approaching my ex gf, what do i say?

[d0nnivain]

I do think that her friends calling you a weirdo on FB is a factor. If the majority of her friends don't like you, there is no hope for you to get her back. Even if she felt weak, they will all talk her out of it. At 20 she doesn't seem mature enough to go against their collective opinions.

 

 

I understand you desperately want closure but you aren't going to get it. No matter what she tells you about why she broke up with you based on your posts here on LS I suspect you will have a counter to whatever she says. You will try to talk her out of it. She is not going to put herself in a position to even hear you out.

 

 

Her friends at least partially convinced her to drop you. They hold more sway then you ever will.

 

 

Until you let go, you won't heal. Don't keep doing this to yourself. Didn't the Navy teach you that sometimes it's better to fall back?

[erklat]

So you guys were together for two months like me then? And you chased her for two months post bu did you? What was her response, if any to your persisting? What did she break up with you for? I will check your story out now and comment.

 

Did you/do you regret doing the begging etc, dya think it lessened your chances? Do you think that it's common for these girls to pop back up in the future then yeah?I had two ex girlfriends that I was with for a year each. One ended really badly and I was really pestering her, and obviously we have never got in touch since, that was eight years ago. The other one ended a little less badly. She actually added me on fb a couple of years ago after being split up not a couple of years, but I never messaged her. I think I could've probably gotten back with her though, although I had no interest by that time, she had a kid aswell then.

 

I know from my past loves that what I felt for this girl is far greater, and I'm extremely disappointed that it's over. I can't comprehend the notion that it's over for good. I'd really like to believe that she'll come round one day. I keep thinking hopeful thoughts in my head, like maybe she is being really stubborn (which she is) and is waiting for me to text. Maybe she hasn't got my number as she deleted it. Maybe she doesn't want to reach out in case she's scared I won't want her back now and I might reject her...who knows ey.

 

We were three months sharp together.

 

She broke up with me because I flirted with her friends - untrue but I guess it was for her to ease her guilt. - > you see the pattern.

 

Of course I regret contacting her. My brother is friends with her and they talk about us, she said that she would reconcile immediately if I hadn't Insulted her etc out of pain she caused me post breakup by her behavior.

 

Don't go around over analyzing things. That rs is over and neither you nor me will reconcile anytime soon.

 

And even if you do, you'll see that it is not the same.

 

At least the naive childish infatuation will be gone lying next to a person who caused so much pain to you in a blink of an eye. At least for me.

[lolablue17]

I will tell you what you should do now!

 

First, stand up! close your eyes and say THANK YOU DEAR GOD, THANK YOU!

 

Then smile, you got a gift. you got rid of a girl that would make you miserable along the way, manipulating you, playing endless games, hurting you ect...

 

this girl has a big problem with communication and a bigger attitude problem. If she contacts you - dont answer. ignore. she is bad news.

its not her age - I know 20th girls which are normal and mentally healthier.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Yeah it was the whole blindsided thing that killed me. I genuinely was absolutely convinced that she was in love with me. She lead me on to believe that, which is an absolutely awful thing to do isn't it. I guess it's kinda my own fault too, as I jumped in feet first, but for her to reciprocate then break it off is so painful. And as I say, it seems so senseless that she did it after the best night of laughs and company and sex of our relationship so far. I mean it was an awesome night and I dropped her off in a taxi and she said I love you see ya Sunday. Then blanked me for days, dumped me by text and blocked me on fb after winding me up. She's not a nice person is she.

 

I agree about the answer knowing thing. I wish she could've found the decency and courage within herself to tell me what was really the truth. I also regret not knocking at her door immediately after and demanding answers instead of letting her get away with it. Yes she's done it to other guys too, one she was serious with and meant to be going on holiday with, and one she was engaged to and living with. As far as I know, she told me the fiance one was not paying his half of the bills, started messaging other girls and going out with his mates a lot so she left him. But after what happened with me, it wouldn't surprise me if she is lying and the lad did nothing wrong and was heartbroken. She still has him as friend on fb though, and has blocked me which I don't get.

 

Yes you're right, but I find it so difficult to no ask the questions to myself. I mean if you've lost something really amazing and don't know why it kills inside. Especially if it may turn out to be something trivial or nonchalant like she thought I would get bored of her or she had trust issues, I could fix that. But if it was another guy, then that would be that. Maybe she didn't tell me if it was another guy, so she could keep me as a backup option or something? It's so horrible, I keep imagining her in my bed next to me, looking at me and talking to me all the time, I can't get her image out of my head and it's been weeks. I'm in such a bad way and am scared I won't get better.

 

Yes I have googled all those get your ex back things countless times lol! And yeah like you say, they probably don't work really. They provide hope for people like me who can't accept reality. I am so gutted I never got the relationship to last longer so that I could've became a bigger part of her life and therefore would've had a bigger chance of staying with her/getting back together after a bu. It pains me to think of myself as a mere shag or fling with her. It was more than that and I know it, heck we were even fb official lol! I just can't believe she was bored of me after 2 months, and she was always saying she can't wait to see me it feels like ages ago we were together, maybe she is just genuinely crazy.

