Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah I think you're right. The phone I'm using atm is pretty rubbish so can't block numbers, but I think I'm gonna get a new sim card tomorrow, as I'm only on pay as you go anyway so makes no difference. That way, like you say, I won't know whether or not he's tried contacting me, and I think that's for the best!
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Update: He's texted me today. I'm not replying. Not now, not ever! His number is deleted and that is that! 2
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Well he's not getting a response from me. Seriously, I don't need this. Those few days of no contact with him were the best I've felt about the situation in ages. Last night, I reply and he doesn't text back and I go thinking about it that much that I feel the need to post on here. I'm not doing it again. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Well he's not getting a response from me. Seriously, I don't need this. Those few days of no contact with him were the best I've felt about the situation in ages. Last night, I reply and he doesn't text back and I go thinking about it that much that I feel the need to post on here. I'm not doing it again. Good girl x stay strong xx 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Ok, he's texted again... What do I do? I just feel rude for not replying now...
MidwestUSA Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Ok, he's texted again... What do I do? I just feel rude for not replying now... Wasn't it rude when he stopped contacting you? You deleted his number right? So delete this text real quick and forget it came through. 4
Author JennHenn Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 dunno if it's possible to talk sense into you. you didn't do the obvious before creating the thread. everyone said the obvious cut all contact, but you haven't done that. now you're saying it's rude not to respond tom him? hello, he's been rude to you. what could be considered rude is asking for everyone's advice and you ignoring it. would saying cut all contact in 30 languages do the trick? How exactly have I ignored the advice? I messed up one time the other night and haven't done it since. He's sent me 5 messages since yesterday and I've not replied to any. I have cut contact, he still has my number though...I can't get his phone and delete my number from it. Changing my number soon anyway for other reasons. All I was saying is that I feel rude for not replying and was looking for reassurance....
HappyLove Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Don't be someone's fool. You owe yourself better. I'm sure there is a nice guy out there for you. Dealing with this jerk will block that blessing. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Delete every text from him as soon as you get it. It will remove the temptation to reply. Eventually he'll go away. He might try again in the future, hoping to catch you at a vulnerable moment. Delete and ignore. 1
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Don't listen to what anyone else says. Contact him and flirt with him. Who cares, as long as he is not forcing you to do anything physically against your will. I take it you are in college or just graduated? Are you looking to get married or engaged? If so, then find another guy who wants to take things seriously. But there is nothing wrong with casually dating. Honestly, most guys under 30 are not looking for serious relationships or marriage, so its looks like you are stuck being a nun and staying at home. But you can go out, and have some fun. Its up to you. We live in a new sexually free modern age. Many "conservative" and marriage-minded women don't like it, but that's just the way society is. Otherwise, go to church and find a nice monogamous guy.
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I think if it was someone else, then I would, jcrew11. But I really started to like him and I know I'd like him again. Also, I think if you both go into something knowing that it's only for sex, then that's fine, but he wasn't all about that at first. He told me he wanted more, and if he hadn't have said that, or acted like he did, I would have said bye back then and wouldn't have started to like him (but I assume he knows this and that's why he did it). So I think that what he's done is really unfair and so he shouldn't get to have things his way.
Zahara Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Ok, he's texted again... What do I do? I just feel rude for not replying now... The guy goes off the radar and comes back whenever he wants to. Prefers to only talk about sex, treating you like an object. And you're feeling rude because you're can't prioritize your SELF because you're worrying about jackhole's feelings. 3
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 The guy goes off the radar and comes back whenever he wants to. Prefers to only talk about sex, treating you like an object. And you're feeling rude because you're can't prioritize your SELF because you're worrying about jackhole's feelings. When you put it like that... haha. Think it's just that I've never ignored someone like this before, doesn't feel right...but then I guess no one has ever treated me this way before, and I know deep down that it is the right thing to do!
