approaching my ex gf, what do i say?

[poor boy]

My ex gf broke it off with me six weeks ago. We we were in a relationship for two months, and it was a genuinely amazing relationship for both of us. I exaggerate not when I say this, but I know we were both very into another. I'm 5 years older, and the girl does have a history of being a flake somewhat, having had countless jobs and several boyfriends already at only 20 years old.

 

The breakup literally came right out of the blue, as she stayed in mine Thursday and had a great night having a few drinks and having sex time and again, and again in the morning. We were both so happy with eachother it was fantastic. She would tell me how I'm the best boy she's ever been with, she wants to keep me and stay with me for much longer times, she loves me etc. She then proceeded to go out that night with her friends. The next day her texts seemed a little distant, almost like she was annoyed with me for some reason, and said she couldn't see me the following day as she had a job interview. I said ok cool we'll sort something out soon, maybe didn't calm her down very much from her seemingly bad mood. The next day I text saying good luck with the job interview, love you. This was Sunday afternoon, and although there was no question in the text, I would've expected a text back.

 

I didn't hear back that day, so didn't contact her Sunday Monday and all day Tuesday. I saw that she had been on fb arranging to go shopping with her friends, so clearly she could've messaged me on that. Tuesday evening I phoned her then texted saying her do you wanna do something the weekend, she took shouts to reply and said she wants to leave seeing me as she needs time alone. I text back ok, and left it then. She then proceeded to attempt to wind me up for the next few days on fb, probably trying to get a reaction from me, flirting with other boys, saying she was having a great day, and changing her profile pic every day to hot photos of herself which she never did before. Then on Saturday night she blocked me! Probably trying to get another reaction.

 

After two weeks I sent her a loveletter and roses to get her back (first contact I'd make) and got no reply. Afew days later I knocked at her door and no reply. Turns out she posted on fb, omg so so so freaked out right now, and tagged my friends ex gf in it which caused it to come up on my friends fb ( maybe that was intentional), , and the two of them were effectively making out I was a weirdo on fb because of what I did, which upset me deeply. Despite everything, I still love the girl a lot, and we had the mossy amazon time and I haven't seen her at all post bu. She has been hurt in the past by boys and maybe is scared of going further, she's insecure and very cranky mad fickle.

 

I have been going insane for weeks since though, and not having had an explanation has left me in limbo. I am convinced there isn't/hasn't been a new guy on the scene, all her fb photos are just her and female friends. I want her back and want answers so badly. I haven't texted her or called her at all since the bu l, as I'm scared of breaking her out more and jeopardizing further future chances with her by acting rashly now.

 

I now believe my only choices are to either remain nc, try move on and accept no closure/immediate reconciliation, or to go to where she goes every weekend to see her in person. I'm thinking of doing just that as I don't know if something has happened I'm unaware of that I could fix, as it all seems completely senseless and I cent take it.

 

If I do see her out, what do you think I should say and do? Do you think there's any chance that her seeing me could give her food for thought and realize she has missed me?thanks in advance

Edited March 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you are hurting but you aren't' thinking clearly. You have now been apart for almost the length of your short lived relationship.

 

 

She wanted hit & run. She may have found something she perceived as better or she thought you were getting too serious. Either way, She was not as into you are you are to her.

You have to let her go because she's not coming back.

 

 

Savor the great 2 months but move on.

[zen2475]

Frankly, I would say or do nothing. She has treated you with a great deal of disrespect and she really doesn't deserve anything you have to offer her.

 

 

Her actions have spoken greatly of her character and immaturity. It's understandable you still love her, but you need to step back, go into NC, and heal from this. NC will give you the time, distance and perspective to see this situation for what it is, to grow stronger and more introspective, and just generally get over her.

 

 

You deserve more than this, and I hope you find someone who can truly reciprocate your love.

[pickflicker]

If seeing you triggers the whole "I miss you", don't trust it. It's fleeting.

 

We really miss someone when they are gone from our lives.

[poor boy]

I'm sorry you are hurting but you aren't' thinking clearly. You have now been apart for almost the length of your short lived relationship.

 

 

She wanted hit & run. She may have found something she perceived as better or she thought you were getting too serious. Either way, She was not as into you are you are to her.

You have to let her go because she's not coming back.

 

 

Savor the great 2 months but move on.

