HappyxFaith Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Hi everyone, So I started my long distance relationship with my boyfriend in Korea a couple of months ago, and we were doing quite well. So the time different is 3 hours ahead of CST and flip night/day. (ex: 7:00PM CST would be 10:00AM there) We usually try to talk an hour a day which I got accustomed to, but the one change is that he recently got an internship and so, we can now only talk about 30 minutes total, 15 min at night, and 15 in the morning (give or take), but he told me he might be able to talk longer on weekends (we don't know yet). And the thing is he talks to me in the morning when he's on the subway and can't really speak because its rude to talk on the phone in the subway in Korea. We both have been feeling great with each other, but I just didn't know if this cut in time would hurt that. And that's what I'm scared of. So I was wondering, if those that are in long distance relationships currently could give me some advice on how to adjust better with the cut time? I miss him quite a bit recently (especially in certain week of the month), and still keep the quality in the conversations? I noticed that I only really have time to ask him how he's doing, how the internship is going, and then we talk about my day. Do you guys have advice on still keeping the relationship strong? And how to maybe miss him a little less? (i'm not devastated, but the missing feeling is just not that pleasant) Thanks!
justwhoiam Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I think your keyword should be: flexibility. If you want to have a fixed time Monday to Friday, that's what you can get. But if you are flexible, you can get a lot more and it is more exciting. That means that you can stay up a bit later one day of the week or he can, etc. Just make it as an exception. Any relationship needs some flexibility. That's valid for the weekend too. Now and then do something special. Don't turn anything into a routine. Everyone of us knows when the other will be around etc. but there are days when something comes up and he can be around later than usual or earlier, it depends. So having a time slot of 15 minutes is risky. Where are you by the way? Also, regarding trains, subway, etc. My man's like that too. He usually takes a nap, or reads the newspaper, or both. It's quite a long ride and the trains have quiet cars. He also tends to be a bit grumpy very early in the morning, so lately we often talk on the phone at around 10 am. But if something happened that we need to address (like we had an argument or something), I don't want to wait until later in the day. In that case, we also talk while he's on the train. It's an exceptional thing, but I made it one of my fundamental principles that he needs to be flexible. Especially if it's our only chance to talk in 10 hours or more. In extreme cases, like he was late from work and I couldn't stay up too late, we talked while he was on the train on his way back home. A couple of times, it happened that I was talking and he was typing, because I had a lot to say and typing was going to take ages. But well, a couple of times in like 2.5 years is nothing. We adjust to each other's schedules and it works well for us.
Author HappyxFaith Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I think your keyword should be: flexibility. If you want to have a fixed time Monday to Friday, that's what you can get. But if you are flexible, you can get a lot more and it is more exciting. That means that you can stay up a bit later one day of the week or he can, etc. Just make it as an exception. Any relationship needs some flexibility. That's valid for the weekend too. Now and then do something special. Don't turn anything into a routine. Everyone of us knows when the other will be around etc. but there are days when something comes up and he can be around later than usual or earlier, it depends. So having a time slot of 15 minutes is risky. Where are you by the way? I'm in the United States, and he's in South Korea, (15 hrs time difference) and so I usually get up at 6:30AM or 7 to talk to him around 10 PM, and he sleeps at 11PM to get up at 7AM. (He says he has to have 8 hours of sleep or else he can't function) He mainly doesn't have much time because he eats lunch with his boss and other interns, can't text while he's at work in case his supervisor sees (I understand), and he has to study for an exam within that company that is quite difficult right after he gets off. We just don't have a lot of time to work with. But I'm talking to him and trying to work around his schedule, to make it more convenient on both of us, and easier on me. Do you have any advice on the missing feeling?
justwhoiam Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 (He says he has to have 8 hours of sleep or else he can't function) Sounds like my man So can he oversleep during the weekend? he eats lunch with his boss and other interns Sure, but once a month or so he can take his lunch time and spend it with you just making up an excuse... Come on, it's not a matter of life or death! Flexibility! He can say he has to go to some shop to buy something and wants to use the lunch break... But of course, I guess he needs to get there on his own... Don't ask to do anything for you. It'd be nice if he did though. You should be flexible too now and then. he has to study for an exam within that company that is quite difficult right after he gets off. When's the exam? I guess afterwards things would get better... Do you have any advice on the missing feeling? My experience taught me that when I miss him it helps to have things of him. I have two of his t-shirts he wore and they smell like him. I have like a diary where he wrote messages for me while we were together. Every day he'd leave a note for me about the day we spent together. It's our little booklet, and he even put smilies and nice little drawings in it. Anything you can smell, hold in your hands, letters written by hand... I always feel a bit bothered when men don't come up with any idea for a loved one........... 1
Els Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Dealing with clashing schedules is never fun; and it's even worse in a LDR. My sympathies, OP. I think you really just need to keep yourself busy and hang on til the weekend comes. Hopefully he doesn't work weekends?
