Boxerhd Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) I went to my bar knowing my ex was going to be there. I'm in a good place (somewhat) and we have mutual friends. Everything is going right for me but her. Anyway, I didn't blow her up since the break up. When I walked in to the bar, we made eye contact and it was short. She cut it short and I got the point. She doesn't want me to even say hi. I understood. Not that I was abusive or a liar or cheated, but she wasn't happy anymore. Hey it happens! I haven't made eye contact with her all night. I respected her space and I played some pool with some friends while she talked to people. No problem she her own person and she can do what she wants. Through out this whole time I had her in the back of my head and how beautiful she was. I never let that affect me. I saw her dancing and smiling and I was happy for her. I wasn't happy about the fact that I wasn't with her but I was happy for her. I was kicking ass at pool and I stepped outside for a minute. There were around 5 people outside of the door smoking, and because I quit smoking, I walked around the corner to keep myself from asking for one (I was drunk at that point) and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 5'3" figure against the wall and a guy being the one keeping her there. It was my ex. As soon as I saw that, I had two choices to make. Do I turn around and walk behind the corner or keep walking? In the split second I chose to keep walking. No eye contact. I stopped at the end of the patio and threw the beer out of my glass after a few seconds. I was angry. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to spend another second at the bar. I turned around to walk back and they were gone. After a minute, I realized that it was a act of anger (spilling my beer out) and I went inside to order another one. I was still playing pool and she was still chatting and dancing. I finished my game and went home. I texted her (here come the words of wisdom from the established members) and all I said was that I didn't mean to see that. I said it was good for me while it lasted and told her to take care of herself and be safe. She's gone from my life. I de friended her from my social media. I don't know what else to do. I want to erase her but I don't. I can't because I don't want her to think I'm deleting her from my life and that Im mad at her. She changed my life when she was with me and she did nothing wrong that night. Apparently that was just some random guy. A friend of a friend of mine. Regardless it hurt like crazy but I am not bitter. She did nothing wrong and even though its my stomping grounds, I can't be mad at her. Were both single. The part that hurts the most i guess (and when I say hurts i mean it as the maximum amount of pain that a person can experience) is that she is obviously over me if she thought that that was ok to do after seeing me. Thats why I deleted her and let her go but not before telling her that its ok. Today has been tough. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to reach out to her and tell here that there are no hard feelings and that she shouldn't be afraid that she hurt me, but then I think that she probably hasn't been thinking about me at all. Moral of the story is when she is done she is done. I held on and I probably would have held on longer have I not seen what I saw last night. I would have acted the same. I'm a good guy. I may have been selfish and closed off but I had the best intentions. I will be better because of this. I think I handled it just right. What do you think? She did tell a close friend of mine that she doesn't have any bad feelings towards me and that one day she hopes we get along. There was no other guy that caused the split and she just wants to be single. My friend actually asked her if there is a chance that we will get back together and she said "right now, no." I didn't ask her to investigate so I'm not quite sure why she did. I don't see my feelings fading for this girl, but i am forced to put them away and focus on moving forward. Any thoughts words of wisdom are appreciated. Ive had a lot of time to self reflect and I wasn't exactly a picnic but I loved this girl from the bottom of my heart. Anything she wants goes. I indirectly failed to show her that in the relationship and that was my fault. Edited March 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
David87 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 If you love her, then let her go. As you said let her be happy without you. It was a mistake to send that message after you saw her with that guy. Start NC and try to fight the urges to call or send text because it will push her further away and you'll lose your dignity to and please don't hope that you'll get back together just because she said to your friend that se isn't ready now. If you love your ex that doesn't mean you have to become clingy and needy.
