crackerjax9 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 My ex liked a picture of a marine kissing me on the cheek last week at a work event where I was cheesin like no other. I know not to break contact, but I kind of want to be like "hey, weird how you have the balls to like that picture but didn't have any ball when you broke up with me through a text message" Why would he like that? Out of spite?
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Excuse my french, but why the f*** do you still have this dude on your Facebook? What benefit is there to having him as a friend? I hope he's paying you a thousand dollars a week for keeping him on your friend's list, or else it doesn't make any logical sense why you'd keep him on there. The reason why he'd like the photo is irrelevant as it only takes the click of a button. Could have been an accident, could have been done out of spite, or any other reason you could possibly think of. However, would it really benefit you to know the reason? The reality is...it probably wouldn't. Why you still have this guy on your friend's list is beyond me. The truth of the matter is that you aren't really doing the "no-contact" rule when you still have him on a friend's list. If you conveniently added that picture of a marine kissing you on the cheek to your Facebook, you may have had some ulterior motive. If that's the case, you were trying to indirectly contact him. Perhaps the real reason why you're upset about him liking the photo is that you predicted he would, and he did. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but if we're talking about Facebook and if you, indeed, still have him on your friend's list, then I'm willing to bet that I could go in your Facebook and find plenty of evidence to suggest that you are indirectly contacting him. Maybe you have status updates, maybe you have pictures, or any kind of information that is intentionally done to send him some kind of indirect message that you know he'll understand. To me, that would still be considered contacting him, and that's really preventing you from utilizing NC to the fullest. 1
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I think me unfriending him shows I'm immature and shows I can't get over him. Like I said before, I didn't put the picture up if was tagged in it. And no, I'm not updating my statuses and posting pictures to benefit my ex. Maybe that's how you handle things but not me.
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I think me unfriending him shows I'm immature and shows I can't get over him. Like I said before, I didn't put the picture up if was tagged in it. And no, I'm not updating my statuses and posting pictures to benefit my ex. Maybe that's how you handle things but not me. Well, you're posting on a forum and asking people why your ex-boyfriend "liked" a picture. To me, that's more "immature" and shows you "can't get over him." It's all in your perception. To me, there's a fine difference between what you display and what is real. What you display to others is not important. Even if your ex thought you were "immature," why does it matter? It doesn't. The reality is that people can say whatever they want about you, but it doesn't make it true. The only reason why it would matter is if you can't get over him. It means that, for whatever reason, your ex-boyfriend still matters in your life. It's not healthy for the recovery process. I'm not going to say that you can't recover from a breakup that way, but it's not the most effective approach. In fact, it's probably one of the worst. It's like my original thought of going back to work out and trying to better myself. The reality is that I wasn't working out for myself, I was working out for her. I wasn't bettering my life for myself, I was bettering it for her. However, she's my ex-girlfriend. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't give a crap about what I do. She could've stayed friends with me, liked photos of me making out with other chicks, made amateur POV porn videos and tagged on Facebook, and she probably wouldn't have batted an eye. She probably would've thought "good for him." You have to ask yourself...what is best for me at this point? I can certainly say it's not "to make a point" because there's really no point to be made. It's really not the best thing for you to think that what your ex-boyfriend believes is important because, in reality, what your ex-boyfriend believes is no longer important. If you were dating, it would be. But now that he's part of the past, he could call you a "bitch" and it shouldn't even phase you. I think that what you're doing is preventing yourself from fully moving on. By all means, do what you want...but I believe that you're really just building up a lot of emotion inside of you, leading yourself on to believe that you're better than you think you are, and you're eventually going to go through some kind of emotional explosion because you've bottled it all up just to make a point. I think it's just going to inhibit your recovery. However, I can't claim to know you...it's just something to consider, that's all. As for me, I disabled my Facebook. I dropped off the internet. LOL 2
redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Why would he like that? Out of spite? Doubtfully out of spite. Perhaps, he is happy for you that you are 'moving on' - liking the picture sort of akin to a olive branch without olives. I wouldn't read anything into it nor take any actions based on it. 1
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Turned out it was out of spite. He texted me saying good luck with my new friend. I asked him what he meant and he said the marine. I said it was nothing he just kissed my cheek I don't know his name. I said not to be jealous. He said he was and couldn't sleep all night. I said good and now he's making small talk asking me about things that have been goin on in my life--I think I'll stop replying as I don't want to be lured back in and I don't want him to think him breaking my heart and breaking up with me through text is okay. I'm nice, but just, no.
