gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 That's actually an awesome idea. I just have no balls to ask her. How can I ask her to grab food with me (as a thank you) in a way that won't cause any issues? She'll be at uni teaching all day tomorrow, so it'd be a good time to contact her. She told you to call her, so you can call her and say how helpful the letter was going to be and you'd like to take her to dinner to say thank you. Or you can just stop by and ask her if you prefer. I wouldn't ask unless you're alone with her though. Did you not say you didn't want to cross boundaries? Why not just leave it alone? When someone does me a favor or vice versa buying them a meal is a common form of saying thank you. It's not always about trying to have sex with them, or any kind of crossing of boundaries.
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Dinner? Why not gauge her through a simple phone call? Why open up the possibility for a very awkward situation with dinner? Going to her house wasn't awkward, at least for Hooplah, so why would dinner be? And it's not like making out in the middle of a bunch of people is a real possibility so the professor probably wont be nervous either. It will just give them a much better, dedicated chance to talk than a phone call.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Going to her house wasn't awkward, at least for Hooplah, so why would dinner be? And it's not like making out in the middle of a bunch of people is a real possibility so the professor probably wont be nervous either. It will just give them a much better, dedicated chance to talk than a phone call. Yes, a phone call is a worse option than taking the time to go out to dinner with a married person who was hitting on you, that you purport to have no interest in. /sarcasm
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Yes, a phone call is a worse option than taking the time to go out to dinner with a married person who was hitting on you, that you purport to have no interest in. /sarcasm Apparently some people need to learn not to play with fire the hard way. I don't get it either.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Check you out shaming everyone. I just saw you on another post essentially telling off a woman who's into an engaged man. I'm not crossing any boundaries; we're friends. This isn't a moral dilemma on my end because nothing will ever happen beyond a friendship. However, I don't want to raise any red flags with her husband. Nothing to do with shaming, OP. It's about not putting yourself in situations that are risky. You stated you don't want to raise red flags and cross boundaries. You also said you are into this woman. No shame in having a crush. But it simply isn't advisable or appropriate to actively engage her on a personal level. You got your letter. If you really don't want to stir the pot, leave it at that. 1
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Yes, a phone call is a worse option than taking the time to go out to dinner with a married person who was hitting on you, that you purport to have no interest in. /sarcasm Oh Kaylan, they were already alone together at her house and nothing happened. Hooplah has said she's not going to let anything happen, so spending some time with her in a very public place is pretty low risk if you ask me. If she's curious about her then she should embrace that curiosity. Nothing worse than laying on your death bed regretting all the things you didn't do. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Oh Kaylan, they were already alone together at her house and nothing happened. Hooplah has said she's not going to let anything happen, so spending some time with her in a very public place is pretty low risk if you ask me. If she's curious about her then she should embrace that curiosity. Nothing worse than laying on your death bed regretting all the things you didn't do. If one party is married, than this is a very unwise idea. Full stop. 2
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 If one party is married, than this is a very unwise idea. Full stop. To a guy that doesn't even acknowledge her when he gets home. It's not the worst thing in the world to give this woman an hour out with someone who's actually interested in what she has to say.