Chi townD Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Did she see you walk around the corner when she was with this guy? What was her reaction? I feel that you have the right to be a little upset. Here she is KNOWING that your around and she takes this guy outside to makeout with this dude. Knowing that you're in the general area. That's in poor taste if you ask me. I mean, things between you are still raw. Up till that point, you two were being respectful in the presence of each other and she pulls that crap? Sorry, that was disrespectful. And I know that she doesn't owe you anything, but a little common courtesy should be in order. Go NC and stay there. Time to heal from this and move on. 1
Chi townD Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 OH! And DO block her from all of your social media. You state that you don't want to come across as bitter or angry. Personally, after what she pulled, I don't think she's going to give a rats ass. You block her to stop the temptation of check her social media; which is breaking NC. This for YOU and your healing. NOT for her. Ignore everything. Make positive changes and stay NC.
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Did she see you walk around the corner when she was with this guy? What was her reaction? I feel that you have the right to be a little upset. Here she is KNOWING that your around and she takes this guy outside to makeout with this dude. Knowing that you're in the general area. That's in poor taste if you ask me. I mean, things between you are still raw. Up till that point, you two were being respectful in the presence of each other and she pulls that crap? Sorry, that was disrespectful. And I know that she doesn't owe you anything, but a little common courtesy should be in order. Go NC and stay there. Time to heal from this and move on. Yeah she did. A buddy of mine told me that the guy said "I was making out with some chick and she said we had to stop because thats my ex." That kind of pissed me off when he called her some chick but its in the past. Apparently she got very very drunk that night. How do i enjoy seeing all of my friends and hanging out at the same place when its a constant reminder of her. I think it would be easier with some answers and a little bit of contact. I let her in to every aspect of my life so everywhere I turn i think of her and everything I miss about her comes crawling back. She became close with my close friends and Im happy that happened. They're good people and a good influence on each other. I haven't made contact with her since that day. Nothing to say really. I do think about telling her that Im not angry but theres no point. Like you said she probably doesn't care. I don't want to push her away nor come off needy either and I'm really not. I just wish things didn't turn out this way for us. Im sure one day well be on friendly terms but to think of her liking someone else or sleeping with someone else eats me away. She was so so sexy to me and towards the end our sex life really didn't exist. Ive never loved anyone like I love her.
Conners Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Yeah she did. A buddy of mine told me that the guy said "I was making out with some chick and she said we had to stop because thats my ex." That kind of pissed me off when he called her some chick but its in the past. Apparently she got very very drunk that night. How do i enjoy seeing all of my friends and hanging out at the same place when its a constant reminder of her. I think it would be easier with some answers and a little bit of contact. I let her in to every aspect of my life so everywhere I turn i think of her and everything I miss about her comes crawling back. She became close with my close friends and Im happy that happened. They're good people and a good influence on each other. I haven't made contact with her since that day. Nothing to say really. I do think about telling her that Im not angry but theres no point. Like you said she probably doesn't care. I don't want to push her away nor come off needy either and I'm really not. I just wish things didn't turn out this way for us. Im sure one day well be on friendly terms but to think of her liking someone else or sleeping with someone else eats me away. She was so so sexy to me and towards the end our sex life really didn't exist. Ive never loved anyone like I love her. At least she went outside to do it and not do it in front of you inside. Just really bad timing that you had to see it.. I get how painful it would be to see the person you love kiss someone else, it's a pain like no other. Keep your head up mate
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 What am i supposed to do? I look at my friends faces and know that they're at a better place with her than i am and it reminds me of her. These are my close friends too. Am I supposed to become a hermit and disappear? Like I've said before there is no bad blood between us. Just everything turned a complete 180 before my eyes. She went from telling me she's coming up to see me to to telling me that she loves me but not in love with me and that its the hardest decision she has ever had to make, to making out with a random guy in front of me. Pain is an understatement.
somecamel Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 What am i supposed to do? I look at my friends faces and know that they're at a better place with her than i am and it reminds me of her. These are my close friends too. Am I supposed to become a hermit and disappear? Like I've said before there is no bad blood between us. Just everything turned a complete 180 before my eyes. She went from telling me she's coming up to see me to to telling me that she loves me but not in love with me and that its the hardest decision she has ever had to make, to making out with a random guy in front of me. Pain is an understatement. Does this pain feel like someone twisting a pair of scissors inside your empty stomach? A kind of hopeless feeling where you know something is missing and the things that's missing is the only thing that can get rid of the pain? If so, you're not over her dude, you put yourself in this situation because you wanted to see her. It might sound cruel, but I hope that now you have seen that she has moved on, it will give you the next push in your journey of healing. Be strong and continue posting, it really does help to put your feelings into words.