 

I agree, but I did fight for her in the relationship didn't I? I mean I made a couple of mistakes, but I was a pretty awesome bf I'm sure, and tried very hard to impress her. I wish maybe I'd have played it cooler and been more mysterious, but who knows even that might not have extended things, maybe she had the whole thing planned out in her head all along. She seems very heartless.

 

Every day that goes by actually feels worse, because it feels less and less likely I'll ever hear from her, and the memories and meaning of them I have fade and fade. It basically feels like I never really met her and I merely imagined the whole thing. I hate the thought of her disposing of me like I was nothing

 

Would texting her really be that bad? I mean how could it be worse? It could open talks between us. I know a couple of her friends, and would love to ask them what happened, but they would most likely tell her straight away what I'd done. Would actions like these seriously hampen my chances of getting back with her in future? Do you think if I stop any further contact now, and it's only been a letter and a knock at her door, then I won't be forever remembered as the creepy stalker guy?

 

If she did meet a new guy, and things don't work out with him, dya think she might contact me? I just think it's crazy how a woman can go from one minute having sex with you, to the next minute dumping you and ignoring you and calling you a freak. Would she have to realise I was the 'right one' all along, or maybe just realise I was someone she liked and would like to see again. I regret sending the letter so much, maybe if I'd have just played it cool she may have wondered more about me. I thought it was worthy try at the time though.

 

Whoa now...easy big fella. Take a breath and relax.

 

I can sit here and answer all those questions, but then its just going to get you to ask MORE questions. More, and more, and more until I say ENOUGH and tell you to knock it off and get extra mad at you (I wouldnt Im just using this as a demonstration lol). THIS is exactly what will happen IF you talk to your ex. You'll have 900 questions that you will ask. She may answer them. If she does, then you will have MORE questions. It's an endless cycle and makes you look clingy. Keep your dignity.

 

Poorboy...it's over man. There is nothing you can do. I know it sucks. Trust me man I lost my job, my apartment, my friends, etc. It was awful and probably the hardest thing I've ever done. With that said, Ive now gained so much power and understanding of myself and I realized she is not the person. You'll meet THAT person in time. She isnt it.

 

Be selfish right now. Go hang out with people. Go hit the gym. Go get an in-depth hobby. Keep your mind off of it. Time heals everything and the pain will go away.

[Chi townD]

And do you think there's any significance in the fact that she thought I was checking her phone at night white she was sleeping? Maybe she is just really paranoid. Or maybe she had something to hide like another guy was texting her, but she asked me to guess her password for her phone in the pub the last time I saw her, which seems like she's really paranoid.

 

And the fact her friends have basically called me a weirdo on fb, do you think that she has maybe told them a false set of events to convince them I'm the bad guy. My ex basically called me a doosh on fb, which is very nasty mad hurtful. I guess I should not even want someone like that back if o had enough self respect...

 

 

 

 

BINGO!! I mean, you only had two months invested into this girl, and then she wants to play stupid games after the break up? Really?!?!?

 

 

Not worth your time or effort. Move on and heal! Ignore her.

[poor boy]

I will tell you what you should do now!

 

First, stand up! close your eyes and say THANK YOU DEAR GOD, THANK YOU!

 

Then smile, you got a gift. you got rid of a girl that would make you miserable along the way, manipulating you, playing endless games, hurting you ect...

 

this girl has a big problem with communication and a bigger attitude problem. If she contacts you - dont answer. ignore. she is bad news.

its not her age - I know 20th girls which are normal and mentally healthier.

 

Yes mate I actually really agree with you now! I had a big conversation with my mum about it all lastnight, and how it all didn't make sense send how she dropped me like a ton of bricks. We discussed everything about her like from wanting sex on the first date, to her dysfunctional family to how she does this to all jobs and boyfriends, leaving without any communication at all. And yes I reached an epiphany about her, and that is that she's a genuinely nasty piece of work and is wicked. She is cowardly as she doesn't communicate her feelings and instead chooses to slope out the backdoor which is probably why she never lasts in anything she does. And the fact she laughs with her friends about hitting nice people on fb shows me she has no conscience or remorse. Thanks for your post, I'm beginning to get better and see the light now!

[poor boy]

I do think that her friends calling you a weirdo on FB is a factor. If the majority of her friends don't like you, there is no hope for you to get her back. Even if she felt weak, they will all talk her out of it. At 20 she doesn't seem mature enough to go against their collective opinions.

 

 

I understand you desperately want closure but you aren't going to get it. No matter what she tells you about why she broke up with you based on your posts here on LS I suspect you will have a counter to whatever she says. You will try to talk her out of it. She is not going to put herself in a position to even hear you out.

