enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I started dating this guy over a month ago, but we were friends for months before that. Anyways, things were going well. We always slept over, he was affectionate, and open, etc. Last time i saw him, he came to my house on a Friday night for dinner and stayed over. Even asked if he could leave something there for when he comes over, making plans of stuff we should do when the weather gets nicer, etc. Anyways, next day (Saturday) i didnt have plans so he offered to take me to breakfast (which ended up being lunch) but anyways...we had a nice lunch and drinks. He was being playful, etc. So we go back to his place to relax for a while and later that night, we went to dinner and a movie. Next day he had to meet with a client (owns his own business) so he had to take me home in the afternoon. We arent exclusive so it isnt any of my business even if he was going on a date. He was extremely quiet in the car. Not like him at all. I am thinking because we got so close emotionally, that it scared him thus the rubber band effect. Fast forward over a week later, i text him because our previous plans the week before fell through. He calls me in the afternoon. He had to work that night (meet with a client) and said that he cant promise anything, but would it be ok for him to come around 10? well, to me that is just pointless. Its a work night, and late so we wouldnt be able to eat together and watch a movie (like we usually do). So I hesitated, and he got arrogant about it telling me " dont act too excited now" so then he says ok well then i guess I will just talk to you after I am done then. Again, i hesitated. He wasnt liking that at all, started asking me if i am ok, that i am acting wierd and calling me a wierdo. I am probably too sensitive but i took offense to that. So then i snapped back at him. Asked how am i wierdo or maybe i called him something too in response...It happened so fast I dont even remember! The next thing I know, he says (very calmly) " _________, you take care" and I didnt even know what was happening...the next thing i know the line went dead. I should have let him cool off for a day...but I didnt. Instead i called him a couple times and texted...asking what just happened, and explaining to him that it wasnt that i didnt want to see him, but not that late at night. Then said, to call me later so we can have an adult conversation. Everything got ignored... Still havent heard from him. I cant base everything on astrological signs, but he is a Virgo so anyone familiar with a Virgo male knows how co**y they are and a HUGE ego. I know that by calling him and texting him i was giving him the reaction he wants, and also giving him the power/control. I really feel that this needs to be talked about...but I know men can pout for a month. It has almost been 2 weeks. I am just thinking if i dont hear from him at the 3-3.5 week mark that i need to talk to him about what happened. I have to make it straight and to the point. I would just hate to see a friendship ruined over this. I dont know if he is stressed over work, If i just honestly made him mad, or if i just flat out hurt his feelings (ego). I did try and redeem myself with the texts but not sure if he even read them or what. He didnt shut off his phone. It rang 5x both times i called and went to voicemail. I think it is a misunderstanding...he doesnt usually hold grudges. Even if things didnt work out, and we decided to stop dating he remains friends. We have had convos about this. He runs his own business and is working on a few huge projects. The day we talked he said he had to go meet with the client to discuss a money matter. Sounded like the guy owes him money or something of the sort. What should I do?
clia Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 You should move on. You haven't heard from him in two weeks. It's over. He isn't interested in seeing you, talking to you, or having a relationship with you -- friendship or otherwise. I'm sorry to be harsh, but there is nothing to talk about. 3
stillafool Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Nothing. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Him wanting to come over at 10PM sounds like a booty call. Have you had sex with him? Virgo men are all about their work and send so many mixed messages, blow hot and cold, from my experience with them. What sign are you? I think you should just wait it out and if he never calls you back after something this silly just imagine the eggshells you would have to walk on to please him.
Zahara Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 It's pretty clear that the "friendship" isn't as important to him as it is to you. In that sense, you should let that reasoning go. And if you valued the friendship, you had to know that crossing some of the boundaries that come with friendship would possibly mess things up. Don't chase him. You've texted and called him several times and he's choosing to stay silent. Silence is a response. You need to accept that and stop forcing it. If he valued you and what he had with you, he'd be making the effort. The fact that he's choosing NOT to do nothing is telling.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 First of all, this has zero to do with his astrological sign. Jerks and jerks; their date of birth doesn't mean squat. Second, don't necessarily believe everything he tells you. He said he remains friends after dating someone, but you've know this guy a grand total of what, a month? You also have no idea if he doesn't usually hold grudges. My point is that you simply don't know him well enough to verify if any of those things are true about him. Don't reach out to him again. He knows you've contacted him, and he doesn't want to make the effort to respond. His silence speaks volumes, OP. He isn't interested in fixing this. Let him go and find another man who will treat you more respectfully. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Nothing. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Him wanting to come over at 10PM sounds like a booty call. Have you had sex with him? Virgo men are all about their work and send so many mixed messages, blow hot and cold, from my experience with them. What sign are you? I think you should just wait it out and if he never calls you back after something this silly just imagine the eggshells you would have to walk on to please him. That would have been the first time we ever met up that late. Usually it was right at a decent hour (dinner time). In any event, I wasnt going to just let him come over that late, its a waste of time. He basically had a temper tantrum when he didnt get his way. I havent heard good things about Virgo men at all. My ex husand was an Aries, and he ignored for almost a month once when we first started dating. I cant handle that. I moved on after 2-2.5 weeks and then he wants to talk to me just as I accepted the fact that its over...ugh. I dont think I could go through that again. I do like him, and we had a great connection and good together, but this is just childish. He is 40 acting like a 20 year old. If he was upset by something i said, then he could have told me that upsets me but he just hung up. He doesnt know how to express feelings at all. When he doesnt get his way, he will ignore you from what I can see.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 It's pretty clear that the "friendship" isn't as important to him as it is to you. In that sense, you should let that reasoning go. And if you valued the friendship, you had to know that crossing some of the boundaries that come with friendship would possibly mess things up. Don't chase him. You've texted and called him several times and he's choosing to stay silent. Silence is a response. You need to accept that and stop forcing it. If he valued you and what he had with you, he'd be making the effort. The fact that he's choosing NOT to do nothing is telling. Your right...I just wanted to say my peace but I guess its pointless. I will just give the satisfaction of knowing that he has been punishing me for the last 2 weeks and will think I need him.
