Six months have passed but my ex has never even looked back ONCE..

March 4, 2014

OP, it's been six months and if you felt that this three month relationship was so important to you, I think it's okay to look back after six months. In the first few months, no it's better to heal, but it's been a while. So drop him a line and say hello. Tell him you appreciated his friendship or whatever....and you hope he's doing well. If he doesn't write back then you know he's absolutely moved on. I bet, if you didn't have a terrible break up (I don't know anything about your situation), he'll probably write back and wish you well and then you'll feel better. I'm sure most will say I am wrong and you shouldn't reach out, but you did share something once, and who knows. The worst he will do is ignore you and then you'll have your answer right there. If he ignores your email, he's the phoney. I don't think I have ever dated anybody for at least three months and just never talked to them again. Usually there is at least some sort of amicable goodbye months or even years later.

She drove 700 miles unannounced and surprised him toward the beginning of the breakup to disastrous results. She used up all of her "initiate contact for free" cards with that move. It would be a horrible idea for her to do any sort of contact initiating.

March 4, 2014

OP, it's been six months and if you felt that this three month relationship was so important to you, I think it's okay to look back after six months. In the first few months, no it's better to heal, but it's been a while. So drop him a line and say hello. Tell him you appreciated his friendship or whatever....and you hope he's doing well. If he doesn't write back then you know he's absolutely moved on. I bet, if you didn't have a terrible break up (I don't know anything about your situation), he'll probably write back and wish you well and then you'll feel better. I'm sure most will say I am wrong and you shouldn't reach out, but you did share something once, and who knows. The worst he will do is ignore you and then you'll have your answer right there. If he ignores your email, he's the phoney. I don't think I have ever dated anybody for at least three months and just never talked to them again. Usually there is at least some sort of amicable goodbye months or even years later.

I have broken NC several times by emailing him. He hasn't reply to anything instead he blocked me everywhere after i drove 700 miles unannouced to ask for another chance.. I guess just like how simon said may be it was horrible idea. All i know is he is never coming back , kinda just feel he even check up on me atleast once..

March 4, 2014

She drove 700 miles unannounced and surprised him toward the beginning of the breakup to disastrous results. She used up all of her "initiate contact for free" cards with that move. It would be a horrible idea for her to do any sort of contact initiating.

Simon,

May be it was horrible idea , may be yes i made mistake but humans make mistake. And he should have at least understood that. Instead he never checked up on me in this 6 months , he just completely forgot about me , ignored me all along. He has his own thinking running in his mind. But you know what i have had enough , i can't run after this guy explaining every bit of it. To be honest , he is off my mind as partner. I have lost all respect for this guy and hate him. I see him in different light. It's just that memories keep me coming back here ..

March 4, 2014

Simon,
May be it was horrible idea , may be yes i made mistake but humans make mistake. And he should have at least understood that. Instead he never checked up on me in this 6 months , he just completely forgot about me , ignored me all along. He has his own thinking running in his mind. But you know what i have had enough , i can't run after this guy explaining every bit of it. To be honest , he is off my mind as partner. I have lost all respect for this guy and hate him. I see him in different light. It's just that memories keep me coming back here ..

I was more commenting on the fact that by doing that, you pretty much used up all of the room you had to make contact (though you really need to stop justifying it, you made a mistake, admit it and learn from it. Stop blaming his reaction, which was completely justifiable and, quite frankly, could have been worse).

Edited March 4, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

March 4, 2014

Oh I didn't know anything about that. So I guess it would be a bad idea to contact him. I was thinking that you had a break up six months ago and then didn't contact him at all and he didn't contact you at all, and so how bad could it be to say hello. But if he's already cut you out of his life and told you not to contact him again, then it's best to move on. Maybe one day he'll contact you, but if not just remember he's only one person on the planet and probably not that special.

March 4, 2014

Don't put yourself down! My relationship didn't last for years like others in here but it was intense and I loved him. Life is a book and some people come into our for only a chapter or two, and others fore half the book. Doesn't make that smaller section of the book any less meaningful. Just because one still miss/care about a person who has moved on, doesn't prove they were more invested than the other person. We as dumpers may think it's always easy for them to walk away and if they don't "look back" or contact us in the future, doesn't mean we weren't loved. Everything is not what it seems! What someone feels and what they put out there for the world may be totally different.

I think what is really bugging me now, and for the last while (4+ months) is how I believed what we had was so special. So unique. So one-of-a-kind. So worth fighting for... But it wasn't.