 

 

Her friends at least partially convinced her to drop you. They hold more sway then you ever will.

 

 

Until you let go, you won't heal. Don't keep doing this to yourself. Didn't the Navy teach you that sometimes it's better to fall back?[/quote

 

Year I totally agree. The girl has little mind of her own. When we were together, she could never decide what drink or food to order for ages and ages. Very indecisive and confused she is. So it is very sure that her friends have been involved in her decision. Her friends, as I say, never wanted me and her to be together as my best friend dumped her best friend, and her other friend had a one night stand with me and I never called her again. They are all slag types who go out every weekend and get extremely drunk and have one night stands with people, mainly 'bad boys'. I feel I've definitely had a lucky escape now to be honest. Obviously some sadness still remains, but at least I know in ny head now that I've lost nothing special in this girl, I'm genuinely better off,and it wasn't my fault or anything I did. Thanks for your post .

[poor boy]

BINGO!! I mean, you only had two months invested into this girl, and then she wants to play stupid games after the break up? Really?!?!?

 

 

Not worth your time or effort. Move on and heal! Ignore her.

 

Yeah you're right! I've learned some massive life lessons in this short two months aswell. She's clearly not the person I thought she was when we were together, and was obviously just on her best behaviour back then as it was all new. I'm convicted that she was sure I would be running after her much more than I have since the bu, and her and all her friends could laugh and laugh at me. That's not a good girl at all, better I see her true colours now that later! All the wiser for this experience. Still a heavy heart but I'm feeling better in the knowledge that she's got some serious problems. Thanks for the input

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Yes mate I actually really agree with you now! I had a big conversation with my mum about it all lastnight, and how it all didn't make sense send how she dropped me like a ton of bricks. We discussed everything about her like from wanting sex on the first date, to her dysfunctional family to how she does this to all jobs and boyfriends, leaving without any communication at all. And yes I reached an epiphany about her, and that is that she's a genuinely nasty piece of work and is wicked. She is cowardly as she doesn't communicate her feelings and instead chooses to slope out the backdoor which is probably why she never lasts in anything she does. And the fact she laughs with her friends about hitting nice people on fb shows me she has no conscience or remorse. Thanks for your post, I'm beginning to get better and see the light now!

 

Slowly, you'll begin to see things the actual way they are. You look like you're on the right path. It comes in waves, so just prepare for a bad wave later....just in case lol

[poor boy]

Whoa now...easy big fella. Take a breath and relax.

 

I can sit here and answer all those questions, but then its just going to get you to ask MORE questions. More, and more, and more until I say ENOUGH and tell you to knock it off and get extra mad at you (I wouldnt Im just using this as a demonstration lol). THIS is exactly what will happen IF you talk to your ex. You'll have 900 questions that you will ask. She may answer them. If she does, then you will have MORE questions. It's an endless cycle and makes you look clingy. Keep your dignity.

 

Poorboy...it's over man. There is nothing you can do. I know it sucks. Trust me man I lost my job, my apartment, my friends, etc. It was awful and probably the hardest thing I've ever done. With that said, Ive now gained so much power and understanding of myself and I realized she is not the person. You'll meet THAT person in time. She isnt it.

 

Be selfish right now. Go hang out with people. Go hit the gym. Go get an in-depth hobby. Keep your mind off of it. Time heals everything and the pain will go away.

 

Thanks very much for your posts mate, they've been very articulate and concise, and I really want to say thankyou to you from the bottom of my heart as you've helped me this last day more than you know. Keep up the good work on this site you're doing a great job! I think once I'm completely better, and in a position to advise, I will start helping people too.

 

I'm feeling much better today having finally realised that the girl was clearly a nasty person who enjoys mind games, manipulation, and hurting people. The sadness of the loss of what thought I had is still there a little, but now that I know what type of person she is, and really believe it now, I see the forest before the trees and am starting to feel much better. I'm even a little concerned for the girl to be honest, but my only concern will be myself. I hope robe day she may get better and learn herself, maybe even look back and realise what a great guy I was and she made a mistake, but who knows. I don't think she has much of a conscience, and is probably too cowardly to ever even communicate with me again anyways.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss aswell. That sounds very bad and a lot worse than what I have gone through. I'm glad you're feeling better now though. I too feel like an improved version of myself now, with much more experience and a better mind frame and perception of life. I've got myself, however, into a nasty routine the last 6

Weeks of feeling sorry for myself for the sake of feeling sorry for myself. And not doing uni work for the sake of feeling sorry for myself etc etc. It's going to take some hard work, but I know it's over now and I need to start pulling my act together and getting really into my own life again and enjoying my own life and improvements.

 

I will surely meet the right girl along the way. There is always a slim hope I guess, that in the future I may run into the ex and she may have changed, but I'll not hold my breath. Onwards and upwards for me now, and a better man for the experience! Thanks again for all your help it highly appreciated!