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You have no kids, she/he does, adjusting to a new lifestyle: the "noise" and activity

Babolat

By Babolat
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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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I looked at her page Sunday morning, and there were photos/pics of her at bars with male/female friends, and even a post about getting hit on/picked up by a 24 year old and how flattered she was, at 44 (it was her birthday so I kind of get the post, but really, telling the world this?).

 

 

Glad you had some revelations.

 

 

I still feel that you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had walked away months before. Lots of us told you that issues as deep as hers don't go away overnight.

 

 

As it is, you kept having sex with her until those feelings dwindled, um, 'naturally'... The way I see it, you still used her for sex. She went along with it and tried to keep seeing you... that's on her.

 

 

... but dude, life is short. You don't have forever to keep making these mistakes. Listen to advice maybe??

 

 

I quoted the above, because you did the same. Came here bragging about your much younger FWB. There really is ALOT you and your now ex have in common... in terms of your co-dependency and reliance on the opposite sex to prop up your egos.... just another reason why I'm so wary of OLD and OkC in particular.

 

 

What does your profile say, by the way? Does it say you are looking for a relationship? It had better not.

Edited by RedRobin
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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Glad you had some revelations.

 

 

I still feel that you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had walked away months before. Lots of us told you that issues as deep as hers don't go away overnight.

 

Agreed, though I'm not going to look at it that way. Rather, try to learn from it. Yeah, red flags all over the place, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole...I was looking for "something" to break through. And yes, I should have walked 3+ months into dating her last year, and I never should have tried a "round 2" when she came back. Yes, there was an amazing physcial connection, and I want that in my life partner. Round 2, I did not feel it, and I was hoping it would come back. That does not mean I was using her for sex.

 

 

As it is, you kept having sex with her until those feelings dwindled, um, 'naturally'... The way I see it, you still used her for sex. She went along with it and tried to keep seeing you... that's on her.

 

I understand this, I don't feel that way though. The amazing sexual intimacy connection we had before, was not there in Round 2, from the get go. A little, yes, but nothing like before. Nothing dwindled in round 2, the dwindling was from this Round 1 dating to Round 2 dating. She talked about sex all the time, more so in round 2, so, I could argue she used me for sex. But, she did not. She was in it for a LTR relationship. I think what I started to realize, is other than sex and companionship, it just was not there for me.

 

... but dude, life is short. You don't have forever to keep making these mistakes. Listen to advice maybe??.

 

Agreed, 100%, and, listen to my own inner voice, and stop fiighting it.

 

 

I quoted the above, because you did the same. Came here bragging about your much younger FWB. There really is ALOT you and your now ex have in common... in terms of your co-dependency and reliance on the opposite sex to prop up your egos.... just another reason why I'm so wary of OLD and OkC in particular.

I never felt like I was bragging about my FWB. It was something new to me, I had never done it before, and now looking back it's something I needed at the time. I would do it again if I had to go back in time. I will not do it again moving forward.

 

 

What does your profile say, by the way? Does it say you are looking for a relationship? It had better not.

It's the same profile I had up in late October last year, when I felt like I was ready to date again. You are right, if I decide to leave it up, I wil up date it and remove the "long term dating" option.

Edited by Babolat
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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I didn't say it earlier, Bab, but I'm sorry it didn't work out. I think each time you came back with yet another issue, or a repeat of a prior, it got closer to being final.

Yup, this is what I finally realized. I kept "finding" issues, problems, differences. She said it was as if I was trying to find reasons we did not work so I could end it. I always replied, No, I am trying to make us work, which is why I am bringing up these issues, so we can talk thru them.

 

It just should not be that difficult. The Friday we broke up, I had planned to talk to her about her constant need for stimualtion, distractions, and the like. Then, I realized "Why?". Why continue to talk to her about my concerns. It doesn't work, let go. I was going to do the breaking up myself; she did it for us, which looking back was very cool of her.

 

And, looking at her facebook page yesterday, seeing all the posts since we broke up, she's back to being her real self and telling 500+ facebook friends about it, and waiting for the validation comments. I kid you not, their are post on there "I can't sleep tonight". "I went out to eat and got sick". "Here is what I made for dinner tonight". "Great catching up with old friends <insert friends name> at Joes Bar & Grill" with pics of men hugging her. "I got hit on by a 24 year old" with 70+ comments that I refused to read. And more "You are so beautiful" comments from her male friends than I could count, with her saying "Thank you, you are so kind/nice". There is one with her breasts hanging out, she's wearing a hat, 4 "male friends" saying "Uh, I like your....hat" and her saying "You guys are so funny, thank you".

 

Unfriending her was such a a release for me, like the final letting go. I had been thinking about it, something told me to go look at her FB page Sunday morning, I fought it, then did, and immediately Unfriended her.

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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Ugh. It will be interesting to see if her daughter ends up flaunting herself and needing this much validation from so many sources. Does daughter have a FB page now? (I'm guessing yes?)

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Ugh. It will be interesting to see if her daughter ends up flaunting herself and needing this much validation from so many sources. Does daughter have a FB page now? (I'm guessing yes?)

 

Yes, her daughter does have a FB Page. I saw it once. Strangley, she does not allow her daughter to see her FB page. I dunno, why would you not let your kids see your FB page? Maybe it's just, me.

 

Her daughter is screaming for attention. I saw it while we dated. Her daughter logged into her Twitter account with my phone (I had not idea, I don't use Twitter, her daugher would play games on my phone), and left herself logged in. I finally figured out what the noise on my phone was and read a few of her posts. Oh my. Lots of F Bombs, lots of negativity, even talked abouther mom negatively. I shared them with my ex gf, verablly, not showing her, and she dismissed it.

 

I feel for her daugter, I really do. She's an amazing, brilliant young woman who has been "exposed" to two men her mom has dated, those relationships failed, her "dad" is the last man her mom dated (not by birth, paternal dad is in jail). Her mom is going out to bars, staying out late, I dunno. I truly hope she turns out Okay.

Chocolat Established Member

Chocolat

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Posted
Yes, her daughter does have a FB Page. I saw it once. Strangley, she does not allow her daughter to see her FB page. I dunno, why would you not let your kids see your FB page? Maybe it's just, me.

 

I think you answered this in a previous post:

 

And, looking at her facebook page yesterday, seeing all the posts since we broke up, she's back to being her real self and telling 500+ facebook friends about it, and waiting for the validation comments. I kid you not, their are post on there "I can't sleep tonight". "I went out to eat and got sick". "Here is what I made for dinner tonight". "Great catching up with old friends <insert friends name> at Joes Bar & Grill" with pics of men hugging her. "I got hit on by a 24 year old" with 70+ comments that I refused to read. And more "You are so beautiful" comments from her male friends than I could count, with her saying "Thank you, you are so kind/nice". There is one with her breasts hanging out, she's wearing a hat, 4 "male friends" saying "Uh, I like your....hat" and her saying "You guys are so funny, thank you".
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