Is it lame if you are still living with your mom till you are 26?

[kaylan]

I used to think living at home would either be a dealbreaker or at least a hindrance when it came to dating--until I met my FI's brother.

 

He's 26, has no car, lives at home, and his mom has to drive him everywhere. He has no plans to move out--and women flock to him. He works at a gas station and women come in and hit on him, not the other way around. He's kind of socially awkward. These girls are nice, normal girls. They take him out and drive him around until he dumps them.

 

I'm amazed every time this happens.

.....he must be insanely smooth on top of good looking.

 

How is that possible? And what do these women look like? I cannot imagine attractive, independent and educated women in their 20s being ok with all of that. Its not the living at home thing either...its all the other stuff. I think living at home is fine so long as you take care of your own bills and are not a leech.

 

I have a friend whos 28 and still lives at home...but hes effectively the man of the house since his dad passed away a long time ago. Hes made his way to a management position within a well known international company, pays all his own bills and well as taking care of a sizable portion of the house bills, and is college educated.

 

He never had issues dating, has his own car, has been all over the world, and is recently engaged. Hes saving up for his future despite still living at home. The guy is a success if I have ever seen one, and will likely move out upon marriage. And before anyone asks, hes an American. I state this because I know some people might assume hes from a different culture, since some cultures kids dont move out until marriage.

 

Anyways, if women ever passed on my buddy because he lived at home, they very much missed out. Because his soon to be wife will be well taken care of, be able to see many parts of the world with him, and have a good partner by her side. Hes a stand up guy.

Edited March 6, 2014 by kaylan

[iris219]

.....he must be insanely smooth on top of good looking.

 

How is that possible? And what do these women look like? I cannot imagine attractive, independent and educated women in their 20s being ok with all of that. Its not the living at home thing either...its all the other stuff. I think living at home is fine so long as you take care of your own bills and are not a leech.

 

I wonder how it's possible as well. I think there are a lot of desperate women in my town.

 

He's not bad looking, but he's definitely not smooth. He's awkward and quiet.

 

The girls are average to above average looking, and they all have something going for them--they own cars, live on their own, attend college and/or have stable jobs. He's a recovering drug addict who didn't finish high school.

[kaylan]

I wonder how it's possible as well. I think there are a lot of desperate women in my town.

 

He's not bad looking, but he's definitely not smooth. He's awkward and quiet.

 

The girls are average to above average looking, and they all have something going for them--they own cars, live on their own, attend college and/or have stable jobs. He's a recovering drug addict who didn't finish high school.

Lol I really wonder how much of a catch these women are.

 

Either way, there must be better single guys for them to date. I mean hell...tell them to get tinder or an online dating profile. Are you sure hes dating all these women? How are u finding all this out?

[iris219]

Lol I really wonder how much of a catch these women are.

 

Either way, there must be better single guys for them to date. I mean hell...tell them to get tinder or an online dating profile. Are you sure hes dating all these women? How are u finding all this out?

 

I meet them. They start coming when the family goes out to dinner and spending the night at his mom's. They all seem smitten with him. Eventually he says they're getting too clingy and he dumps them. I keep trying to figure out what's wrong with these girls but they seem really nice.

 

I don't understand what these women see in him.

[Els]

I think if you explain it just like you did here to the woman, she may think you're smart and responsible. It's the ones who live with their moms because they like being babied and also let their moms into every facet of their lives including their dates that women shun and rightly so. But do get out once the debt is gone. You can't really fully mature until you're living on your own -- and that means by yourself without someone to replace Mom.

 

 

Yes. One of my old friends is 30+, and living with mom - he doesn't even know how to cook, or iron a shirt, or change a lightbulb. THAT is what turns women off. If you are mostly self-sufficient and were just living with parents to save on student loan debt because you did a Masters in Engineering, I don't see anything wrong with it. It's an investment (though you should still move out ASAP after graduating).

[carhill]

OP, what I read in your posts is that living at home at your age is customary for a young man in your culture and country and you enumerated a plan and a timeline to achieve your independence and also crunched some numbers to save yourself some money in the process. You're an engineer and have a wonderful life of challenges ahead of you. You'll do fine. If women think you're lame, that's OK. You can't control their thoughts. Do what you do. Good luck!

[kaylan]

I meet them. They start coming when the family goes out to dinner and spending the night at his mom's. They all seem smitten with him. Eventually he says they're getting too clingy and he dumps them. I keep trying to figure out what's wrong with these girls but they seem really nice.

 

I don't understand what these women see in him.

