I'm not understanding what happened

March 3, 2014

A few months ago I started dating this guy. Everything was great for quite awhile. I had met most of his friends, family and even friends of the family. We would communicate daily whether we saw each other that day or not and he was one of the nicest guys in awhile that I had dated. We'd spent a lot of time together and had amazing chemistry. We weren't exclusive yet in the sense of boyfriend-girlfriend but we had plenty of conversations and we agreed not to see anyone else. So we basically were, but without the title.

So one night, about a week and a half ago, I hadn't heard from him after he got out of work (I had heard from him earlier that day while he was at work and everything seemed the same as always), so I decided to text him (he'd been off work for a few hours at this point). He replied back right away and we communicated back and forth a little. Then I asked him about getting together the next day which we had planned for a few weeks. There was no response. I figured he was busy and would get back to me the next day. So the next morning, I hadn't heard from him so I decided to call him. No answer. I didn't receive any calls or texts from him that entire day.

I figured I wouldn't hear from him again and was pretty upset about this. The following day, I get a text from him after work as if nothing happened. He didn't even mention not answering me. I was slightly confused, but figured I might or might not bring it up. Then when I got a text the next morning telling me to have a good day, I figured everything was fine and I would try not to dwell too much over it.

Well, that was a week ago and that was the last I've heard from this guy. I really don't understand what happened? This guy told me he cared about me a lot and wasn't going anywhere. He mentioned a lot about when we became exclusive and how he hoped I wasn't going anywhere. I haven't tried to get in contact with him at all except for that night and his phone was going straight to voicemail (like it was turned off).

I guess he lost interest? Your thoughts?

Edited March 3, 2014 by babycakees

March 3, 2014

Btw...there was no warning signs of this coming. The last time we hung out together he wasn't acting funny or anything. He even told me that night that he was looking forward to us hanging out this spring and summer.

March 4, 2014

Are you sure something didn't happen to him?

I can see why you'd be a little suspicious that he didn't mention the plans you had, didn't answer his phone,etc. It seems like something happened that night that he didn't talk to you right? Because I've been cheated on by one of the best liars on this planet my alarm bells are going off... my first instinct is to say that he probably met someone that night and doesn't know how to tell you... just decided to do the fade. That's my reaction though... based on my own personal experience.

But what if he had an accident or something or is in the hospital? At this point, that would be his only valid reason for not contacting you for the past week.

Are you going to just leave it be and write him off, or are you going to make one last attempt to contact him to find out what happened? It's a toss up. On one hand, you would probably be smart to just not bother to contact him. But on the other hand... it might eat away at you the not knowing. Is there anyway you can find out whether or not he is actually just fine and hasn't bothered to speak to you without calling him?

March 4, 2014

Well, I'm sure he's fine because he's on my facebook. However, he hardly ever gets on and nothing has been posted since he's gone MIA. But I've checked it occasionally to see if anyone has posted anything on there. Nothing though.

My first instinct too was that he met someone else and didn't know how to tell me, but it still doesn't make sense because prior to this, I was always able to get ahold of him and he was always contacting me.

I thought about maybe texting him and saying something along the lines of "Am I to assume that the silence means youve changed your mind about the direction we were headed in?" But I wasn't sure...

March 4, 2014

He could've had a change of heart. It sucks but it can happen (happened to me unfortunately).

I'd probably advise against the text and just walk away with your head held high. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, not someone who puts on a disappearing act.

March 4, 2014

He could've had a change of heart. It sucks but it can happen (happened to me unfortunately).

I'd probably advise against the text and just walk away with your head held high. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, not someone who puts on a disappearing act.

I agree completely with what you're saying.. I just wish there could have been some sort of closure. It's driving me crazy wondering what happened.

March 4, 2014

Don't just let him disappear like this, this is cruel and weak from him. Make him break up with you like a man should, like you deserve. You did not date him 2 weeks, you were in each other's life, had met friends and family etc.

I am so tired of this BS from men. Now with this 'he's not that into you' attitude women just let men get away with no expectation! We just let them slide out of our life without making it difficult for them.

