Hooplah Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Getting strange, mixed signals from an ex-professor of mine. I've recently graduated and have maintained a friendship with one of my favorite professors. In class, she constantly threw hints at me: touching my leg, prolonged eye contact (and I would catch her staring at me), "accidentally" lifting up her shirt so her stomach was exposed during 1-on-1 conversations, bending over directly in front of me, etc. In general, she's thrown a lot of obvious hints my way. Her body language said it all. Dilemma: I'm a 25 year old woman. She's 48 and married with 2 children. I emailed her and asked if she could write me a letter of recommendation. She completed it within a few days. She told me to call her so she could get the letter to me. When I called her, she asked me, "Why don't you just come over?" She gave me her address and I went over. To my surprise, she was home alone. Her husband and children weren't there. I was a little confused by this and made me question her intentions by me coming over. We made some small talk as I stood in her living room while she looked for the letter. The way she was acting signaled to me that she was extremely nervous; pacing around the room, straightening stacks of papers that were already straight, lip twitching, eyes were dilated. Basically, she looked like a nervous wreck. In walks her children and husband. As her husband walked in, she attempted to greet him to explain what I was doing there. He ignores her COMPLETELY. Him and I talk a little bit in front of my ex-professor, and her facial expression screamed nervousness. I've already met him before, so no discomfort or weirdness on my part. She then proceeded to awkwardly introduce me to her children just before I left. I let her know I was leaving, and she hugged me goodbye. It was a "boobie smoosh" hug where she pushed her boobs into my chest. As I was walking out, she quietly asked me to call her. I thanked her and left. I just need to hear what someone else thinks about this. What were her true intentions? Why did she feel the need to nervously explain to her husband why I was there?
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I can't explain her behavior other than to agree with you that it was strange. I would simply distance myself from her & avoid being alone with her. Problem solved before it could begin. 1
Franklinturtle Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Getting strange, mixed signals from an ex-professor of mine. I've recently graduated and have maintained a friendship with one of my favorite professors. In class, she constantly threw hints at me: touching my leg, prolonged eye contact (and I would catch her staring at me), "accidentally" lifting up her shirt so her stomach was exposed during 1-on-1 conversations, bending over directly in front of me, etc. In general, she's thrown a lot of obvious hints my way. Her body language said it all. Dilemma: I'm a 25 year old woman. She's 48 and married with 2 children. I emailed her and asked if she could write me a letter of recommendation. She completed it within a few days. She told me to call her so she could get the letter to me. When I called her, she asked me, "Why don't you just come over?" She gave me her address and I went over. To my surprise, she was home alone. Her husband and children weren't there. I was a little confused by this and made me question her intentions by me coming over. We made some small talk as I stood in her living room while she looked for the letter. The way she was acting signaled to me that she was extremely nervous; pacing around the room, straightening stacks of papers that were already straight, lip twitching, eyes were dilated. Basically, she looked like a nervous wreck. In walks her children and husband. As her husband walked in, she attempted to greet him to explain what I was doing there. He ignores her COMPLETELY. Him and I talk a little bit in front of my ex-professor, and her facial expression screamed nervousness. I've already met him before, so no discomfort or weirdness on my part. She then proceeded to awkwardly introduce me to her children just before I left. I let her know I was leaving, and she hugged me goodbye. It was a "boobie smoosh" hug where she pushed her boobs into my chest. As I was walking out, she quietly asked me to call her. I thanked her and left. I just need to hear what someone else thinks about this. What were her true intentions? Why did she feel the need to nervously explain to her husband why I was there? She wanted to make love to you but didn't know what time her husband was going to be home. Sounds like a porn flick to me.