We were on such different pages (although I didn't know it). What was so meaningful to me, was so mediocre to her. I just have a hard time accepting that...

How we went from spending all of our time together, laughing, smiling, enjoying each others company, to how she now despises me. Can't stand me. Finds so many faults and annoyances in me (or at least she did a year ago at the end).

I guess I just am scared at how wrong I was about her and what we had. I don't want to get burned again. Obviously, I have the capacity to lose all sight of reality, and that is scary...

March 4, 2014

Only three months together?

Girl I was in a 7 year relationship that ended in Late July last year and haven't heard nor have I sent any words to my ex.

Don't take it so hard, but the main reason why you're taking it a bit hard is probably due to the fact that you two were still getting to know each other and growing together.

Give it some time and sooner or later you will look past this like it was nothing.

March 4, 2014

Simon,
May be it was horrible idea , may be yes i made mistake but humans make mistake. And he should have at least understood that. Instead he never checked up on me in this 6 months , he just completely forgot about me , ignored me all along. He has his own thinking running in his mind. But you know what i have had enough , i can't run after this guy explaining every bit of it. To be honest , he is off my mind as partner. I have lost all respect for this guy and hate him. I see him in different light. It's just that memories keep me coming back here ..

Back in Aug 2013, your first thread. Go back and read it. Several times you mentioned he didn't want to commit to you and he wasn't interested. Three months together and he wasn't invested in you. NOW, more than eight months later -- why would you think that someone who wasn't interested or invested in you then would somehow now care to know about you now? Especially after that 700 mile disaster, what impression would one have, that would be enough to want to reach out?

You want him to reach out because you want validation that you meant something to him. But why? He wasn't validating you then, why would he do it now?

You're trying to right wrongs that you don't have the opportunity to correct. You need to accept that. You keep saying the 700 mile fiasco was a mistake and that he needs to understand why you did it. No, he doesn't need to understand crazy making behavior. That is your cross to carry. If in his mind it was the straw that broke the camels back, then it is his perogative. You make what you define as a mistake, something you will learn from and never do again.

March 4, 2014

Thanks everyone for sharing your input.. Just like others said here i agree with fact that you can't weigh relationship by time. In my case , sure it was brief but we felt instant chemistry. We talked all day , he was more head over hills for me, talked about marriage in 2nd week. Any ways, he is gone , no point of repeating all this. i still remember how i flew to San francisco on 8 the march last year to see him, how we went to golden gate bridge at 12 am then our weekend in Big sur, California..then Napa valley.. When i see pictures i can actually feel the weather that moment and our conversations , time together. I feel like i will never be able to make such moments with any one else. Sorry guys , sharing how much i miss our time together but i know he isnt coming back ..

No this guy never wanted to be serious with you and was trying to pull away in the early part of your relationship. I think you thought your relationship with him was more than it was. Your action of driving all those miles to confront him made him think you were some sort of a psycho. I don't know why you thought he would ever contact you again after his reaction and the things he said to you. There was really never anything between you. You were living a fantasy.

March 4, 2014

I think what is really bugging me now, and for the last while (4+ months) is how I believed what we had was so special. So unique. So one-of-a-kind. So worth fighting for... But it wasn't.

We were on such different pages (although I didn't know it). What was so meaningful to me, was so mediocre to her. I just have a hard time accepting that...

How we went from spending all of our time together, laughing, smiling, enjoying each others company, to how she now despises me. Can't stand me. Finds so many faults and annoyances in me (or at least she did a year ago at the end).

I guess I just am scared at how wrong I was about her and what we had. I don't want to get burned again. Obviously, I have the capacity to lose all sight of reality, and that is scary...

I did this too. Overinvested when there were signs I should have backed away and questioned some things. We all do it, probably lack of boundaries and low self esteem. It's so very human to wang acceptance. We can't change it now. We can only apply the lessons to the future.

March 4, 2014

There is something to this... leaving a long term relationship and then the next relationship is that much more intense. I don't know what it is, but I went through it too. Still going through it to be honest. I think it's really sad that I'm spending more time ruminating over some guy that I basically do nothing but text with but the thought of my ex makes me want to vomit. I was with my ex for 11 years. This other guy, I've known off and on since High School many moons ago. We never dated, almost did once, but for some reason... I can't get him out of my head. It's similar to some sappy love story on the lifetime network. I keep thinking he and I were meant to be together. I fit with him. I know I do. I felt it years ago and didn't act on it. But... alas... it isn't really meant to be or it would have already been. So... I'll hold those thoughts in my head and maybe I'll find another guy who makes me feel the same way at the right time for both of us. It sucks a bit... I can't say it doesn't... but at some point I have to realize that even though I feel like he's the one for me, I'm not the one for him and move on.

