MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Im 20 and met this girl a couple weeks ago. Se was visiting with her family from out of state. My family is friends with her extended family (who she was visiting). That's how I met her. I talked to her for a bit, but nothing serious, not even small talk. Then she left, but I haven't stopped thinking about her. Has something similar ever happened to anyone? What did you do? What should I do? I can't just forget about her... Well I haven't been able to do so for 3 weeks, so thats kinda out of the question. We aren't even facebook friends, twitter followers, nor do we have each others numbers.
brok3npromise Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Send her a friend request on Facebook if she's on there. There was on time when I met a guy when I was out one night. I introduced myself and we chatted a little bit and I felt a spark but he never asked for my number. About a week later, I had a friend request from him on Facebook. Things didn't end up working out with him, but we did date for about 2-3 months.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Send her a friend request on Facebook if she's on there. There was on time when I met a guy when I was out one night. I introduced myself and we chatted a little bit and I felt a spark but he never asked for my number. About a week later, I had a friend request from him on Facebook. Things didn't end up working out with him, but we did date for about 2-3 months. Well, one thing I'm worried about is coming off as thirsty/horny. I don't want to appear that way. This girl was different. I will be honest, she wasn't she sexiest girl I've ever SEEN, but there was just something about her that I really liked. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not only attracted to this girl for her looks, and I don't want it to appear that way. Secondly, do you think this is too late? I mean, her family came in like 3/3 and a half weeks ago. Lastly, do I also friend her family? Like her sister? Mom? Aunt? ect? It may look like I'm singling her out, which will only enhance my fear that I'm coming off as horny. What are your thoughts? Also, how did you meet the guy in your story? And how old are you/were you when it happened?
ctxinfl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 No, it's not too late. Single her out for FB. You found her attractive and you want to get to know her better. That won't occur unless you take steps to make it happen. 1
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 No, it's not too late. Single her out for FB. You found her attractive and you want to get to know her better. That won't occur unless you take steps to make it happen. Doesn't that make me come across as horny tho? I don't want to have that reputation. Thats fine to have if you just want to sleep with someone, but if you want to actually date and get to know someone, you shouldn't come across as horny.
ctxinfl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Doesn't that make me come across as horny tho? I don't want to have that reputation. Thats fine to have if you just want to sleep with someone, but if you want to actually date and get to know someone, you shouldn't come across as horny. We're guys. I've always assumed a stance that women just assume we're horny. Still, I'm not sure how sending a friend request to someone on Facebook equates to being horny? Granted, I don't use Facebook, so maybe there is a dynamic I'm missing, though my understanding is that Facebook is a social tool used to keep in contact with friends. So how does asking her to become Facebook friends equate to telling her that you just want to jump in her pants?
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 We're guys. I've always assumed a stance that women just assume we're horny. Still, I'm not sure how sending a friend request to someone on Facebook equates to being horny? Granted, I don't use Facebook, so maybe there is a dynamic I'm missing, though my understanding is that Facebook is a social tool used to keep in contact with friends. So how does asking her to become Facebook friends equate to telling her that you just want to jump in her pants? I understand what you're saying, and it probably doesn't. I tend to over think things. The part that may come across as horny, would be singling her out over the rest of her family. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the most social person, so even little stuff like friending someone on Facebook will be over thought by me lol
ctxinfl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Are you interested in this girl? If so, you are over thinking this. It's very simple. Friend her on Facebook. Talk to her. Get her phone number. Text her and talk to her. If things go well then ask her out. Don't wait months or weeks for that to happen. Make it quick. Social networking (i.e. Facebook) and texting, and to a lesser degree phone calls, are lousy ways to get to know someone. You need to be face-to-face.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Are you interested in this girl? If so, you are over thinking this. It's very simple. Friend her on Facebook. Talk to her. Get her phone number. Text her and talk to her. If things go well then ask her out. Don't wait months or weeks for that to happen. Make it quick. Social networking (i.e. Facebook) and texting, and to a lesser degree phone calls, are lousy ways to get to know someone. You need to be face-to-face. BUt like what am I supposed to say? Im shy, I have trouble talking to girls, and other guys for that matter, so its tough for me to meet people. Once I'm friends with someone, I'm comfortable, but that takes a while. Ive never done this before, so I'm nervous. Ive really got no clue what I'm supposed to say to her. Also, I believe I mentioned that we don't live near each other. She was in town visiting people. Im not sure how to meet her face-to-face, but we aren't even at that step yet
deathandtaxes Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 You're obsessing over future possibilities. Which is fine to a point, unless it starts to have an outsize influence over your daily life. It can't hurt to send her a FB request. If she accepts, great! Then you can message her and get a conversation going. If she doesn't, well, that's your answer.
