friday1234 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 6 months now. We have always had a healthy sex life, it couldn't have been better. We get along famously. I just recently found out that he has had no sexual desire for me for the past one and a half months. He is very consumed by stress and anxiety at work, he is building a new house that has been nothing but problems, he feels he has become very out of shape these past couples months as well, we have had small arguements here and there. He told me that he still loves my affection (cuddling, kissing, hand holding, being close to one another), he still thinks i am beautiful and attractive but just isn't interested in sex. Is this something that will pass, once he is less stressed with his daily life? Can a huge amount of stress effect your sexual desire for your partner? Or is there more to it?
Andy_K Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 He needs to get his ass to a gym. Exercise will both lower his stress levels and boost his sex drive. 1
Author friday1234 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 How old are the both of you? I am 26 and he is 27. Much too young to worry about low testosterone levels or anything I think.
Author friday1234 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I wouldn't worry so much. It sounds like a phase with all the stress he's going through. Stress does decrease the sexual desire. It only becomes a problem when his stress goes away and he still has no desire. Keep the lines of communication open about your needs. Thank you Alex, i feel better hearing that. He told me that he doesn't think about being with anyone else or that he is not satisfied, just that he never seems to be in the mood. When i do initiate, he says at first he is almost "scared." I am not sure if that links to him being afraid that he has to reject me, or what!
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I am 26 and he is 27. Much too young to worry about low testosterone levels or anything I think. Actually no, it's never too young to be hit with a drop of testosterone. At his age stress should not affect him to the point of rejecting sex. Is he overweight?
Author friday1234 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Actually no, it's never too young to be hit with a drop of testosterone. At his age stress should not affect him to the point of rejecting sex. Is he overweight? He is not obese, but he is probably 20-25lbs heavier than he should be.
Author friday1234 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Us men are fickle some times. One moment we need and want sex all the time and the next we rather be doing something else. But one thing about me personally and this goes for most guys I know. If I haven't been in the mood for sex but suddenly she's dressed up looking hot for NO apparent reason AND is not initiating sex. That gets me in the mood because it's seductive. You have to use your seductive powers in the most subtle ways. It makes us guys wonder, what is she up to? What, she doesn't want to have sex? A little flirting and seduction goes a long way. Humans always want what they can't have. Well i often wear nice undergarments to bed, and nothing else. He also has a whole set of photos i took for him. He said they used to do it for him, but now if he looks at them he doesn't get aroused.
xxoo Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 What's his relationship history? Has he maintained attraction for a woman in the past, or is it a pattern for him to lose sexual interest after a few months?
ascendotum Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I'd say it will come back given the things you outlined that are weighing on his mind - stress at work + stress building a house that has lots of issues. Stress absolutely can take a toll on a guy's libido. Though he is not that old nor that over weight, that you would like to think his libido would still hold up to an extent. Those aspects will put a dampener on things but really it should not wipe it out for weeks. Sex actually helps some in terms of stress relief. I think the 6 month drop in lust aspect could be contributing here to an extent as well. I'd say it will bounce back, but how long do you have to wait & wonder for the house to finish and for there to be less pressure in his job? If I have been down in enthusiasm in the past due to stress, I'd still make sure not to ignore giving my gf some pleasure even if it was minus a rock hard cock (I expect the same spirit back in return too).
Author friday1234 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 What's his relationship history? Has he maintained attraction for a woman in the past, or is it a pattern for him to lose sexual interest after a few months? He said this has never happened before so it's a shock. I asked if he's ever gone through this much stress in the past and he said no. This is the first time he has been this overwhelmed.
Author friday1234 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I'd say it will come back given the things you outlined that are weighing on his mind - stress at work + stress building a house that has lots of issues. Stress absolutely can take a toll on a guy's libido. Though he is not that old nor that over weight, that you would like to think his libido would still hold up to an extent. Those aspects will put a dampener on things but really it should not wipe it out for weeks. Sex actually helps some in terms of stress relief. I think the 6 month drop in lust aspect could be contributing here to an extent as well. I'd say it will bounce back, but how long do you have to wait & wonder for the house to finish and for there to be less pressure in his job? If I have been down in enthusiasm in the past due to stress, I'd still make sure not to ignore giving my gf some pleasure even if it was minus a rock hard cock (I expect the same spirit back in return too). His house will be finished in May and the huge project at work will be done in July. I have suggested we decrease the amount of time we see each other so he can focus on scheduling meetings and whatnot. Less texting while he is at work, so he can focus. We have been spending a lot of time together. Almost together everyday for two straight months.
Mo_Do Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 You seem to be digging for answers - so I'll put this here. Had an ex GF that took an extraordinary amount of time to "self lube" - if you know what I mean. When it takes 15-20 minutes of dry humping to get her a little wet it really begins to take a toll on things. Problem was - she had no idea it wasn't normal. I thought it was odd why at the start of our relationship when I said I thought she was hot she would reply "will you always think that" I was like...uhhhh yeah, of course, and I meant it. That relationship went south for various reasons, but that issue was a large contributor because I basically lost interest in having sex with her because it just wasn't good! God - sometimes we'd have a bottle of lube beside us and have to re-apply 4-5 times!!! Not normal! Not fun, Not cool!
preraph Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Well, it raises red flags, of course, and I'd make sure I knew he wasn't making time to cheat because being "real busy at work" is the number 1 excuse to make time for a mistress. But that said, if you can account for most of his time, it is possible he is compartmentalizing and can't handle the high stress work situation at the same time as giving his marriage attention or is too physically tired -- which would be unusual at your age. I would keep an eye open, though. If he has time to cuddle, he has time to have sex, and most men if they feel at all like cuddling, it's about sex, so it IS a little suspect. Be real sweet and ask if there's anything you can do to make his life easier right now. If he looks guilty, red flag. If he's really that overwhelmed, he should have a list a mile long of crap he'd like you to do. Like if someone came to me with that right now, I'd say: Clean the house, take the car in for an oil change, hire someone to take the damaged tree out, and go to the store and buy me a recliner with massage and while you're out, bring back a pizza.
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