 

I can see your points with logic, however I still can't accept defeat emotionally just yet. I know we weren't together that long, but we felt a great deal of closeness, and she clearly thought highly of me as she introduced me to her family both on xmas day and at a family birthday also. I can't understand how she isn't as into me as I was her, as she was pretty much smitten with me during our time together. Even the last time we were together, as I said, she stayed in mine and had the most amazing time together.

I just feel like I need to know the truth, as I deserve that, not a generic excuse. I don't see how she could go from literally one day saying I love you and hope we spend a long time together, to the next day saying don't wanna see you again. And the fact she was trying to goad me on fb shows that she was being spiteful about everything and not making the decision from a peaceful rational place. Her best friend was dumped by my best friend 3 weeks prior, and I also had sex with my ex's other friend months before meeting my ex, which she knew about and was fine with.I wonder if these could have been factors, or if something has been said to her to make her doubt me. She has deep trust issues and was also telling her friends that I was looking through her phone while she was asleep in bed every night, which was untrue! She has also been on antidepressants in the last couple of years. I doubt whether her mental stability is good. All this doesn't stop me loving her though, and I feel the need to see hee face to face, although I am terrified of the prospect. It could go badly, but it may not, I really have nothing to lose do I?

Edited March 3, 2014 by poor boy

[pickflicker]

poor boy, you're describing "instance" or lust. It's essential in those first few months, to help us bond. But it burns out if more solid feelings aren't there to complement it.

 

She didn't feel those more solid feelings. You have to accept "defeat" - if she wanted you, she'd reach out.

Edited March 3, 2014 by pickflicker

[poor boy]

poor boy, you're describing "instance" or lust. It's essential in those first few months, to help us bond. But it burns it if more solid feelings aren't they're to compliment it.

 

She didn't feel those more solid feelings. You have to accept "defeat" - if she wanted you, she'd reach out.

 

Do you believe that I'm not good enough for her, or there's a problem on my behalf, or it is just her? I am actually, in the least bigheaded way possible, probably above her league aswell. In terms of age, looks, character, job history and intelligence etc, so I am shocked she feels I'm not good enough for her. Unless she felt like I was too good for her and broke it off to get in there first? I find it so difficult to accept that a girl who I'm completely in love with and told me she felt the same, does not have any feelings for me. Those nasty comments they made about me on fb were so hurtful also, I mean I'm no freak for sending her a loveletter am I?

Do you think if I remain nc and get on with my life, it will leave me with a chance of getting her back in the future at all? Or if I do see her out this week and ask her the questions I need to know, it will wreck those chances of getting her back? And should I even want her back after this mistreatment?

[SCJACK]

poor boy, you're describing "instance" or lust. It's essential in those first few months, to help us bond. But it burns out if more solid feelings aren't there to complement it.

 

She didn't feel those more solid feelings. You have to accept "defeat" - if she wanted you, she'd reach out.

 

What solid feelings could they be?

[kjackson1]

This girl seems really immature by the way you described her, I'd let this one go she isn't worth the trouble. Especially since the relationship was only two months. Btw how old are you and her respectively?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Do you believe that I'm not good enough for her, or there's a problem on my behalf, or it is just her? I am actually, in the least bigheaded way possible, probably above her league aswell. In terms of age, looks, character, job history and intelligence etc, so I am shocked she feels I'm not good enough for her. Unless she felt like I was too good for her and broke it off to get in there first? I find it so difficult to accept that a girl who I'm completely in love with and told me she felt the same, does not have any feelings for me. Those nasty comments they made about me on fb were so hurtful also, I mean I'm no freak for sending her a loveletter am I?

Do you think if I remain nc and get on with my life, it will leave me with a chance of getting her back in the future at all? Or if I do see her out this week and ask her the questions I need to know, it will wreck those chances of getting her back? And should I even want her back after this mistreatment?

 

1st, you're not a freak man. Dont think that about yourself.

 

Okay, so honesty here (because why come on here if you dont want the truth), you are being INCREDIBLY creepy. Just reading what you are writing makes me cringe. Going where she goes every weekend to see her? Dude, you have to let this go. It was two months man...even if you guys said it, I doubt it was love. From her stance currently, I KNOW it wasnt love. More long a very strong infatuation. The love letter was an awful idea (as our all letters after a BU), but its not like you are the first.

