everywhere I go will remind me of him, because we did everything together, from walking around the city, trying new places to eat, to just sitting around on the east river looking at the water. UGH.
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hangout in DUMBO, OR BK Heights, try Long Island City, and the West side!! I know that part is hard because there is a lot to offer, but slowly and surely you will make new memories! And definitely lean on your friends!!
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Hangout in DUMBO, OR BK Heights, try Long Island City, and the West side!! I know that part is hard because there is a lot to offer, but slowly and surely you will make new memories! And definitely lean on your friends!! I am. But let's face it, I'll be 34 next month. Just feel like I put my future into him and now the idea of starting over is so scary. Living together was a HUGE step for me. When he wanted to I was thrilled. We spoke about the future and I probably would have been less inclined to have him move in, had he not made it seem so promising. This man has issues with things that have happened in his past with family. I just thought I could fix them, and for awhile he seemed fine, but his issues with his father walking out seemed to have become him.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I quit smoking once by coming on to a forum and talking to people for support, hopefully this can yield the same results. 1
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Yes they say people learn relationships from their childhood. And we have all tried to save someone! My story is somewhat similat my ex had to play mom to her alcoholic mom and her dad was not in the pic. I come from a background of parents being married 48 years! They hav eto want to save themselves, the problem is they do not see anything wrong and do not notice what they are doing. Do you think your ex was emotionally Unavailable given his past? You are going to have a lot of questions, and in the first couple of weeks a lot of the negatives about the relationship will show! Stick to NC and you will become stronger day by day! And do not allow him to feed you breadcrumbs!! I feel for those too!! Starting over looks bad now because you are hurt, but once you reach indifference, you will be smiling all day everyday!! 1
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Yes they say people learn relationships from their childhood. And we have all tried to save someone! My story is somewhat similat my ex had to play mom to her alcoholic mom and her dad was not in the pic. I come from a background of parents being married 48 years! They hav eto want to save themselves, the problem is they do not see anything wrong and do not notice what they are doing. Do you think your ex was emotionally Unavailable given his past? You are going to have a lot of questions, and in the first couple of weeks a lot of the negatives about the relationship will show! Stick to NC and you will become stronger day by day! And do not allow him to feed you breadcrumbs!! I feel for those too!! Starting over looks bad now because you are hurt, but once you reach indifference, you will be smiling all day everyday!! Of course I am in no way ready to start over, but just the idea. There were times he was emotionally unavailable. If we would argue or fight over something, his response was to walk out, go hang with friends, and just leave me hanging in an emotional state. He'd come back and act like nothing and never address the issue. He's hard headed and would fight me to the death with his stubbornness. He is also older than me, he's 40. I am seeing a lot of negatives however, those good times and those times when we would just talk and laugh and get lost in each other are still there too. NC will start tomorrow, I will try my hardest to stick to it. But there are so many times when I think of something I want to say and I just have to say it. I'm strong willed and a fighter, but maybe it's time to give up this fight. For my own sanity.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Yes they say people learn relationships from their childhood. And we have all tried to save someone! My story is somewhat similat my ex had to play mom to her alcoholic mom and her dad was not in the pic. I come from a background of parents being married 48 years! They hav eto want to save themselves, the problem is they do not see anything wrong and do not notice what they are doing. Do you think your ex was emotionally Unavailable given his past? You are going to have a lot of questions, and in the first couple of weeks a lot of the negatives about the relationship will show! Stick to NC and you will become stronger day by day! And do not allow him to feed you breadcrumbs!! I feel for those too!! Starting over looks bad now because you are hurt, but once you reach indifference, you will be smiling all day everyday!! I feel for you too. How long has it been since your breakup? Past experiences shape who we are. We can either let them become a self-fulfilling prophecy or we can consciously change them. He couldn't. He always talked about failing in relationships and how we would make it and be different, but he was too caught up in fulfilling this prophecy of failure, it's sad. I'm sorry about your ex too, sounds like she had it pretty rough.
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Then say it!! Just not to him!! write in a journal or on your laptop! Or write a letter to him and then burn it!! Do not do what I did and send it to your ex!! Big no no! 1
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Then say it!! Just not to him!! write in a journal or on your laptop! Or write a letter to him and then burn it!! Do not do what I did and send it to your ex!! Big no no! Thanks for talking and listening. I'm going to be all over this forum, especially since NC is starting tomorrow, and people like you will help me through it, just as I am here to lean on also...even though I'm a bit wobbly now 1
LostConfused123 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 So sorry for your pain!!! Breaking up truly sucks!! No doubt about it. We're all here for you! ((hugs!!)) 1
Strength in Healing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 We all feel your pain. I got blindsided as well. I'd be happy to keep in touch and help each other.