stillafool Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 He will contact you again after you ignore and forget about him. He's acting childish and still I don't think you did anything wrong. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 First of all, this has zero to do with his astrological sign. Jerks and jerks; their date of birth doesn't mean squat. Second, don't necessarily believe everything he tells you. He said he remains friends after dating someone, but you've know this guy a grand total of what, a month? You also have no idea if he doesn't usually hold grudges. My point is that you simply don't know him well enough to verify if any of those things are true about him. Don't reach out to him again. He knows you've contacted him, and he doesn't want to make the effort to respond. His silence speaks volumes, OP. He isn't interested in fixing this. Let him go and find another man who will treat you more respectfully. Yes...your right. What he did to me, really hurt so it has been hard to move on. He basically told me I am insignificant. And like one of the other posters here said I would be walking on eggshells dating him. I want to be treated like an equal. So I would basically be worrying to make him mad and be on my best behavior...that isnt living. I am not desperate. I dont even know if how he was all the times we were together was his true self or if he put on a mask to get me hooked. We talked for months before we met...but even then I was very apprehensive to meet him. Then when I met him i thought he was different and even he mentioned " not to judge a book by it's cover" in the end, my gut feeling about him was right.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Nothing. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Him wanting to come over at 10PM sounds like a booty call. Have you had sex with him? Virgo men are all about their work and send so many mixed messages, blow hot and cold, from my experience with them. What sign are you? I think you should just wait it out and if he never calls you back after something this silly just imagine the eggshells you would have to walk on to please him. Oh BTW, I am a cancer
Phantom888 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Well it's obvious that it's over. What I don't understand is that when you were doing things together, sleeping over frequently, that's what BF/GF do in an exclusive relationship, yet you tell us it's not exclusive so you don't care if he's going on dates. And there are so many undefined boundaries...you don't know where you stand in his life/schedule, so you two have serious communication issues. You can't seem to express to each other what your feelings or intentions are, yet you are spending time together as a couple. This must have been fun for him since he had you at HIS convenience. Messiness ---> Miscommunication ---> Everyone feeling confused
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 He will contact you again after you ignore and forget about him. He's acting childish and still I don't think you did anything wrong. Your right he is acting childish. And also right about VIrgo men being all about work, because that is all he cares about is building up his business.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Well it's obvious that it's over. What I don't understand is that when you were doing things together, sleeping over frequently, that's what BF/GF do in an exclusive relationship, yet you tell us it's not exclusive so you don't care if he's going on dates. And there are so many undefined boundaries...you don't know where you stand in his life/schedule, so you two have serious communication issues. You can't seem to express to each other what your feelings or intentions are, yet you are spending time together as a couple. This must have been fun for him since he had you at HIS convenience. Messiness ---> Miscommunication ---> Everyone feeling confused HE gave alot of mixed signals. I was fine with getting to know each other, and letting things develop on their own time. So then all of a sudden he starts throwing out words like saying he is the open one in this relationship..and joking around saying " are you cheating on me already" when I am texting saying things like " tell him I said Hi" I have nothing to hide, so I told him he can look if he wants. I have no problem expressing my feelings to him. But seems when I do, he cant handle it. He is insecure with some abandonment issues. I have no problem working through it, but he has to meet me halfway. Obviously, that isnt happening.