Stay_Gold Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Let me chime in and give another perspective: I think OP could be on a bisexual phase/mode. A lot of girls in college from ages 21-28 are sometimes in a bisexual phase and are still trying to figure out which orientation they want/need. Research, statistics and science have concluded that woman are "naturally bi-curious". 1. I think OP wants to experience or see if a lesbian attraction/lover could eventually sway her into being a lesbian or maybe it might make her see the light and she will come to see that shes straight all along. OP: I am really confused by your actions/intentions also. First...you claim that you are also intesrested in her. Therefore...makes me claim that you are bisexual. Second...you said you didn't want to push boundaries. Im confused...either your bisexual and want to at least dabble in some lesbian attraction/lover OR...you are totally straight and therefore should not push the boundaries. Find out what your sexual ID is first and than make the proper decision to meet up with her or not. Also...do take the children into account. Even if you really are a lesbian...you should know not to tangle with a married women because I am pretty sure there are a lot of single lesbians out there that you can meet. Also...1 major question to the OP: do you think you have been giving off lesbian vibes/signals...??? Maybe your giving off some lesbian vibes and thats triggering your professor to do the same to reciprocate and see if maybe the two of you should pursue a lesbian relationship. My 2 cents.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) ^Ive said this before, and Ill say it again about this faulty idea that women are naturally more bicurious/bisexual than men (nevermind the faulty studies done). Im guessing you are referring to the Boise State University study that has been torn apart enough already for its flawed research methods. Anyways, Study human history. Female bisexuality is merely more visible because society is more accepting of out women (on a surface level). Tons of men are on the down low about their true sexuality. Straight men control society and media...which easily explains all this. But notice when it comes to actual rights lesbians and bi women...especially non femme ones....don't get different treatment then get or bi men really. Non straight women are usually just fetishized. All this said, human sexuality I feel is a combination of nature and nurture (how much of each I cant say...it depends on the person). Is it surprising to people that theres a rise of non-straight men and women as our sexual culture has changed over the last few generations. Edited March 6, 2014 by kaylan
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Im confused...either your bisexual and want to at least dabble in some lesbian attraction/lover OR...you are totally straight and therefore should not push the boundaries. Find out what your sexual ID is first and than make the proper decision to meet up with her or not. Also...do take the children into account. Even if you really are a lesbian...you should know not to tangle with a married women because I am pretty sure there are a lot of single lesbians out there that you can meet. I'm not sure she needs to plunk herself into one category or another before she has dinner with someone she might be attracted to. Honestly, if I listened to a lot of people on here I'd still be trying to figure out what turns me on and what doesn't. I had a married 45 year old woman sending me nude pics when I was 15, and surprise surprise my indulgence in that helped me figure out what I liked. And I don't think her husband even ignored her, he seemed very attentive.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'm not sure she needs to plunk herself into one category or another before she has dinner with someone she might be attracted to. Honestly, if I listened to a lot of people on here I'd still be trying to figure out what turns me on and what doesn't. I had a married 45 year old woman sending me nude pics when I was 15, and surprise surprise my indulgence in that helped me figure out what I liked. And I don't think her husband even ignored her, he seemed very attentive. So you were a teenager and screwed a married woman? Or was it merely pics? Because if it was the former, I can see why you seem to be encouraging the OP to possibly tempt some married woman with the idea of an affair.
Author Hooplah Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Let me chime in and give another perspective: I think OP could be on a bisexual phase/mode. A lot of girls in college from ages 21-28 are sometimes in a bisexual phase and are still trying to figure out which orientation they want/need. Research, statistics and science have concluded that woman are "naturally bi-curious". 1. I think OP wants to experience or see if a lesbian attraction/lover could eventually sway her into being a lesbian or maybe it might make her see the light and she will come to see that shes straight all along. OP: I am really confused by your actions/intentions also. First...you claim that you are also intesrested in her. Therefore...makes me claim that you are bisexual. Second...you said you didn't want to push boundaries. Im confused...either your bisexual and want to at least dabble in some lesbian attraction/lover OR...you are totally straight and therefore should not push the boundaries. Find out what your sexual ID is first and than make the proper decision to meet up with her or not. Also...do take the children into account. Even if you really are a lesbian...you should know not to tangle with a married women because I am pretty sure there are a lot of single lesbians out there that you can meet. Also...1 major question to the OP: do you think you have been giving off lesbian vibes/signals...??? Maybe your giving off some lesbian vibes and thats triggering your professor to do the same to reciprocate and see if maybe the two of you should pursue a lesbian relationship. My 2 cents. I definitely see where you're coming from. I'm a full-blown lesbian. She knows that I'm a lesbian- so I guess you could say I gave her "lesbian vibes". Lol. But again, I'm not messing with this woman on anything more than a platonic level.
Author Hooplah Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 So you were a teenager and screwed a married woman? Or was it merely pics? Because if it was the former, I can see why you seem to be encouraging the OP to possibly tempt some married woman with the idea of an affair. He's not encouraging me- you're giving me one side of the spectrum and he's giving me another. That's why I posted here: to see what other people looking in from the outside would see. It's much harder to judge a person's motives when you are the one in the situation.
