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Guys: You want to hit on a girl, but you're intimidated because...

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
in General Relationship Discussion

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gaius Established Member

gaius

Posted
Posted

I'll make eye contact and say hello to any woman but I do get weird vibes sometimes which cause me not to take it further than that. Sometimes I get the feeling there's something dirty about the woman, sometimes that I would have to fight 5 other dudes for her attention which I have no interest in, and a lot of times that she's a little too young for me. I get RedRobin's voice talking in the back of my head. I've always had that voice but lately that's the form it's been taking.

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Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

 

Obviously this doesn't apply to me because I am a MAN. I am yet to meet a woman I couldn't speak to...be it for interest or just small talk.

 

Being British...I can be a bit of snub sometimes too :D It comes natural for us

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Because odds are if she's hot and has a nice personality, there's a 99.9% chance she's taken. So why bother?

 

But that's the problem. Most guys think she is taken therefore no one approaches, and if no one approaches she continues to remain single while men still assume she is taken. This is a very wrong generalization because it's usually the opposite, the more beautiful, successful women are usually single.

 

This kind of thinking is sooo wrong.

 

Like good looking/nice people don't have relationship problems like everyone else?

 

Honestly you shouldn't be intimidated by this at all, unless you talk to her you wouldn't know what her status is.. she may be trying to get out of a relationship.. or "shock" be single!

 

Lol YES!!! Amen sister.

 

No, they don't.

 

If a girl is good looking and has a nice personality which I mentioned in my post, the only reason she would be single is if she wants to be single.

 

NOPE! Sorry somedude, but you are VERY WRONG in this (for most cases). If a woman wants to be single, she doesn't strut her hot stuff in high heels and go to social places like bars and clubs.

 

That is because they are on vacation as well and the locals have not been worn down by political correctness.

 

AND because of culture differences I think. In some cultures men are just more aggressive or don't care about rejection. I don't mean to stereotype, but in my experiences, latinos are extremely aggressive chasers and I've never had a problem in a salsa club LOL

 

Unfortunately I'm not very attracted to latin men :(

Edited by Hopeful30
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GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

Posted
Posted
I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

Well, when guys unnecessarily put a few bullets into their own feet...that makes it a bit harder for them to approach a woman.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Certain cultures have not been worn down by the gender wars. Western culture has which is a big reason men are afraid to approach.

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Esoteric Elf Established Member

Esoteric Elf

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Oh, I don't know. Perhaps if she has taken initiative with her life such as her stable vocation, ever-expanding social network, solid hobbies, and such, one would like to think that she just might take initiative if she sees a guy she likes. Valid thinking?

 

 

 

Meh...:confused:

topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

Posted
Posted
I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

I did a lot of cold approaching in my early 20s. I found that, while it did work occasionally, it was ultimately a waste of time.

 

I'm a successful professional with a lot of hobbies. I really don't want to be bothered to go back into the rejection/numbers game again.

 

Even when you get the number, you have to send super awesome text messages to get the girl out. Then you have to be super awesome when you're out. Any trip up in your game and it's game over.

 

Yeah, I'll stick to building social circles, where I don't have to be perfect and on top of my game 200% of the time to get the girl. :laugh:

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topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

Posted
Posted
Agree. I will never be able to wrap my head around the whole beautiful-women-don't-get-approached thing. It's the stuff of legends like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster.

 

My singlehood was so miserable and unsuccessful that I actually developed a bad mental kneejerk reaction -- if I ever found myself very drawn to a woman on first-sight or first-conversation, I'd realize that if I was so drawn to her, so were a million other guys, and the thought of having to deal with that kind of competition would deflate me.

 

Of course, that meant I was trying to find a needle in a haystack, a woman that I was very attracted to but who I thought no other man would want. Impossible to balance both of these things -- you either settle or end up stressed about competition.

 

I agree.

 

Every pretty female friend that I have gets approached CONSTANTLY, everywhere. Grocery store, gym, bars, etc. They have a million stories about it.