Block your number and call him: Say: YOU have something to tell me? Make him break up with you.

March 4, 2014

I guess the whole thing I'm not understanding is if he had a change of heart, why bother texting me again a day later? I can understand cutting off contact completely, but to come back and text me to have a good day then disappear seems odd to me.

March 4, 2014

I'm so sorry this happened to you babycakees.

Something so similar happened to me too and it hurts!

I ended up sending the guy I was dating a text, something along the lines of "don't know what happened or why you have obviously changed your mind about us, but take care"

He texted back immediately "who said I changed my mind? I have no idea what you're talking about"

total BS by the way. He knew exactly what I was talking about. Anyway we texted a little more. Later that night I sent my usual sweet dreams text.

Never heard from him again!!!

Total mind f@$&!!!!! I never gave him the satisfaction of sending another text or another phone call.

Had to find my own closure.

I know it hurts. I'm so sorry. You deserve much better treatment!

We all do! ((hugs!!))

March 4, 2014

Don't just let him disappear like this, this is cruel and weak from him. Make him break up with you like a man should, like you deserve. You did not date him 2 weeks, you were in each other's life, had met friends and family etc.

I am so tired of this BS from men. Now with this 'he's not that into you' attitude women just let men get away with no expectation! We just let them slide out of our life without making it difficult for them.

Block your number and call him: Say: YOU have something to tell me? Make him break up with you.

I completely agree with this! Why make it easy for him. I'd text and if he's too much of a wuss to respond then you'll have to take that as closure. There is no reason he couldn't just break up with you.

March 4, 2014

He's playing games. He is so obvious, he wants you to be upset and angry so that he knows he got you wrapped around his little finger.

He just wants to know who is in control, so don't give him that satisfaction

March 4, 2014

Don't just let him disappear like this, this is cruel and weak from him. Make him break up with you like a man should, like you deserve. You did not date him 2 weeks, you were in each other's life, had met friends and family etc.

I am so tired of this BS from men. Now with this 'he's not that into you' attitude women just let men get away with no expectation! We just let them slide out of our life without making it difficult for them.

Block your number and call him: Say: YOU have something to tell me? Make him break up with you.

It takes a lot of pride to do that......

March 4, 2014

A few months ago I started dating this guy. Everything was great for quite awhile. I had met most of his friends, family and even friends of the family. We would communicate daily whether we saw each other that day or not and he was one of the nicest guys in awhile that I had dated. We'd spent a lot of time together and had amazing chemistry. We weren't exclusive yet in the sense of boyfriend-girlfriend but we had plenty of conversations and we agreed not to see anyone else. So we basically were, but without the title.

Why weren't you boyfriend/girlfriend? What stopped him?

March 4, 2014

I agree and do not let him get away with this. I would be devastated if this ever happened to me. I had a situation similar but no where near as bad.. a guy I went on 3 dates with.. texted every single day, was so sweet, had kissed all that sh*t. He didn't reply one day so I sent a follow up text a few days later and he chatted back for a bit. He didn't reply when I asked when we should see each other again. I deleted his number after a days silence and said to myself "if he wants to contact me, he will". He never did.. so I was happy I kept my dignity and that he never got into my pants because I did like him a lot.

You never know what's around the corner.. go out with some friends to a bar/club or something. I did that when I was down about the previously mentioned guy. I met my boyfriend (now ex) that night and it was one of the best relationships I've ever had. Despite it ending of course..

Don't dwell on this loser.

March 4, 2014

Also, do you know where he lives.. I assume you do. Just show up there if you have the guts to.. I would and have done that. (I swear I am not a crazy stalker ) Tell him to man up and if you for some reason have any stuff at his house, hide your curiosity by saying you want it back and then tell him he's an absolute loser and leave. Don't cry, don't ask and don't beg, just tell him he should of been a man and AT LEAST should of sent a text to say it's over.

I don't know why but I feel angry for you haha.

March 4, 2014

Also, do you know where he lives.. I assume you do. Just show up there if you have the guts to.. I would and have done that. (I swear I am not a crazy stalker ) Tell him to man up and if you for some reason have any stuff at his house, hide your curiosity by saying you want it back and then tell him he's an absolute loser and leave. Don't cry, don't ask and don't beg, just tell him he should of been a man and AT LEAST should of sent a text to say it's over.