HappyLove Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 When you put it like that... haha. Think it's just that I've never ignored someone like this before, doesn't feel right...but then I guess no one has ever treated me this way before, and I know deep down that it is the right thing to do! I'm starting to see why he treats you like this. He's wrong but you allow it. You're someone he can walk all over because you're so accommodating even when disrespected. Don't let people treat you however they want. You deserve respect. If you don't have respect and standards for YOURSELF in how you're treated then how can you expect someone else to? 2
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I'm starting to see why he treats you like this. He's wrong but you allow it. You're someone he can walk all over because you're so accommodating even when disrespected. Don't let people treat you however they want. You deserve respect. If you don't have respect and standards for YOURSELF in how you're treated then how can you expect someone else to? Thanks for the reply You're right, I did allow it when I started talking to him again after he ignored me. But I'm now allowing it anymore. Like I said, I know deep down that ignoring him is the right thing to do, and I am going to keep doing it. No matter what he says! 1
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I think if it was someone else, then I would, jcrew11. But I really started to like him and I know I'd like him again. Also, I think if you both go into something knowing that it's only for sex, then that's fine, but he wasn't all about that at first. He told me he wanted more, and if he hadn't have said that, or acted like he did, I would have said bye back then and wouldn't have started to like him (but I assume he knows this and that's why he did it). So I think that what he's done is really unfair and so he shouldn't get to have things his way. I don't get it, what is wrong with just having sex? Adults have sex. Grown ups have sex. Why are you blaming him for wanting sex? I don't know why he ignored you for a few weeks. Did you ask him about it? Maybe he was busy. There are some girls that are really high-maintenance and want daily phone calls or hourly texts, or whatever. Frankly, it can be stressful, and most guys just don't want to deal with high-maintenance women who demand constant attention and re-affirmation of her relationship. You are over 18. You can or cannot talk to guys. You even have the power to dump guys that mistreat you. But if he has a job or whatever, he just might not have to time to call you up everyday. Believe it or not, most guys have lots of other things to do in their daily lives than think about their girlfriend. I think girls over-estimate a guys attention span for romance and relationship stuff. 1
babycakees Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 This guy is a loser!! You deserve so much better! And he needs to get a taste of what he deserves. Ignore him like he did you and you will feel MUCH better
SunnySide0418 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Ok, he's texted again... What do I do? I just feel rude for not replying now... You slept with him and he didn't contact you for weeks ?? Have some self respect. It is NOT ok for a guy to treat you that way. Text him and tell him you would like him to stop texting you. I think in a way you're so insecure you're liking this drama. tell him to go away and move on. Geez.. Are you 16 .. Ugh
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I don't get it, what is wrong with just having sex? Adults have sex. Grown ups have sex. Why are you blaming him for wanting sex? I don't know why he ignored you for a few weeks. Did you ask him about it? Maybe he was busy. There are some girls that are really high-maintenance and want daily phone calls or hourly texts, or whatever. Frankly, it can be stressful, and most guys just don't want to deal with high-maintenance women who demand constant attention and re-affirmation of her relationship. You are over 18. You can or cannot talk to guys. You even have the power to dump guys that mistreat you. But if he has a job or whatever, he just might not have to time to call you up everyday. Believe it or not, most guys have lots of other things to do in their daily lives than think about their girlfriend. I think girls over-estimate a guys attention span for romance and relationship stuff. Sorry, but... no. Nothing wrong with wanting sex. Like I said, if you both go into it from the start knowing that the other only wants sex, and you both know you're comfortable with that, then that's fine. Personally, if two people just want sex, then that's a good set up. But I didn't have sex with him the first night and I told him I don't do that. He then pursued me, and he did text / call every day. He told me he wanted more than sex. He lead me to believe that he actually really liked me - That's the difference. And also, the reason it wasn't ok for him to not text me for weeks was that up until the point that we did *stuff*, he was in touch with me every day.
Zahara Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 When you put it like that... haha. Think it's just that I've never ignored someone like this before, doesn't feel right...but then I guess no one has ever treated me this way before, and I know deep down that it is the right thing to do! Define "no one." If no one means people that treat you right, respect you, care for you -- ignoring people like that is rude. Jerks don't get to enjoy that benefit. The problem with you is you have no boundaries. That's why you can't draw the line between the two.
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Define "no one." If no one means people that treat you right, respect you, care for you -- ignoring people like that is rude. Jerks don't get to enjoy that benefit. The problem with you is you have no boundaries. That's why you can't draw the line between the two. No, sorry, I meant that no one has ever treated me this badly before, and so that's why I'm not used to ignoring people's texts, as I've never had the need to ignore anyone this much before. I do have boundaries though, otherwise I wouldn't even have thought to post here ... Just doubt myself sometimes (or a lot!)
