Blastoplast Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 A few things beforehand: - Both of us got out previous long term relationships that were poisonous, and have dated before we met, so we're not rebounds. - Both of us are near 30 - Long-distance dating, see each other about 1-2 times a week, 1 hour apart. So we've been seeing each other for 6 months. We are both extremely busy with our lives, she's busy with her professional life, and I'm transitioning finishing up my degree at school right now and working at the same time. We see each other when we can, usually once a week, sometimes twice if we can make it happen. We've both hung out with each other friends doing social things, but haven't met each other's parents yet -- or said the tree words to each other. So I brought up how when I introduce her I still say just by her name, and not "my girlfriend", and I asked her if we're "official" yet and if it's proper for me to introduce her as girlfriend. She shyed away from it, but also explained that she wants to know that she has her life trajectory on track and that she figures out a few personal issues, along with knowing what she wants in life and her partner. The girlfriend tag isn't a big deal to me at all, but her tentativeness is a little disconcerting. I know we're exclusive, and that we really do hit it off well and have a great chemistry -- but why a hold-up on something as simple as a tag saying I'm her boyfriend or she's my girlfriend?
Hooplah Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Well, it sounds like she clearly does not know what she wants. I can't say for certain, but it sounds like she's dating other people at the moment. That's a woman's "nice" way of saying "I'm dating other people and I'm seeing which one I like the most so I can date them".
Author Blastoplast Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 We're both exclusive, unless she's dating behind my back. She just doesn't have the time to date multiple men -- and we've been together every weekend since we started dating... but now you've got me over-thinking. GOD sometimes I hate coming on here for advice 2
kaylan Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) 6 months and youre exclusive, yet she doesnt like the girlfriend term? Sorry but I agree with the first reply. Either shes dating others, or shes keeping you at bay so she can have the option to date others. Shes trying to keep from actually committing so she can bail if she wants to. A woman doesnt balk at the girlfriend label after 6 months unless shes not into you as a long term prospect. Someone whos almost 30 should know what they want in a partner. Me thinks she just doesnt want you as a long term partner. Im 27 and have known since 25 exactly what I want in a woman. But personally, Im not ready to settle down yet. But I wouldnt date a girl long term who saw me as her long term bf if I wasnt on the same page as her. I think you guys need to have a good talk, or you should just keep options open yourself and start dating others. Edited March 3, 2014 by kaylan 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I think that rather than asking her permission to call her your girlfriend, you should have just done it - introduced her as your girlfriend in the near future. Women tend to like and respect men who take charge and lead the relationship forward. If she has a problem with being your girlfriend after 6 months, you're losing nothing if she reacts strangely to you calling her that - if she resists that word, she's clearly not that into you. 2
Eggplant Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I think that rather than asking her permission to call her your girlfriend, you should have just done it - introduced her as your girlfriend in the near future. Women tend to like and respect men who take charge and lead the relationship forward. If she has a problem with being your girlfriend after 6 months, you're losing nothing if she reacts strangely to you calling her that - if she resists that word, she's clearly not that into you.Woah -- If a guy who was not my boyfriend introduced me as his gf, I'd correct him on the spot. Nobody gets to just make that assumption without consulting me. But I might be different.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Woah -- If a guy who was not my boyfriend introduced me as his gf, I'd correct him on the spot. Nobody gets to just make that assumption without consulting me. If you "corrected" the guy you've been dating for 6 months, that would be a clear signal that you're not that into him. If you were excited about the guy, you'd be happy he called you his girlfriend, even without "consulting" you.
Eggplant Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 If you "corrected" the guy you've been dating for 6 months, that would be a clear signal that you're not that into him. If you were excited about the guy, you'd be happy he called you his girlfriend, even without "consulting" you.Me personally no. I don't care if he's my dream. If he wants me to be exclusive with me, it's a matter of respect that he discusses it with me and we agree on it. I'd be offended. 1
Arabella Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Me personally no. I don't care if he's my dream. If he wants me to be exclusive with me, it's a matter of respect that he discusses it with me and we agree on it. I'd be offended. That seems like a bunch of nonsense. Why get offended when it's likely meant as a demonstration of affection? There was a time when a guy did exactly that to me. After 4 months dating casually, he introduced me as his girlfriend out of the blue. I didn't say anything at the time, but later I asked him about it and he told me, "Well, it didn't feel right to introduce you as just a friend, since you mean so much more to me now." I really didn't want the title at that point and told him as much... but I still thought that his explanation was sweet and totally made sense. I have to agree with the general consensus. A woman who is into you for the long term would've smiled from ear to ear ... not shied away from it. She sounds to me like she just wants to date you but hasn't figured out if she wants to "keep" you. 2
ltjg45 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 We're both exclusive No, that doesn't make any sense. If you are exclusive, then she's your girlfriend. You can't have one without the other. Like others have said, she may be dating others and you don't know about it. Until she is willing to accept the girlfriend title, then you should also continue dating others as well. 1
Eggplant Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Why get offended when it's likely meant as a demonstration of affection?Because if you want to date me exclusively, and tell other people I'm not available, you have to ask me, and doing otherwise is disrespectful period. 1
Els Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 At 6 months, I would find her tentativeness very disconcerting as well. I don't necessarily think it means she's dating others, but it does mean that she isn't in the same stage of this R as you are, and may well never be. You have every right to not be okay with that.
hotpotato Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Just to give you a different perspective, with the last bf we didn't make it official until four months of dating exclusively. He was confused why it didn't happen sooner, and maybe he took it personally when he shouldn't have. Sometimes people move slowly. I can't say exactly what's going on in your situation, but moving slowly isn't always a sign someone Iisn't serious or exclusive.
Chocolat Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 No, that doesn't make any sense. If you are exclusive, then she's your girlfriend. You can't have one without the other. Sure you can. FWBs do this sometimes - they are exclusive in terms of sex, but not emotionally committed. OP, I agree that you should ask her why she is averse to the GF label, but I don't think this necessarily means she is dating others. It does mean something is up, and you should find out what. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I think that rather than asking her permission to call her your girlfriend, you should have just done it +1 to that. This is exactly what I've always done in the past. Who needs that strange "talk" that the Colonials are oh so fond of? Just do this and you'll have all the answers you need. If she balks then it speaks volumes about her commitment to you. If she smiles happily then you've just scored a home run. Win-win. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 There was a time when a guy did exactly that to me. After 4 months dating casually, he introduced me as his girlfriend out of the blue. I didn't say anything at the time, but later I asked him about it and he told me, "Well, it didn't feel right to introduce you as just a friend, since you mean so much more to me now." A guy I was with for 2-3 months introduced me as his girlfriend for the first time at a party. I was surprised, because we had not discussed it, but he said it with such pride, happiness, and confidence that he totally won me over. I asked him later about calling me his girlfriend, and he goes, "Well, aren't you?" Couldn't argue with that 4
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