 

The ones that claim they don't get approached are either really saying "I do get approached, but not by the guys that I want" or they're not nearly as attractive as they think they are.

 

Sorry, but this is real life, folks. Welcome to the world.

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topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

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NOPE! Sorry somedude, but you are VERY WRONG in this (for most cases). If a woman wants to be single, she doesn't strut her hot stuff in high heels and go to social places like bars and clubs.

 

No. You are wrong. Somedude, despite being relatively inexperienced, is more correct.

 

As I said in many posts, I used to be a huge clubber, as in I've gone to clubs a month straight every single night. When you go out that much, you learn a lot.

 

I learned that the vast majority of girls that went out simply dressed sexy for attention. They wanted validation. Some sought validation in terms of rejecting guys. Others sought it in terms of having sex with them. But, in the end, it was almost always about validation (other than the odd girl that was just dragged out by her friends and rarely clubbed).

 

To find the girls that were just out to have fun, you would have to go to the more laid back places (certain bars, raves, concerts, etc). And usually even then, these girls were not interested in meeting guys (though, they weren't necessarily opposed to it).

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Mr Scorpio Established Member

Mr Scorpio

Posted
Posted

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

If we're talking about a cold-approach -- as in I see a cute-girl at the bookstore -- I have no way of knowing if she is very open and friendly, or if she is a serial-killer.

 

Regardless, it isn't a matter of being intimidated by the woman per se. I could have a conversation with anyone in the right context. But with a cold-approach, the context is almost entirely based on physical attraction.

Everything else is pretext. And I know that she knows that I know that everything else is pretext. I may be witty at times, but making small-talk with a complete stranger while projecting the correct vibe? No. Nope.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
But that's the problem. Most guys think she is taken therefore no one approaches, and if no one approaches she continues to remain single while men still assume she is taken. This is a very wrong generalization because it's usually the opposite, the more beautiful, successful women are usually single.

Eh, it's not as much of an endless cycle as you make it to be.

 

1. Eventually some guy will take the risk and approach. I believe that women get approached more often then they would like to admit.

 

2. Or she's doing some activity where she meets guys and through conversation the guy finds out if she's single or not. Though most of the time she is not single.

 

 

 

If a girl is good looking and has a nice personality which I mentioned in my post, the only reason she would be single is if she wants to be single.

 

NOPE! Sorry somedude, but you are VERY WRONG in this (for most cases). If a woman wants to be single, she doesn't strut her hot stuff in high heels and go to social places like bars and clubs.

Eh, that's not really related to what I said.

 

Girls don't have to try all that hard to get a boyfriend.

 

I can only think of a few reasons why an attractive woman who wants a boyfriend is single.

 

There aren't any available men in her area or she's not trying to meet them.

 

She believes that the men she does meet aren't good enough for her.

 

Or she's batsh*t crazy and men run after a very short time.

 

One thing that I know for certain, is that if my ex is single now (which I have no idea of), it's because she wants to be. I know that she's always had several guys into her, and I'm sure that's the case now. I believe that many women are in the same situation, they have several guys waiting in the wings. If they didn't want to be single, they'd pick one of the guys, unless she thought they weren't good enough.

 

Lets try this, there are 5 or so girls at my school that I'm currently interested in. How many do you think have boyfriends?

 

Of the girls that are single, how many would go on a date with me? The girls that are single and would turn me down for a date, means that they want to be single ;)

suladas Established Member

suladas

Posted
Posted

Of the girls that are single, how many would go on a date with me? The girls that are single and would turn me down for a date, means that they want to be single ;)

 

So if a girl who is single turns you down, it means she wants to be single? :confused: Can't even begin to understand that logic.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
So if a girl who is single turns you down, it means she wants to be single? :confused: Can't even begin to understand that logic.

Of course. If she didn't want to be single, then she'd date me.

 

BTW did you notice the ;) ?

 

Here's the whole picture, if she does turn me down, odds are she's turned down quite a few other guys.

 

If none of the guys are good enough for her, then she can't say she doesn't want to be single or else she would pick one of them.