 

Look, don't take any of what she is saying as a rip on you or your character. It doesnt sound like you hit her or took advantage of her or anything....she just wasnt on the same level as you. Your ego is hurt currently. You are thinking "Why am I not worth it" or "Why would she do this to ME." In reality, yeah it sucks a LOT, but it sounds like it could have been SO much worse.

 

You want to know the "truth" you say? As many of the people on Loveshack can tell you, you find the answers within yourrself. If you want the truth, she probably wasnt feeling it the way you were and there is probably another person in the picture you were unaware about. No matter the answers, it will never being the closure that you need. All you are doing now is making yourself look awful to her. She is trying to make you out to be the bad person so she feels justified for leaving. All you are doing is giving her those reasons by keeping contact.

 

No contact isnt meant to get someone back...its used to move on. Honestly, reconciliations hardly ever happen, especially those that only lasted two months. I would HIGHLY suggest moving on and letting this one go. You will ONLY get heartache on this I assure you.

[David87]

Op she's the dumper that means you don't have to do anything to bring her back. Your ''job'' is to move on and let her do the heavy lifting if that's the case, but from your story I doubt it.

 

You got carried away and your actions don't help you, on the contrary they make you look desperate. My advice is to start NC and stop stalking her.

[poor boy]

1st, you're not a freak man. Dont think that about yourself.

 

Okay, so honesty here (because why come on here if you dont want the truth), you are being INCREDIBLY creepy. Just reading what you are writing makes me cringe. Going where she goes every weekend to see her? Dude, you have to let this go. It was two months man...even if you guys said it, I doubt it was love. From her stance currently, I KNOW it wasnt love. More long a very strong infatuation. The love letter was an awful idea (as our all letters after a BU), but its not like you are the first.

 

Look, don't take any of what she is saying as a rip on you or your character. It doesnt sound like you hit her or took advantage of her or anything....she just wasnt on the same level as you. Your ego is hurt currently. You are thinking "Why am I not worth it" or "Why would she do this to ME." In reality, yeah it sucks a LOT, but it sounds like it could have been SO much worse.

 

You want to know the "truth" you say? As many of the people on Loveshack can tell you, you find the answers within yourrself. If you want the truth, she probably wasnt feeling it the way you were and there is probably another person in the picture you were unaware about. No matter the answers, it will never being the closure that you need. All you are doing now is making yourself look awful to her. She is trying to make you out to be the bad person so she feels justified for leaving. All you are doing is giving her those reasons by keeping contact.

 

No contact isnt meant to get someone back...its used to move on. Honestly, reconciliations hardly ever happen, especially those that only lasted two months. I would HIGHLY suggest moving on and letting this one go. You will ONLY get heartache on this I assure you.

 

Do you not think then that I'd have a chance of getting her back in the future if I left it then instead of seeing her face to face this week? I mean I'm doing a degree in uni, and I will have a good job and future with good money. The girl will likely not do a lot with herself. Maybe I could try and build bridges with her in the future and if I leave it now that will leave me with an increased chance?

I know it sounds like I'm desperate, and the truth is that's because I am desperate, as I'm in love with her. Its crazy because I can't see why she wouldn't have been into me or wanted to stay with me. I mean you don't realise the relationship we had. She was literally texting me all the time saying the nicest things, like I'm the best lad ever and she really loves me and wants a future with me. You don't say things like that to someone you're not into do you. Reconicliations rarely happen, but they do happen though. Do you think maybe a future one could be a possibility, but only if I bow out now. I really am convinced there is noone else in the picture. I think that maybe it's more along the lines of she really did like or love me, but didn't want anything serious right now. She's only 20, recently got back from Greece as a club rep, and has had a couple of serious relationships already, even being engaged and living with one boy, who incidentally was the same age (18) as her and wasn't half as good looking and doing as well as me.

Was it that creepy to send a letter? I thought it was just a nice genuine way to show her how I felt, in case there was a lack of understanding of that on her part. But to hear her slagging me off to her friends on fb, ensuring I could see the status aswell, seems like she was deliberately trying to make sure I saw it and was hurt by it. We were literally so good together and she loved being with me, saying I was like her best friend and she felt safe being with me and was hoping for many more months like we had.