Ophelia27 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I have been in a long distance relationship for two years now (finally closing the gap and getting married in April) Communication has always been the key. You know he is busy and he is trying. How about emailing each other next to the calling? You can reply when you are up and vice versa. My fiance and I dealt with a month without our usual form of communication. Whatsapp is a life savor. Its not about how much you talk but about whats been said. Sometimes a "I am thinking about you" message can be enough!
Author HappyxFaith Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 You should be flexible too now and then. When's the exam? I guess afterwards things would get better... My experience taught me that when I miss him it helps to have things of him. I have two of his t-shirts he wore and they smell like him. I have like a diary where he wrote messages for me while we were together. Every day he'd leave a note for me about the day we spent together. It's our little booklet, and he even put smilies and nice little drawings in it. Anything you can smell, hold in your hands, letters written by hand... I always feel a bit bothered when men don't come up with any idea for a loved one........... So we talked and he saw how bothered by that idea I was, and I was trying really hard to find some middle ground, so he told me he could talk to me for 30 minutes at night, and 10 min on his way to work, so I was more than happy to hear that from him! Haha I think he wouldn't mind doing the lunch thing for me, but I'm not really expecting that since I know when they're done, they go straight back. His internship is like a full time job basically, from 9AM to 7PM, and he has to commute both way for about 40-50 min each way. He doesn't like lying, and he hopes to work there in the future as his real career, so I'm okay with him not being able to talk during his lunchtime. (He is a super straightforward, a little oblivious kind of guy with a super strong sense of morality & ethics) It's kind of like a job qualifying test (like GMAT but worse.) The exam is a translation exam, from English to Korean and Korean to English on topics in Economics and International trade. Although the test is a lot later, maybe June-ish or later? I agreed with him that its something he probably really has to study. (I'm sure you know that in English, there are a lot of connotations in sentences) I'm usually pretty flexible, and I let it pass when he can't talk to me sometimes since I know we'll talk again the next day, but you know, we all have our minimum threshold. And I think it was kind of the leap between 1 hr a day to 15 min during day and again at night that kind of freaked me out. I don't wanna lie, I was kind panicking. Oh haha, we made a photo album for each other with little things written everywhere before he left, so I have that with me, and a video he made for me a long time ago. I have a letter he wrote for my birthday too. He's dealing with it a lot better than I am because of how busy he is I think. I remember last month he told me he didn't miss me too much because he feels like I'm always with him wherever he goes, and that he believes in us and feels really secure. He told me that even though we have a physical distance between us, emotionally, and mentally we're still connected. Honestly, he's not the most verbally expressive guy, but he knows what I like, and he does what he can. Maybe not as often as I would like, but I know its really hard to be the #1 priority when there is so much at stake. What do you think?
Author HappyxFaith Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Dealing with clashing schedules is never fun; and it's even worse in a LDR. My sympathies, OP. I think you really just need to keep yourself busy and hang on til the weekend comes. Hopefully he doesn't work weekends? Thanks, I feel quite a bit better today since we worked something out that I'm okay with! Thank god he doesn't work on the weekends! If we can talk an hour and a half, or two hours on weekends, that would be more than wonderful! Haha but being in a LDR has made me appreciate all the little progress that I can get. I was grateful for even 15 more min to talk. 1
Author HappyxFaith Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I have been in a long distance relationship for two years now (finally closing the gap and getting married in April) Communication has always been the key. You know he is busy and he is trying. How about emailing each other next to the calling? You can reply when you are up and vice versa. My fiance and I dealt with a month without our usual form of communication. Whatsapp is a life savor. Its not about how much you talk but about whats been said. Sometimes a "I am thinking about you" message can be enough! That sounds great! I'll be moving halfway around the world in 5/6 months, and even though it'll probably be somewhat like a LDR, at least I'll see him maybe every other weekend! I am so grateful for that! And I really hope we are also heading down the marrying road. I asked him if he thought that he would marry me, and he told me "just not right now", and I understood. I think its hard for a guy to think about that anyways when he doesn't have a job or an income. So I'm hoping when he nabs a job in two years, we can have a future together We use Kakao Talk, and so I told him that if he just sent me a short text when he gets off work, or when he's in the bathroom, it would mean a lot to me!
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