Heroeric Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Similar thing happened to me, was in a committed relationship and we had our issues but we worked through them, she told me always she could never ever live without me, left me once and then again a year later after I took her back. Was completely and utterly blindsided and broken. Thing is, right now it's best your not alone. Be with your friends, invite them over, do something to stick around others, because that loneliness will envelop you if you don't eventually it gets better and easier, and I really wish I knew what made people do the things they do after confessing their passionate love shortly before, but know people can walk out and do incredibly dumb things without it being your fault. So don't blame yourself, it's so hard as to get caught up in, but be strong and confide in your friends.
David87 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey, sorry that you have to go through this, but you are not alone. Every user here got dumped at least once in his life. The first time when he dumped you, thats when you should have started NC, but we live and learn. And about the age thing, you are still young and beautiful so no worries. Start NC, block him on social media and focus on improving yourself.
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 We all feel your pain. I got blindsided as well. I'd be happy to keep in touch and help each other. Thanks! I'd like that
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for all the support. I couldn't wait to come home from work and login to this forum. It has definitely been a little light in this process.
paperwings Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) My GF of 8 years blindsided me in late January for a guy she met 3 weeks prior at the airport. We had everything. This man has nothing... my opposite. This is pain like I could never have imagined. And she's the one trying to maintain contact now. I'm devastated. I dealt with the loss of my best friend in September and she was always there for me, to shoulder all my grief. I never thought it could get any worse than that, until now. I feel you completely and am so sorry. I'm just north of you in Connecticut. Please keep us all updated with your progress. Perhaps we can keep in touch, since this is just so hard to difficult to deal with alone. Like you, I'm in this house all alone with nothing but memories and her paintings on the walls. This will be hard, but you will survive. We both will. Be good. Edited March 6, 2014 by paperwings Added
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 My GF of 8 years blindsided me in late January for a guy she met 3 weeks prior at the airport. We had everything. This man has nothing... my opposite. This is pain like I could never have imagined. And she's the one trying to maintain contact now. I'm devastated. I dealt with the loss of my best friend in September and she was always there for me, to shoulder all my grief. I never thought it could get any worse than that, until now. I feel you completely and am so sorry. I'm just north of you in Connecticut. Please keep us all updated with your progress. This will be hard, but you will survive. Be good. Thanks you. I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time as well. Aren't there so many things you want to say? I am sorry for your loss as well. He told me we had a future, he suggested moving in with me, said "I can't live without you"...he made promises, and now it all seems like it was for nothing. I never imagined I'd be here, and as I sit and think, I just go through such sorrow and anger. It has to get better though right?
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks! Yea NYC can be a very distracting place, but also a very lonely place. I just feel that everything I do, and everywhere I go will remind me of him, because we did everything together, from walking around the city, trying new places to eat, to just sitting around on the east river looking at the water. UGH. I know exactly how you feel. Even garbing a cup of coffee, walking in the park, or even brushing my teeth reminds me of him. He was my best friend as well, and he just walked away. You are not alone. I hope we'll both get through this and be stronger than ever. But for now, Hugs! I feel your pain
Author LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I know exactly how you feel. Even garbing a cup of coffee, walking in the park, or even brushing my teeth reminds me of him. He was my best friend as well, and he just walked away. You are not alone. I hope we'll both get through this and be stronger than ever. But for now, Hugs! I feel your pain Thanks. Yea every little thing. But as each day passes, I get a little stronger, I feel it. I'm starting to look at the bad things he did during this breakup, and how his selfish need to be "alone" caused traumatic results. And in the most sarcastic tone: It's D---'s world, we are all just so fortunate to live in it.
paperwings Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks you. I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time as well. Aren't there so many things you want to say? I am sorry for your loss as well. He told me we had a future, he suggested moving in with me, said "I can't live without you"...he made promises, and now it all seems like it was for nothing. I never imagined I'd be here, and as I sit and think, I just go through such sorrow and anger. It has to get better though right? It has to. There is no other option. You either let this consume you and stumble into bad habits, or you move forward. You're going to get up and you're going to be a better person for it. You must move forward. In my case, we did live together. For 7 of those 8 years. This isn't my house, it was our home. The waves of up and downs are so extreme. Keep your head up, ok?
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Everyday you get better as long as you stay NC. what sucks is if they reach out to you with "breadcrumbs" then you're back to square 1. The worst part is when blind sided you feel lied too! My ex and I would always say "if something was wrong we would talk about it". She mentioned marriage and the whole but during my last visit to see her. And the night before we split we watched our TV shows. And in the mail I received her love letter. Even the night she ended it she was confessing her love and telling me she couldn't wait to see me .. Makes you think, how someone can be so selfish and not give the two of you the chance to rectify what is "bent" in the relationship.
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