JennHenn Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Hi, thanks for reading! I'm on here really because I already know what is I should do in this situation but for some reason I am not listening to myself! So I'm hoping that if someone else says it I might listen I'll try to summarise in bullet points: Met a guy just before Christmas Made out he liked me and not just for sex (actually said that) Asked about my family, my past, opened up about things, texted all day every day, etc Met with him again, we did some *stuff*, then he goes distant (I'm gutted at this point as I really liked him) --- 3 weeks go by with no contact --- He gets in touch again (about a month ago) I ignored it. Then he texted me again, I replied and we've been in touch since But now all he talks about is sex. I know I should cut off contact as I know I'm gonna get hurt. But I hated those few weeks of no contact and the thought of never seeing him again. So now, even though I know he only wants sex, I keep replying! Every time I'll tell myself that I'm not going to, sometimes I don't reply, but then he texts again and I just can't help myself. I'm being an idiot, I know this. I know what he's done is unfair as he knows that I like him, but for some reason, I'm just not listening to myself. Can't talk to my friends about this as I feel so foolish (as I am being!). Can someone please say something to make me snap out of this?! Thanks!!
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 You like him. He's been badly behaved but not irredeemably, yet. Talk to him. Tell him all this sex talk is turning you off. See if you can get this back on track. If you can't walk away. 1
thegreatesthumphrey Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Woman up and cut the **** out. Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself when you are doing it. Seriously. Take a deep breath, solidify your mind, and tell yourself, " I am a woman dammit, not a little girl. I deserve the best, and wont settle for less." and walk away from this computer and from him and dont look back. DO IT! 6
brok3npromise Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) Ohhh boy. This sounds like a very similar situation to what I just experienced. Was seeing this guy for about 3 months. Told me he couldn't wait for us to do certain things together this spring and summer. He told me all about his past, what he wanted for the future. He introduced me to his family, friends and friends of the family. I thought things were going great....then POOF! He pulled a Houdini and disappeared without any signs. I haven't heard from him and have already made up my mind if I do, I'm not responding. You need to RUN. Cut off communication with him like he did you. This will be an ongoing pattern with him and you and you are only setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak. If he's not here for you now, do you think he will be later? Edited March 3, 2014 by brok3npromise 3
soccerrprp Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 JennHenn, This guy is a loser! Yes, you will get hurt if you don't run now. Don't give up on finding someone to be with, but IT IS NOT WITH THIS GUY! 3
Author JennHenn Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks for your replies! It does help a lot Sorry to hear that happened to you brok3npromise. You sound like you're definitely in the right frame of mind though I had told myself that too, and do daily But hopefully now I'll be able to stay strong and keep away!! 1
thegreatesthumphrey Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 JennHenn and Brokenpromise.... I promise you guys will find love. The most important piece of advice I can give both of you is just to stay strong, love yourself, and be patient. Its better to wait 5 years to spend a lifetime with the perfect one, then to meet the next available bachelor and spend a half happy half unhappy ten years with him, then have to start back over. You should be the most important person in your life. You only have one. 4
Author JennHenn Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Update: He texted me a few days ago and I didn't reply. He texted again that day and I didn't reply. He's texted again today and I'm getting really tempted to reply! Someone please tell me to not do it! Haha
tom23 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Hi Jennhenn. If you notice the thread I just started then you'll probably see I'm not the best person to be giving you advice on relationships haha! But I promise you, there are better guys out there for you than this one... as you have said, it is clear he is only interested in one thing and will obviously use you to get it. If you were to text him again, make sure its only to tell him to leave you alone! It sounds to me you deserve better than him and you certainly deserve to stay hurt free!
babycakees Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Update: He texted me a few days ago and I didn't reply. He texted again that day and I didn't reply. He's texted again today and I'm getting really tempted to reply! Someone please tell me to not do it! Haha Just keep doing what you've been doing. He's going to get the hint. Make him sweat. He's not the right guy and you already know it. The right guy will never make you question what his intentions are. 1
jcrew11 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Asked about my family, my past, opened up about things, texted all day every day, etc Met with him again, we did some *stuff*, then he goes distant (I'm gutted at this point as I really liked him) --- 3 weeks go by with no contact --- He gets in touch again (about a month ago) I ignored it. Then he texted me again, I replied and we've been in touch since But now all he talks about is sex. Hi, How Old are you? Do you want to have sex, or are you saving yourself for marriage? Did you ever try to call him or text him first? Why are you always waiting for him to text you? If you don't want to have sex, then stop talking to him. But its also perfectly okay to have pre-marital sex if you are over 18. Make sure to ask him if he wants to make a commitment to you and be monogamous.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Here we go again! I'm starting to feel like it's my job as a woman with some degree of experience to educate the more naive women on this board. There are so many!! Met with him again, we did some *stuff*, then he goes distant (I'm gutted at this point as I really liked him) --- 3 weeks go by with no contact --- Only an ******* who doesn't give a damn about you would do this. There's about a dozen threads up on the exact same subject right now. This is textbook ******* behavior. Is this really the best you think you can do? He gets in touch again (about a month ago) I ignored it. Then he texted me again, I replied and we've been in touch since But now all he talks about is sex. He texted you a month later because he was horny with no prospects. He thinks you're the easy lay with no self-respect that he knows he can get onto her back again. Or are you? Your choice. I know I should cut off contact as I know I'm gonna get hurt. Can someone please say something to make me snap out of this?! Thanks!! Every time you're tempted to reply to him, type up his recent texts here, then the message that you intend to respond with. Give the board a day to smack some sense into you. Try this for at least a week, and see what happens. What was his last text to you? How do you plan to reply? 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I replied! I went out last night and got drunk. He texted AGAIN (fourth time) and I stupidly replied. And guess what... I got no reply! I'm so mad at myself. I was finally happy with the situation for the first time in months, then I go and ruin it. I feel like he's won now, and now I'm upset about it again I hate him!
