redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Made it to 3 months NC as a dumpee, 4 months post BU after a just over 1 year, long distance relationship with my first love. Hardest emotional experience I have ever had. Still love her, happy for her, was never angry just disappointed/heartbroken at being left (it was for another man). Haven't heard from her and have been feeling quite down recently. Any advice on how to keep strong? How were others feeling at 3 months and soon beyond? Thanks in advance.
JDPT Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Hang in there friend, internalize the fact that you will have your ups and down and that's perfectly ok. No one said this journey will be perfect, we roll with the punches at times and yes they can hit hard. Keep posting we are all here for you.
Never Again Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 The 2-3 month mark of NC can be difficult because reality truly hits - they're gone. I was miserable for the first 2 months because, even though she dumped me, she didn't let me go...and I thought I was okay as long as I didn't initiate contact. I began to let go, but she didn't, not for another 2 months. This January was 3 months NC after nearly 7 post-BU. I was down in the dumps for 2-3 weeks, but sticking to NC helped a lot. Finding things to obsess over - hobbies, movies, books, helps a lot.
Author redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks JDPT, I appreciate the encouragement. Pfenixphire, how are you doing now? Seems like a really hurtful situation.
jphcbpa Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 2.5 mo strict NC here and I feel like I am just now letting go. That I have accepted that it is over and I am thankful that now I can find someone better suited emotionally for me (less avoidant). Sure I have moments of sadness and if I need to cry, I just cry. It is okay. I have accepted that I have residual feelings and not to beat myself up for them. I was vulnerable in the R and gave it my all. As a result, it is going to take some time. I am content with not hurrying up the process, to learn the lessons I need to learn, to grow and heal properly.
Never Again Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Pfenixphire, how are you doing now? Seems like a really hurtful situation. Haha, I'm surviving. My situation is long and messy, and has little to do with the breakup itself. It's taken a lot of time, but over 4 months of NC have helped a lot.
Author redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 2.5 mo strict NC here and I feel like I am just now letting go. That I have accepted that it is over and I am thankful that now I can find someone better suited emotionally for me (less avoidant). Sure I have moments of sadness and if I need to cry, I just cry. It is okay. I have accepted that I have residual feelings and not to beat myself up for them. I was vulnerable in the R and gave it my all. As a result, it is going to take some time. I am content with not hurrying up the process, to learn the lessons I need to learn, to grow and heal properly. I was on the opposite side of this: was the one who was not vulnerable and quite avoidant. I would say this has made the 'healing process' significantly harder as I am left with lingering feelings that, in short, I could have tried harder to save it. However, now its about respect, both for myself and her. Its good to see you doing well in the healing process! Is there a particular approach you have taken to avoid beating yourself up over those lingering feelings?
Author redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Haha, I'm surviving. My situation is long and messy, and has little to do with the breakup itself. It's taken a lot of time, but over 4 months of NC have helped a lot. Its good to know things get better with NC even when the situation has extenuating circumstancesand that you're hanging in there Pfenixphire. It will be especially tough at 4 months for me as she will be back from her trip extended vacation in the Pacific...thanks for the encouragement to get through!
jphcbpa Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I was on the opposite side of this: was the one who was not vulnerable and quite avoidant. I would say this has made the 'healing process' significantly harder as I am left with lingering feelings that, in short, I could have tried harder to save it. However, now its about respect, both for myself and her. Its good to see you doing well in the healing process! Is there a particular approach you have taken to avoid beating yourself up over those lingering feelings? I am doing well, but it has its ups and downs. Kind of like the stock market...you look at the 15 year overall picture and it is going up, but there are some intraday ups and downs. I look at it as I did everything I could do during the R. I was fully into it, all in, open and vulnerable. I offered to work on this together and told her that we have a fixable situation. She declined. So, I know there is nothing more I could have done. I did my best. I showed up. I was real. I offered to work on it. I know that this is about her and not about me. This is her pattern of pushing away. I did not cause it, I cannot control it, I cannot change it. 1
Musing Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Have been in silence since the breakup which happened 2 months ago. I'm starting to move on but the past few days have had weak moments of sadness, or bitterness - why me, how could he move on so easily etc etc. It goes from "I know I'll hear from ex, I just have to" to "Hopefully I'll hear from them" to "I don't think I'm going to hear from them" and finally to "I don't care anymore" I'm at #3 and it's hurting me because as some others have said, it is now totally hitting me that this is my new reality. Hoping that I get back to myself by this spring and have a more positive attitude but until then, I can't say that I don't miss him I will say this, though: Although I'm not yet ready to date, I can picture myself with other men now. Something I couldn't do without bawling before. Still feels weird. But I'm going to try this patience thing.
Author redbaron005 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Have been in silence since the breakup which happened 2 months ago. I'm starting to move on but the past few days have had weak moments of sadness, or bitterness - why me, how could he move on so easily etc etc. It goes from "I know I'll hear from ex, I just have to" to "Hopefully I'll hear from them" to "I don't think I'm going to hear from them" and finally to "I don't care anymore" I'm at #3 and it's hurting me because as some others have said, it is now totally hitting me that this is my new reality. Hoping that I get back to myself by this spring and have a more positive attitude but until then, I can't say that I don't miss him I will say this, though: Although I'm not yet ready to date, I can picture myself with other men now. Something I couldn't do without bawling before. Still feels weird. But I'm going to try this patience thing. In a very similar place Musing. We will get through this for the better I know it. 1
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