I broke up with her again... she hasn't spoken to me

[HossNYC]

My girlfriend and I were together for a year. She was my first relationship and real love. I had commitment issues but truly loved her so much. I broke up with her twice... once on her birthday. The second time we broke up, I apologized and we agreed to continue seeing each other and to take things slow. We were hanging out, everything was great, we talked everyday.

 

But, one night I introduced her as my ex to some people. She told me later that bothered her and hurt her feelings. I didn't realize why at the time. We got into a big discussion about where our relationship was standing. We had been hanging out for two months after the second break up. I got worked up during the conversation and told her I didn't want to be forced into committing to her. She asked me if I only saw her as my ex now? I said to her, "That's who you are now- you're my ex". "I don't want to be forced into a relationship you." I told her I feel like she wants more and if she does we shouldn't be hanging out" I got pissed and left her apartment.

 

She text the next day saying that she wasn't trying to force anything- she just wanted to have a healthy conversation about our relationship at the time and didn't want me to refer to her as my ex. I was pissed and told her to stop texting me because she was impatient.

 

The next day I text her to get me things from her apartment. She didn't respond. I text her again, and again... no response. The following day her roommate contacted me to come and get my things.

 

It's been two weeks now and I haven't heard from her. I sent her a text asking her how she was doing.... no response. She always used to text me back- even when I broke up with her before. This is the first time she hasn't responded to me.

 

I think I overreacted. I wanted to be with her... I just didn't want it to be rushed or pushed. We were so close. We loved each other so much. I hate thinking that she may be gone for good now. I'm starting to realize the mistakes I made and I want to reach out to her, but I stop myself.

 

The thought of her moving on kills me.

 

Please give me some advice!!

[somecamel]

My girlfriend and I were together for a year. She was my first relationship and real love. I had commitment issues but truly loved her so much. I broke up with her twice... once on her birthday. The second time we broke up, I apologized and we agreed to continue seeing each other and to take things slow. We were hanging out, everything was great, we talked everyday.

 

But, one night I introduced her as my ex to some people. She told me later that bothered her and hurt her feelings. I didn't realize why at the time. We got into a big discussion about where our relationship was standing. We had been hanging out for two months after the second break up. I got worked up during the conversation and told her I didn't want to be forced into committing to her. She asked me if I only saw her as my ex now? I said to her, "That's who you are now- you're my ex". "I don't want to be forced into a relationship you." I told her I feel like she wants more and if she does we shouldn't be hanging out" I got pissed and left her apartment.

 

She text the next day saying that she wasn't trying to force anything- she just wanted to have a healthy conversation about our relationship at the time and didn't want me to refer to her as my ex. I was pissed and told her to stop texting me because she was impatient.

 

The next day I text her to get me things from her apartment. She didn't respond. I text her again, and again... no response. The following day her roommate contacted me to come and get my things.

 

It's been two weeks now and I haven't heard from her. I sent her a text asking her how she was doing.... no response. She always used to text me back- even when I broke up with her before. This is the first time she hasn't responded to me.

 

I think I overreacted. I wanted to be with her... I just didn't want it to be rushed or pushed. We were so close. We loved each other so much. I hate thinking that she may be gone for good now. I'm starting to realize the mistakes I made and I want to reach out to her, but I stop myself.

 

The thought of her moving on kills me.

 

Please give me some advice!!

 

Were you having sex with this girl whilst you were 'friends'?

 

No wonder she doesn't want to talk to you, you didn't treat her fairly, she thought you guys were working on something only for you to call her your ex, not cool.

[lvroflife]

So you broke up with her 2 TIMES, and introduced her as your ex? and you wonder why she is not talking to you?

 

And now you want her back too? is this correct?

 

Bro, you need to focus on you and never mind her...You need figure out what YOU really want and not string her a long! If she is ready for a relationship and you are not LET HER GO!

 

Do not be unfair to her and leave her with "breadcrumbs" allow someone to give her what she wants..

[TaserTag]

Based on the information here, I wouldn't want to talk to you anymore if I were her either. It really seems like you're just jerking her around and only want her when you can't have her.

 

She tries to talk to you about your relationship and you throw a fit, insult her and walk out on her. Now you want to talk and she isn't giving you the time of day. That's fitting.

 

You told her to stop talking to you, she did, and now you want her back when she didn't come crawling back to you.

 

You keep breaking up with her and jerking her around and telling her that you don't want to commit. Why would anyone want to stick around for that abuse?

 

If she did come back and want to give you yet another chance, would you suddenly be ready to commit? Or would you just have the same problems all over again and wind up hurting her?

[Zahara]

OP, you have some nerve.

 

1) You break up with her on her birthday.

2) You get back again, then you end it.

3) You decide to still hang out then introduce her as your ex. I bet you were enjoying the goodies while you were hanging out. She's good enough to have sex with but not good enough to commit to. That breaks her heart again.

 

Now, you have the audacity to say you overreacted? You broke her three times. If after three times you still can't commit, then it's clear that you won't. You're with her because she's comfortable, she's available, she's safe, she's familiar. She's a crutch. That's all it is. If after a year and all this game-playing, you STILL don't want to be pushed or rushed, then stay away from her. This is not love. She does not deserve this.

 

Yes, please stop yourself from contacting her. The thought of her moving on kills you because while you don't want her, you don't want anyone else to have her. It's selfish and cruel. Allow her the opportunity to be with man that can reciprocate a loving, balanced and emotionally available relationship.

 

I've been with guys like you. It's a damn nightmare.

[iDrumKing]

Dude I've been broken up twice by the same person. I've lost all respect for that specific person.