Lansing Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 As another poster said, it doesn't have to do with astrological signs at all! 2nd, if I ask a girl if she wants to see me, I would hope she would say yes unless she expressed "actually, it is kind of late for me for a work night, can we do it another night when you have more time" instead of being wishy washy or unsure if she wants to see me (lack of excitement which he commented on). I think the reason why he went silent on you is because he saw the way you reacted to something as little as this and he was worried that you would make a big deal out of other issues down the road. THere is a difference between saying someone is "acting weird" and just calling someone weird. You didn't make it any better by saying/demanding a "conversation" about things after and talking like adults. Sorry, I am of a different view from other posters but my initial gut reaction from reading your post is to side with the guy even though you posted this story from his perspective. I had a situation where a girl had interest in me and she mistook everything I said and was offended by it, etc. I basically ended the friendship because I couldn't handle it anymore. She would cry about things, etc. It was too extreme. I feel like maybe this guy just had enough of the drama. 1
stillafool Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 This must have been fun for him since he had you at HIS convenience. Messiness ---> Miscommunication ---> Everyone feeling confused Apparently he doesn't have her at his convenience because she wouldn't let him come over when he wanted to.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 He will contact you again after you ignore and forget about him. He's acting childish and still I don't think you did anything wrong. YOU WERE RIGHT. He just texted me after what...12 days??? ha now I am going to take my sweeeeeet time answering him. Let him stew like he did to me. An eye for an eye... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 YOU WERE RIGHT. He just texted me after what...12 days??? ha now I am going to take my sweeeeeet time answering him. Let him stew like he did to me. An eye for an eye... Why bother answering at all? 3
Zahara Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 YOU WERE RIGHT. He just texted me after what...12 days??? ha now I am going to take my sweeeeeet time answering him. Let him stew like he did to me. An eye for an eye... Unfortunately, he won't be stewing as how you were doing. Understand that it didn't affect him one bit to ignore you and it didn't affect him one bit to know that his silence could possibly sever his ties with you. You're projecting. There is no eye for an eye because you're definitely more invested than he is. It would be in your best interest to walk away from someone that has no problems inflicting the silent treatment on you. This is how he communicates and most times, you'll always be walking on egg shells because you have to be careful not to cross him. But you'll contact and probably learn the hard way. 4
readynow Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 It's just cruel. No word for 12 days. Horrible. I married someone a man like this. When we were dating, he would give me the silent treatment because I said or did the smallest wrong thing. When we married, it was even worse - living with someone who would refuse to speak with you or eat dinner with you because you said a sarcastic word. He would always come back - waltz back in like nothing ever happened. Enchanted, except he comes back in crutches having been hit by a bus on his way to your house 12 days ago, don't respond to him. Just let him go.
Author enchanted771 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Thank you. I am letting him go for sure. He is a player. The fact of the matter, that we were seeing each other on a regular basis (which he wanted also allegedly) and we started to get close (emotionally) and then he backs off. Yeah, I think the day he dropped me off he had another date he was going to, and I am not playing the third wheel. Also, before that weekend we spent together, he had no issue making time. Even if it was just him coming over, the latest he would show up was 8. (I get home close to 7) then all of a sudden he cant show up until 10...not because he was too busy but because that way he cant get too close to me emotionally. If we dont eat dinner together and watch a movie together, then its just hooking up. It was fun while it lasted I guess. He better stick to women 10+ years younger than him...the only ones naive enought to believe that he is a " good catch" Once he has you "hooked" then the mask comes off.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I am amazed when women think that men like this are "playing games" or "sulking". Simple fact is that he just doesn't care. You had nothing to apologize for. When a man cares about you, he is very eager to get in touch and resolve conflict. 4
babycakees Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 YOU WERE RIGHT. He just texted me after what...12 days??? ha now I am going to take my sweeeeeet time answering him. Let him stew like he did to me. An eye for an eye... 12 days??? He thinks its ok to just come back after being gone 12 days?? I would reply and say, "While you were away I realized something...I realized I'm better off without you. Take care"
kaylan Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Nothing. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Him wanting to come over at 10PM sounds like a booty call. Have you had sex with him? Virgo men are all about their work and send so many mixed messages, blow hot and cold, from my experience with them. What sign are you? I think you should just wait it out and if he never calls you back after something this silly just imagine the eggshells you would have to walk on to please him. Lol @ people assigning his behavior to astrology. I know several virgos who wouldnt have behaved the way that guy did. 3
kaylan Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 YOU WERE RIGHT. He just texted me after what...12 days??? ha now I am going to take my sweeeeeet time answering him. Let him stew like he did to me. An eye for an eye... Game playing. Why even respond at all? Guess what OP is gonna do. Shes gonna play this game, get roped back in, then get laid and then played.
pickflicker Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) Lol @ people assigning his behavior to astrology. I know several virgos who wouldnt have behaved the way that guy did. Exactly, he's just a douche. No star sign made him do it. EDIT: Virgo woman here - not sure I act like my star sign at all... Edited March 7, 2014 by pickflicker 1
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