I just cant give up and accept that I'll never be with her again. I know I'm good enough for her and she obviously really liked me and fancied me, always wanted to have sex with me etc. I can't forget about her.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Do you not think then that I'd have a chance of getting her back in the future if I left it then instead of seeing her face to face this week? I mean I'm doing a degree in uni, and I will have a good job and future with good money. The girl will likely not do a lot with herself. Maybe I could try and build bridges with her in the future and if I leave it now that will leave me with an increased chance?

I know it sounds like I'm desperate, and the truth is that's because I am desperate, as I'm in love with her. Its crazy because I can't see why she wouldn't have been into me or wanted to stay with me. I mean you don't realise the relationship we had. She was literally texting me all the time saying the nicest things, like I'm the best lad ever and she really loves me and wants a future with me. You don't say things like that to someone you're not into do you. Reconicliations rarely happen, but they do happen though. Do you think maybe a future one could be a possibility, but only if I bow out now. I really am convinced there is noone else in the picture. I think that maybe it's more along the lines of she really did like or love me, but didn't want anything serious right now. She's only 20, recently got back from Greece as a club rep, and has had a couple of serious relationships already, even being engaged and living with one boy, who incidentally was the same age (18) as her and wasn't half as good looking and doing as well as me.

Was it that creepy to send a letter? I thought it was just a nice genuine way to show her how I felt, in case there was a lack of understanding of that on her part. But to hear her slagging me off to her friends on fb, ensuring I could see the status aswell, seems like she was deliberately trying to make sure I saw it and was hurt by it. We were literally so good together and she loved being with me, saying I was like her best friend and she felt safe being with me and was hoping for many more months like we had.

I just cant give up and accept that I'll never be with her again. I know I'm good enough for her and she obviously really liked me and fancied me, always wanted to have sex with me etc. I can't forget about her.

 

......I have no idea where to start with any of this. Again, I'm saying this all honestly. Nothing personal, but stuff you need to hear.

 

Lets begin with this: She is NOT on the same level as you. No matter what she did, said, acted....none of matters anymore. If she loved you like she claimed, she would still be here. She obviously said things that she probably felt at the time, but it's clear she doesnt feel the same way now. Again, she was probably into you, but isnt now. Usually, something that drastic is brought on by another party, but that's none of your concern currently and you dont believe it anyway. I will say if she wanted to be young and carefree like you suggest, she would have no reason to make you into the villain like she is doing. She is trying to make you into the bad guy and the "creepy" one to justify herself. You are playing off full emotions here and I agree, it does look INCREDIBLY desperate. You are giving her the ammo she is wanting by showing up at her door and all of the other things you are discussing. You know who else it looks desperate to? Your ex. If I stranger, who doesnt know you from Adam, can tell this, I can assure you that your ex knows this too.

 

The letter makes you look weak and desperate. YOU obviously do not see it that way, but I assure you that they do. No one likes someone who begs like a dog for their meal lol. The LAST thing, and I do mean LAST thing, you should do is see her face to face this week....next week, or really anytime in the near future. She is the dumper. She wanted to be done with the relationship. She doesnt want to be seeing you around at random places to basically be told that she made the wrong decision. In her mind, she made the right decision.

 

You are trying to mend something that she clearly doesnt want. The decision was made to leave, and that is what she wants. For you to be around all the time pretty much confessing your undying love to her is the EXACT opposite of what she wants.

 

You are trying to plan things out currently that will probably never happen. In addition, you are using no contact as a play. "I'll bow it for like a month, then come back and show her I've changed." Doesnt work that way kiddo. If she EVER wants to be with you again, she will let you know I assure you. Are you asking if that will happen? As I mentioned, reconciliations (at least lasting ones) hardly ever occur. When they do, its because enough time as passed on both parties and they both have plenty of time to work on themselves. This usually takes a long time for that to happen. In addition, that is usually with longer relationships...not really in the two month wheelhouse. Yes, she said some very commandeering things to you, and that made you feel special, and you guys shared some really sweet moments...but again, it was only two months. She is obviously a different person that you expected her to be and that is fine. Some people dont show their true colors for YEARS...some do in two months. Be glad she showed you now rather than later.