Michael91 Member

Michael91

Posted
Posted
I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

Since you are a woman since women don't see reality, I am not surprised that you believe that. However, that is absolutely false. The truth is they don't think men hit on them because they don't get hit on by the men they want. However, woe be unto any man they find unacceptable that dares to hit on them.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

Nothing if that is truly the case. However, men learn through the experience of repeated rejection and often rude rejection the women they should avoid approaching.

 

1. If a women is a 30 year old extremely attractive woman with an advanced college degree, she may desperately want to get married. However, how dare anyone that is not a good looking educated high income professional apply! His approaching her is such a huge insult that he will be rudely rejected.

 

2. A beautiful college cheerlead or pompom girl may be outgoing and friendly and easy to approach and talk to provided it is just friendly, non-sexual, and you don't ask for a date. If you dare ask her for a date, she will politely turn you down unless you are an elite male. She would rather spend her weekend at home rather than go on a date with some non-elite guy. However, she might go to some group event.

 

3. If you see some beautiful girl at a club, you not only risk rejection but likely a public display of hostility if you approach her and she thinks you are not in her league.

 

Other than a few quick glances or nodding or saying "Hi" when the proper opportunity presents itself, smart men let women make the first move. That doesn't mean the woman will ask the guy out or anything of the sort. However, she is responsible to get the guy's attention by saying hello, asking a question, or finding a way to be next to guy and making eye contact.

 

Normally these are not the women the men most desire. However, they are the women that will be receptive and should some foolish man initiate contact with any others they will be rejected 11 times out of 10.

Copelandsanity Established Member

Copelandsanity

Posted
Posted

I've come across quite a few beautiful women who are great catches who are single, and the reason why is because there isn't time for romance or they haven't made it a priority. If you work full-time, have interests outside of work and spend time with family and friends, there just isn't time or opportunity.

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Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

Posted
Posted

Found this a few months back, some men may find some truths in what is written, some may not.

 

But one or two things written are feelings i have had when approaching women, albeit when i was a few years younger and less confident.

 

  • In this approaching-a-woman action, he gives a woman stranger the power to publicly judge him and announce to the room that he is looking "good and desirable" or he is rejected as the worst sleezeball, scumbag, and bag-of-crap in the Universe! And everyone there will see her decision of what he is. That is a scary and powerless feeling! Many guys won't even play that game and just get drunk instead.
  • The second thing that makes this approaching-a-woman action scary, is that all the other guys are watching. If she rejects him, then all the guys will see him as a "failed hunter" and chuckle. That is instinctual hostility in their DNA that comes along with an unconscious desire to see him fail! That makes the odds better for their own success in getting a mate! This comes in men's DNA from millions of years of competing for breeding rights with the females. This attitude is stupid in today's world, but these instincts are ingrained deeply in the male old brain and come along with the testosterone. Some guys even turn it into a game of "dare" for their buddies so they can see them fail.
  • The third thing going on, is that if she rejects him in front of the other women there, he will be seen as a looser and unacceptable to all the other women, too. At his deepest level is the fear that he will never find a mate to produce his offspring and pass-on his DNA. This is like a foreseen death! At the conscious level this is ridiculous, but at the DNA level it is a terrifyingly real fear. That fear comes from his old brain that is still wired from millions of years ago!

 

Some of it is nonsense though :)

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted

I don't get where this "getting chewed out for having the nerve to ask someone out" thing is coming from.

 

In college, there was this game we played. The group decided what you were going to have to say, and then left you in the middle of the square and watched from a distance while you had to walk up to a girl and say it.

 

Apart from the times where the approach was something like "excuse me, would you be interested in having sex with me?", no one ever caused a scene. They'd just tilt their eyes down and say I'm not interested and hurry away.

 

Is that such a scary thing to people?

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
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Posted (edited)

 

If none of the guys are good enough for her, then she can't say she doesn't want to be single or else she would pick one of them.

 

Did it ever occur to you that women might reject a guy because she genuinely just doesn't like him?