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Any other advice I can get? I wanna call or text her and see what's up with her, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries. You doing so would definitely overstep your boundaries. You got what you needed, so it's time to cut the communication. 1
gaius Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 So you were a teenager and screwed a married woman? Or was it merely pics? Because if it was the former, I can see why you seem to be encouraging the OP to possibly tempt some married woman with the idea of an affair. It was just pics. And the only thing I'm encouraging her to do is to put herself first. Which I'm pretty sure is the standard most everyone else here goes by when they aren't busy broadcasting how great their own morals are by poo pooing Hooplah. It's like some of you think they're gonna start humping on the restaurant table.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) Oh Kaylan, they were already alone together at her house and nothing happened. Hooplah has said she's not going to let anything happen, so spending some time with her in a very public place is pretty low risk if you ask me. If she's curious about her then she should embrace that curiosity. Nothing worse than laying on your death bed regretting all the things you didn't do. Nothing happened because the woman didnt know when her kids and husband would be arriving. Get real. Yeah, OP isnt going to let anything happen...sure...thats why shes so interested in why her professor is behaving the way she is. Thats why she wants to push the envelope with dinner. Sure. Im glad that you think curiosity is worth ruining 4 lives and fvking up the lives of 2 kids at the same time. Sorry, a lack of death bed regret isnt worth hurting children.It was just pics. And the only thing I'm encouraging her to do is to put herself first. Which I'm pretty sure is the standard most everyone else here goes by when they aren't busy broadcasting how great their own morals are by poo pooing Hooplah. It's like some of you think they're gonna start humping on the restaurant table. Why put herself first? Sorry Im not that selfish not to care about kids growing up in a structured family unit. If a married woman was coming onto me, I wouldnt invite her to dinner to investigate and see if she was really into me or not. Come on now. But I guess some people are ok with being sh!!t human beings to others.I definitely see where you're coming from. I'm a full-blown lesbian. She knows that I'm a lesbian- so I guess you could say I gave her "lesbian vibes". Lol. But again, I'm not messing with this woman on anything more than a platonic level. riiiiight. So if this post wasnt sarcasm, we have a lesbian whos ex professor has always flirted and made slight passes at her. And now the former student wants to invite this woman to dinner after getting vibes inside the womans home. And yet your defending this behavior, and trying to tell us nothing will come of the dinner. ok....I believe you. This reminds me of the tv show Friends. Remember Ross's ex wife? She had a new friend and they starting having dinners and activities together before his wife left him for the other woman. It doesnt just happen in tv shows either. Just leave well enough alone OP. Theres no reason, aside from selfishness, for you to need to investigate this womans desire. To a guy that doesn't even acknowledge her when he gets home. It's not the worst thing in the world to give this woman an hour out with someone who's actually interested in what she has to say. Gimme a flipping break. So lets take the OPs word that the professors husband doesnt acknowledge her. Yeah...Im sure the OP with her little crush (thus slanted perspective) doesnt have a reason to view the husband as inattentive.Nothing to do with shaming, OP. It's about not putting yourself in situations that are risky. You stated you don't want to raise red flags and cross boundaries. You also said you are into this woman. No shame in having a crush. But it simply isn't advisable or appropriate to actively engage her on a personal level. You got your letter. If you really don't want to stir the pot, leave it at that. This. Edited March 6, 2014 by kaylan
jcrew11 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I definitely see where you're coming from. I'm a full-blown lesbian. She knows that I'm a lesbian- so I guess you could say I gave her "lesbian vibes". Lol. But again, I'm not messing with this woman on anything more than a platonic level. Well, you could have mentioned you were a Lesbian. Its clear that this female professor wants to explore a lesbian relationship and has an interest in having an intimate relationship with a woman. Perhaps she is having a midlife crisis, and wants some sexual excitement in her life without leaving or cheating on her husband. Perhaps she has even told her husband that she is physically attracted to this woman. A lot of guys would be turned on to see two women kissing or have a threesome. If you like this professor in a romantic way, then why not ask her what her feelings are and if she wants to pursue a "roll in the hay." Perhaps she is just seeking a "lesbian fling and one night hookup" to try it out, and have some fun and escape from her boring family life. Most professors have very liberal thoughts on society and have a hippy/free love mindset.