I don't know why but I feel angry for you haha.

I would highly recommend against this.

Not responding is the universal signal for "I'm not interested (anymore)".

Showing up at his door wont change anything--except justify to him it was the right move to end things since u will look crazy from his perspective.

March 4, 2014

I'm another woman who refuses to let men get away with this Houdini act. It's cowardly and it's completely disrespectful to the person you're dating.

But I also can't tell you how many times this has been pulled on me. My friend tried to get me to just "accept it." She was saying things like, "this is what dating is." "That's normal." "It's a thing."

NO! It's not normal! That's not what dating is, and it shouldn't be a "thing!" It's a thing because we as women lay down like rugs and allow it.

After this was done to me a few times I refused to let any guy pull this with me again and I confronted the most recent guy that tried to pull this with me. Obviously I got what he was trying to do. He wasn't talking to me as much, wasn't asking me to get together but was still in loose communication.

I called him out after a week and told him I guess things had changed, but that I was going to do the right thing and give this the proper closing it deserved, and that I wished him luck finding what he was looking for.

He did wind up calling me and acting like, "ooohh what? What's going on? Nothing changed or happened, you're awesome." :rolleyes:

Of course he only tossed breadcrumbs at me until he eventually faded off completely. He didn't even have the balls to tell me the truth when I called him on it and GAVE him the out!!

He's not in the hospital. I know women like to make excuses, "Oh something happened. He's probably hurt! He would never do this to ME!" Yeah, OK. He just did. He's fine and dandy, off living life and choosing to completely remove himself from your life.

At this point I would send the closing message. "Hey, guess your feelings changed. Good luck." Don't go trying to hunt him down by talking to his friends/family or whatever. It's going to make you look really foolish when you find out that he is indeed perfectly fine and that his friends/family has no clue he even "broke up" with you.

March 4, 2014

I would highly recommend against this.

Not responding is the universal signal for "I'm not interested (anymore)".

Showing up at his door wont change anything--except justify to him it was the right move to end things since u will look crazy from his perspective.

After two months of solid dating, meeting the friends etc.. pretty much boyfriend/girlfriend. It wont seem crazy to go to him and stand up to him. IMO you have less self respect if you let him get away with it. She doesn't have to go ranting at him. Just confront him and watch him squirm.. because he's indeed a coward. Might make him think twice in the future before he does it to some other poor girl.

I don't think it's normal or acceptable for a guy to just bail after a significant amount of time and effort.. so why are we letting guys get away with it.

March 4, 2014

I had the same thing happen to me... literally in a matter of hours he was gone after 3 months of constant calls, texts, seeing him... it was the ex xx

March 4, 2014

I really don't understand what happened? This guy told me he cared about me a lot and wasn't going anywhere. He mentioned a lot about when we became exclusive and how he hoped I wasn't going anywhere.

This is the part I don't get. You dated for months, yet only "talked" about becoming exclusive? I'm sorry, but this guy doesn't sound legit at all. He didn't want to become exclusive because he was keeping his options open. It's always easier to transition to someone new if you can say, "She's not really my girlfriend. Just someone I'm seeing."

You either want to be in a relationship with someone or you don't. Period. But you don't string someone along for months with the hope that you MAY decide to make it official. He was playing mind games with you to keep you around until he found something better. Never accept less than what you want or deserve.

March 4, 2014

He did wind up calling me and acting like, "ooohh what? What's going on? Nothing changed or happened, you're awesome." :rolleyes:

Of course he only tossed breadcrumbs at me until he eventually faded off completely. He didn't even have the balls to tell me the truth when I called him on it and GAVE him the out!!

...................

At this point I would send the closing message. "Hey, guess your feelings changed. Good luck."