 

And if a woman feels no man is good enough, what's wrong with staying single until the one that IS good enough (for her) comes along? Doesn't mean she WANTS to be single, just no guy worth being her boyfriend has come along yet, and she doesn't just wanna "pick one" because... well.. eww. I would "just" pick a guy just to not be single. Would you "just" pick any girl out of a group of lets say 5 women that you don't like?

 

I think it's silly and childish to assume that just because a woman rejects, she WANTS to be single. Maybe she just doesn't want to settle for less than what she wants and what would get her engines running.

Edited by Hopeful30
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Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

Posted
Posted
Did it ever occur to you that women might reject a guy because she genuinely just doesn't like him?

 

Very true but i am betting that some of these guys haven't looked for signs of positive body language. If they just approach someone they find attractive without any signs of this then the odds are that they will be rejected.

If only some men and women were more aware of the role body language has to play, the dating game would be bit easier.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
Did it ever occur to you that women might reject a guy because she genuinely just doesn't like him?

Of course I thought of that. But if a lot of and a good variety of age appropriate guys show interest and she rejects them all then that's saying something about her.

 

And if a woman feels no man is good enough, what's wrong with staying single until the one that IS good enough (for her) comes along? Doesn't mean she WANTS to be single, just no guy worth being her boyfriend has come along yet,

IMO if nobody she meets is ever good enough for her, then that means she doesn't want to be in a relationship all that much. Or else she would lower her standards and find one that is good enough.

 

Just imagine a woman who was single for 10 years and had had countless suitors yet she has turned them all down. Do you really think she doesn't want to be single?

 

 

and she doesn't just wanna "pick one" because... well.. eww. I would "just" pick a guy just to not be single. Would you "just" pick any girl out of a group of lets say 5 women that you don't like?

Why are you automatically assuming that I wouldn't like any women out of the group of five?

 

That's the main difference between men and women.

 

If you presented me a group of five white girls, 21-29, average weight, it is highly unlikely that I won't like any single one of them.

 

But do the same with a woman, five guys of her preferred age range and race, and she could find fault with all of them.

 

I think it's silly and childish to assume that just because a woman rejects, she WANTS to be single. Maybe she just doesn't want to settle for less than what she wants and what would get her engines running.

Then she better enjoy being single.

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hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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If you presented me a group of five white girls, 21-29, average weight, it is highly unlikely that I won't like any single one of them.

 

Eww. Really dude?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Eww. Really dude?

 

Is there something wrong with white girls ?

 

 

Please... do educate us.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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If you presented me a group of five white girls, 21-29, average weight, it is highly unlikely that I won't like any single one of them.

Eww. Really dude?

My grammar was a bit off.

 

I meant to say.

 

If you presented me a group of five white girls, 21-29, average weight, it is highly unlikely that I wouldn't like a single one of them.

 

Meaning, most likely I would like at least one of them.

suladas Established Member

suladas

Posted
Posted
Of course I thought of that. But if a lot of and a good variety of age appropriate guys show interest and she rejects them all then that's saying something about her.

 

 

IMO if nobody she meets is ever good enough for her, then that means she doesn't want to be in a relationship all that much. Or else she would lower her standards and find one that is good enough.

 

Just imagine a woman who was single for 10 years and had had countless suitors yet she has turned them all down. Do you really think she doesn't want to be single?

 

 

 

Why are you automatically assuming that I wouldn't like any women out of the group of five?

 

That's the main difference between men and women.

 

If you presented me a group of five white girls, 21-29, average weight, it is highly unlikely that I won't like any single one of them.

 

But do the same with a woman, five guys of her preferred age range and race, and she could find fault with all of them.

 

 

Then she better enjoy being single.

 

I find it very likely that a women could have 5 guys approach her and not like any of them. Nothing wrong with having standards and refusing to date someone just cause they are there. There is a reason many people would rather be single then in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. And it says a lot about someone who will be in a relationship with anyone.

  • Like 3
croppants9 New Member

croppants9

Posted
Posted

I still may fail to see an incentive to approach a specific woman, although i'm not intimidated anymore. For most cases in past times it had been not unfounded.

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