I've never felt this way for someone before.

[dudeguy56]

Hello, I'm 16 years old and I've liked this girl since October. She is funny, extremely nice, talented and cute. I've never felt this strongly for someone before. I over analyze everything, I create expectations that cannot be fulfilled and I do everything a person who has a crush shouldn't do. We only really talked on facebook and through texting before January. (we met because we have spanish class together, twice a week)

 

After the christmas break she suggested during a spanish lesson that me, her and a mutual friend should watch Sherlock together. That's when we started to hang out. The next time we were gonna watch Sherlock our mutual friend was busy so we watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" at her place. It was a great night and I got to meet her parents. After that we watched Sherlock two more times with the mutual friend. What had been bothering me up until this point is that I start all conversations. She's a confident person and if she wanted to I wouldn't really doubt that she'd send a message. It might be that I send her a message like three times a week to start a conversation (which she is happy to take part in, she just never starts them). She has mentioned that she doesn't really like texting though.

 

She had also suggested the tv-series "West Wing" to me and I watched a bit of it and liked it. I said this to her and she suggested we'd have a West Wing marathon. On valentines day I had started another conversation with her through texting and made a joke about how I didn't like valentines day (it was a bit serious). She asked why and insisted I'd tell her. I immediately regretted sending that message but it was too late. I told her I'd tell her the story when we had the marathon.

 

So last week we had the marathon. I say marathon but we actually just watched one episode and then played guitar. Now, there's multiple things I'd like to know about this evening and what it might say about how she feels for me.

 

After we had watched the first episode she asked about the story. I told her the following (and it's true): It happened between age 13 and 14 for me. I liked a girl a lot and talked to her a bit. After a while I asked if she liked anyone and she said she liked my friend. For some reason I told her I'd ask my friend if he likes her. I asked him and he named a list of five people he liked. She was number three. I got them together and felt horrible for a while. Finally they broke up and it was nice knowing my friend wasn't with her anymore. Turns out my other friend liked her as well and they got together. Finally after about a year of all this going on I grew apart from my emotions for her.

 

She told me it was a sad story and asked if I had liked anyone since. I wasn't prepared for that question so I kind of stumbled on my words and said kind of, then I said but I don't know how she feels for me. (It happened pretty quickly though so I don't think she got the time to think about it too much) Because I was so stressed and nervous I asked about her last relationship. (She had been in one relationship before.) I shouldn't have done that but I did.

 

She told me she had been dating a guy for 6 months but they were actually only together for a month. She said she ended it because all they did was make out. I did NOT want to hear that but it's on me for asking. After this she talked a bit about how she was happy her ex had found someone to be with her and also talked a bit about her friends relationships. (It kind of got relevant when we were on the subject.) We also talked a bit about crushes. I said that I hate liking people. She asked me a bit surprised why. I told her because it's so hard saying something to them and I don't want to risk ruining the friendship. She said she understood what I meant. She also mentioned a bit about she didn't like love speeches. It makes it uncomfortable.

 

Well, this conversation finally stopped. We moved on to talking about something else. Later she ate at my house with my family (including my younger immature and not very social brothers). I mean, it wasnt horrible but it was no where near as social and nice as it was at her house in my opinion. But maybe I'm being paranoid.

 

She left a bit after that (she lives on the other side of the city so it takes about an hour for her to get home). She was at my place on Thursday. I tried messaging her again on Saturday but she was with friends so she couldn't talk. We haven't messaged each other since. I mean, that's normal but I kind of want her to message me for once.

 

My plan at this moment is to try and hang out with her a bit more and when it feels right I'll say "Hey [Her name], I know you don't like love speeches. Me neither to be honest so I'll just say it - I like you. I understand if you don't feel the same and I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable but I just had to tell you. It's so hard staying silent.". Maybe when I'm at her place while we're playing guitar or something.

 

Anyway, can I get some thoughts? Anyone have any idea of what's going on from an outside perspective?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she somewhat likes you, as you have spent time alone together and she seems to reciprocate when you initiate conversation. I think you might be more into her than vice versa, but she might also be nervous about getting in touch with you first.

 

Don't tell her you like her just yet. Let it develop a little bit first. And don't pour your heart out with sob stories of past loves either; that can be very off-putting. I know you didn't intend it that way, but it's a bit awkward to hear. Telling her that you hate liking people is also a little odd, to be honest. Keep the conversation more positive.

[ctxinfl]

I over analyze everything, I create expectations that cannot be fulfilled and I do everything a person who has a crush shouldn't do.

 

.........

 

My plan at this moment is to try and hang out with her a bit more and when it feels right I'll say "Hey [Her name], I know you don't like love speeches. Me neither to be honest so I'll just say it - I like you. I understand if you don't feel the same and I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable but I just had to tell you. It's so hard staying silent.". Maybe when I'm at her place while we're playing guitar or something.

 

The first and second to last paragraphs are the key to this. Don't rush in to anything. If you are happy hanging out then continue hanging out.

 

Don't go for any speeches to let her know how you feel. Those just don't seem to work out well. If you want her to know that you want to make something more of your relationship then ask her out on a date and make sure she knows its a date rather than you two just "hanging out."

[dudeguy56]

I think she somewhat likes you, as you have spent time alone together and she seems to reciprocate when you initiate conversation. I think you might be more into her than vice versa, but she might also be nervous about getting in touch with you first.

 

Don't tell her you like her just yet. Let it develop a little bit first. And don't pour your heart out with sob stories of past loves either; that can be very off-putting. I know you didn't intend it that way, but it's a bit awkward to hear. Telling her that you hate liking people is also a little odd, to be honest. Keep the conversation more positive.

 

Yeah, as said. I do everything I shouldn't. I've told her I was a huge pessimist before but I'm working on it. (I hated myself for saying that to her but it's too late.) I also said that I had noticed that I'd become a more positive person since last year, because I have. It wasn't a lie.

 

When I said that I hate liking people I tried making it clear. I translated from Swedish but what I managed to communicate was: I hate liking people because of the pressure it puts on me and the risk of ruining the friendship. I mean, I don't hate liking someone obviously but it kind of sucks in a way too. If you get what I mean. <-- Something like that.

 

But at least I suppose I seem more approachable now considering my love life has been **** so far. So I've kind of got that going for me. ;P

[dudeguy56]

The first and second to last paragraphs are the key to this. Don't rush in to anything. If you are happy hanging out then continue hanging out.

 

Don't go for any speeches to let her know how you feel. Those just don't seem to work out well. If you want her to know that you want to make something more of your relationship then ask her out on a date and make sure she knows its a date rather than you two just "hanging out."

 

But asking out on a date is not something you do in Sweden, or well you kind of do it but saying that to her is not only obvious from the start (if she doesn't feel the same it'll be more awkward for her to reject me) but it just seems so formal at this point. It's not meant to be a speech either. I'm trying to be very realistic and for this reason I'm deeply considering what to do if she rejects me. But I was planning on short and quickly saying that I like her but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. If she does reject me I'd like to talk to her about at least staying friends. The time spent with her since January are the most exciting times in my life and I'd hate to leave that behind. My life was so uneventful before all this and I don't want to go back to that.