 

You obviously have confidence in there somewhere since you have clearly started your opinions on your looks and social status lol. Because she doesnt feel that way doesnt mean there is something wrong with what you are doing, she's just not the person who respects those things. Plus, you say she "wont do a lot for herself" and whatever..that doesnt really sound like a true Mrs. Poorboy to me. If you want my honest opinion, I think your ego is more hurt than actually losing her. After the smoke clears, the initial hurt wears off, time heals...I think you'll realize that it wasnt all roses and butterflies.

 

Want my opinion? I think I speak for a lot of people and say you have to let it go. Do not contact her at all. Right now, after reading this, go block her from everything you can. Social media, phone...whatever. You have to move on from this. Honestly, you cant dwell.

Edited March 3, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[poor boy]

......I have no idea where to start with any of this. Again, I'm saying this all honestly. Nothing personal, but stuff you need to hear.

 

Lets begin with this: She is NOT on the same level as you. No matter what she did, said, acted....none of matters anymore. If she loved you like she claimed, she would still be here. She obviously said things that she probably felt at the time, but it's clear she doesnt feel the same way now. Again, she was probably into you, but isnt now. Usually, something that drastic is brought on by another party, but that's none of your concern currently and you dont believe it anyway. I will say if she wanted to be young and carefree like you suggest, she would have no reason to make you into the villain like she is doing. She is trying to make you into the bad guy and the "creepy" one to justify herself. You are playing off full emotions here and I agree, it does look INCREDIBLY desperate. You are giving her the ammo she is wanting by showing up at her door and all of the other things you are discussing. You know who else it looks desperate to? Your ex. If I stranger, who doesnt know you from Adam, can tell this, I can assure you that your ex knows this too.

 

The letter makes you look weak and desperate. YOU obviously do not see it that way, but I assure you that they do. No one likes someone who begs like a dog for their meal lol. The LAST thing, and I do mean LAST thing, is see her face to face this week....next week, or really anytime in the near future. Again, this is coming off as pretty creepy stalkish

 

You are trying to mend something that she clearly doesnt want. The decision was made to leave, and that is what she wants. For you to be around all the time pretty much confessing your undying love to her is the EXACT opposite of what she wants.

 

You are trying to plan things out currently that will probably never happen. In addition, you are using no contact as a play. "I'll bow it for like a month, then come back and show her I've changed." Doesnt work that way kiddo. If she EVER wants to be with you again, she will let you know I assure you. Are you asking if that will happen? As I mentioned, reconciliations (at least lasting ones) hardly ever occur. When they do, its because enough time as passed on both parties and they both have plenty of time to work on themselves. That is usually with longer relationships...not really in the two month wheelhouse. Yes, she said some very commandeering things to you, and that made you feel special, and you guys shared some really sweet moments...but again, it was only two months. She is obviously a different person that you expected her to be and that is fine. Some people dont show their true colors for YEARS...some do in two months. Be glad she showed you now rather than later.

 

You obviously have confidence in there somewhere since you have clearly started your opinions on your looks and social status lol. Because she doesnt feel that way doesnt mean there is something wrong with what you are doing, she's just not the person who respects those things. Plus, you say she "wont do a lot for herself" and whatever..that doesnt really sound like a true Mrs. Poorboy to me. If you want my honest opinion, I think your ego is more hurt than actually losing her. After the smoke clears, the initial hurt wears off, time heals...I think you'll realize that it wasnt all roses and butterflies.

 

Want my opinion? I think I speak for a lot of people and say you have to let it go. Do not contact her at all. Right now, after reading this, go block her from everything you can. Social media, phone...whatever. You have to move on from this. Honestly, you cant dwell.

 

It's cool I appreciate the honesty, as always in my life honesty is the only thing I ever want, which is why this situation with my ex has been so incredibly painful as she wasn't honest with me about why she broke up. The lack of a reason was literally been tearing me apart for six weeks now, and I'm still very upset and confused I'm angry at her for being such a coward as to do it by text and not tell me why.

Yeah I can see that she obviously doesn't feel as much as she did about me. Its impossible to know what she thinks on a daily basis, if at all, about me now. As you say, because of the way she's painted me as a creepy weirdo, and tried inciting me on fb then blocking me, seems like she had some kind of anger towards me. And if it has come from a third party, do you mean likely another man? I couldn't have seen that being the case but I guess it's a possibility. She seemed very happy with me though, and excuse the crude information but the last night she stayed in mine she had sex with me six times- so I don't think she would've felt the need to get anything elsewhere lol! I just feel that without a reason, there could be a chance that the girl still has feelings for me and someone could've told her something or lied to her about me. We never had the opportunity to talk and I never got to ask her to her face what she felt for me, I see what you're saying about closure needing to come from within, but I really feel the need to know as I love her.