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 But I didn't have sex with him the first night and I told him I don't do that. He then pursued me, and he did text / call every day. He told me he wanted more than sex. He lead me to believe that he actually really liked me - That's the difference. And also, the reason it wasn't ok for him to not text me for weeks was that up until the point that we did *stuff*, he was in touch with me every day. Was he your first lover? Were you a virgin before him? You just sound really clingy and kinda naive. Do you have other options in boyfriends? Because you can go out and try to meet other guys. Girls naively think that "courtship from men" lasts forever, into a sort of co-dependent stalking relationship. Sure that can be for "couples in love." But in reality, guys get bored after a couple of weeks and after you've had sex. Maybe he just finds you boring and doesn't enjoy talking to you, maybe you don't have anything in common. Is there anything to talk about besides sex? What do you want to talk to him about - politics, news, the kardashian show? But my advice, is talk to him, flirt with him. But you are under no pressure to have sex with him again or do anything against your will. Besides, what is the harm in having sex again? Adults can have sex as many times as they want. Do you want him to marry you? This is the next phase of the relationship - is there anything to talk about after having sex for the first time? Is there a reason for him to stay with you. Or maybe he just thinks your a boring girl and just wants to DUMP you? People get dumped all the time, its just part of dating and life. 1
rosedl Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Block him and stop playing games. The surest way to get creeps to chase you is to ignore them. And, then, if you do respond, they will start to lose interest or ignore you. There is something broken emotionally with these men. Hell, I have noticed this game just on the initial contact with dating sites. A guy will write me, favorite me, visit my profile repeatedly and I respond, and then, nothing. It is the conquest on a micro level. Very odd. I will write guys (I don't like to write them, not that I have any problem making the first move, but I don't want to be in the role of pursuer), so I ask a relevant question and if no response, move on. I also give my phone number so that they can call me. This has been interesting because guys say they want to talk. So, I provide a phone number, and they don't call. I think a lot of men want women to make the process safe for them. Then, there are the pen pal people. I don't want a pen pal, I am not eight years old. Here is a good general rule of thumb. If a man doesn't approach you with arms wide open and walking right toward you, he is NOT worth the chase. Took me a couple decades to really get that....I live by it now. No more chasing (more then happy to reciprocate equally). 3
Author JennHenn Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Was he your first lover? Were you a virgin before him? You just sound really clingy and kinda naive. Do you have other options in boyfriends? Because you can go out and try to meet other guys. Girls naively think that "courtship from men" lasts forever, into a sort of co-dependent stalking relationship. Sure that can be for "couples in love." But in reality, guys get bored after a couple of weeks and after you've had sex. Maybe he just finds you boring and doesn't enjoy talking to you, maybe you don't have anything in common. Is there anything to talk about besides sex? What do you want to talk to him about - politics, news, the kardashian show? But my advice, is talk to him, flirt with him. But you are under no pressure to have sex with him again or do anything against your will. Besides, what is the harm in having sex again? Adults can have sex as many times as they want. Do you want him to marry you? This is the next phase of the relationship - is there anything to talk about after having sex for the first time? Is there a reason for him to stay with you. Or maybe he just thinks your a boring girl and just wants to DUMP you? People get dumped all the time, its just part of dating and life. No, I wasn't a virgin. I don't sleep with people I've just met because I just don't enjoy that, that's all. And yes, we spoke about a lot and seemed to have a lot in common. I know that adults can have sex as many times as they like, but the harm in having sex with him again is that I liked him. Not because I'm naive, but because I just liked him. I do have other options, but I'm just not interested in them. And no, don't be silly, of course I don't want to marry him.
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Hell, I have noticed this game just on the initial contact with dating sites. A guy will write me, favorite me, visit my profile repeatedly and I respond, and then, nothing. It is the conquest on a micro level. Very odd. I will write guys (I don't like to write them, not that I have any problem making the first move, but I don't want to be in the role of pursuer), so I ask a relevant question and if no response, move on. I also give my phone number so that they can call me. This has been interesting because guys say they want to talk. So, I provide a phone number, and they don't call. I think a lot of men want women to make the process safe for them. Then, there are the pen pal people. I don't want a pen pal, I am not eight years old. Here is a good general rule of thumb. If a man doesn't approach you with arms wide open and walking right toward you, he is NOT worth the chase. Took me a couple decades to really get that....I live by it now. No more chasing (more then happy to reciprocate equally). Hah, if a man doesn't e-mail you, it generally means he's either found a different girlfriend or he's married, or he's not interested in you enough to meet in person. Some people, both men and women, are just content to have penpals and online relationships (emotional relationships) because they are safer, and perhaps there is a less likelihood for rejection if the guy/girl is uglier than their picture in real life. It is true that a guy should be 100% into the girl for a relationship to work. But at the same time it kinda makes the girl a "waiting wallflower" and that's a very powerless situation for a girl, which is kinda sad. A real feminist isn't afraid to get out there and meet men.
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