inappfriendly Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 My xMOM's birthday is this week. A year ago at this time we were head first in A and I was head over heels in love. I remember his birthday last year and how it wasn't totally awesome and passed like any other day. I remember wanting to make it special for him. And I remember feeling jealously and anger at his W for ignoring him and his needs. It all feels so close to the surface, like it was yesterday. Not sure if I am triggering because of the timing or if I should just expect these sorts of memory intrusions as my new normal. The one thing I am sure of is that I hope he is happy. Loved. Being appreciated and taken care of. At the end of the day, no matter how badly we've screwed up, it's what we all want, need, and deserve.
BrokenPrincess Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 This totally just reminded me of how I felt genuinely MAD that my xMMs W & family didn't get him a cake for his birthday. Because I also wanted to make it soooo special for him & shower him with celebration!! Ugh. Yes you will continue to have these vivid triggers as you anniversary special dates and sometimes for even no reason at all. But with time, they will become less frequent & less intense. Have faith that by next years birthday week, you will feel a lot differently than you do now. Hang in there and no matter what, don't break NC! 1
Author inappfriendly Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Thanks, BP. I have zero intentions of breaking NC for this or any other occasion. What keeps me most from reaching out is genuinely wanting him to be happy. All I did was complicate his life. He is better off without me in his life and I hope someday to believe that I am better off without him!All the best 2
Snipercatt Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 . . .I hope someday to believe that I am better off without him!All the best Hurrah! With this kind of attitude this will come true. It will! 1
Author inappfriendly Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 So another weird, random thing is that his birthday is the same as the husbands of my two best friends! I know this does not MEAN anything and is not some sort of cosmic SIGN. Just oddly coincidental. N'est-ce pas?!
rumbleseat Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 It sounds like you really love him. It takes a. Lot to give up someone because you know it's what you feel is best. Don't let that get you down too much. If anything, it shows that you have a huge heart and a great capacity for love. One day, you'll find an unattached guy who will give all that love back to you, plus a whole lot more. 1
PurpleCardigan Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 The one thing I am sure of is that I hope he is happy. Loved. Being appreciated and taken care of. At the end of the day, no matter how badly we've screwed up, it's what we all want, need, and deserve. We all have days when it seems so close to the surface. It means you are human, have a huge heart and loved well. (((inappfriendly))) But what you wrote above, it is touching. But I want to flip it around -- I wish for you to be happy. Loved. Appreciated and taken care of. Because you are right, no badly how we've screwed up (or just lived life) it's what we all want, need, and deserve. May it come sooner rather than later for you. 2
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 It all feels so close to the surface, like it was yesterday. Not sure if I am triggering because of the timing or if I should just expect these sorts of memory intrusions as my new normal. Yes, the memory intrusions will be your new normal. They're just memories though, and they envoke old feelings (and maybe new ones) but they don't mean anything should change. 1
Lady2163 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 On the bright side...time does heal. In 1988 I had an affair with a married man. I thought I loved him. It was first love for me. And nobody loves harder than a teen/early 20s person. So....26 years later I remember no special dates that were oh, so important back then. There are a couple of yearly events that may have some symbolic memory. It was not until this post that it clicked with me about his birthday. I never even thought about him on his birthday...and it was 6 weeks ago. Never even thought about him at all.
Waverly Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks, BP. I have zero intentions of breaking NC for this or any other occasion. What keeps me most from reaching out is genuinely wanting him to be happy. All I did was complicate his life. He is better off without me in his life and I hope someday to believe that I am better off without him!All the best I know I'm a little late to this thread, but I wanted to say how impressed I am by your strength. It takes a lot to not reach out, and even more to wish someone happiness and love when it comes at such a cost to you. You should be proud of yourself for not only not breaking NC but for being genuinely loving in your wishes towards him. Oh, and my xAP's birthday is one day after my husband's -- which is one day after my dad's and brother-in-law's. I know it doesn't mean anything, but it's just one of those things I always had stuck in my head. 2
Author inappfriendly Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Really struggling with this today. I can't stop myself from obsessing over how he is going to celebrate this year. Will his W make him a cake? She didn't last year. In the aftermath of a DDay between then and now, how will she treat him? She fought so hard to keep him. Will she spoil him? Will he be happy? I hope so. He has an amazing smile. I KNOW it is not my concern and NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I just can't help it. And just like the day will pass, so will this feeling. I am so grateful for everyone's support.
BrokenPrincess Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yes it will pass, just ride it out. You sound just like I did after our A ended. But eventually with (LOTS) of time, my focus finally shifted less from being so concerned with his happiness and more focused on myself & getting my life back together. Hang in there! Xxx 1
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