Maybe you're right about her personality, she is very flakey. She's actually had around 20 jobs already, and had several boyfriends and leaves them all. So it is not just me. She also wanted to sleep with me on the first date, which is not great is it. Is it always less likely that short term things don't reconcile? I mean, with a long term thing, isn't it less likely as the relationship has run its course and there was no hope. Whereas a short term thing maybe burnt out too soon. I worry that maybe I caused this to happen as I came on quite strong, telling her I loved her within a month, which I think startled her. I don't want to hate myself for that being the reason, but she was very full on back with me.

Maybe my ego is badly hurt, I don't know. I know that I'd do absolutely anything to get her back, and wish this never happened. I only met her three months ago today, crazy that is, and would love nothing more than to get that time again and do things differently now.

Maybe it would be a better idea if I text her? And open lines of communication? She may well not respond tho which would be bad for me. It appears she's still single by her fb, just going out a lot with her girl friends. If this has come from a third party, maybe it can be fixed? Some advice says, that you should pursue something you love with all your heart but I don't know. Thanks for the advice tho I do appreciate it

[erklat]

Your story is sooooo much like mine. I'm already separated double the length of

our short lived relationship, but still miss her daily.

 

She comes from dysfunctional family, father abuser, I did a mistake of verbally

abusing her also but the exception of that it is like I was reading my story.

 

Let go and don't contact her.

 

I can give you the following advice from my perspective, but it doesn't mean it will

get any easier or that I live by it all the time unfortunately.

 

She is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. A female who puts her female friends

in front of her partner is not a long type commitment material in my book.

 

Will she be back? Probably. But you won't care then and all that would remain is the bitter taste

of heartbreak she gave you.

 

You probably won't ever talk with her. Your emotions are raging now. When you come to a better place through NC it will get clear.

 

Yesterday a girl who rejected me a year ago now met me In the bar.

 

Our short interaction was cordial and business like.

 

For the rest of the day my phone was blowing up. She even called me out.

Said if you don't wish to talk over it over sms. Lol. Since when there is something to talk about.

 

I blocked her everywhere I could and haven't responded to a single one. Nor I will.

 

See where I'm getting at?

 

My advice is find a girl your age with similar goals in life if you are looking for committed relationship and the experiences from this heartbreak to improve your future relationship.

You see where I'm getting at?

[David87]

She wanted to sleep with you on your first date.... now what does that tell you ?

 

She just wants to have fun, look dude she is young that's why she acts like this.

 

You can't blame the girl for having 20 jobs and several boyfriends. Now it's the time for her to live her life at the fullest not settle down.

 

Don't get me wrong but just let it be, be glad that you had 2 months with a 20 year old girl.

 

Next time try finding someone more mature if you want something serious.

[poor boy]

Your story is sooooo much like mine. I'm already separated double the length of

our short lived relationship, but still miss her daily.

 

She comes from dysfunctional family, father abuser, I did a mistake of verbally

abusing her also but the exception of that it is like I was reading my story.

 

Let go and don't contact her.

 

I can give you the following advice from my perspective, but it doesn't mean it will

get any easier or that I live by it all the time unfortunately.

 

She is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. A female who puts her female friends

in front of her partner is not a long type commitment material in my book.

 

Will she be back? Probably. But you won't care then and all that would remain is the bitter taste

of heartbreak she gave you.

 

You probably won't ever talk with her. Your emotions are raging now. When you come to a better place through NC it will get clear.

 

Yesterday a girl who rejected me a year ago now met me In the bar.

 

Our short interaction was cordial and business like.

 

For the rest of the day my phone was blowing up. She even called me out.

Said if you don't wish to talk over it over sms. Lol. Since when there is something to talk about.

 

I blocked her everywhere I could and haven't responded to a single one. Nor I will.

 

See where I'm getting at?

 

My advice is find a girl your age with similar goals in life if you are looking for committed relationship and the experiences from this heartbreak to improve your future relationship.

You see where I'm getting at?