After two months of solid dating, meeting the friends etc.. pretty much boyfriend/girlfriend. It wont seem crazy to go to him and stand up to him. IMO you have less self respect if you let him get away with it. She doesn't have to go ranting at him. Just confront him and watch him squirm.. because he's indeed a coward. Might make him think twice in the future before he does it to some other poor girl.
I don't think it's normal or acceptable for a guy to just bail after a significant amount of time and effort.. so why are we letting guys get away with it.

I don't agree ladies. The way to handle this is to evaluate the guy when you are dating him and leaving him if he is an ass. Good men don't do this. Why invest more energy and anger and 'confront him' because 'he is a coward', 'stand up to him'. Just emotional drama. You can't control others' behaviour and reaction, only your own. If someone treats you badly, you should walk away from them. They have nothing invested in this so why would you behave as if it mattered at all?

The OP said they weren't in a relationship (not girlfriend/boyfriend), sounds like this was a FWB set-up and she ignored the warning signs.

March 4, 2014

This is the part I don't get. You dated for months, yet only "talked" about becoming exclusive? I'm sorry, but this guy doesn't sound legit at all. He didn't want to become exclusive because he was keeping his options open. It's always easier to transition to someone new if you can say, "She's not really my girlfriend. Just someone I'm seeing."

You either want to be in a relationship with someone or you don't. Period. But you don't string someone along for months with the hope that you MAY decide to make it official. He was playing mind games with you to keep you around until he found something better. Never accept less than what you want or deserve.

Thats the sh*t I got too !... the ex was still in the picture unbeknown to me . I walked when he said he needed time to think wether to make it official.. Im glad I did... x

March 4, 2014

After two months of solid dating, meeting the friends etc.. pretty much boyfriend/girlfriend. It wont seem crazy to go to him and stand up to him. IMO you have less self respect if you let him get away with it. She doesn't have to go ranting at him. Just confront him and watch him squirm.. because he's indeed a coward. Might make him think twice in the future before he does it to some other poor girl.
I don't think it's normal or acceptable for a guy to just bail after a significant amount of time and effort.. so why are we letting guys get away with it.

While I agree the guy shouldn't have done what he did, relationships are ultimately two way streets. He apparently decided to close off his section for whatever reason. IMO the best way out is with her head held high by choosing to leave him as well.

The mere act of showing up at his door will make her look crazy. Regardless of whether she was "confronting him", simply wanting to say hi or demanding answers, there isn't a way showing up unannounced will make it look ok, especially since one party stopped communicating.

While they may have acted bf/gf, I don't think the OP specified if they officially had that talk. Big difference between having that talk and officially being on the same page vs speculation and assuming they are bf/gf.

That card will always be used by the guy to reaffirm his decision: "We weren't even bf/gf but she shows up at my house, how crazy is that? Man I'm glad I left while I did".

Again, im not trying to validate or justify the guy's action, just looking out for what i feel is the best advice i can give the OP.

And FWIW, I've been on the receiving end of someone just disappearing after things were going seemingly well too. It sucks but it happens.

March 4, 2014

Thats exactly how I saw it too... he could always play the "well we werent together" card... OP needs to walk away with her self respect (trust me its hard but it will pay off either way) xx

March 4, 2014

While I agree the guy shouldn't have done what he did, relationships are ultimately two way streets. He apparently decided to close off his section for whatever reason. IMO the best way out is with her head held high by choosing to leave him as well.

The mere act of showing up at his door will make her look crazy. Regardless of whether she was "confronting him", simply wanting to say hi or demanding answers, there isn't a way showing up unannounced will make it look ok, especially since one party stopped communicating.

While they may have acted bf/gf, I don't think the OP specified if they officially had that talk. Big difference between having that talk and officially being on the same page vs speculation and assuming they are bf/gf.

That card will always be used by the guy to reaffirm his decision: "We weren't even bf/gf but she shows up at my house, how crazy is that? Man I'm glad I left while I did".

Again, im not trying to validate or justify the guy's action, just looking out for what i feel is the best advice i can give the OP.

And FWIW, I've been on the receiving end of someone just disappearing after things were going seemingly well too. It sucks but it happens.

Fair point. Well if they were indeed official by any means I think she has a right for some closure.. if they hadn't had that talk then I guess the best thing to do is walk away.

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