mirage12 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Would love to hear experiences from people who have made a major life decision not long after a breakup. I'm 3 months post BU and am currently living in LA (have been for almost 4 years now). I got a good job offer in San Francisco and have set the process in motion to move there. I've done my due diligence...the job up there is on par with my current job and I can afford to live in the new city. I think I will like it a lot there. I can't deny that part of all this has been fueled by emotional reaction to the breakup. It's not so much that I'm running away (although you could see it that way), but I lost one of the last, compelling reasons to stay. However, any move to a new city is very hard. I have a handful of people up there I know but not nearly as many as I do here in LA. I remember how hard te transition to a new city was when I first came to LA. Even though I've done my homework on the career part, I realize this move would uproot the life I've spent building here for the last few years. I'm leaving my social and support network behind. The move feels very emotional and very impulsive, even though I think it's an amazing opportunity. Anyone done this/have stories to share?
jba10582 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 getting there!.. but i am further post bu then you.
redbaron005 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Anyone done this/have stories to share? I'm at 4 months post-BU and I am planning to be in another city in 2 months. Actually had a (very good) job offer and was ready to move to the city where my ex was living. Well that's not going to work out, obviously. I am moving about the same distance as LA is from San Fran and am actually looking forward to having a clean-ish social plate. Although 'they' do say to wait 6 months before making any major life decisions, life is short and if you think its an amazing opportunity I'd say take it.
Candy_Pants Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I moved to another continent to get away from my ex. I highly recommend it. 1
lvroflife Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I am thinking of moving from the East Coast to the West Coast!
KevinC Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I am also been thinking about making a move recently altho my son is here so its complicated. But good luck on you new path!!
JunkYardDog Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 No but I want out of here too. Everything I see, place I go, it all is just a reminder of not only her but the messed up place I am at in life right now.
Author mirage12 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 No but I want out of here too. Everything I see, place I go, it all is just a reminder of not only her but the messed up place I am at in life right now. Agreed. This place is no longer as good as I thought it was. Aside from the BU, I've had several of the closest friends I've made out here relocate in the last 6 months.
Candy_Pants Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I am thinking of moving from the East Coast to the West Coast! Besides the radiation and drought, I'm sure it's a lovely place.
WYSWYG Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Based on what you wrote: * You have a few friends up in SF already - Also, Facebook will always be there for your social needs (unless you don't FB like me) * I honestly think SF is much more socially conducive than LA ( I left LA in 96) * From SF, it's not a long commute if you need to visit old friends. I'd go for it....
NomiMalone Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I relocated a month post BU to a city I've always wanted to live in. At that time, I was also offered a job there that involved a promotion, so I jumped at the chance. I'd felt that I'd outgrown my home city anyways. The moment I jumped into my car to begin the long road trip, I knew i was doing the right thing, and have never looked back. 6 months has passed, and moving was the best thing I ever did. The move also helped me move on from my failed relationship in a way that would've been impossible had I remained in my home city. If you're wondering whether to take the plunge, go for it - you just might have the time of your life. If you don't go, you'll never find out. And if you get to SF and decide its not for you, you can always pack up and head straight back to LA.
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) I actually moved to a new country for a job after the breakup (and that was the main reason for the breakup). I was considering the idea, but my ex was never willing to move. So I stayed in the same city just to be with him. He felt pressured, and he felt that I will be leaving him anyway (His assumptions, and none of it was true). He ended up breaking up with me shortly afterwards. I took the new job and made my move to the other country, and I think it was a good decision overall. Everything's different and new and it helps a lot with healing as there are no reminders. I loved my ex and I still love him dearly. But it was just not meant to be and he didn't support me when I needed him the most. I am still not healed at all and I am stilling holding on to hope. But I think moving away from that small town helped me a lot. Everything around me was reminding me of him. Even my own furniture, my bed, my mugs. Everything had a story/memory attached to it. It may look like I run away, but that was the best option for me. Moral of the story is, I think you should make the move and start over in a new city with no reminders or anything to hold you back to your past. It's a new, exciting experience. You'll love San Francisco Edited March 6, 2014 by 4everalones
Author mirage12 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I actually moved to a new country for a job after the breakup (and that was the main reason for the breakup). I was considering the idea, but my ex was never willing to move. So I stayed in the same city just to be with him. He felt pressured, and he felt that I will be leaving him anyway (His assumptions, and none of it was true). He ended up breaking up with me shortly afterwards. I took the new job and made my move to the other country, and I think it was a good decision overall. Everything's different and new and it helps a lot with healing as there are no reminders. I loved my ex and I still love him dearly. But it was just not meant to be and he didn't support me when I needed him the most. I am still not healed at all and I am stilling holding on to hope. But I think moving away from that small town helped me a lot. Everything around me was reminding me of him. Even my own furniture, my bed, my mugs. Everything had a story/memory attached to it. It may look like I run away, but that was the best option for me. Moral of the story is, I think you should make the move and start over in a new city with no reminders or anything to hold you back to your past. It's a new, exciting experience. You'll love San Francisco I think I will love it too and I will almost surely be doing it in a few weeks. I'm like you though...I'm definitely not healed and I'm still holding on to some tiny bit of hope way down the line in the future. Ironically, the thought of moving will probably crush that hope...but that's the part that also gives me angst, because deep down, a part of me doesn't want to let go of it.
newmoon Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I did it once. Broke up with a bf and accepted a job far away about a month later. The decision might have been emotionally charged at the time but it was the best decision I could have made. It got me away from that mentality of 'there might be a second chance with him' and forced me to move on; the decision making, move, and just general readjustment took up so much time and energy that the focus was back on me and I didn't have time to dwell on the breakup. I no longer move far away after a breakup, but I do take 2 week vacations within a few weeks - it's amazing what a change of scenery and a focus on just yourself will do for healing.
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