jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 No, I wasn't a virgin. I don't sleep with people I've just met because I just don't enjoy that, that's all. And yes, we spoke about a lot and seemed to have a lot in common. I know that adults can have sex as many times as they like, but the harm in having sex with him again is that I liked him. Not because I'm naive, but because I just liked him. I do have other options, but I'm just not interested in them. And no, don't be silly, of course I don't want to marry him. I think men and women have different concepts of the goal of dating: (1) The goal of dating is sex (in marriage it is to procreate). That is all, just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. (2) For women, the goal of dating, is a 24-7 relationship full of constant affection, attention, and social protection. The woman wants the man to be her constant protector and her knight who answers her every beck and call, and neediness. I don't know why this particular guy didn't call you back, did you ask him? As I said before, maybe he just finds you boring and doesn't enjoy talking to you every day. Or maybe, he has a few different girlfriends. Is he a player? Because if you like him so much, it sounds like he's a real Ladies man. It sounds like you are asking for society's permission to date a Player. There is nothing really wrong with that, you are young and need to sow your wild oats. Then when you are 25, you get married to the nice boring guy from church.
Author JennHenn Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I think men and women have different concepts of the goal of dating: (1) The goal of dating is sex (in marriage it is to procreate). That is all, just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. (2) For women, the goal of dating, is a 24-7 relationship full of constant affection, attention, and social protection. The woman wants the man to be her constant protector and her knight who answers her every beck and call, and neediness. I don't know why this particular guy didn't call you back, did you ask him? As I said before, maybe he just finds you boring and doesn't enjoy talking to you every day. Or maybe, he has a few different girlfriends. Is he a player? Because if you like him so much, it sounds like he's a real Ladies man. It sounds like you are asking for society's permission to date a Player. There is nothing really wrong with that, you are young and need to sow your wild oats. Then when you are 25, you get married to the nice boring guy from church. If that's all he wanted, then fine, I understand that and like I said, there's nothing wrong with wanting that. But he told me he wanted more than that, then when he got it, went back on it. That's what's wrong about the whole thing. And you've made an assumption about my age, but you're wrong... I am 25 and he's in his mid 30s... Also, the goal of dating is not sex. You want sex, you have one night stands...
Phantom888 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 . But I didn't have sex with him the first night and I told him I don't do that. He then pursued me, and he did text / call every day. He told me he wanted more than sex. He lead me to believe that he actually really liked me. Men lie to women all the time to get what they want. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to get sex. Think about it...would he have gotten sex from you if he said, "Hey girl, I just want to **** you....I don't respect you or even like you... i just think you have nice tits and ass, and I want some of that." Through conditioning, these men know that women are turned off by their blatant honesty, so they opt to lie instead. A real decent dude would take the time to get to know you, and respect and admire you for who you are. Trust your instincts. 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Men lie to women all the time to get what they want. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to get sex. Think about it...would he have gotten sex from you if he said, "Hey girl, I just want to **** you....I don't respect you or even like you... i just think you have nice tits and ass, and I want some of that." Through conditioning, these men know that women are turned off by their blatant honesty, so they opt to lie instead. A real decent dude would take the time to get to know you, and respect and admire you for who you are. Trust your instincts. Yep, exactly my point. He knew what he was doing and it's not ok. It was needless too. Like I said earlier, he's very attrective, smooth, etc. There are plenty of women who would want a one night stand, and I really don't think he would struggle to find one. Just annoyed me that he went after me when he knew that I'm not like that. Edited March 11, 2014 by JennHenn
jcrew11 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Men lie to women all the time to get what they want. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to get sex. Think about it...would he have gotten sex from you if he said, "Hey girl, I just want to **** you....I don't respect you or even like you... i just think you have nice tits and ass, and I want some of that." Through conditioning, these men know that women are turned off by their blatant honesty, so they opt to lie instead. A real decent dude would take the time to get to know you, and respect and admire you for who you are. Trust your instincts. Yep, exactly my point. He knew what he was doing and it's not ok. It was needless too. Like I said earlier, he's very attrective, smooth, etc. There are plenty of women who would want a one night stand, and I really don't think he would struggle to find one. Just annoyed me that he went after me when he knew that I'm not like that. So you knew he was a "player and ladies man" but you chose to sleep with him after a few dates? Wake up, date a guy for at least a month and make him put in the effort. You say you don't want to get married or engaged, yet you are okay with sleeping with a "hot guy" just because he is smooth and says he wants a relationship? You're just upset because he's not giving you as much attention as he once was. That sounds really needy to me. Be an independent woman, who doesn't need a man to keep her happy. You're upset because you thought you were in control, having him text you all the time, and finally letting him sleep with you. But now you've lost control because he's lost interest in you for whatever reason. Maybe you were bad in bed??? Are you really that upset that you slept with him? You're just upset that he lost interest or is dating other women. Basically you're upset that he DUMPED you. My advice, don't date smooth players. Just stick with the boring nice guys you usually avoid.