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Any other advice I can get? I wanna call or text her and see what's up with her, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Any other advice I can get? I wanna call or text her and see what's up with her, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Then do not call her or text her. Why would you, except to boost your ego and confirm that she has a thing for you? You can't act on it anyway: she is married. Stay away. 3
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Then do not call her or text her. Why would you, except to boost your ego and confirm that she has a thing for you? You can't act on it anyway: she is married. Stay away. Very true. I don't want to admit it to myself, but I'm totally into her. I wouldn't ever act on it though because we're only friends. The thing is, I'm worried about her. The way she was acting set off an alert in my head. I think there's trouble in paradise.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Very true. I don't want to admit it to myself, but I'm totally into her. I wouldn't ever act on it though because we're only friends. The thing is, I'm worried about her. The way she was acting set off an alert in my head. I think there's trouble in paradise. So? It's none of your business. Zero. She has family and friends and a husband to help resolve problems. It has nothing to do with you.
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Lol I think you're misunderstanding what I was asking. 1. I would never try and put the moves on this woman. She's married. 2. I don't care whether or not she has a "thing for me". Again, she's married. All I wanted to know is WHY she was acting this way towards me while I was in her home. That's it. Like you said, her situation is absolutely none of my concern. She came onto me though- not the other way around. Edited March 5, 2014 by Hooplah
gaius Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Maybe she hasn't been with a woman before and being alone with you like that when there's that kind of chemistry made her nervous. A husband that completly ignores his wife like that is no husband. 1
kaylan Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 So? It's none of your business. Zero. She has family and friends and a husband to help resolve problems. It has nothing to do with you. Exactly. OP isnt worried about her, hes worried about his d!k. Hes not concerned about their marriage having trouble in paradise, he simply wants a fling in order to create his own paradise (and destroy a family in the process; 4 lives)
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Lol I think you're misunderstanding what I was asking. 1. I would never try and put the moves on this woman. She's married. 2. I don't care whether or not she has a "thing for me". Again, she's married. All I wanted to know is WHY she was acting this way towards me while I was in her home. That's it. Like you said, her situation is absolutely none of my concern. She came onto me though- not the other way around. No, not at all. It just seems that you already know the answer (the title of the your thread says she flirts with you, so you knew beforehand what the deal with her is) so we're mostly confirming what you already know. She's flirting too much and crossing a boundary by inviting you into her home; she felt guilty and possibly surprised when her husband and children showed up too. If you didn't care, why would you feel the need to call or text her to see what's up? Just let it be. 2
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Exactly. OP isnt worried about her, hes worried about his d!k. Hes not concerned about their marriage having trouble in paradise, he simply wants a fling in order to create his own paradise (and destroy a family in the process; 4 lives) OP is a woman. And no, I have no desire to create "my own paradise" with her. I just wanted to know why she was acting so strange. 3
gaius Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Exactly. OP isnt worried about her, hes worried about his d!k. Hes not concerned about their marriage having trouble in paradise, he simply wants a fling in order to create his own paradise (and destroy a family in the process; 4 lives) OP has a vagina, not a dick. And if she doesn't update this thread if something ends up happening I'll come back and haunt her when I die. 2
hasaquestion Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 OP is a woman. And no, I have no desire to create "my own paradise" with her. I just wanted to know why she was acting so strange. :laugh: Someone didn't read the OP... 1
gaius Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I don't think her nervousness is too hard to understand. Stuck in a marriage with a guy who wouldn't even acknowlege her like that, she meets someone she has great chemistry with, sets up a way to get her alone, but then still has the fact she's still married and it's a student to worry about. Her entire personal and proffesional life may be on the line if you don't reciprocate or something goes wrong.
kaylan Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 OP is a woman. And no, I have no desire to create "my own paradise" with her. I just wanted to know why she was acting so strange. I still stand by what I said. Why create a thread? You sure dont make it seem like you arent considering this with how you speak. At 25, do you really need to ask why someone comes on to you? Its obvious, and if you arent interested why overthink it at all?