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 for the past few months Ive been improving on myself and I love it. The pain I feel is not that. Its regret that it took me losing her to become a better man. She will always be a missing part of my life but in her place i will put in the effort to make myself better. I read somewhere that relationships usually don't last after someone graduates from college. She got her dream job while we were still together. I was an ass and added stress to her by asking her to come and see me after she returned from vacation. How could i be so blind? This is a nightmare but I will be the man she wanted me to be. Maybe not for her but because of her! 1
Chi townD Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Dude, this isn't the girl for you. She gave you the ILYBINILWY speech. That's tells me that she cheated on you, you just never caught her. Which could also explain the way she easily made out with this dude (and was comfortable about it) at the same location that you were at. Because, she's done it before. The ILYBINILWY speech is CLASSIC and TEXTBOOK for someone that is cheating. Look, you mentioned and asked yourself if you need to live like a hermit. Quick answer? Yep! For a little while. You are an alcoholic. You are a speed freak, you are a junkie and you are dopehead. At least, that's how you have to look at yourself. And you are going through withdrawl symptoms that are NO DIFFERENT than an addict trying to get clean. Having trouble eating and sleeping. Constantly thinking about the drug (your Ex) and trying to justify any excuse to get just one more hit! See, you're probably having the SAME symptoms as an addict getting clean. So, what does your friends have to do with that? Well, follow this scenario. You're an alcoholic getting sober. You go away for treatment for 8 weeks and when you get out you are determined to STAY SOBER! But, your friends are trying to throw you a welcome home party in a pub!! That doesn't make any sense and it's too much of a temptation so soon after treatment! So, you stay away from the pub until you are strong enough in your sobriety to be in a pub and not drink, to be around people that are drinking but you're not. Dude, you're not that strong yet. If they're your friends, they'll understand your feelings on why you need to stay away from her.
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 We live in different towns so it's not like she's gonna bump into me anytime soon. Maybe she broke up w me before she did anything with anyone else? Either way man it is what it is. All I can say I'm a good guy and I will be an even better guy going forward. I'm not addicted just sad.
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 And the friends were my friends first. I don't want to be cooped up at home for 8 weeks! I think that's even more unhealthy. All I'll do is think about what things could've been like.
Chi townD Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Dude, you don't have to follow the crowd! Make a plan for a getaway weekend with some of your friends! Friends that are interested in going. Whether that be deep sea fishing in the Florida Keys, or white water rafting. Or Climbing, or Mountain biking or camping. The point I'm trying to make is if you know she's going to be at a place, then maybe you should skip it. You'll have more time and opportunities with your friends in the future. But, right now, you have to focus on your healing process. Oh and the addict reference is a metaphor. A very strong metaphor by comparison. But a metaphor. 1
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I gotcha. The next time she's up here may be never for all I know. Damn this is a crappy situation. I'm fronds with all my exes but I never gave up my heart to anyone like I did to her. It wasn't enough and I see that now. Next time around I'll do better.
somecamel Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I gotcha. The next time she's up here may be never for all I know. Damn this is a crappy situation. I'm fronds with all my exes but I never gave up my heart to anyone like I did to her. It wasn't enough and I see that now. Next time around I'll do better. never give them everything, they'll always want more
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 In my case i think she took it and ran with it.
somecamel Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 In my case i think she took it and ran with it. Exactly:):):)
Author Boxerhd Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I also think that in her case I wanted more and she had no more to give.
Author Boxerhd Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Played pool with the random guy tonight. No trouble, no questions asked just a good night. I'm starting to think although I made mistakes, she's not there quite yet. I would've loved to work on it with this girl. It lasted for 1.5 years. Maybe she's not ready?
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