conmorse Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 It's been almost 4 months since my ex and I broke up, and we haven't spoken to each other since then. She and I were together for 2 years, but she decided to end it out of the blue saying her feelings were no longer the same. After the break up she quickly got into the whole "partying scene" and rebounding with 2 guys, one who I suspect shes still seeing. Anyways, yesterday I finally ran into her at the gym. She was with her best friend. I felt anxiety at first, but I decided to remain calm and just go on with my workout. She seemed awkward seeing me, and we didn't really get a chance to talk to each other. Her best friend looked like she was trying to stare me down, even though I never did anything wrong. The whole entire time I was telling myself to keep my composure and not give either of them a response. I went home that day not really trying to think about my encounter with her, but today I'm feeling a little sad and wanting to have that "talk" with her I should have had with her earlier in the breakup. I'm sad about the reality of how she and I were together for 2 years, and all of the sudden we're complete strangers to one another. I at least want to be friendly and acknowledge we played a role in each others lives. I miss her like crazy and there's still a bit of feelings left over, but Ive already acknowledged that I wouldn't want to get back together with her based on our circumstances. One of which is that I'm moving to a different city this month. I want to reach out to her and just talk over coffee about our lives, and ask questions that are still lingering. I know this is breaking NC, but I'd rather just get it over with and remove all the false hope I may still have. What are your thoughts?
jphcbpa Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 wanting to have that "talk" with her I should have had with her earlier in the breakup. what is it you want to say???
Zahara Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/460110-just-inflicted-so-much-pain-myself OP, remember this thread? Please stop this.
Zahara Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I wouldn't want to get back together with her based on our circumstances. One of which is that I'm moving to a different city this month. I want to reach out to her and just talk over coffee about our lives, and ask questions that are still lingering. I know this is breaking NC, but I'd rather just get it over with and remove all the false hope I may still have. I see a huge contradiction here. What false hope are you speaking about?
Author conmorse Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I see a huge contradiction here. What false hope are you speaking about? False hope of wanting to reconcile in the future. Right now im holding onto that hope and that she'll somewhere along the road reach out to me and apologize for the things she did after the break up. During the first month of the breakup I was in touch with a mutual friend of both mine and her's who was sort of the "middleman" and she was the one relaying me information about her. There are a few things I want to talk about and sort out before I move away. I don't want to just completely disappear without having no chance to say a single word to each other after the break up. Even if the conversation goes sour, I at least can get rid of the "What if's".
erklat Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 There are no no what if's. She left you and was with two other dudes after. The relationship and naive infatuation and care went south then. You didn't pursue romantic relationship with her to acknowledge her part in your life. If she felt the same for you, I'm sure you would acknowledge her decently. Look forward to your new life. I'm going to a new city on Saturday too. I miss my ex too, but her behavior and silence on my moves to reach out are answer to all what if's in the world. The only thing I'm prepared to acknowledge that there will never be no communication between us that is not business like and cordial. 1
Zahara Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 False hope of wanting to reconcile in the future. Right now im holding onto that hope and that she'll somewhere along the road reach out to me and apologize for the things she did after the break up. During the first month of the breakup I was in touch with a mutual friend of both mine and her's who was sort of the "middleman" and she was the one relaying me information about her. There are a few things I want to talk about and sort out before I move away. I don't want to just completely disappear without having no chance to say a single word to each other after the break up. Even if the conversation goes sour, I at least can get rid of the "What if's". "After 3 months of NC, I have my answer. When I drove by that night and I saw his car at her house late at night... that just brought me back to hell, back to day one. I threw up in my car. That should be my closure shouldn't it? That shes with someone else now, regardless if it's a rebound or not shes with someone. So why am I still caught up on her? Why do I want to "see" her or "talk" to her? I know there's no point. Why am I having all these pointless thoughts?" This is what you wrote a little over two weeks ago. She has moved on. Let it go. If any sort of reconciliation should happen, she will be the one to come to you. It's not your responsibility to lay the groundwork for her. Your "talk" isn't going to light a bulb in her head. As a woman, I am telling you that the most unattractive thing for a man to do is to chase a woman that isn't into him. Don't do it. There is no What If. She dumped you because she was losing feelings in OCTOBER 2013. Then soon jumped on two other guys. The only reason you want to talk is because you want one more desperate attempt to test the waters to see if you can get her back. My god only weeks you saw another man's car in her driveway. ???? 1
legion113 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Even if she tells you "No way" you will still convince yourself that maybe there's a what if down the line after more time has passed. It will never end. Just give it up already, if she even wanted anything from you she would have talked to you in the gym. I'm afraid you're just going to look like a sap in her eyes if you make any contact. If you leave without a word, and she realizes that you are really gone, well, that's probably your best chance for the future. Talk to her now, and that chance is gone.