 

You seriously need to step back and revaluate yourself, and leave her alone.

[HossNYC]

I know. I know I should let her be... I ****ed up. I ruined my first love.

 

She was such a great girl though. She was so loving and ALWAYS there for me. What's wrong with me?

 

I hate to think that we will never talk again... I hate to think we left things on such a bad note... there was so much good there.

 

I want to reach out to her... but, I don't know what to say. I can't stop thinking about her.

[Zahara]

I know. I know I should let her be... I ****ed up. I ruined my first love.

 

She was such a great girl though. She was so loving and ALWAYS there for me. What's wrong with me?

 

I hate to think that we will never talk again... I hate to think we left things on such a bad note... there was so much good there.

 

I want to reach out to her... but, I don't know what to say. I can't stop thinking about her.

 

She's not your first love. If you couldn't identify that when you were with her and ultimately rejecting your "first love" three times, you're confusing your familiarity with her as love. Love doesn't treat someone that way. Your definition of love is very warped and unhealthy.

 

There was so much good for YOU. Not her because being in a relationship with someone that never wants to commit to you is no good to her.

 

Please do not reach out to her. You are doing it for selfish reasons. STOP CAUSING HER PAIN. Leave her alone. I can't tell you how many times I had this one ex do this to me and it was always for his own benefit, his own needs, his own feelings, his own wants -- it was never about me. When I left, he'd come back crying. When I went back, he'd push away. It's exhausting, it's unhealthy and it's a cruel thing to do to someone.

Edited March 5, 2014 by Zahara

[iDrumKing]

I know. I know I should let her be... I ****ed up. I ruined my first love.

 

She was such a great girl though. She was so loving and ALWAYS there for me. What's wrong with me?

 

I hate to think that we will never talk again... I hate to think we left things on such a bad note... there was so much good there.

 

I want to reach out to her... but, I don't know what to say. I can't stop thinking about her.

 

I doesn't matter dude. She's gone and you HAVE to move on. I'm still new out of a 2 year relationship with a girl that I cared about. We supported each other financially, emotionally, and physically. I thought I found my future wife.

 

I understand that you may miss her, want her back, thought she was the one, etc. But you just don't understand the damage you've done. You just don't. My ex broke up with me twice... I experienced heart break TWICE. Seriously imagine what your ex GF may be feeling. I know exactly how she is feeling. Most likely like crap.

 

 

I don't think your really love her, I think you miss the companionship more. So be fair to her move on and leave her be.

Edited March 5, 2014 by iDrumKing

[Itspointless]

I had commitment issues but truly loved her so much. I broke up with her twice...

I wonder, commitment issues, pushing and pulling. Perhaps you should do this test: Attachment Style If you are in the quadrant high on avoidance then please seek help.

[Allumere]

Seems to me she woke up and smelled the coffee...oh, and doing exactly what you asked. I think you get that what you did sucked, so the question is what do you do about it? It isn't chasing after her...not now and maybe never. You need to spend some good-ole alone time with yourself and get yourself together. By now you get the negatives caused by you and to yourself...the goal is to NEVER do it again.

[pickflicker]

I know. I know I should let her be... I ****ed up. I ruined my first love.

 

She was such a great girl though. She was so loving and ALWAYS there for me. What's wrong with me?

 

I hate to think that we will never talk again... I hate to think we left things on such a bad note... there was so much good there.

 

I want to reach out to her... but, I don't know what to say. I can't stop thinking about her.

 

Leave her alone. Take the lesson, move on, and grow and improve from it.

[HossNYC]

So, long story short. My girlfriend and I got in an argument about a month ago. I felt like she was trying to force our relationship to the next level. I wanted to take things slow- she was confused about my intentions. This is my first relationship and I am totally in love with her, but at the same time terrified. I'm 29 years old. She is 31 and has dated two people before me.

 

I feel like she was being impatient and forceful, which upset me. She also said somethings that upset me too. So, I left her apartment. In the heat of the argument I told her that I didn't think we should be seeing each other anymore. I told her that I feel like she wants more out of the relationship, I'm not ready for the commitment, blah blah blah. I was pissed and was kind of hurtful to her.

 

I text her the next morning telling her I wanted to come get all my stuff from her house and I would bring her things to her as well. She didn't respond. I text her a few times over the following few days about my stuff- no response. Three days later her roommate (which I know) text me to coordinate a time for me to pick up my things. I couldn't believe it. I didn't go get my things that week and I still have not gone to get them.

 

It's now been one month. She has not contacted me and I have not contacted her. All of my stuff is still at her house. I was hurt she had her roommate contact me to get my stuff, but I understand she was upset.

 

What should I do? I feel like if I go get my stuff it's over for good. I don't want that. But, I can't bring myself to contact her because she hasn't spoken to me either.

[forgetmenot75]

she is acting right. You broke up with her, what are you expecting her to do? she's no contact, and she arranged with her roommate to call you to get your things.

Act like a man and respect her. It seems now you want to play games. I don;t know, your message just makes me mad.

go grab your things and move on, you've already acted like a fool.

Good luck, and glad she's acting like she should be.

[Zahara]

I was hurt she had her roommate contact me to get my stuff, but I understand she was upset..

 

You were hurt that she used sound judgement to save herself from pain and further distress herself by engaging someone that just dumped her, and then you incessantly shoved the knife in her heart by demanding for your things back.

 

You manipulated her by doing that because you wanted to provoke a reaction. You got a reaction. Now you don't want to get your things because you don't want it to be over. What sort of mind game is that?

 

She's done the right thing by staying NC with you.