Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I guess in some situations it works. I was with my ex bf for 4 years. Broke up with him 1 year ago. Can't see myself with him ever again. We tried for 4 years to make it work. That's my mentality if you are with someone a long period of time you know if it will work or not. I get people change. I've changed a lot in a year but why would you wanna fix a broken relationship? I'm not putting anyone down I'm honestly curious
A3sthetics Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 FEAR, fear, and then, fear. Age. Growing old. Same reason some stay at a job they aren't happy. Fear. F E A R. 1
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 FEAR, fear, and then, fear. Age. Growing old. Same reason some stay at a job they aren't happy. Fear. F E A R. I get scared of being alone at times but id never go back. It wouldn't be fair to my ex or I. I know id be settling because I was no longer happy.
babycakees Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 FEAR, fear, and then, fear. Age. Growing old. Same reason some stay at a job they aren't happy. Fear. F E A R. I would definitely have to agree with this. Fear of the unknown. I know first hand this is why i stayed with my ex for as long as I did.
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I would definitely have to agree with this. Fear of the unknown. I know first hand this is why i stayed with my ex for as long as I did. I'm not afraid to admit I stayed with my ex 6 months longer than I should have. In the end i would have been settling
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Plenty of reasons, and not all of them are motivated by fear. Some people need time to mature on their own before they can really be a good partner to someone else. Some people find way to resolve the issues that initially drove them apart. Others break up hastily and reconcile after recognizing they made a mistake. I don't think it's fair to say all relationships are permanently "broken". And for the record, no, I have never gotten back together with an ex. But I do know a few successful and happy couples who have reconciled.
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Plenty of reasons, and not all of them are motivated by fear. Some people need time to mature on their own before they can really be a good partner to someone else. Some people find way to resolve the issues that initially drove them apart. Others break up hastily and reconcile after recognizing they made a mistake. I don't think it's fair to say all relationships are permanently "broken". And for the record, no, I have never gotten back together with an ex. But I do know a few successful and happy couples who have reconciled. I did say sometimes things are fixable. I'm more wondering for people like me who had a relationship that was rocky the majority of the time. I'm far from immature and so was my ex. Was just incompatibility. I just think after YEARS together, things won't typically change. I'm aware there's exceptions
A3sthetics Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I might of beat your 6 months. 5 years. *sigh.... I am the weakest man on the planet. I fear.. having to go out and act all young again. I fear that, I really was still working on my same insecurities from high school about merely not being "cool" enuf. Gee how am I supposed to deal with: Money. Cheating. Diseases. All those "real adult" stuff, when I am still trying to do my hair right or wear the proper clothes.... I think people really are in different 'leagues'. I'm in the minors. But, I did not see that I was actually swimming in the majors. I needed to go back to the minors.. But, then it felt, really crappy. Downgrade. When, you strive to go up, up, up... it's hard to self-regulate and downgrade yourself.
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I might of beat your 6 months. 5 years. *sigh.... I am the weakest man on the planet. I fear.. having to go out and act all young again. I fear that, I really was still working on my same insecurities from high school about merely not being "cool" enuf. Gee how am I supposed to deal with: Money. Cheating. Diseases. All those "real adult" stuff, when I am still trying to do my hair right or wear the proper clothes.... I think people really are in different 'leagues'. I'm in the minors. But, I did not see that I was actually swimming in the majors. I needed to go back to the minors.. But, then it felt, really crappy. Downgrade. When, you strive to go up, up, up... it's hard to self-regulate and downgrade yourself. Why did your ex and you break up? Sounds like you aren't happy it's over
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 trying to talk yourself out of going back is fun isnt it? I'm not going back although back in November I had a moment if weakened where I wanted to go back
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Fear and comfort. People easily seek out comfort when they're afraid of the unknown. Getting back with an ex on those premises is NOT good. Agreed. Tried going back to my ex in November because I was lonely and scared of being alone. Glad he said no, would have been a giant mistake We have been NC since. I'm now 100 percent over him. Up to November we talked several times a week which made me never get over him Edited March 5, 2014 by Beachlife88
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Excellent! NC is a great tool that most people misunderstand. It's not about getting your ex back but removing yourself from the situation so you can process the emotions. NC is about getting YOU back. Use it for good not evil. 100 percent agreed!! I didn't believe it but I finally feel how I did before I met him 5 years ago. Not one text sent or received from or to him since November. I know even if he came back now id say no because our relationship was constant fighting. Hindsight is truly 20/20. Have to think in logically not just emotionally. That being said I'll always have love for my ex. I wish him the best but I'll never be in love with him again. Guess the saying hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is is true.
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I love that saying! It's so true. Of course you'll still love him but you've learned that loving him doesn't mean being together. That's a very mature way to handle it. Happy to hear you're feeling like your old self again. Isn't it amazing to re-discover yourself? Make I make a suggestion? How about becoming a better version of you for the next relationship? Beachlife88 version 2.0 Been doing a lot to improve myself. Currently completing my BSN then off to my maters. I'm a nurse. Been working out and meeting new people. Been fixing insecurities that didn't help my last relationship. Realizing loving someone isn't enough to make a relationship work was a valuable learning experience 1
hotpotato Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Relationships are how people work out FOO issues, so naturally some people will go back to the same people over and over. Also, some people tend to have the same relationship issues no matter how they date, but they find the long term ex is most compatible. I've thought about taking back my first ex. Every guy has done the same thing to me that he did. With him i know what I'm getting into. I know we are capable of being together for several years. He's cool with possibly not having kids.
Author Beachlife88 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Relationships are how people work out FOO issues, so naturally some people will go back to the same people over and over. Also, some people tend to have the same relationship issues no matter how they date, but they find the long term ex is most compatible. I've thought about taking back my first ex. Every guy has done the same thing to me that he did. With him i know what I'm getting into. I know we are capable of being together for several years. He's cool with possibly not having kids. If every guy treats you the same work on yourself and find different men. Nothing about this post is good advice. I would never settle
hotpotato Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 If every guy treats you the same work on yourself and find different men. Nothing about this post is good advice. I would never settle It wasn't advice, it was answering the OPs question. Settle is your opinion. Maybe someone else who takes their ex back doesn't think they are settling. Work on yourself, find different men is easy to safe when it's not your problem. I know a woman who took back a physically and emotionally abusive man time and time again. Why? Fear of going into the same situation with another man, and she'd already bonded with him over the course of about a decade. To her it's not settling either, in her eyes she's forgiving someone she love who happens to have character flaws.
hotpotato Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 People also go back to long term exes because they know sometimes things do work the second time around. Most people my age I know who've been together a long time have had some kind of break up.
FitChick Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It's the Devil You Know vs. the Devil You Don't Know. People like familiar situations even if they aren't productive.
Tayken Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Wild horses couldn't drag me back to my ex......... All I can think of is.....these people conceive and think they can't do any better
Recommended Posts