jphcbpa Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 . Let it go. If any sort of reconciliation should happen, she will be the one to come to you. It's not your responsibility to lay the groundwork for her. Your "talk" isn't going to light a bulb in her head. As a woman, I am telling you that the most unattractive thing for a man to do is to chase a woman that isn't into him. Don't do it. thank you...needed to read this today.
Author conmorse Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I won't talk to her. It's just a shame how she wouldn't even bother to look at me or acknowledge me. I know, i know, shes owes nothing to me, she doesn't have to do anything...it's easy to tell me that. What hurts is that I was a respectable individual to her for those two years, it's not like I cheated or did any sort of infidelity. I don't deserve to be treated like I wasn't a part of her life at all after the break up. She could have at least said "Hi" or be cordial. I remember asking her "now what, what happens when I see you" and her saying "We say Hello to each other and move on. "
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I won't talk to her. It's just a shame how she wouldn't even bother to look at me or acknowledge me. I know, i know, shes owes nothing to me, she doesn't have to do anything...it's easy to tell me that. What hurts is that I was a respectable individual to her for those two years, it's not like I cheated or did any sort of infidelity. I don't deserve to be treated like I wasn't a part of her life at all after the break up. She could have at least said "Hi" or be cordial. I remember asking her "now what, what happens when I see you" and her saying "We say Hello to each other and move on. " YOU were respectable. Don't project how & what you believe should be right behavior onto someone else. It's an expectation that will only disappoint you. And consider it a blessing that she is ignoring you. Contact will only f*** with your head.
Author conmorse Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Having spoken to a few close friends about this, they all sort of responded with the same thing, "maybe she was too embarrassed or felt guilty for what she did to you after the break up, that's she couldn't even look at you." Because at the end of the day, she did do a few terrible things to me after the break up which destroyed me emotionally, and she knows it. I understand where everyone is coming from, it's not my responsibility to set up the ground work for her to talk. The only thing I want from wanting to speak with her is to talk. I've heard of lots of people who had the chance to talk after the break up, some which provided them "closure" and some which made things worse. I've come a long way to know that we wouldn't get back together and nor would I want to. She's no longer the type of girl who I would want to be in a relationship with anyways, and we're emotionally incompatible. All I was is to talk. After having her in my life for 2 years, I want to at least have a conversation before I move. If she acts cold and distant, then fine I can keep trucking along.
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 All I was is to talk. After having her in my life for 2 years, I want to at least have a conversation before I move. If she acts cold and distant, then fine I can keep trucking along. You will have to learn the hard way. The only thing you will do is emasculate yourself and it's sad that you can't see this -- especially when you seek a woman that did terrible things to you after the break-up and destroyed you emotionally (in your own words). It only shows how weak and desperate you are to be validated by her. I'm sorry you can't find your self-respect and dignity to move on from this and stay away from someone that devalued you. Good luck to you.
Author conmorse Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 You will have to learn the hard way. The only thing you will do is emasculate yourself and it's sad that you can't see this -- especially when you seek a woman that did terrible things to you after the break-up and destroyed you emotionally (in your own words). It only shows how weak and desperate you are to be validated by her. I'm sorry you can't find your self-respect and dignity to move on from this and stay away from someone that devalued you. Good luck to you. I appreciate you calling me out. This is what I will need to keep myself away from her.
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