Author JennHenn Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 So you knew he was a "player and ladies man" but you chose to sleep with him after a few dates? Wake up, date a guy for at least a month and make him put in the effort. You say you don't want to get married or engaged, yet you are okay with sleeping with a "hot guy" just because he is smooth and says he wants a relationship? You're just upset because he's not giving you as much attention as he once was. That sounds really needy to me. Be an independent woman, who doesn't need a man to keep her happy. You're upset because you thought you were in control, having him text you all the time, and finally letting him sleep with you. But now you've lost control because he's lost interest in you for whatever reason. Maybe you were bad in bed??? Are you really that upset that you slept with him? You're just upset that he lost interest or is dating other women. Basically you're upset that he DUMPED you. My advice, don't date smooth players. Just stick with the boring nice guys you usually avoid. If I was bad in bed, he wouldn't be back for more sex now. Obviously I'm upset that he 'dumped' me... And I didn't say that I knew he was a player. I said he knew all of the right things to say, I just so happened to believe them.
Leigh 87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Was he your first lover? Were you a virgin before him? You just sound really clingy and kinda naive. Do you have other options in boyfriends? Because you can go out and try to meet other guys. Girls naively think that "courtship from men" lasts forever, into a sort of co-dependent stalking relationship. Sure that can be for "couples in love." But in reality, guys get bored after a couple of weeks and after you've had sex. Maybe he just finds you boring and doesn't enjoy talking to you, maybe you don't have anything in common. Is there anything to talk about besides sex? What do you want to talk to him about - politics, news, the kardashian show? But my advice, is talk to him, flirt with him. But you are under no pressure to have sex with him again or do anything against your will. Besides, what is the harm in having sex again? Adults can have sex as many times as they want. Do you want him to marry you? This is the next phase of the relationship - is there anything to talk about after having sex for the first time? Is there a reason for him to stay with you. Or maybe he just thinks your a boring girl and just wants to DUMP you? People get dumped all the time, its just part of dating and life. Guys who are really into a guy simply don't go from daily contact to NO contact for three weeks. Please stop go telling girls that they have "hope" in these situations; disappearing for WEEKS is NOT a sign that a guy is into you. The current generation that have always had access to smart phones/even just regular cells, are mostly ALWAYS in contact with those they truly care about. A girl is not clingy for wanting daily contact. A few messages per day is fine. The off day where a guy only has time to say goodnight, hope u had a good day, I am crashing, had a hectic day... would be fine. Clingy is wanting to text incessantly all day. Clingy is wanting to take up your boyfriends spare time without considering his desire to maintain his other personal relationships. Jcrew, sometimes a guy, once or twice in a lifetime, will meet a girl who knocks their socks off'; they DO NOT just "disappear" due to being more "busy" than usual. Not for 3 weeks.
jcrew11 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Men lie to women all the time to get what they want. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to get sex. Think about it...would he have gotten sex from you if he said, "Hey girl, I just want to **** you....I don't respect you or even like you... i just think you have nice tits and ass, and I want some of that." Through conditioning, these men know that women are turned off by their blatant honesty, so they opt to lie instead. A real decent dude would take the time to get to know you, and respect and admire you for who you are. Trust your instincts. I think in this situation she is "willingly naive about the real world." Maybe this is the only guy in her entire life that really swept her off her feet - it sure sounds like it. He's her George Clooney, a ladies man who will never commit or marry. Its one thing to say "she doesn't want to just have sex and one night stands" because this requires very little effort from the guy. Now she is saying, she won't have sex with a guy "unless he sweet talks her and puts in a lot of effort." So he put in the effort, and you had sex with him. So where does the relationship go next? But I think if she was really serious about finding a steady boyfriend or a husband, then she needs to stop being so weak-willed and easy swept up by players. No girl wants to say she is an "easy hookup" but her actions in this story make it sound like she was "quite ready and willing to have sex" after just knowing this guy for a few weeks. My advice, don't have sex until an engagement. That will keep the players away. Or at least until you know a guy for at least 3 months. It sounds like she has a very conservative attitude towards dating, so just wait the 3 months and she should be fine.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 He charmed you and then moved you to a FWB.
Author JennHenn Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I think in this situation she is "willingly naive about the real world." Maybe this is the only guy in her entire life that really swept her off her feet - it sure sounds like it. He's her George Clooney, a ladies man who will never commit or marry. Its one thing to say "she doesn't want to just have sex and one night stands" because this requires very little effort from the guy. Now she is saying, she won't have sex with a guy "unless he sweet talks her and puts in a lot of effort." So he put in the effort, and you had sex with him. So where does the relationship go next? But I think if she was really serious about finding a steady boyfriend or a husband, then she needs to stop being so weak-willed and easy swept up by players. No girl wants to say she is an "easy hookup" but her actions in this story make it sound like she was "quite ready and willing to have sex" after just knowing this guy for a few weeks. My advice, don't have sex until an engagement. That will keep the players away. Or at least until you know a guy for at least 3 months. It sounds like she has a very conservative attitude towards dating, so just wait the 3 months and she should be fine. He's certainly not the only guy who's swept me off my feet, but he's the only one who's done it so quickly. I wasn't looking for a steady boyfriend or a husband when I met him, but I wasn't looking for a one night stand either. I just believed him when he said he wanted more, so yeah, just my mistake I guess. I know that doing that with him so soon was a mistake. It's not one I've ever made before and it's not one that I will make again.
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