I was in a 2 year relationship in college and had a very short lived relationship shortly afterwards. About 4 months I believe. I rember being very grief stricken over the short lived relationship, I built up the potential, and he just pulled a ghost on me. It hurt me deeply even though I wasn't in love with him. The end of the 2 year relationship wasn't as difficult to get over. It's something about wasted potential as Simon said. I believe it took about a year to get over the second guy.

March 4, 2014

I did this too. Overinvested when there were signs I should have backed away and questioned some things. We all do it, probably lack of boundaries and low self esteem. It's so very human to wang acceptance. We can't change it now. We can only apply the lessons to the future.

Also forgive yourself for being human.

March 4, 2014

No this guy never wanted to be serious with you and was trying to pull away in the early part of your relationship. I think you thought your relationship with him was more than it was. Your action of driving all those miles to confront him made him think you were some sort of a psycho. I don't know why you thought he would ever contact you again after his reaction and the things he said to you. There was really never anything between you. You were living a fantasy.

I thought I was in a serious relationship, she thought I was just a nice guy to date.

March 4, 2014

In my case , sure it was brief but we felt instant chemistry. We talked all day , he was more head over hills for me, talked about marriage in 2nd week.

Everyone feels that way at the start when they're getting to know one another. The romance fog. People will promise you the moon and stars, express the most loveliest declarations for one another when they're fantasizing and idealizing.

Then the fog wears off and you realize it wasn't so great after all. What you experienced and who you're with isn't unique. That's when one doesn't want to be invested anymore. It wasn't what they thought it was.

It counts when two people are still wanting to be together even after the fog has lifted.

March 4, 2014

No this guy never wanted to be serious with you and was trying to pull away in the early part of your relationship. I think you thought your relationship with him was more than it was. Your action of driving all those miles to confront him made him think you were some sort of a psycho. I don't know why you thought he would ever contact you again after his reaction and the things he said to you. There was really never anything between you. You were living a fantasy.

No, just because it lasted 3 months you guys concluded that it wasn't serious and i was living in fantasy. You guys weren't with him , i was. There is so much more to story that i haven't wrote here. Everything was upfront and on table , he knew how much invested i was.Earlier , there were many instances where i tried to pull away but he always brought me back. He used to tell me how happy he is with me and how he wants to go on many dates and decide our future. He tried to pulled away after he went on his " guy" friends trip. It seemed like sorta made up break up. I have asked him million times about reasons , he said there is nothing wrong here but he just doesn't know. He lost his interest. I was tired and friendzoned .. I texted , called , emailed to get my answers but nothing. So i was done with all long distance and drove there. I didn't tell him because he kept ignoring all my attempts. Now just because i live in other state and i drove "700 miles" to talk to guy i became "psycho EX". If i would live local and went to his work to talk to him , i wouldn't consider psycho , right? ( according to your standards). I am sure many dumpees here tried to meeting their ex post break up to talk to them thats what i did. And just like many of you if my ex think i am "psycho" then we are definitely better off not together. And yes that "psycho" ex hasn't contacted him in 6 months NOT even on his bday.

March 4, 2014

"me and my ex dated for 3 months . It was brief but we were very close. Everything was just great , we never argued . Felt like everything came into place naturally and we are soul mates. i always have this thinking that if i am dating a guy , i am definitely in it for something very long term , possibly marriage . While seeing how great things were. Where as him as a guy always affraid of commitment . He never wanted to commit to me , he thought he will loose his freedom . So slowly slowly he started being distant , ignored my messages. Out of blue he told me " we should stop dating , i think i am loosing interest here."

Yes, he knew how much YOU were invested. No one is discounting how you felt. It's normal to feel what you feel in the beginning of meeting someone. What we're discounting is that HE wasn't feeling what you were feeling and you were projecting. Read what you wrote above. You were together for 3 months, and within that 3 months he was already pulling away.

Even when he told you he was loosing interest you kept pushing him to talk and revisit the relationship.

When someone is ignoring you, that's their answer. When someone is giving you silence, silence is a response, a very clear and loud response. If texting, calling and emailing was being ignored, why do you think showing up was going to give you a different response.

