Js2493 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hi to everybody out there. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me on last Thursday. For the past 5-6 days, to say I've been a mess would be an understatement. The first year was great.. the greatest year of my life. In the past year, we would have these fights and arguments that would escalate and this is why she cut it off. We would get into fights which would always, with the exception of one time, result in me "fixing myself and not letting it happen again." These kind of things were me wanting more time with her, me being jealous of other people getting to spend time with her and not me, she would cancel plans and I would be disappointed, etc. I felt like, and even began believing that everything bad in our relationship stemmed from me. I tried everything I could to be the person she wanted me to be. Now that she has ended it for these reasons, I can't get over this feeling of regret and failure that I'm not just good enough for her. I feel like the relationship fell apart solely because of me. Im 21, and this was my first relationship. For the entirety of it, I whole-heartedly believed that it would be the only one. She used to tell me how much she needed me and we always talked about our future. 2 weeks prior to her ending it, we had a fight and she said I had one more chance to fix the things I do wrong. This past Thursday, she had cancelled plans which led to me being disappointed and she said nothing was ever good enough for me and called it off...I can't get rid of the feelings that this was all my fault..I feel like I let her down because I couldn't be who she wanted me to be..Is it normal to feel like this? And is there any advice you could provide? I'm a freshman in college so I'm kind of dealing with this by myself right now.
flightplan Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but it wouldn't have lasted anyway. This was your first relationship, one of many in your young life. Use it as a learning tool and work on yourself, for yourself, and not anyone else. Your not ready for a healthy relationship if you have jealousy issues. Forget her. Work on yourself. Don't be so quick to concede to every whim of any woman, but be open to constructive criticism. Hang in there, let it go and focus on yourself.
lvroflife Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Stop taking all the blame!! She was not perfect she had her faults too! Plus you two are young... She may want to find herslef, which is what you should do now! You are in college and you are going to have some great experiences.. You need to focus on you now!! It is going to be tough no doubt, but you have to! Allow the process to happen, whatever emotion you feel let it out!! Let it take control and cleanse you!! You need to find someone you can confide in, this is necessary as you will have tons of questions!! Rediscover yourself, rebuild your confidence, and get YOU back! She broke it off, so try your hardest to stay NC!!! I've broken NC and it is not a good feeling. Let her free and you free yourself, you will meet 100's of women in college!!
Author Js2493 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 It's been really hard to stay no contact. I'm left with all these questions that I have no answer to. By no means am I saying that I was perfect in the relationship, but I felt like she had problems too and only wanted to be with me if I could change mine when I loved her despite of her flaws. And I feel a sense of failure because I couldn't fix mine...if that makes sense 1
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 It's been really hard to stay no contact. I'm left with all these questions that I have no answer to. By no means am I saying that I was perfect in the relationship, but I felt like she had problems too and only wanted to be with me if I could change mine when I loved her despite of her flaws. And I feel a sense of failure because I couldn't fix mine...if that makes sense Look dude like everyone said, this will be 1 of many breakups you will experience. With that said that doesn't mean you don't need grieve, because you do. Your break up is fresh so your emotions are raw, so I understand the waves of questions you have. My break up is still fresh, but I've been NC for a little over a month. I'm feeling much better now. By no means am I over it. Every now and then my mind wanders to the "what ifs." I feel sad, but then I get back to where I want to be. You're 20? Dude I'm 21. We have A LOOOOOTTTTT to look forward to. This is just one girl. Don't let that ruin your potential.
Author Js2493 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Hey everybody. I just have this crazy urge to beg her to take me back...I'd do anything to be with her...Do I give in to this and beg her to take me back or do I just stay strong? At this point, I don't even know how I can stay strong.
flightplan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey everybody. I just have this crazy urge to beg her to take me back...I'd do anything to be with her...Do I give in to this and beg her to take me back or do I just stay strong? At this point, I don't even know how I can stay strong. Do you see begging as a strong male emotional trait? Do you honestly think she would be attracted to a man who is begging to take him back? Step away, get a grip, cowboy up. It hurts, we know... but for the love of all thats holy... be a man!
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey everybody. I just have this crazy urge to beg her to take me back...I'd do anything to be with her...Do I give in to this and beg her to take me back or do I just stay strong? At this point, I don't even know how I can stay strong. Willpower dude. Willpower.... Breakups are easy... said no one ever... You're in rehab right now man, don't relapse.
lvroflife Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 She knows how you feel about her!! She knows you want to be with her! You know why she knows? Because you're not the one who initiated the break up!! So if you go begging you will justify her breaking up with you!! She will look at it as she made the right decision to leave you... Focus on YOU!! Do not get me wrong sometimes people slip and beg..heck I just sent a letter to my ex the other night... She text me saying she missed me too... my letter basically said I know we were wrong for each other and wouldn't work etc... basically saying I miss you but I agree with the break up and I wish you success in life...she then text me saying "I don't know what to say or think right now" I then asked to work it out? Her response: IDK right now this is all unexpected" I never responded! I REGRET SENDING THAT LETTER! Now I am back at square one! Again, just like my ex, your ex knows you want to be with her. SO BOTTOM LINE DO NOTHING AND MOVE AHEAD AND DO YOU!!!
Author Js2493 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for the advice. I'm 21 and this is my first real relationship and it lasted 2 years. Never been through anything like this before. Kinda funny, this morning I hated her for the pain she's putting me through, now I just wanna beg her to take me back. Looks like the best thing to do is keep no contact and let time tell.
flightplan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Write down everything you want to say to her BUT keep it to yourself. You have to pull a John Wayne. Sometimes it can help to pick a role model you admire and imagine how they would react in your situation, but whatever you do, DO NOT go begging to your ex.
franklingrad7 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for the advice. I'm 21 and this is my first real relationship and it lasted 2 years. Never been through anything like this before. Kinda funny, this morning I hated her for the pain she's putting me through, now I just wanna beg her to take me back. Looks like the best thing to do is keep no contact and let time tell. You have 2 choices: #1: text her and she says to let her go, she ignores you #2: you DONT text her and you either feel better soon or she texts you eventually missing you. #2 is the best answer...
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