Pageant Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Hello everyone, Just wanted to say first that I've been lurking and reading LoveShack forever and find that people here give really good and fair advice. So I'm in my 20s and have been online dating a lot the last year. Usually the dates end up mutually just as first dates because the spark is not there. A few months ago, however, I met a promising guy. We're the same age. The first date was fantastic and he seemed so into me (in terms of body language, and interest in talking, laughing, etc) that I almost couldn't believe it. We made out passionately on the first date and also the dates afterward. He was texting me every day. We hung out with his friends and my friends many times, and I was thinking that this might be leading into a promising relationship. Everyone around us said he was acting really into me. So at the 2 month point of dating, we had an intimate moment, and I told him how I am still technically a virgin. (I had never met a guy I really liked who I was comfortable enough with at this point.) But I realized then that I was comfortable with him and look forward to doing it with him, hopefully in a relationship. And I told him that I would probably want to be exclusive before I go further. But I think him finding this out might have really changed his opinion of me? He then didn't text as much or as quickly, and would then text later saying he was "busy" and apologizing for not replying sooner. I texted him after he did this "almost fade" to ask him what was going on, and unfortunately he said "I know now at this point I am not ready for a serious relationship." Which as everyone says, should be crystal clear that he's not that into me! I was upset for a while and thought it was over and felt sad. I deleted his number, etc. Went no contact for a while. But then late on Valentine's day, after not talking for a few weeks, he suddenly texted me saying he wants to hang out with me. And that really confused me. We texted a few more times and he seemed really excited to see me again, but he made sure to say he wanted to "hang out," which makes me think he only wants to be friends? Strange, though. I did find out on the 2nd or 3rd date though that he was recently out of a long-term relationship before we met, but that's all he ever said about that to me, and never mentioned it again. So I don't know if that is really affecting him not wanting to start a relationship or not. Also, he could be assuming that since I'm a virgin that I need the relationship to be some big SERIOUS thing but that's not the case. I would be cool with going with the flow, and want to get some experience at this point... So really confused about this guy, and how to proceed! Thanks for reading.
Babolat Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Guy here, the V Day thing was probably lonliness. I admire you for talking to him like you did at the 2 month point. You told him what you want, where you are, he did the same. If he comes back to you, remind him what you said, how he replied, and if nothing has changed, keep moving on without him. Your message about sex, a relationship, exclusive, not serious, is a little confusing though. So, you may want to better define that for yourself first, and then to him. 1
mercuryshadow Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I don't like to assume the worst of people, but if you do wish to see him again, see him in public, not at his house or yours. You don't sound particularly naive, but just play things safe... he may want to see if you'll "take the bait" and end up sleeping with him. If only I could this same advice to my younger, dating self. 1
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