If a man is ignoring you, he is telling you he doesn't want to have anything to do with you, but what do you do, you drive 700 miles and ambush him at his work. And yes, it is crazy making behavior, especially to a person that doesn't want to talk to you, let alone see you.

Yes, and even if I lived a mile away from an ex who was disregarding all my many, many attempts to get him to talk, he would consider me a psycho for showing up at his door unannounced, even worse if I showed up at his job, especially after he's told you it is over. It's weak, desperate and stalkerish.

Edited March 4, 2014 by Zahara

March 4, 2014

I'm almost 8 months post breakup. Limited contact from August 28th to October 3rd, then I started strict NC. I've not heard a single word from him once since then. Our relationship lasted just over a year.

His silence is good though. It means I can't delude myself into thinking he still loves me and wants to be with me. And I don't need the inevitable setback that will come from him contacting me. I don't doubt that there was love between us once, but it is gone now and I won't waste time living in the past.

Take comfort from the silence. I know it hurts sometimes, but it will only drag up all sorts of unwanted thoughts and feelings if he does get in touch.

March 4, 2014

No, just because it lasted 3 months you guys concluded that it wasn't serious and i was living in fantasy. You guys weren't with him , i was. There is so much more to story that i haven't wrote here. Everything was upfront and on table , he knew how much invested i was.Earlier , there were many instances where i tried to pull away but he always brought me back. He used to tell me how happy he is with me and how he wants to go on many dates and decide our future. He tried to pulled away after he went on his " guy" friends trip. It seemed like sorta made up break up. I have asked him million times about reasons , he said there is nothing wrong here but he just doesn't know. He lost his interest. I was tired and friendzoned .. I texted , called , emailed to get my answers but nothing. So i was done with all long distance and drove there. I didn't tell him because he kept ignoring all my attempts. Now just because i live in other state and i drove "700 miles" to talk to guy i became "psycho EX". If i would live local and went to his work to talk to him , i wouldn't consider psycho , right? ( according to your standards). I am sure many dumpees here tried to meeting their ex post break up to talk to them thats what i did. And just like many of you if my ex think i am "psycho" then we are definitely better off not together. And yes that "psycho" ex hasn't contacted him in 6 months NOT even on his bday.

I lived five miles from my ex and 20 miles from her work and not once did I contemplate ambushing her. Did I want to talk? Sure, but I knew that forcing it in that manner wasn't going to get me the "talk" I wanted. That's just not acceptable behavior and you obviously don't understand that, as you keep trying to justify it. What you did was wrong whether it was seven miles or 700 miles. He's never going to talk to you again because you freaked him out. Instead of continuing to defend it, learn not to do it ever again. The more you defend it and the more you ruminate, the more I feel that you just have no idea how inappropriate it was and the more I feel you are going to repeat this pattern with the next guy.

Not everyone does the right thing. We've all screwed up stuff in relationships before. But learn from it, don't defend it out of misplaced bull-headed pride.

March 5, 2014

I haven't heard from my ex it's been over a year! She just packed up and left and didn't look back, from her saying I love you to disappearing from my life

March 5, 2014

I haven't heard from my ex it's been over a year! She just packed up and left and didn't look back, from her saying I love you to disappearing from my life

I'm at 1 year as well and nothing from my ex either...

Not sure if she could care less, or is honoring my wishes to stay NC and allow me to move on...

March 5, 2014

I lived five miles from my ex and 20 miles from her work and not once did I contemplate ambushing her. Did I want to talk? Sure, but I knew that forcing it in that manner wasn't going to get me the "talk" I wanted. That's just not acceptable behavior and you obviously don't understand that, as you keep trying to justify it. What you did was wrong whether it was seven miles or 700 miles. He's never going to talk to you again because you freaked him out. Instead of continuing to defend it, learn not to do it ever again. The more you defend it and the more you ruminate, the more I feel that you just have no idea how inappropriate it was and the more I feel you are going to repeat this pattern with the next guy.

Not everyone does the right thing. We've all screwed up stuff in relationships before. But learn from it, don't defend it out of misplaced bull-headed pride.

