How do I cope with life?

[Walter W.]

So I dont know if I even have a right to complain but I cant live feeling like this its not healthy.

 

So for the longest time I have an ache in my heart and a lump in my throat. I guess the feeling can be best described as hopelessness like there is no happiness for me Im a loser I don't matter to anyone no one likes me and that Im a nuisance to everyone and that I shouldn't be alive.

 

I feel like Im a bad person and that Im alone in the world that no one cares about me not even myself. I feel worthless and undeserving of love friends and happiness.

 

I sometimes feel like I longing for death. That people would be happy if I died. I really hate myself. And I hate life but I know others in the world have it worse than me so I shouldnt complain which makes me hate myself more.

 

I feel like my family hates me that my "friends" hate me and think the worst of me and that no girls like me. I have a huge crush on this girl but I dont think she likes me which makes me feel worst than I already do but I know its not her fault that I like her. IDK

 

I also feel like because Im young I shouldnt be feeling this Im 18 in high school but i felt this way since my early teens and again I feel bad. In school and when Im around friends I put on an act. I pretend that I am happy and look at the positives in life to make the most of it but inside I hate myself I feel worthless and I hate life.

 

I guess what Im asking is for help how can I cope with life. Is anyone else that feels like this. Is there any hope for me to stop feeling this way. Anything to numb the pain I feel on a constant basis or is there really no hope.

 

Thanks and I hope people respond

[Itspointless]

So I dont know if I even have a right to complain but I cant live feeling like this its not healthy. [...] I guess what Im asking is for help how can I cope with life. Is anyone else that feels like this. Is there any hope for me to stop feeling this way. Anything to numb the pain I feel on a constant basis or is there really no hope.

 

Thanks and I hope people respond

Never be ashamed expressing how you feel! Of-course there is hope for you! And please listen, no one is worthless or undeserving of love, you are no exception. When I was your age I was depressed too due to things happening in my life. It can only get better. Growing up today just is not easy in our modern insecure world.

 

I recommend you go search for some kind of therapy. You can be helped with the things you describe. Never be ashamed to do so!

[d0nnivain]

Walter

 

 

Things will get better & a lot of people feel hopeless at your age. there is so much pressure.

 

 

Don't give up.

 

 

Tell somebody how you feel -- a parent, a beloved teacher, an older friend. I suspect you may be reading the situation wrong; your family most likely loves you & would be devastated if you were gone. Let them help you.

[Walter W.]

I have told my parents this over the years of how I feel and they get very angry at me and think that Im being ungrateful and that I have no right to complain when they had it harder than me. They also think Im saying that they are bad parents so I cant talk to my parents as I have tried many times and it ends the same.

 

I also dont think my parents like me in my early teens my father always compared me to my friends because they were more athletic than me especially my neighborhood best friend and insults me saying that I am lazy and that he is more good looking than me and that girls like him more because hes athletic. Which is one of the reason I dont hang out with friends anymore outside of school.

 

My mother has always thought the worst of me. One of my earliest memories is when I think I was 4 or 5 years old and I live in a city and walking up the stairs from the subway and I fell down and my mother called me stupid. She also hates it when I try to talk to her about my problems and would yell at me, they both do.

 

Beloved teacher? I dont think they have those anymore.

 

An older friend? I mean I could but I dont think that would help and plus that might make people think less of me and I dont think they would want to listen to that sorta stuff.

 

Therapy? Im 18 with no money and I asked before countless times but the last time I asked my mother finally said yes was at 15 but for 2 days she was angry at me fighting none stop so I decided not to go so she will stop.

 

Honestly writing this has back up my feelings of being alone and worthless.

 

Do you think Im depressed because I feel sad most of the time. I asked my parents if they think Im depressed once but we fought but after wards my mother said if I think Im depressed I just have to push through it.

[Itspointless]

Depression was my first thought when reading your writing. This test can tell you: Psych Central - Depression Screening Test Isn't there a school-counselor you can talk to?

 

Do you exercise? Sports can really do you good, for me running often works wonders.

[Walter W.]

Well I took the test at your website it said I had severe depression. So thats a bit disheartening. I have a counselor but I dont want to talk to her about this stuff plus what can she do? And yes I do exercise its fun but even though it did improve my life I still have this crippling sadness.

[Itspointless]

I think your counselor can give you advice what you can do to feel better or find other help. It seems to me that you need someone who you can trust and talk to. Most likely that will already help you a lot.