bubblesbursted Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 So its been more than a month since my BU, I have been hardcore NC for more than 3 weeks ( infact more, lost count ), so I was trying to catch up on my projects and I realized that one of my textbooks and a few notes are with my Ex Bf. I need to start on my project ASAP , I am already late (BU happened and then stuff had to postpone till last moment). Our break up was messy, he got hostile and wasnt kind to me anyway it doesn't matter anymore. So I called up my best friend asking her to help me so we decided I could drive her to his home and stand down , while she would go up and get my books and notes. I am doubtful about it because no matter how much I claim I am over him, I dont think I can face him. And before you all start asking why I am driving her, its because she isnt sure of his home plus she has never been to his home so I suggested I would drive her on Sunday and wait downstairs while she collects my things and then drive her back. All I want to know is, whether asking my friend to go inside instead of me childish?
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 So its been more than a month since my BU, I have been hardcore NC for more than 3 weeks ( infact more, lost count ), so I was trying to catch up on my projects and I realized that one of my textbooks and a few notes are with my Ex Bf. I need to start on my project ASAP , I am already late (BU happened and then stuff had to postpone till last moment). Our break up was messy, he got hostile and wasnt kind to me anyway it doesn't matter anymore. So I called up my best friend asking her to help me so we decided I could drive her to his home and stand down , while she would go up and get my books and notes. I am doubtful about it because no matter how much I claim I am over him, I dont think I can face him. And before you all start asking why I am driving her, its because she isnt sure of his home plus she has never been to his home so I suggested I would drive her on Sunday and wait downstairs while she collects my things and then drive her back. All I want to know is, whether asking my friend to go inside instead of me childish? Bubble, in this day and age with the advent of smartphones that can literally get you into a mouse hole, are you saying that she can't find an address -- even if you had to print it out for her? It isn't childish for you to stand away as she goes and gets your papers but I want you to ask yourself that if these notes were burned in a raging fire and you had no choice but to start all over again, would you just throw your arms in the air and give up? You'd figure out a way to work through it, yes? Can you not borrow a textbook from someone, go to the library and as for your notes, how much of a setback would it be for you if you just had to work around that? 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Bubble, in this day and age with the advent of smartphones that can literally get you into a mouse hole, are you saying that she can't find an address -- even if you had to print it out for her? It isn't childish for you to stand away as she goes and gets your papers but I want you to ask yourself that if these notes were burned in a raging fire and you had no choice but to start all over again, would you just throw your arms in the air and give up? You'd figure out a way to work through it, yes? Can you not borrow a textbook from someone, go to the library and as for your notes, how much of a setback would it be for you if you just had to work around that? Hi Zahara She does know the address but she was finding it awkward to go alone since she hasnt been to his place ever before, to top it I dont really want to go to his home. I know it will be a major setback so I am still not sure about that. Yea had these notes been destroyed I would have found another alternate way for that. It will take me days if I start working on it but I can try. Its better if I dont go right?
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hi Zahara She does know the address but she was finding it awkward to go alone since she hasnt been to his place ever before, to top it I dont really want to go to his home. I know it will be a major setback so I am still not sure about that. Yea had these notes been destroyed I would have found another alternate way for that. It will take me days if I start working on it but I can try. Its better if I dont go right? Well, you standing downstairs doesn't make it any less awkward for her to stand at his door and communicate with him. Whether you drive her or not, that doesn't change. Driving there should be the least of her concerns. I'd be more concerned about facing him. You're still fresh from this and it wouldn't be wise to trigger yourself in anyway. What if he saw you and walked downstairs to talk to you? What if your friend tells you a woman was there? What if he starts yelling for her to go away? What if he sends you a text and tells you to stop bothering him? What if he's sweet and connects with you? Don't put yourself in situations that you know you should be avoiding. Triggers are a huge setback. Try to work on your project without those notes. I'm sure you can do it! 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Well, you standing downstairs doesn't make it any less awkward for her to stand at his door and communicate with him. Whether you drive her or not, that doesn't change. Driving there should be the least of her concerns. I'd be more concerned about facing him. You're still fresh from this and it wouldn't be wise to trigger yourself in anyway. What if he saw you and walked downstairs to talk to you? What if your friend tells you a woman was there? What if he starts yelling for her to go away? What if he sends you a text and tells you to stop bothering him? What if he's sweet and connects with you? Don't put yourself in situations that you know you should be avoiding. Triggers are a huge setback. Try to work on your project without those notes. I'm sure you can do it! Yea I guess you are right, it wont make much of a difference if I was downstairs or upstairs . I dont really want to face him. And all these scenarios make sense, gosh. What if he yells at her? I would get too mad and feel guilty for dragging my friend into this Ill try and work something out instead of getting my notes from him. Thank you Zahara!
David87 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hey Bubbles. Don't drive your friend to your ex's house. If you really have to get those notes then find another way to get them, like Zahara said draw a map or something, use you iphone etc but don't go there.
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Yea I guess you are right, it wont make much of a difference if I was downstairs or upstairs . I dont really want to face him. And all these scenarios make sense, gosh. What if he yells at her? I would get too mad and feel guilty for dragging my friend into this Ill try and work something out instead of getting my notes from him. Thank you Zahara! You are welcome, hun. Your gut is telling you that you can't face him, it's the internal alarm screaming caution! You're doing great. Just keep going. I'm sure you'll swing this project with flying colors. You're a determined woman, evident in how you have carried yourself through this. I'm sure you'll pull off this one too! 1
devilish innocent Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Redoing the work to avoid the situation altogether is a good idea. If you do have to get anything more from him, it's not childish to have a friend go in your place. The best way to minimize any risk to your friend would be to send him a short e-mail or text in advance asking if she can stop by to get the stuff. Of course, that opens you up to getting an unwanted message from him.
BC1980 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Don't worry about the notes. Throw them away. About a month after my ex and I broke up, I still had things at our house that I needed to get. I hadn't seen him since the breakup, so I decided that I could handle getting the stuff myself. I held it together for maybe 10 minutes before I began sobbing and made a complete mess of myself. It was awful really and very unnecessary to put myself through that. Just looking at our house and knowing I wouldn't be living there anymore was heartbreaking. I could have easily had a family member get my things, but I very much overestimated my ability to handle seeing him and having to go through the motions of getting the last of my things. The worst part was that he seemed unaffected by the entire process. I think that hurt the worst. I actually still have some things at the house, but I won't go get them. If he ever tries to contact me to give them back, I have already asked some family members who will be happy to retrieve anything I think I need so I won't have to communicate with him. So far, I don't give a crap about the stuff I left behind. He can have it. I hope you are doing well Bubbles. We are here for you.
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