ctxinfl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Did you talk to her when she was visiting? Continue that line of conversation; something you both found interesting: a movie, TV show, anything. Just something to get things going.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 You're obsessing over future possibilities. Which is fine to a point, unless it starts to have an outsize influence over your daily life. It can't hurt to send her a FB request. If she accepts, great! Then you can message her and get a conversation going. If she doesn't, well, that's your answer. In this message, what am i supposed to say? I feel like I'm being too obvious my sending her a friend request. She's gonna think "well this guy wants to get with me. why else would he be friending me?" I don't want her to think that. Well, I do, but I don't. Id rather get to know her and actually date her than just a hit and run. ya know?
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Did you talk to her when she was visiting? Continue that line of conversation; something you both found interesting: a movie, TV show, anything. Just something to get things going. Barely. She was visiting her family. My family is very very close with someone in her family, so we were included in the dinners and stuff. I sat at a table with her and some other family members, and basically just kinda listened to everything everyone had to say. I had to ask her a couple times who different people were and how they were related lol, but thats it.
deathandtaxes Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 In this message, what am i supposed to say? I feel like I'm being too obvious my sending her a friend request. She's gonna think "well this guy wants to get with me. why else would he be friending me?" I don't want her to think that. Well, I do, but I don't. Id rather get to know her and actually date her than just a hit and run. ya know? You're overthinking it!! Just a simple, Hi! How are you? and other stuff along those lines. Or anything else that you can ask about when you met her. Don't overthink it.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 You're overthinking it!! Just a simple, Hi! How are you? and other stuff along those lines. Or anything else that you can ask about when you met her. Don't overthink it. Sry for the late reply. You don't find that creepy? When I say I don't want to be horny/thirsty in her eyes, its because I feel she will find it creepy, and a major turnoff.
babycakees Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Send her the friend request. Once she approves it, wait a few days and then send her a message. Don't appear too eager if you are afraid she will think you just want to get with her or whatever. Honestly, that thought wouldn't even cross my mind if I was her. Like I said...send her the friend request and message her a few days or a week later. 1
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Send her the friend request. Once she approves it, wait a few days and then send her a message. Don't appear too eager if you are afraid she will think you just want to get with her or whatever. Honestly, that thought wouldn't even cross my mind if I was her. Like I said...send her the friend request and message her a few days or a week later. Well what is this message supposed to say? Do I just friend her, or her family, too? There are just a lot of loose ends that I would like to get cleaned up first lol
OhThatGirl Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Oh come on. You're going to come across as bizarre and inept if you don't stop overthinking this. Quit figuring out all the horrible ways she can misinterpret everything. Find her on Facebook. Send her a friend request. Say hello. That's it. It's simple. Know what's incredibly sexy on a man? Confidence. Just do whatever you want, make contact, anything. Stop panicking. Just move forward like you want to and assume she will always be receptive. Anything else is going to shoot your confidence down and that is something you just can't afford to lose more of. 2
ChessPieceFace Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 If you want to risk being crafty, you could see who she's friends with in your extended family who you could add, add some of those people and try to post witty comments on their posts. That may lead to you and this girl "breaking the ice" on facebook, and then you could plausibly add her as a friend at some point. 1
Noproblem Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 There is nothing wrong with asking to add her on Facebook She is out if state; you have nothing to worry about!
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Oh come on. You're going to come across as bizarre and inept if you don't stop overthinking this. Quit figuring out all the horrible ways she can misinterpret everything. Find her on Facebook. Send her a friend request. Say hello. That's it. It's simple. Know what's incredibly sexy on a man? Confidence. Just do whatever you want, make contact, anything. Stop panicking. Just move forward like you want to and assume she will always be receptive. Anything else is going to shoot your confidence down and that is something you just can't afford to lose more of. That's actually very motivational. Thank you for that That's what I do... I panick about little things :/ Idk how much you read besides the original post, but im very shy. I have trouble having little conversations with anyone... Male or female. People say just talk to her, just tell her how you feel, just do it, ect ect, but it's very tough "just doing it." Just curious, how old are you? Do you have any experience in this stuff?
