Author michele4 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Oh my goodness. If he did that I would be so disgusted. There is absolutely no reason to lie like that. I really hope it doesn't turn into a he said vs she said situation but I will absolutely keep all documentation just in case. I completely agree with you that I really don't care how it's paid to me as long as it is. I was nice by not having his wages garnished from the beginning he can make a simple payment. It's almost like the person who ends up owing the payments (and mine were Not court mandated) does this to be passive - aggressive. Since everyone has been so kind with answering questions (thank you! It's been so helpful) I wanted to follow up on a previous one: after the divorce I moved home. I only have about 3 friends left in the area but one is my best friend (I've known her over 15 years) and at first she was great, very supportive, but then she told me I'm super busy so I'll let you know when I'm free (and she is-job, school, SO). Now if I text her she just replies with some "learning to be happy" quote even if the text has nothing to do with unhappiness. I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks and haven't seen her in 3 but now she wants to meet up tonight. I know I need to spend as much time with other people as I can but I don't feel like seeing her. Confronting her will do no good - I wouldn't hear from her for months if I did. This is very hurtful as I've always been a great friend to her and we've always been very close. Also, because I left a group of friends. I'm also frustrated because my ex, due to all of his lying, has kept several friends. Any suggestions?
RightThere Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I only have about 3 friends left in the area but one is my best friend (I've known her over 15 years) and at first she was great, very supportive, but then she told me I'm super busy so I'll let you know when I'm free (and she is-job, school, SO). Now if I text her she just replies with some "learning to be happy" quote even if the text has nothing to do with unhappiness. I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks and haven't seen her in 3 but now she wants to meet up tonight. I know I need to spend as much time with other people as I can but I don't feel like seeing her. Confronting her will do no good - I wouldn't hear from her for months if I did. This is very hurtful as I've always been a great friend to her and we've always been very close. Also, because I left a group of friends. I'm also frustrated because my ex, due to all of his lying, has kept several friends. Any suggestions? Are you wanting to confront her about not being as supportive as you need? I would probably avoid that and just accept the time she is able to spend with you. Try getting out and doing some new things on your own. I literally just started attending a yoga class. I haven't made any "friends" yet, but it's just great therapy to be with other people, make a little small talk, and RELAX. There also may be some divorce support groups in your area. I know I wish there were some where I am as I think it's so beneficial to be with people going through similar circumstances so you don't feel like you're on as island.
Author michele4 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I do not want to confront her - she is the type where she would probably disappear for several months. I definitely need to follow in your footsteps and find a new hobby. I wish I liked yoga. Did you enjoy it? I've found a few divorce groups in my area but they have all seemed to be from a religious basis or for people who have children (not that I have an issue with either but they're just not applicable to me).
Author michele4 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 An update- the insurance company agreed to pay the repairs! So thankful On the flipside I still have not received the alimony. He messaged me AGAIN (this is the second or third time now) asking me for my address. I gave it to him and told him being close to 2 weeks late is not acceptable. Of course no reply. If I don't receive it next week I will be filing a complaint. 1
Art_Critic Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 how long is he to pay the alimony? the reason I ask is if it is only 6 more months and you don't really need the money then how much effort you expend trying to get him to pay up on time might be worth weighing against the whole is it worth it deal.. I would think since it is a court order that all it would take is filing a complaint against him in the courts to have him brought back in line.
Author michele4 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 ArtCritic- I completely agree with you. It is less than a year of alimony which is why I'm not going to do more than file a complaint and hope that it causes him to pay on time and be done. If not, I guess I will just deal with him paying late every time because while it is annoying it's not worth expending any more effort on. 1
health Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) Michelle - 2 things. When you say " I know I haven't been divorced very long but when the situation ends so suddenly you really have to cope and move on quite quickly." - there really are no short cuts with healing - make sure you take the time and heal well and thoroughly! Otherwise it comes out in uglier ways later on - like marrying someone new with tonnes of baggage and not being able to get over the first guy etc - I would pay the full or at least part of the car accident. Saying ah, who cares let him deal with it like some others are saying here - regardless of what he did, that's not really being responsible and civil. Be the better person in this situation. Focus on healing that's key. Edited March 9, 2014 by health
Author michele4 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Health- I am really trying to learn to heal properly- the process just totally sucks. Some days I truly feel fine (like I did that day) and other days I can barely get out of bed. As for the car accident (it is rather unfortunate you cannot go back and delete threads) he is not paying for the accident. He may or may not pay for his rates to increase because I was a valid user on the policy at the time of accident. I have consulted a lawyer on this (although I am trying to avoid using them anymore due to costs) and I have been told that since I was a valid user on the policy on the date of the accident and paid all insurance-related costs, and asked the insurance to transfer the accident to my sole policy which they refused to do, the accident will unfortunately stay on his policy and I have done what I could do (from a legal standpoint). I hope they do not raise his rates. But as many mentioned above it is a business issue and legally that is how it stands.
Tayken Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I am 2.5 months post discovery and 1.5 months post divorce. To recap My ex suddenly wanted a divorce and I was blindsided- turns out there was lying and an affair. I moved home asap. My ex, who I have had little contact with, is now making paying my alimony into a huge pain. He has a steady job but for some reason sending the check is just too difficult and I am getting a laundry list of reasons of why he hasn't sent it yet. I want/need the alimony but am concerned that this is going to turn into a huge ordeal each month (this is month one). I did not even bring up the late check- I was going to wait it out and see what happened but he has now contacted me twice now with excuses and unnecessarily mean comments thrown in. Any advice? I'm sure I could file a complaint about it but I think I'd need to wait a few months first. Emotionally I am doing much better than I was. I know I haven't been divorced very long but when the situation ends so suddenly you really have to cope and move on quite quickly. The issue is my friends that I've reconnected with since returning are mostly my age (mid 20s- I was married young) and since I've moved home do not want to see me. I do not bring up my ex, as I'm sure it is annoying to hear about my divorce constantly, but if they ask how I am doing emotionally or if they ask if I have had to speak with him recently I will tell them what is going on but almost every time they will stop talking to me as soon as I respond and I won't hear from them until they have something they need to tell me/ask me about (to clarify I am not bashing my ex- the most I will say is that I am frustrated by his x,y,z behavior). I am a nice person but very introverted so this is very hard for me. I feel like my ex got to exhibit all this awful behavior but I am the one who is having to deal with several repercussions. Am I just having some odd emotional pity party? How do I deal with this? You asked so I'll give it to you straight....my favourite topic by the way separation / divorce/ child support and alimony.....love it The law says "every adult has the primary responsibility to be self sufficient".....emphasis on self sufficient If you are in your mid 20s, it's not too late for you to go back to school and make something of your life. You can't expect someone to carry you till the end.... My ex who always worked and earned good money, pulled this stunt also, and the law unfortunately allows a disparity in income to be a defacto standard for alimony. In short marriages however, it's only half the years of marriage but the person seeking still has to prove entitlement to it. Also...it's tax deductible to the payor and the payee has to declare it come tax time Become an independent woman and stop looking for a guy to carry you. I avoid it now like the plague in my dates...what a person does is important to me for long term relationship However for the FWB, I don't bring it up
Author michele4 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Tayken- I am unsure why you're judging me as a dependent-on-a-man type woman but let me set the record straight- I have a bachelors degree and a job. Due to an agreement the ex and I had he offered alimony and agreed to it in the divorce decree (all this is mentioned in the comments above). I am just frustrated because since it was NOT mandated by a judge/court/etc and he offered it and signed to it why he can't pay on time. Part of being an adult is paying your bills-this is a bill he agreed to.
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