Author SincereGuy Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Sounds like you are making a reasonable judgement and taking the appropriate action in my opinion. Good Luck SincereGuy Thanks, Canuck. I'm comfortable with it now. It just took a couple of days to get over that awful feeling of being deceived by someone I had started investing in emotionally, and who led me to believe we were on the same page. Yesterday I reactivated my dating profile and saw that she was online. Within a few minutes she was off line and initiated some flirty texting. I don't think the timing was coincidental as she's one who usually does not initiate. We don't have another date scheduled and I'm laying low. Which brings me to the next puzzle... what would be the cause for someone, a seemingly congruent woman in particular, to present themselves to one man as a relationship only gal (no casual sex), to feign interest in developing something real, and then carry on like a college sorority slut with someone she had only met 2 hours earlier? There must be some issues under the surface. Any ideas?
HomanWater Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I like your approach. You are quite a sharp and resourceful guy. If I were to bet, she does more than likely have some hidden issues from the past, but you're not her therapist, are you? And there doesn't seem to be much payoff in becoming one.
blueskyday Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 You are a smart, sharp guy who wants an authentic relationship. That requires honesty, which can seem to be in short supply in the dating world at times! She didn't think you would figure things out. If I were you, I wouldn't spend one more moment figuring out why she did what she did. She's dishonest and lacks integrity. Not a match for you and your values. Why not confront her directly? Ask her exactly what she did that night. If she doesn't say, tell her you saw her at the restaurant. Then tell her you don't want to see her again. I'm glad you saw it early. I dated a guy for nine months before I found out the truth of who he was: a liar. Honesty is what I need most. Most people do. How could you ever trust her? You can't. Move on to someone else.
Author SincereGuy Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Thank you both for the words of affirmation. HomanWater, no I'm definitely not her therapist. But I would like to understand for my own benefit. It won't change anything other than to perhaps make me a little bit wiser. It's just my my nature to want to know why. Blueskyday, yes I have concluded that we aren't a match because of the honesty/integrity problem. It's still just puzzling and discouraging that if she was ready to get laid after her long hiatus (which I now wonder if that's true) that she'd do it with a stranger instead me after I'd been wining and dining her for a month and waiting patiently for that moment to arrive. And I wonder what he could've said to her that flipped her switch (he didn't look like anything special). As for confronting her directly, I just don't see the benefit. We are going to bump into each other occasionally where we volunteer, so having a contentious blowup seems inappropriate. I think it would more than likely turn ugly. And like I said previously, I don't have standing to condemn her since we had not promised exclusivity. Holding the knowledge without her being aware of it is more powerful, and exercising it doesn't get me anything I want. Does that make sense?
fujidabruin Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Thank you both for the words of affirmation. HomanWater, no I'm definitely not her therapist. But I would like to understand for my own benefit. It won't change anything other than to perhaps make me a little bit wiser. It's just my my nature to want to know why. Blueskyday, yes I have concluded that we aren't a match because of the honesty/integrity problem. It's still just puzzling and discouraging that if she was ready to get laid after her long hiatus (which I now wonder if that's true) that she'd do it with a stranger instead me after I'd been wining and dining her for a month and waiting patiently for that moment to arrive. And I wonder what he could've said to her that flipped her switch (he didn't look like anything special). As for confronting her directly, I just don't see the benefit. We are going to bump into each other occasionally where we volunteer, so having a contentious blowup seems inappropriate. I think it would more than likely turn ugly. And like I said previously, I don't have standing to condemn her since we had not promised exclusivity. Holding the knowledge without her being aware of it is more powerful, and exercising it doesn't get me anything I want. Does that make sense? Good for you SincereGuy..... walking away and taking the high road is not easy. I also do not think that confronting this woman is going to help you figure out anything other than she is a deceptive liar. I hope you decide to just go full NC with her and move on as quickly as possible. Even though you know she is not the right one for you it can still be hurtful. You will find the right one..... just keep your eye on the prize Good Luck SG
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