don't_break_even Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Ok, to sum it up Me and my ex were together for almost 2 years, things were perfect in the beginning than I for some reason would start picking fights over the dumbest things until he couldn't take it anymore and dumped me, crying that he "never wanted to let me go". we still remained contact everyday for about 10 weeks seeing each other at least once a week, until one day he just decided to disappear and go NC without any warning after I started begging for him to take me back. Now, after 48 days of no contact he had called me on saturday night saying he really missed me, still never wanted to let me go and still has feelings for me. He didn't date anyone in the time he was gone. He want's to try again but he want's to be sure I will have learned from losing him last time that picking fights all the time is no way to go about a relationship. I know for a fact I have learned my lesson as I still love him with all my heart. Now, since saturday night we have been texting all throughout the day, he texts me good morning every morning, and seems to be serious about making things right. He told me he didn't want to go NC on me but he had to do it for himself. My questions are what things should I do, and what should I avoid doing to make this work out for us. I know not to try to rush things, or push myself on him, but can anyone give me any pointers to make this work out. It seems I actually have a chance and I really don't want to blow it. Basically I'm asking for a dumpees guide to having the dumper reinitiate contact when you know its more than just breadcrumbs.
frigginlost Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Dumpee's guide: It's simple. He broke up with you, so he does all the heavy lifting. You acknowledge your faults if any, and work toward correcting them. You take it day by day. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 This pretty much explains everything you need to know. 5
pickflicker Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 You don't know for a fact if you've "learnt your lesson", because it's impossible to be objective in your own relationship. That's why forums like this exist. It's a moot point, anyway. He's the dumper. That makes him at your mercy, not the other way and. If you want to be desired, you must act like the prize you are. Stop responding to his texts until there is a concrete declaration of his intentions. If he wants you, he'll make it known. But right now, he is just keeping you on the hook.
Musing Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 This pretty much explains everything you need to know. LOL Every single dumpee including myself always has this conversation and goes RIGHT for the loophole: "...unless she comes back first" And the response is dead on. It's an intuitive thing, dumpers sense when the coast is clear to come sniffing around - when they know the dumpee isn't wallowing or upset at them anymore and there's no more pursuit. The dumpee totally let go and has no feeling anymore to be bothered. And there's the rub. 2
Author don't_break_even Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Well we had a long talk tonight, and he told me he misses me, he never lost his feelings for me, he thinks we can make things work, he is not talking to anyone else, and we need to move forward in baby steps because he doesn't want this to fail again. Does this sound like he is just keeping me on the hook or does it sound to you like he is legit about what he says? From how well I know him, he wouldn't ever have been the type of guy who would spend 2 hours on the phone if he didn't mean a word he said.
Musing Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Well we had a long talk tonight' date=' and he told me he misses me, he never lost his feelings for me, he thinks we can make things work, he is not talking to anyone else, and we need to move forward in baby steps because he doesn't want this to fail again. Does this sound like he is just keeping me on the hook or does it sound to you like he is legit about what he says? From how well I know him, he wouldn't ever have been the type of guy who would spend 2 hours on the phone if he didn't mean a word he said.[/quote'] My ex an I never fought and had a great relationship last year from Jan - May. Flawless. I look back and become breathless at how happy I was - we were. In late July he got confused. We took a break. A month later he told me he missed me, was going to surprise me, knew he wanted to be with me, couldn't wait to see me. It was almost like when we first started dating. A couple of weeks later things went on a steady decline. 4 months later and 3.5 feeling taken for granted, I got dumped for the same reasons as the first time. Tread carefully...
BC1980 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 LOL Every single dumpee including myself always has this conversation and goes RIGHT for the loophole: "...unless she comes back first" And the response is dead on. It's an intuitive thing, dumpers sense when the coast is clear to come sniffing around - when they know the dumpee isn't wallowing or upset at them anymore and there's no more pursuit. The dumpee totally let go and has no feeling anymore to be bothered. And there's the rub. The last thing a dumper wants is an emotionally charged conversation, so they figure the coast is clear if the dumpee hasn't reached out in awhile. I also think simple curiosity gets the better of people. They just have to poke the bear, as Simon has said, to see if it reacts. The dumper has a lot less to loose by reaching out emotions wise.
Author don't_break_even Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 This pretty much explains everything you need to know. This clip couldn't have explained everything any better.. it seems this is exactly the way it always happens.
pickflicker Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Well we had a long talk tonight' date=' and he told me he misses me, he never lost his feelings for me, he thinks we can make things work, he is not talking to anyone else, and we need to move forward in baby steps because he doesn't want this to fail again. Does this sound like he is just keeping me on the hook or does it sound to you like he is legit about what he says? From how well I know him, he wouldn't ever have been the type of guy who would spend 2 hours on the phone if he didn't mean a word he said.[/quote'] I think there's a whole lot of talking going on. Tell him he's either in or out. I doubt it will work out, because you haven't been broken up long. I'd be done with the talking. Tell him to context you when he wants to take you out on a date. Then don't initiate any contact and stop replying to "good mornings" and "good nights". It's hollow.
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