Thanks Simon for repeating one thing over and over. Everything has started to set me in from early this year: self realization , people's comments and my ex complete silence. I have learned my lesson big time from this guy. I dated another guy for 3 years before this but this recent broke up shook me up and changed my life and thinking in so many ways. I am completely different now that what i used to be with any of my ex's. I honestly don't care if my current ex doesn't contact me for whatever he thinks. Honestly , it hurts very little when people say he wont contact you ever. May be he is off my mind. I no longer counts days and months to contact him. I think i left that last year only. It just as march months approached his memories triggered and i made post here. Believe , i made post not to justify anything here. It's all gone and there is no point on discussing and analyzing on it. I accepted he isn't coming back and i am fine. I have started living without him from while ago. And you know I am talking to this guy , happened to be neighbor I think he enjoys talking to me and feel comfortable. He told me everything about his life including his past gf, present and how he wants his future to be. He tries to get me into his interests. We talk pretty much everyday. Well, i don't want to take this other way around but why would a guy share everything to girl if they just met like months or two ago. I do like talking to him though i dont want to assume anything wrong So just friends , lets see..

March 5, 2014

Thanks Simon for repeating one thing over and over. Everything has started to set me in from early this year: self realization , people's comments and my ex complete silence. I have learned my lesson big time from this guy. I dated another guy for 3 years before this but this recent broke up shook me up and changed my life and thinking in so many ways. I am completely different now that what i used to be with any of my ex's. I honestly don't care if my current ex doesn't contact me for whatever he thinks. Honestly , it hurts very little when people say he wont contact you ever. May be he is off my mind. I no longer counts days and months to contact him. I think i left that last year only. It just as march months approached his memories triggered and i made post here. Believe , i made post not to justify anything here. It's all gone and there is no point on discussing and analyzing on it. I accepted he isn't coming back and i am fine. I have started living without him from while ago. And you know I am talking to this guy , happened to be neighbor I think he enjoys talking to me and feel comfortable. He told me everything about his life including his past gf, present and how he wants his future to be. He tries to get me into his interests. We talk pretty much everyday. Well, i don't want to take this other way around but why would a guy share everything to girl if they just met like months or two ago. I do like talking to him though i dont want to assume anything wrong So just friends , lets see..

A few things:

a) I only brought up your 700-mile ambush to express to another poster why it'd be a terrible idea for you to contact your ex to say hi. It wasn't to criticize you for doing it (that's been done enough) but just to give the other poster perspective on why you shouldn't contact him (which is something you agreed with).

b) You only get criticized for your action with your ex when you say stuff like "he should have understood why I did that". When you say stuff like that, it makes myself and others feel that you don't realize how inappropriate it was. If you don't want us getting on you about it (which I'm sure you don't), stop trying to blame any part of it on him. It's not on him to stay in touch with you and it's not on him to meet with you when you ambush him. Like I said, he could have handled it a lot more harshly than he did. But stop trying to deflect responsibility -- it was your bad decision and the consequences that resulted from it did so for a reason. If you are sick of talking about it, stop defending it. As you've learned, most people aren't going to agree with your defense.

c) If this new guy is interested, he'll make a move (though you can flirt too). No need to overanalyze it, if he wants you, he'll make it happen. Good luck with it.

Edited March 5, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

March 5, 2014

I live 2 minutes away from my ex and 10 minutes from where she works. We were together for 3 years. And not once did I even contemplate showing up at her home or work unannounced. And We've had loose contact. Even as recent as last week she said she still loves me but can't be together for other reasons. Yet still, I stay away.

May 12, 2014

Good old 8 month of NC. Many of you know my story.

Damn , so much happened in spring semester. Got job, met most amazing people at work. Even met few new guys, found they were into me, enjoyed the attention and lot of other drama followed. But even after this 8 months , nothing from my ex. Not that i am dying to listen to him. But every now and then i feel like to talk to him atleast once not about getting back together just how our lives have changed. I always wonder a person can be angry for week , 1 month , 2 months .. We are now looking at 8 months and he hasn't reached out once at least for sake of saying hi or what so ever. Not that he is dating or in relationship but he just simply don't care. He thinks that time heals everything , since i haven't reached out lately he thinks that i have moved on and i am okay. Before this guy , i was with other guy for on and off 3 years. After few months of NC he reached to me to apologize since then we are cool , i also wished him on his wedding. We had nasty break up but he still reached out. Here , with this current guy , i never had fight , always were head over heels. Even went out of my own way to pursue this guy but he hasn't contacted me once. I do cry once in while of why ME?

May 12, 2014

cause hes not stupid

Hes doing NC.

No contact isn't... sitting around not talking to him waiting and wondering about hopeful future contact.

follow his lead.

its done

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Six months have passed but my ex has never even looked back ONCE..

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