Author Hooplah Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Well, you could have mentioned you were a Lesbian. Its clear that this female professor wants to explore a lesbian relationship and has an interest in having an intimate relationship with a woman. Perhaps she is having a midlife crisis, and wants some sexual excitement in her life without leaving or cheating on her husband. Perhaps she has even told her husband that she is physically attracted to this woman. A lot of guys would be turned on to see two women kissing or have a threesome. If you like this professor in a romantic way, then why not ask her what her feelings are and if she wants to pursue a "roll in the hay." Perhaps she is just seeking a "lesbian fling and one night hookup" to try it out, and have some fun and escape from her boring family life. Most professors have very liberal thoughts on society and have a hippy/free love mindset. Well spoken. Someone just told me they're swingers- not sure whether or not I believe it yet.
Author Hooplah Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Just an update: As of right now, nothing has happened. We've been texting here and there but that's it. I asked her out as a thank you but she was busy being an actively involved mother. In these texts, she has said a few suspect things, such as "you owe me lol" and just generally flirty stuff. I haven't played into it. Don't think I care anymore anyway-- I've been seeing someone the past 3 months and it's finally starting to get serious. 1
Stay Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Just an update: As of right now, nothing has happened. We've been texting here and there but that's it. I asked her out as a thank you but she was busy being an actively involved mother. In these texts, she has said a few suspect things, such as "you owe me lol" and just generally flirty stuff. I haven't played into it. Don't think I care anymore anyway-- I've been seeing someone the past 3 months and it's finally starting to get serious. I didn't read through the thread but I think you should stay away. If she was a single mother and wanted something.. Sure go ahead, nothing wrong with that. But she's still with her husband and texting her and being flirty is just asking for trouble. Just cut it off, especially since you have someone else you said things are getting serious with anyways. 1
Blade96 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Don't be a homewrecker." Don't really like people calling the op a homewrecker. If anyone's a homewrecker it's that woman. Because if she doesn't get with this girl she'll try it with the next one that strokes her fancy. They're the homewreckers really. Cheaters don't stop with one. They're the real homewreckers. I think op should should keep it to as professional a relationship as possible.
Survivor12 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Just a thought...it could be possible that she had you over so that her husband could "check you out" for a potential threesome? The ruse itself could account for her nervousness and perhaps her husband's "offishness" was because he was uncomfortable in front of his children or wasn't interested?
Author Hooplah Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Don't be a homewrecker." Don't really like people calling the op a homewrecker. If anyone's a homewrecker it's that woman. Because if she doesn't get with this girl she'll try it with the next one that strokes her fancy. They're the homewreckers really. Cheaters don't stop with one. They're the real homewreckers. I think op should should keep it to as professional a relationship as possible. Very true. There's something off about her (especially because I've never had to bother flirting back). Or maybe she doesn't personally know any other open lesbians. She has known I was gay ever since I had my first class with her-- I caught her listening to a conversation I was having with my school friends. Perhaps she thought, "She's a lesbian, maybe I'll try that out". Lol But yeah, no real homewrecking on my end.
Author Hooplah Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Just a thought...it could be possible that she had you over so that her husband could "check you out" for a potential threesome? The ruse itself could account for her nervousness and perhaps her husband's "offishness" was because he was uncomfortable in front of his children or wasn't interested? Wow, I didn't even think of that. Lol. That could definitely be a possibility. I don't really "look" gay, but I'm sure I don't really appeal to men. I definitely appeal to women though (especially older ones). I'm 25 and I've never had any real guidance in my life. She knows my backstory and pretty much everything about my wild life since I had to skip out on a mandatory class one day. I confided in her some serious stuff. I think she sees me as another opportunity to satisfy her motherly instincts outside of her home. Whatever it is, oh well.
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