 

Really, it is interesting and somewhat sickeningly heartenipng to know that there are others in my position. It's affected me so badly, more than anyone could've predicted. I have lost weight, train less, and my university work, which was the main focus of my life after leaving the navy, has suffered for it. I guess thats unacceptable really, and her nastiness towards mehas caused it.

Did your ex just cut you off like mine? It's horrible isn't it. I would honestly have preferred her to come and say to me, I slept with another boy, or I don't feel attracted to you, as atleast I'd know then. not knowing why is the worst. She's so selfish for doing it that way after leading me on.

Yes I certainly think she's immature, and also fickle. I worry that the short time we were together may mean that she completely forgets about me? If I leave contacting her now, will I ultimately be remembered as a great boyfriend who really cared, rather than a pest? You really think that you'll hear from your ex again than? Why is that, maybe as they realised they lost something good? Have you contacted yours at all, and if so what responses did you get?

I honestly would just like to be happy. I hate the thought of her waking up every morning and getting ready and going to work with a smile on her face and not a care in the world, as I on the other hand wake up every day and the first thing I think about is her. Maybe she done things like this to make me chase her and give her an ego boost? She was always very nervous around me and tried to impress me, which makes me think she was really into me. I just think she has trust issues. Are you going to try meeting other women yourself now? And maybe take your own advice? I'd be more than happy to leave and get on with my future if I thought the door was open for us two in the future again, but I guess there's really no way of knowing that. And if there was to be a chance, I guess I'd need to really work on myself and become the best I can be. But to do all that and hope for a woman who doesn't want to care for me seems fruitless in a way. Id like to be friends with her in ssome way, maybe text casually, and keep our communications open for future chances. But I'm really scared of anything I do giving her more ammo and hurting me more.

[pickflicker]

Really, it is interesting and somewhat sickeningly heartenipng to know that there are others in my position. It's affected me so badly, more than anyone could've predicted. I have lost weight, train less, and my university work, which was the main focus of my life after leaving the navy, has suffered for it. I guess thats unacceptable really, and her nastiness towards mehas caused it.

Did your ex just cut you off like mine? It's horrible isn't it. I would honestly have preferred her to come and say to me, I slept with another boy, or I don't feel attracted to you, as atleast I'd know then. not knowing why is the worst. She's so selfish for doing it that way after leading me on.

Yes I certainly think she's immature, and also fickle. I worry that the short time we were together may mean that she completely forgets about me? If I leave contacting her now, will I ultimately be remembered as a great boyfriend who really cared, rather than a pest? You really think that you'll hear from your ex again than? Why is that, maybe as they realised they lost something good? Have you contacted yours at all, and if so what responses did you get?

I honestly would just like to be happy. I hate the thought of her waking up every morning and getting ready and going to work with a smile on her face and not a care in the world, as I on the other hand wake up every day and the first thing I think about is her. Maybe she done things like this to make me chase her and give her an ego boost? She was always very nervous around me and tried to impress me, which makes me think she was really into me. I just think she has trust issues. Are you going to try meeting other women yourself now? And maybe take your own advice? I'd be more than happy to leave and get on with my future if I thought the door was open for us two in the future again, but I guess there's really no way of knowing that. And if there was to be a chance, I guess I'd need to really work on myself and become the best I can be. But to do all that and hope for a woman who doesn't want to care for me seems fruitless in a way. Id like to be friends with her in ssome way, maybe text casually, and keep our communications open for future chances. But I'm really scared of anything I do giving her more ammo and hurting me more.

 

No. She wanted a casual shag, and now had moved on. You need to let her go - you were a notch on the bedpost, nothing more.

[David87]

Really, it is interesting and somewhat sickeningly heartenipng to know that there are others in my position. It's affected me so badly, more than anyone could've predicted. I have lost weight, train less, and my university work, which was the main focus of my life after leaving the navy, has suffered for it. I guess thats unacceptable really, and her nastiness towards mehas caused it.

Did your ex just cut you off like mine? It's horrible isn't it. I would honestly have preferred her to come and say to me, I slept with another boy, or I don't feel attracted to you, as atleast I'd know then. not knowing why is the worst. She's so selfish for doing it that way after leading me on.