Omei Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 But you're making it "okay" by still having him on fb replying to his msg's. He has the power in this not you and you're caving into it. 3
organizedchaos Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I think me unfriending him shows I'm immature and shows I can't get over him. Like I said before, I didn't put the picture up if was tagged in it. And no, I'm not updating my statuses and posting pictures to benefit my ex. Maybe that's how you handle things but not me. You shouldn't care what he thinks. It's all about you now. Not him.
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I do care what he thinks. I was with him for a year and a half and still love him. I want him to want me back. I have a date on Friday night, but I'm still hoping my ex will text or call me saying he made a mistake and try to meaningfully make up for breaking my heart. And that's the truth
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 well, you're not going to get him back by acting like a simpering needy doormat, are you? 3
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I don't see how I'm acting like a doormat. I was acting mature and nice last night when he texted me.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 You go NO CONTACT!! You STAY NO CONTACT!! You do not engage in any discussion, dialogue, conversation talk, chat, text, facebook, skype, email, phone call - with him at all, period, full stop!! he does not want you back and you sure as hell shouldn't be wanting him back!! He thinks nothing of goading you, poking you, insulting you and yanking your chain! CUT HIM OFF AT THE KNEES! Have nothing more to do with him, ever AGAIN!! 3
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 No, it isn't. people who act like idiots on FB - are the devil. FB is absolutely fine. It's like a knife - it will serve you or cut you, depending on whether YOU grab it by the handle - or the blade. 2
Zahara Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) I don't see how I'm acting like a doormat. I was acting mature and nice last night when he texted me. Doormat is right. The man breaks up with you over text. The moment he engages about some picture on FB, you're on your toes appeasing his jealous feelings and trying to clear all doubt in his head that you have moved on. ???? And why is there a need to be nice to someone that dismissed you over text? I see doormat. Blocking on FB isn't immature. People sometimes choose not to block because they can use it as a tool to lure the ex back -- say posting pictures of kissing a marine to make the ex jealous. In short, hoping it will jolt the ex and make him react when he sees something he doesn't want to see. It's a game. That's immaturity. The man dumped you over text. Stay NC. If he wants you back, he'll break down walls and move mountains to get you back. You don't jump at his call just because he can't stand seeing a picture of you on FB. Edited March 4, 2014 by Zahara 1
Frank13 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Turned out it was out of spite. He texted me saying good luck with my new friend. I asked him what he meant and he said the marine. I said it was nothing he just kissed my cheek I don't know his name. I said not to be jealous. He said he was and couldn't sleep all night. I said good and now he's making small talk asking me about things that have been goin on in my life--I think I'll stop replying as I don't want to be lured back in and I don't want him to think him breaking my heart and breaking up with me through text is okay. I'm nice, but just, no. I am going to go against the masses and say this was good. You found out why he liked it so you won't go nuts wondering and you got a little dig in. You should have told him you slept with the guy. If he couldn't sleep over a cheek kiss, imagine if you told him you slept with him. Also mention your date this Friday.
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 HahahhHa thank you!! But no way I won't mention it. That's hurtful and he doesn't need to know that. He was texting me this morning saying he's still in love with me and still cares about me and it will take him a long time to let go of those feelings.I said if that's true then you made the wrong move. He said he didn't break up with me for that reason. I said well your confusing words are confusing me so I'm just going to let the situation be and didn't reply. Good to know he still cares. Nice little ego boost. Just wish he got his thoughts together because he's contradicting himself.
stillafool Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Well now you have officially broke no contact. Hope it works out for you and if it doesn't hope you don't come here and complain anymore. 2
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 To all the people who judged me for responding to my ex in a mature matter and responding to him in a kind way: it made him realize he made a mistake. We talked through text last night about our problems, he opened up a lot spilled his love for me and said a whole bunch of stuff. Were talking in person tonight to try to hash out our issues. We really didn't have many--I realize now three weeks later the changes I need to make to make this relationship work and I believe he does now too. However, I will not be letting him off the hook so easily for dumping me by text before valentines day. I will stand firm on what needs to change if we give it another go, and I will also make him work for this relationship. I'm not going to jump right back into it. He has a lot to prove to me before I'm ready to officially get back together. Maybe being resentful and ignoring your ex works in most cases, but in my case he assumed I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him which was not true. I love this guy and want it to work. If I hadn't responded to him and told him certain things he wouldn't have thought he had a shot and wouldn't of said the things he did and wouldn't know to make an effort to make it up to me. Judge away...