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Hi, I have another thread about this guy, but I've started a new one as this is the current situation... So to sum up, there's this who said he liked me more than for sex, we slept together, he went distant for weeks, then started texting me again just for sex. I've been ignoring him recently. He texted me a couple of times the other day and I ignored his texts, then he texted me yesterday daytime and I ignored it, then he texted me again yesterday evening, and I stupidly replied! ... And I get no reply from him! I feel like such an idiot. I already know that it was a HUGE mistake. I was out with a friend and had had a few drinks. My text back to him might have sounded rude, but also like I wanted to meet up. Now I feel stupid and like he's won now as he's not going to reply to me and he gets to be the one who walks away from all of this. Such an idiot
almond Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Don't let that get you down - it's not you vs. him...this is you vs. yourself. This really has nothing to do with him at all. If you're not over him, you lose, whether you text him back or not. Work on moving on and enjoying life...only then will you actually "win." 2
Leegh Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Three weeks is not that long of no contact. I have had guys that I had had a few dates with call after several months. As I'm sure you know there are brain differences between men and women and they process things differently. The fact that he talks about sex a lot is not necessarily a bad thing. He obviously is attracted to you sexually, and that is a good thing. If he talks about sex ALL the time, that could be cause for alarm, but some of the time is OK. I try to ask a new guy about his parents, and if he seems caring and helps his folks with chores, etc. that is an excellent sign. Hopefully, he is OK in other areas, for example, showing up on time etc. 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks for your reply. Yeah, you're right. Think I just wanted to bruise his ego a bit as it could seriously do with being bruised! But never mind! Guess I'll just have to move on
anne1707 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 We have all been in your shoes at one time or another. You'll get over this and bounce back. In the meantime either block him or if you can't do that, change his name on your phone so it comes up with "Don't respond to this w*nker" (or some other fitting name of your choosing ) 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Hi Leegh. No, this guy ONLY wants to talk about sex, haha. When he was claiming he liked me, he would want to talk about other things. Now ALL he wants to talk about is sex. Just felt like it's unfair of him to put so much effort into making me think he liked me (which made me like him more), then disappear, then come back just for sex. So mad at myself for reply as I don't think he'll text me again now as I think the text I sent him last night might have sounded rude and also as if I wanted to meet up with him (I didn't say hi, I just said 'I was out and asked if he was) Idiot!
melell Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 This guy sounds really, really insecure. If he was so great, he would have better things to do than text mess with you. Forget he exists, decent people don't do that type of thing. Don't feel bad for replying. 1
Author JennHenn Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I do think he is insecure in a way, but only in some ways. He's used to girls throwing themselves at him. He's very attractive (although I hate to admit it!), he's rich, he's charming, knows exactly what to say, etc. I just wanted him to feel like he can't have whoever he wants, and he can't hurt people and get away with it. I think you're right about not feeling bad about replying. Even though I did, it's not like I was like 'hey, sorry I've not been in touch. How have you been?' - (Even though that sounds like a perfectly fine message, it would let him know I care). I said 4 words in reply to his "you not speaking to me?" message. I simply said - "Just out, are you?". That was it. Just annoyed because I think that it made it sound like I wanted to meet up, then he didn't reply. Oh I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking everything.
melell Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I really think it is so silly to even worry about this. Personally I don't like people with large egos at all, they really irritate me. If you think about, he needs to get a reply for you so that he can ignore you- just so he can continue to feel like he is the better one. People like this serve no good purpose. I don't think you should care about replying, because I don't think you should care what this person thinks at all. Bottom line- this person doesn't make you feel good about yourself, and they are doing that knowingly. In my opinion, any person they behaves in that way isn't worthy. You would be much better off talking to someone who is poor, unattractive, and dateless- as long as they make you feel good about yourself. 1
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I wouldn't worry about it at all. I wouldn't of replied to him but sometimes alcohol makes us week when it comes to trying to not communicate with an ex. The text you sent him wasn't neccessarily bad. Actually it will make him realize you aren't sitting at home sulking over him. Just delete his number and move on. Hey, some smart phones will now let you block people right from the phone. I have an iPhone and it works perfect! You won't even know if they are contacting you or not. 1
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