sfcvn123 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Note - gay relationships below Last year, I reunited with my best friend from childhood after not seeing him for over 12 years. We reconnected quickly and ended up falling in love. We had a wonderful relationship that lasted about a year. Unfortunately, he fell out of love with me and started to "see me more as a friend". It broke my heart as he was my first love, but we both wanted to see if our friendship was salvageable. Two weeks after the breakup (the start of this year), I made the mistake of trying to be his friend too soon and it worked out great... for him. He was getting his cake and eating it while I still had strong feelings for him. It was great to be able to hang out and talk to him again, but he was also giving me mixed signals by getting too close. He admitted he still had some residual feelings for me but he didn't want to string me along. I couldn't take it and requested no contact until I healed. I told him one day I will be back and we will give each other a real friendship we both deserved. We were honest and told each other we will be meeting other gay guys during this time to move on. During this period of no contact, I noticed my ex growing increasingly distant and avoided going to places we normally shared like the gym. I started meeting other guys, not to date seriously, but to see what was out there. I accidentally met my ex's coworker through online dating. I knew this coworker liked my ex because my ex told me someone at work liked him when we were together. My ex didn't like him back and wanted to keep it professional with the coworker since they work together. The coworker and I connected really well, and I told him about my ex because I thought the coworker deserved the right to know and I wanted to see if he still liked my ex should we get serious in the future. I didn't realize it then, but I made the mistake of telling the coworker about my breakup and shared some stories about my ex with him. Three weeks into no contact with my ex (end of January), I suddenly got angry messages from him. Apparently, the coworker told my ex we were seeing each other and told him the activities and stories that we shared. Also, the coworker told my ex he really liked me. The coworker said my ex seemed fine when he told him and my ex even encouraged him to get to know me better. However, literally overnight, my ex got extremely mad and sent me those angry messages the next day. My ex hated that I mentioned him by name to the coworker and that I told the coworker about his private business. He accused me of using our past to connect to a stranger and said we can't even be friends anymore if I can't see why he's so upset. He proceeded to block all forms of contact with me. I admit I probably told the coworker more details about my ex than I should have, but I wasn't trying to badmouth him. It's the kind of stories you would tell a friend and I realize sooner or later the coworker would find out about my ex anyway since my ex was such a big part of my life. I thought my ex overreacted and didn't even give me a chance to explain myself or apologize. I'm trying to be an adult about it and apologize to him, but my ex seems intent on ignoring me. I tried contacting my ex several times right after after he got mad, and the last thing I sent him was a two page apology letter, sent almost a month ago. My friends have told me to give my ex more time and space to cool off since he's acting irrationally right now. I really want to be his friend again but I feel like I've exhausted all my options to try to talk to him and the only thing left is to wait and let time heal. I feel like I'm losing a friend over something I didn't intentionally do to hurt him. I'm also sad that he's not acting much like a friend right now and letting me apologize when I'm willing to admit all fault. I gave him a chance after he broke up with me, but now he's not giving me my chance. I could really use some advice on why he's ignoring me like this. Is he being reasonably mad or it is something else? I wonder if something triggered in him when he heard about me and the coworker. I've never seen him angry to the point where he chooses to cut the people that care about him out of his life without letting them explain themselves. Is this normal behavior or lingering emotions from the breakup? I realize I can't keep waiting for him and I need to move on, but is there anything else I can do? How long should I wait and how should I approach him in the future? Any advice would be much appreciated.
samat Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hey mate, It sounds like quite a difficult situation that you're. I have been in the opposite situation (i.e. the situation of your ex) and hope that I may be help you out in some way or another. I fell out of love with my boyfriend some time ago and didn't have the strength to break it off when the relationship was still fresh. Two years later, when I eventually mentioned that the relationship didn't have a future we discussed the possibility of maintaining a friendship and his reaction was similar to yours. By the sounds of it, he cares about as you would care about the feelings of a close friend but no longer has an intimate connection with you. Naturally this means that he will focus on his own feelings before your own. I don't see any issue in sharing the intimate details of your relationship with his coworker. Naturally if this relationship is to continue, you would have shared such information regardless. He may simply be upset because he feels like a close friend of his has shared information that he would rather keep under wraps. For example, in the process of coming out you may have told a few close friends, he may be feeling a similar sense of betrayal (though obviously not to the extent) that you may feel if these friends spread the word about your sexuality. ... I hope that makes sense! In the end, the only thing you can really look to is moving on. If he, as a friend, wont take the time or effort to consider your side of the story, then perhaps he doesn't have what it takes to be a good friend of yours! Throw aside any notion of getting back together. If it happens, it happens, though by the sounds of it you will be able to find someone out there who can reciprocate your love! It's hard, I know and I wish you the best of luck!
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 It's very difficult to go from lovers back to just friends. I'd give him at least a year.
Recommended Posts