4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I don't think it's immature to keep your ex on your Facebook. In fact, I have all my exes on my Facebook as most breakups ended in a somewhat friendly fashion. We all moved on just fine and we still exchange the occasional "happy birthday" messages. I did however block my very recent ex on every social media site imaginable only because everyone here told me so. I really don't see the benefit of it to be honest since we aren't contacting each other on social media anyways. Also, if we didn't care what our recent exes thought of us, most of us won't be here. We all still care and we are all hurt. We would like to project an image of power after the breakup (and hence using NC to heal and not be a doormat). Blocking someone on who's not harassing you or offending you on social media can come off as immature. Doing so only proves to the ex that you're hurting and can't stand the though of seeing their status updates!! I think that makes you more weak and more of a doormat. My ex was appauled when I blocked him. He told many friends how shocked he was at such behavior. He stated that he thought I was more mature and classier than that. This has probably assured him that he made the right decision. Even our mutual friends condemned such behavior, and thought it was rather childish. Anyway, the point is, every breakup is different, and I believe that keeping a civil attitude is a sign of maturity and eventually indifference.
pickflicker Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I think me unfriending him shows I'm immature and shows I can't get over him. Like I said before, I didn't put the picture up if was tagged in it. And no, I'm not updating my statuses and posting pictures to benefit my ex. Maybe that's how you handle things but not me. Trying to analyze his liking of your photo and trying to justify a petty text, is immature. Deleting ex lovers from Facebook? A necessity. 1
pickflicker Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 FB is the devil. Nope. Used correctly, it is awesome. Right now, it helps me close a physical distance with someone and for that, I am grateful. Only people who make it a chore, not a tool, suffer.
pickflicker Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) I don't think it's immature to keep your ex on your Facebook. In fact, I have all my exes on my Facebook as most breakups ended in a somewhat friendly fashion. We all moved on just fine and we still exchange the occasional "happy birthday" messages. I did however block my very recent ex on every social media site imaginable only because everyone here told me so. I really don't see the benefit of it to be honest since we aren't contacting each other on social media anyways. Also, if we didn't care what our recent exes thought of us, most of us won't be here. We all still care and we are all hurt. We would like to project an image of power after the breakup (and hence using NC to heal and not be a doormat). Blocking someone on who's not harassing you or offending you on social media can come off as immature. Doing so only proves to the ex that you're hurting and can't stand the though of seeing their status updates!! I think that makes you more weak and more of a doormat. My ex was appauled when I blocked him. He told many friends how shocked he was at such behavior. He stated that he thought I was more mature and classier than that. This has probably assured him that he made the right decision. Even our mutual friends condemned such behavior, and thought it was rather childish. Anyway, the point is, every breakup is different, and I believe that keeping a civil attitude is a sign of maturity and eventually indifference. I think giving too much of a **** about people in past is a defining sign of immaturity. As you get older, you care less and less. You have your exes on there for one reason, you're locked in a constant battle of "who has the most awesome life". If that's 'maturity' (hint - it's not!), then I'll pass. Edited March 6, 2014 by pickflicker
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 I don't think it's immature to keep your ex on your Facebook. In fact, I have all my exes on my Facebook as most breakups ended in a somewhat friendly fashion. We all moved on just fine and we still exchange the occasional "happy birthday" messages. I did however block my very recent ex on every social media site imaginable only because everyone here told me so. I really don't see the benefit of it to be honest since we aren't contacting each other on social media anyways. Also, if we didn't care what our recent exes thought of us, most of us won't be here. We all still care and we are all hurt. We would like to project an image of power after the breakup (and hence using NC to heal and not be a doormat). Blocking someone on who's not harassing you or offending you on social media can come off as immature. Doing so only proves to the ex that you're hurting and can't stand the though of seeing their status updates!! I think that makes you more weak and more of a doormat. My ex was appauled when I blocked him. He told many friends how shocked he was at such behavior. He stated that he thought I was more mature and classier than that. This has probably assured him that he made the right decision. Even our mutual friends condemned such behavior, and thought it was rather childish. Anyway, the point is, every breakup is different, and I believe that keeping a civil attitude is a sign of maturity and eventually indifference. I agree with you 100% thank you for the support
Author crackerjax9 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Well anyway talk went very well. He told me he loved me couldn't stop thinking about me and was very sorry for the way he handled breaking up. He wants a chance to prove himsel and make it up to me. I said id let him try to prove himself and if he can than we can talk about getting back together. He wants to take me out on a date this week (sounds so weird haha) So we shall seeee!
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