3j15 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 When I woke up this morning, I felt weak, miserable, I just want to break NC and reach out to my ex. I just need to write in this forum to vent, thanks. Its been 4 days since we decided it was the last time we will ever talk to one another. I understand the pain and torment I put you through, but I hope you can remember the good times we had together. Though obviously the bad times outweigh the good, that is why you broke up with me. As much as it hurts I understand, right now we are not meant to be together. I need to fight my own demons, figure myself out before we can be together again. As much as I wanted to keep fighting to have you in my life, I know that will just push you further away, and really I didnt want to ruin any slight chance I might have in the future. Why did I have to memorize your number? I have deleted you off everything, but I still know your number off by heart, this is something that I will never forget. And I feel like it will come back to haunt me. I know this break ups still fresh and raw, our emotions are all over the place, but I know you loved me a lot, you even told your mom about marrying me, I know deep inside you truly do love me. But what I did to you will take time to heal. I just want to talk to you, but I know it's way too soon. I told you the next time I want you to ever call me was when you wanted to give us another chance. I decided not to wait around the phone, I am tired of waking up in the morning, to see if you had called. I want to come see you so bad, surprise you at work like I used to do while we were dating. But this would not be fair for me or you. I need to give you time to move on, move forward, and hopefully this will give you the time you need to forgive me. I'm not expecting your forgiveness, but I hope eventually you do and we can go for that coffee we talked about. Everytime I have the urge to contact you, I REMIND MYSELF, YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. I LOST ALL RIGHT TO EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN. I DONT DESERVE TO TALK TO YOU. as much as it hurts, its true.... it sucks.
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Everytime I have the urge to contact you, I REMIND MYSELF, YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. I LOST ALL RIGHT TO EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN. I DONT DESERVE TO TALK TO YOU. as much as it hurts, its true.... it sucks. She broke up with you. She doesn't deserve to talk to you nor does she have the right to. Change your way of thinking and your perspective and you'll see what a difference it makes. 1
lvroflife Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 don't send!! TOO TOO EMOTIONAL, and some blaming, and you take fault... Just burn it!! Take it from me I sent my ex an email last night!! I am back at square 1! Yea she responded to the email!! She told me "I miss you too" She told me she didn't know what to say or think... I thought can we try to work it out? Her response "IDK right now, this was so unexpected, and your email was so real and true" . But hey at least I got closure to let go!!
iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I agree with the post above. I wrote a letter to my ex GF the other night and put my all into it. I was about to send it off but I knew I'd be giving away my progress, power, dignity, etc. I need up burning it. You should do the same for any future things you write. 1
Author 3j15 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I agree, thank you very much for the quick reply. Quick history. I deserved to be dumped.... I pushed my girl..... full story in previous threads. So when I say I need to give her space it is because she is angry at me, but is still deeply in love. I just hope that love last longer than hate. I never intended on sending this letter to her.... Nor do I plan on talking to her for a while. I know sending an email/letter like this will just open the flood gates. Bring back emotions that i dont want to disturb, and yes take me and her back to square one. which is the last thing I want to do. I have decided that i will stay STRICT NC till I am personally ready to talk to her as a neutral person. This will take a lot of time, who knows I might never talk to her again.... 1
iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) I have decided that i will stay STRICT NC till I am personally ready to talk to her as a neutral person. This will take a lot of time, who knows I might never talk to her again.... And you know what? You might not ever talk to her ever again like you stated. It's hard to have that as a possibility. I feel you... Someone you once loved gone for good. But that's life. I myself am going through the recovery process as well so I'm right there with you. But please trust me that things get better day by day. Allow yourself to grieve. It's been 1 month since I went NC. Today I thought I was overt all by Zahara brought me back down and made me release that I was convincing myself of it. So allow yourself to feel sad. It's part of the process. Think about it this: You have your health family friends A lot of people can't say that. You will come back stronger. Edited March 5, 2014 by iDrumKing
Author 3j15 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 And you know what? You might not ever talk to her ever again like you stated. It's hard to have that as a possibility. I feel you... Someone you once loved gone for good. But that's life. I myself am going through the recovery process as well so I'm right there with you. But please trust me that things get better day by day. Allow yourself to grieve. It's been 1 month since I went NC. Today I thought I was overt all by Zahara brought me back down and made me release that I was convincing myself of it. So allow yourself to feel sad. It's part of the process. Think about it this: You have your health family friends A lot of people can't say that. You will come back stronger. Yeah accepting the fact that its over I believe is the most important step you must take to move on. It just sucks, cause I know the mistakes I made and the steps I need to take to fix them. I guess it's not fair to put her through this, I will let her be, fix myself up become happy again, confident and really just get back to the way I was before I met her. Your right its not worth breaking NC, not yet. It's just killing me not knowing how she is doing... cause I know she misses me as well, but she has such a strong personality she wont budge to give me a call. But really if I talked to her now, I will just tell her how much I miss her, plead for her back, all to get rejected and kicked to the curb again. Ive been through break ups before! Why does this one seem soo much worse! Yes I agree with that, I do have health and love from family and friends. without them this would be soo much tougher. I have already rekindled lost friendships from the past. So glad to have these people back in my life.
iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Yeah accepting the fact that its over I believe is the most important step you must take to move on. It just sucks, cause I know the mistakes I made and the steps I need to take to fix them. I guess it's not fair to put her through this, I will let her be, fix myself up become happy again, confident and really just get back to the way I was before I met her. Your right its not worth breaking NC, not yet. It's just killing me not knowing how she is doing... cause I know she misses me as well, but she has such a strong personality she wont budge to give me a call. But really if I talked to her now, I will just tell her how much I miss her, plead for her back, all to get rejected and kicked to the curb again. Ive been through break ups before! Why does this one seem soo much worse! Yes I agree with that, I do have health and love from family and friends. without them this would be soo much tougher. I have already rekindled lost friendships from the past. So glad to have these people back in my life. Dude your taking exactly how I'm feeling out of my mouth. I understand. It's hard. My ex GF also WILL. NOT. BUDGE. Here decision is set. I've begged and pleaded just to come out looking like a fool. I as well looked back and saw EVERYTHING i could've done better. Everything. The past is the past though and there's nothing you can do. Do not self blame either like I did. Just take what you know now and apply it to the next relationship. Everything that you realize you screwed up, you now how to fix them. That's the beauty that will come from your break up. It's hurting you a lot because it was important to you. As was mine. Just keep chilling with the bros and the fam. I will tell you that you WILL still think about your ex even when you're friends, but day by day your will move on. I got your back man.
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