ChatroomHero Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Maybe I missed it if you addressed it, but why not mention something to the family friend and see if you can pass something through the grapevine? Maybe that friend is fb friends with her and can mention your interest? I don' think you have to be worried about coming off as horny/desperate after 3 weeks. If your family friend is tactful they can more or less put the word out and see if she wants to friend you on fb and in the very least she would be flattered.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) After reading the entire thread, I will say this. OP, you are not worried about coming across as too horny or too needy or too shy or too whatever. Stop lying to yourself. Deep down, what you are actually worried about is getting rejected. What has happened is that you had one small chat with this girl and in your mind created this perfect image of her as the "ONE" girl for you. You put her on the highest pedestal in your mind. As a result, you see her as an angel and would rather take inaction than action for fear of getting rejected. That's how you get your self a one way ticket to friendzone land. What you need to do is DEPEDESTALIZE her. She is just a human being like you. She farts, poops, throws up, spits phelgm, fails exams etc. She is not a goddess and she is not be the last or only woman in the world that you will encounter. There are millions more around you right now that are not only like her but far better. You see something you like, you go after it. If she says no, then big deal. You move on to the next woman. If you sit here contemplating all the ways you can go wrong, YOU WILL NEVER DO IT AT ALL. Stop being a wuss and just do what you want to do. Is it add her on Facebook? Then do it. Send her a message saying "Hey, it was really nice seeing you at blah...blah...blah. We should catch up again when you're in town. Here's my number: xxx-xxx-xxxx." End of story. If she never responds then so be it. Think of it as a ladder. You've weeded out one rung on the ladder on your way to the top. STOP BEING A WUSS. IT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. WOMEN WILL SMELL THIS ON YOU AND EJECT FROM YOU FASTER THAN A PILOT IN AN F-22 FIGHTER JET. Wow. That was harsh, but it was the truth, so thank you very much. This post really caught my eye. You are 100% right. Im scared of rejection. Im scared about how I will be viewed if I am rejected... scared how her friends, her family, my family, my friends, my family friend, and most importantly how she will view me if I'm rejected. Im terrified of failure. Im not used to it. On the other hand, I'm very lazy. Im normally able to work very little, and excel in tasks. In high school, if I studied for just a little bit, I would get great grades, but I rarely studied, for example. Another example, Im not athletic or jacked or anything, but if I pick up a sport, I can be pretty decent with little practice. The one thing that I am not good at is being social. My social skills in general in weak... with every aspect of my life. I don't really know what to do about it. So, I guess, this is why being rejected is such a scary thought for me. Its taking something I'm not good at to start with, and then getting a bad outcome from it. Im not really sure if that made any sort of sense, or if it was just rambling lol, but id like you to kinda understand why I have this fear. Nonetheless, your post was a real eyeopener, and a very truthful one at that. Edited March 5, 2014 by MightyHeracross
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Maybe I missed it if you addressed it, but why not mention something to the family friend and see if you can pass something through the grapevine? Maybe that friend is fb friends with her and can mention your interest? I don' think you have to be worried about coming off as horny/desperate after 3 weeks. If your family friend is tactful they can more or less put the word out and see if she wants to friend you on fb and in the very least she would be flattered. Well, Im honestly not that close with my family friend. I mean, we are close, but not in that respect. Its kinda tough to explain, but I am not comfortable going up to her and saying "i really liked your niece." I thought about it, but its not that type of relationship.
Author MightyHeracross Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 If you want to risk being crafty, you could see who she's friends with in your extended family who you could add, add some of those people and try to post witty comments on their posts. That may lead to you and this girl "breaking the ice" on facebook, and then you could plausibly add her as a friend at some point. I tried that, but we've got no mutual friends on Facebook. Honestly, I don't even use my Facebook much at all. The last post I made was probably a couple years ago lol. I just scroll through the feed. I don't comment and like or do any of that stuff haha
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