ex and i talk every so often now

[TheSwarm]

basically my ex and i broke up 3 years ago, we had a rough break-up, she got into a relationship about a year later, so i basically thought meh, not worth trying to get her back at that point, plus she kind of hated me for good reason. about 8 months ago she started talking to me again, not a lot just here and there on facebook. 2 months ago she started calling me late night, i never answered because i would be sleeping, and my phones set to silent during the night. she still had a boyfriend at this time but i assume things were going rough, thats why she was calling. she's been talking to me a lot more recently, and it's most likely because she broke up with her boyfriend. she still likes him, but things didn't feel right, so it was a mutual break up.

 

i have a feeling shes talking to me because she's lonely now, she has been a real sweetheart and i've been the same back to her. it's nice to speak with her again. i know she still cares about having me in her life, because she did apologize 8 months ago, and we have been talking since on and off. just friendly talk. catching up.

 

we were talking last night, and i was just trying to give her a little bit of support and advice in the situation shes in, because i do care about her too. she said we should hangout sometime, she'd love me as a friend again. which confuses me, because we were never really friends. i met her, and during the forth time hanging out, i asked her out. there was no friend status. she joked around, saying don't worrying, I'm not hitting on you.

 

I'd like to go hang out, but as silly as it is... i've always kind of had a soft spot for her, even after 3 years. she was seriously the best, i had never met a girl before that i thought the world of, still do. I just don't want to get involved because a) i don't want to mess her current relationship up by hanging out with her, she obviously still cares about this guy. b) I still kind of have feelings for her, i guess they were brought up talking to her for the last 8 months.

 

I don't really know what to do in this situation.

Edited March 3, 2014 by TheSwarm

[AlphaC]

basically my ex and i broke up 3 years ago, we had a rough break-up, she got into a relationship about a year later, so i basically thought meh, not worth trying to get her back at that point, plus she kind of hated me for good reason. about 8 months ago she started talking to me again, not a lot just here and there on facebook. 2 months ago she started calling me late night, i never answered because i would be sleeping, and my phones set to silent during the night. she still had a boyfriend at this time but i assume things were going rough, thats why she was calling. she's been talking to me a lot more recently, and it's most likely because she broke up with her boyfriend. she still likes him, but things didn't feel right, so it was a mutual break up.

 

i have a feeling shes talking to me because she's lonely now, she has been a real sweetheart and i've been the same back to her. it's nice to speak with her again. i know she still cares about having me in her life, because she did apologize 8 months ago, and we have been talking since on and off. just friendly talk. catching up.

 

we were talking last night, and i was just trying to give her a little bit of support and advice in the situation shes in, because i do care about her too. she said we should hangout sometime, she'd love me as a friend again. which confuses me, because we were never really friends. i met her, and during the forth time hanging out, i asked her out. there was no friend status. she joked around, saying don't worrying, I'm not hitting on you.

 

I'd like to go hang out, but as silly as it is... i've always kind of had a soft spot for her, even after 3 years. she was seriously the best, i had never met a girl before that i thought the world of, still do. I just don't want to get involved because a) i don't want to mess her current relationship up by hanging out with her, she obviously still cares about this guy. b) I still kind of have feelings for her, i guess they were brought up talking to her for the last 8 months.

 

I don't really know what to do in this situation.

 

Dude, move on. It's pretty clear she has moved on and you are still stuck in that old relationship from 3 years ago, idolizing her!

 

Is there no other woman out there for you to meet, are you afraid of a challenge, of being vulnerable, try it.

 

I'm pretty sure if you started putting your needs first, you could meet a woman who is interested in no one else but you. Work on finding that woman and leave your ex alone. She is in love with that other cat and you are going to get hurt.

 

The worst thing that will happen is that she will view you as weak, a man with no options, a man who's shoulder she could cry on, a man she could use until she gets back on her feet, a man she could hang out in the club with while she lets other men hit on her. She will always fall back to, "you are my friend, don't get jealous." Amigo don't fall for that nonsense.

[TheSwarm]

Dude, move on. It's pretty clear she has moved on and you are still stuck in that old relationship from 3 years ago, idolizing her!

 

Is there no other woman out there for you to meet, are you afraid of a challenge, of being vulnerable, try it.

 

I'm pretty sure if you started putting your needs first, you could meet a woman who is interested in no one else but you. Work on finding that woman and leave your ex alone. She is in love with that other cat and you are going to get hurt.