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I don't think her nervousness is too hard to understand. Stuck in a marriage with a guy who wouldn't even acknowlege her like that, she meets someone she has great chemistry with, sets up a way to get her alone, but then still has the fact she's still married and it's a student to worry about. Her entire personal and proffesional life may be on the line if you don't reciprocate or something goes wrong. Best response yet. It was definitely a set up. She immediately told me to come over to retrieve the letter (rather than just dropping the letter off in my mailbox, or meeting me at the university). 1
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I still stand by what I said. Why create a thread? You sure dont make it seem like you arent considering this with how you speak. At 25, do you really need to ask why someone comes on to you? Its obvious, and if you arent interested why overthink it at all? I assume you've never been in a weird situation like this before. She was my professor.
gaius Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Best response yet. It was definitely a set up. She immediately told me to come over to retrieve the letter (rather than just dropping the letter off in my mailbox, or meeting me at the university). Ask her out to dinner to thank her for the letter. You can use the opportunity to get a feel for if you really need to be worried about her or not. 1
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Ask her out to dinner to thank her for the letter. You can use the opportunity to get a feel for if you really need to be worried about her or not. That's actually an awesome idea. I just have no balls to ask her. How can I ask her to grab food with me (as a thank you) in a way that won't cause any issues? She'll be at uni teaching all day tomorrow, so it'd be a good time to contact her.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 That's actually an awesome idea. I just have no balls to ask her. How can I ask her to grab food with me (as a thank you) in a way that won't cause any issues? She'll be at uni teaching all day tomorrow, so it'd be a good time to contact her. Did you not say you didn't want to cross boundaries? Why not just leave it alone?
Author Hooplah Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Did you not say you didn't want to cross boundaries? Why not just leave it alone? Check you out shaming everyone. I just saw you on another post essentially telling off a woman who's into an engaged man. I'm not crossing any boundaries; we're friends. This isn't a moral dilemma on my end because nothing will ever happen beyond a friendship. However, I don't want to raise any red flags with her husband.
kaylan Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Ask her out to dinner to thank her for the letter. You can use the opportunity to get a feel for if you really need to be worried about her or not. Dinner? Why not gauge her through a simple phone call? Why open up the possibility for a very awkward situation with dinner?You're trying to validate why you need to see and meet her. You've indicated earlier that you have some curiosity but are hiding under the veils of "friendship". If you don't want to raise any red flags with her husband, then just leave it. You're looking for approval to stroke your ego that she may be interested and you have somewhat of an indication that she may be attracted. Keep it platonic like you claim. There's no need to meet her or anything. If you sense attraction from her, all you're doing is stoking it. But I'm sure you're not going to listen because your curiosity is piqued. Just remember that you're messing with a MARRIED woman WITH KIDS. Don't be a homewrecker. Plenty of SINGLE women available. This exactly.
jcrew11 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Well, she is older and probably having a midlife crisis. Some women prefer kissing other women because its gentler. Perhaps she sees a lesbian fling as "not cheating on her husband" since she is cheating with a woman and not a man. What is wrong with pursuing an intimate relationship? If you like her in a romantic way, then it sounds like fun. We live in a free society with polyamory is acceptable. We are not puritans that believe in strict monogamy. In a free society, we should be able to have multiple lovers if we want.
kaylan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Well, she is older and probably having a midlife crisis. Some women prefer kissing other women because its gentler. Perhaps she sees a lesbian fling as "not cheating on her husband" since she is cheating with a woman and not a man. What is wrong with pursuing an intimate relationship? If you like her in a romantic way, then it sounds like fun. We live in a free society with polyamory is acceptable. We are not puritans that believe in strict monogamy. In a free society, we should be able to have multiple lovers if we want. Are you fvking serious? The woman is married with kids. Get real dude. The professors nervousness when her kids and husband showed up is a clear sign she knows they would NOT be ok with their mom having outside lovers. Polyamory is ok when its agreed upon by all those involved. And it shouldnt occur at the detriment of children either who were raised in and expect a monogamous two parent household.
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