If that guys a Don Juan in your town, Id clean house over there. Where do you live, time to book a plane ticket lmao

[Noproblem]

If you act and behave like a responsible person and you are an interesting fellow, who cares if you live with your mom or grandpa?

If you didn't make it a big deal, nobody will see it as a big deal!

[ltjg45]

While cancer is expensive, and I don't know what its like in Belgium, the housing bubble crash in the united States was almost six years ago. So here. I'd never let the " the economy Is bad " excuse fly. .

There are jobs . People just don't do them because they feel entitled to ' better ' work.

 

That's how it is in the land of red white and blue anyway.

 

Even if you do get these low-end jobs, they hardly pay enough. In my case, the best I can get is a studio and, even then, I will be living paycheck to paycheck to start off with, which is EXACTLY what I wanted to avoid.

 

Can't build up anything worth giving a damn if you have to throw away 98% of your income just for basic things.

 

In order for me to move out comfortably, I literally have to work 2 jobs at the same thing and, no offense, but I do question my ability to stay on my feet for 16 hours a day minimum to do so.

[acrosstheuniverse]

In order for me to move out comfortably, I literally have to work 2 jobs at the same thing and, no offense, but I do question my ability to stay on my feet for 16 hours a day minimum to do so.

 

It's really hard but if you spread it across the seven days you won't necessarily be at work for all of those hours every day. By the end of work tonight I'll have worked 42 hours out of 62 and I can confirm it feels like I've been shot. Everything aches and it's hard to sleep because I'm too scared of not waking up again!

[OhhIsabella]

If you were living with your mother just because you were lazy, unmotivated and doing nothing with your life....

 

Then that is a HUGE turn off. Plus it shows that you have no goals or desire to make yourself happy.

 

However that is not the case for you. Girls will see that you're just being smart about your financial choices. Paying off your debt is a great thing and you have a great career choice.

 

So congrats!

 

And I agree with the other poster about giving your mom money. You're nt using her like most kids who still live with their mom. You're making a very thoughtful and manly choice about your future while being respectful to the woman that nurtures and believes in you.

 

Good luck!

[GravityMan]

On the surface, I wouldn't consider living with parents past your early 20s a good thing or a lame thing. It's just a thing, a decision you made. It's WHY that decision was made that determines whether it's lame or not. Examples:

 

1) Electing to stay with parents because one or both of them are in poor health = not lame. Actually quite admirable, and helps to humanize you in the eyes of others.

 

2) Staying with them because you're lazy and mooching off of them (not aggressively job hunting, not helping pay bills, etc.) = usually considered lame and very immature. The parents also warrant some criticism because they probably spoiled you too much.

 

3) Deciding to stay with them because you cannot yet afford to live by yourself yet are working hard (job, school, etc.) to get to that point in the near future. You're helping around the house, with bills, etc... = people tend to be split on whether they find this situation lame or not. This situation makes sense from a practical standpoint and you're showing that you're a responsible person. That's good. However, the issue is this: did you really think things through and consider ALL your options as far as living arrangements are concerned? Did you consider roommates, or an efficiency apartment in a cheaper part of town? Did you consider cheaper forms of transportation (although not having a car past age 18 has its own downsides depending on where you live)? Did you consider holding off on getting a credit card until you're financially solvent (although holding off too long may have consequences)? You might find that there are options available to you that incur little or no additional monetary stress on you while still living on your own. Also, what about your parents' feelings? Perhaps they were looking forward to having the house all to themselves.

 

Also, most decisions - especially major life decisions - you make throughout your life will have some positives and some consequences. That includes the decision to continue living with parents into your 20s vs. the decision to move out on your own in your late teens. (Living with parents into your 20s has the obvious consequence of limiting your dating pool - many women prefer men that have their own place, no exceptions.) That includes your decisions on whom you befriend, where you work, your career path, becoming a homeowner vs. staying in an apartment into your 30s, and many others. People, including those who wield power, will judge you based on your past and present actions. Other variables both within and outside your control can also influence the positives and negatives. Very few if any people in life can truly have their cake and eat it too.

 

Furthermore, I strongly believe that ages 18 to 25 are critical years for "discovering yourself" and can shape your worldview, social/emotional development, etc. for many years beyond. I think it is important to learn about yourself completely away from your parents' influence. I also feel it's important to gain experience with self-sufficiency during that time period...waiting until your late 20s or 30s to go out on your own might lead to a much-increased risk of you struggling to make the adjustment to being your own boss, because you might have become too accustomed to living with mom and dad.