 

The worst thing that will happen is that she will view you as weak, a man with no options, a man who's shoulder she could cry on, a man she could use until she gets back on her feet, a man she could hang out in the club with while she lets other men hit on her. She will always fall back to, "you are my friend, don't get jealous." Amigo don't fall for that nonsense.

 

I appreciate your brutal honesty, but I'm not head over heels for her or anything. She's just an ex that I felt like I connected super well with. I genuinely care about her. Is it really wrong to talk to her and try to help her out? Whatever happened in the past I've long forgotten and forgiven. It seems like a lot of people are quite cynical towards reconnecting with ex's. I don't do things unless I'm certain it would be a good thing. I'm just asking other people's opinion since I'm fairly new to this type of thing. I usually don't care to even associate with ex's, but she was special.

[flightplan]

I don't see anything wrong with reconnecting and helping out as long you feel you can handle it without attachment. If it doesn't emotionally hurt and you would like to see her move forward in her life with another man... no harm. But if you see it as a way to insert yourself back into her life in the hopes of rekindling a romantic relationship, then tread carefully. If you're struggling with what to do, then it's a pretty good bet that you're afraid of getting hurt again... in which case... steer clear and move on. Helping her is only going to serve to draw you in and suck you down a rabbit hole. You have good intentions but she's a big girl... let her figure it out on her own, otherwise, you're setting yourself up for failure.

[AlphaC]

 

I've always kind of had a soft spot for her, even after 3 years. she was seriously the best, i had never met a girl before that i thought the world of, still do.

 

 

Come on on bro, who are you kidding? I'm sure she has lots of friends to help her move on, don't do it to yourself. There is nothing wrong with getting back with an ex when you both want it and are on the same page.

[AlphaC]

I appreciate your brutal honesty, but I'm not head over heels for her or anything. She's just an ex that I felt like I connected super well with. I genuinely care about her. Is it really wrong to talk to her and try to help her out? Whatever happened in the past I've long forgotten and forgiven. It seems like a lot of people are quite cynical towards reconnecting with ex's. I don't do things unless I'm certain it would be a good thing. I'm just asking other people's opinion since I'm fairly new to this type of thing. I usually don't care to even associate with ex's, but she was special.

 

 

1. You are not looking to help her out - you want her back.

 

2. Yes she is special, everyone is, time to move on big boy.

[frigginlost]

Swarm... if you have any feelings for her at all, stay away from the friendship. It will kill you...

 

She will always have that special place, but it's best to lock that place up, and move forward. If she ever wants more... trust me, she will let you know.

[Zahara]

It seems like a lot of people are quite cynical towards reconnecting with ex's. .

 

There's nothing wrong with connecting with exs, as long as you connect without having any sort of expectations or emotional attachment. In your case, you have both. The thing is, she doesn't feel the same way.

 

You're dissecting too much. When she says she wants to treat you as a friend, listen. Just because you were never friends when you met is a silly way of analyzing her words. She's saying that she is looking to only develop a friendship with you, or use you as a crutch.

[TheSwarm]

I agree with all you guys, I'm not that egotistical to think someone would just want to rekindle things. I know I still have feelings, but I remain cautious and hesitant because of it. I wouldn't throw myself into a situation I'm not comfortable with. I guess what I'm wondering is there anyway to bring to the forefront any feelings if there are any? I would like to see if we still have anything to be honest. I think I'm just going to leave it be and continue on how I have been. To be clear, I don't have any expectations, I'm just a curious person.

[AlphaC]

I agree with all you guys, I'm not that egotistical to think someone would just want to rekindle things. I know I still have feelings, but I remain cautious and hesitant because of it. I wouldn't throw myself into a situation I'm not comfortable with. I guess what I'm wondering is there anyway to bring to the forefront any feelings if there are any? I would like to see if we still have anything to be honest. I think I'm just going to leave it be and continue on how I have been. To be clear, I don't have any expectations, I'm just a curious person.

 

Very simple, you do this by living your life to the fullest, get new hobbies, dancing (women love dancing), let your ex find out (without you telling her) how exciting your life is. If she has any interest in you she will start liking you more and more because you will be Mr. Excitement, Mr. Fun while her last guy will be Mr. Heartache, Mr. Drama. If you do this for yourself one of three things will happen:

 

1. You will meet a special woman that can give you what it is you want;

2. Your ex will come around if she has any real interest in you;

3. You will be so consumed in your new hobbies that you won't be so interested in your ex's life.

 

I'm telling you this from personal experience, this is what I did and after 4 months of evolving I am finally over my ex. She broke up with me in September and I started dating again in January, this weekend I solidified a new relationship, having learned a lot about myself in the interim.