Yes I certainly think she's immature, and also fickle. I worry that the short time we were together may mean that she completely forgets about me? If I leave contacting her now, will I ultimately be remembered as a great boyfriend who really cared, rather than a pest? You really think that you'll hear from your ex again than? Why is that, maybe as they realised they lost something good? Have you contacted yours at all, and if so what responses did you get?

I honestly would just like to be happy. I hate the thought of her waking up every morning and getting ready and going to work with a smile on her face and not a care in the world, as I on the other hand wake up every day and the first thing I think about is her. Maybe she done things like this to make me chase her and give her an ego boost? She was always very nervous around me and tried to impress me, which makes me think she was really into me. I just think she has trust issues. Are you going to try meeting other women yourself now? And maybe take your own advice? I'd be more than happy to leave and get on with my future if I thought the door was open for us two in the future again, but I guess there's really no way of knowing that. And if there was to be a chance, I guess I'd need to really work on myself and become the best I can be. But to do all that and hope for a woman who doesn't want to care for me seems fruitless in a way. Id like to be friends with her in ssome way, maybe text casually, and keep our communications open for future chances. But I'm really scared of anything I do giving her more ammo and hurting me more.

 

Please make paragraphs when you write.

 

On topic. You have a lot of growing up to do your self and when you're ready start dating again to get more experience.

 

After that, you won't be affected that much by rejection.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It's cool I appreciate the honesty, as always in my life honesty is the only thing I ever want, which is why this situation with my ex has been so incredibly painful as she wasn't honest with me about why she broke up. The lack of a reason was literally been tearing me apart for six weeks now, and I'm still very upset and confused I'm angry at her for being such a coward as to do it by text and not tell me why.

Yeah I can see that she obviously doesn't feel as much as she did about me. Its impossible to know what she thinks on a daily basis, if at all, about me now. As you say, because of the way she's painted me as a creepy weirdo, and tried inciting me on fb then blocking me, seems like she had some kind of anger towards me. And if it has come from a third party, do you mean likely another man? I couldn't have seen that being the case but I guess it's a possibility. She seemed very happy with me though, and excuse the crude information but the last night she stayed in mine she had sex with me six times- so I don't think she would've felt the need to get anything elsewhere lol! I just feel that without a reason, there could be a chance that the girl still has feelings for me and someone could've told her something or lied to her about me. We never had the opportunity to talk and I never got to ask her to her face what she felt for me, I see what you're saying about closure needing to come from within, but I really feel the need to know as I love her.

Maybe you're right about her personality, she is very flakey. She's actually had around 20 jobs already, and had several boyfriends and leaves them all. So it is not just me. She also wanted to sleep with me on the first date, which is not great is it. Is it always less likely that short term things don't reconcile? I mean, with a long term thing, isn't it less likely as the relationship has run its course and there was no hope. Whereas a short term thing maybe burnt out too soon. I worry that maybe I caused this to happen as I came on quite strong, telling her I loved her within a month, which I think startled her. I don't want to hate myself for that being the reason, but she was very full on back with me.

Maybe my ego is badly hurt, I don't know. I know that I'd do absolutely anything to get her back, and wish this never happened. I only met her three months ago today, crazy that is, and would love nothing more than to get that time again and do things differently now.

Maybe it would be a better idea if I text her? And open lines of communication? She may well not respond tho which would be bad for me. It appears she's still single by her fb, just going out a lot with her girl friends. If this has come from a third party, maybe it can be fixed? Some advice says, that you should pursue something you love with all your heart but I don't know. Thanks for the advice tho I do appreciate it

 

Well first, I know how bad it sucks, especially with how random it happens. The worst part for a dumpee is that its usually a blindside move. The dumper has time to think about it, so it doesnt hurt as much. You, on the other hand, get slapped across the face without knowing what hit you. Just insane.

 

To answer your questions, you will probably never know the real answers as to why she did this and what she is actually feeling. Easier said than done, but try to not think about that at all. That is a dead end road that will delay any sort of healing. You will drive yourself MAD with the "what if"

 

I read your previous thread on here as well, so I did get a background of who your ex is and was. You have that dreamland-like mind right now where you are not thinking clearly. As mentioned, its going to be a suicide mission to try and piece together the reasons why she did it. Even if you called her or met her and asked the reasons why, I highly doubt they will be accurate. You can overthink and say "well, maybe its because I did this" or "I bet she left because of this." You are playing the guessing game with yourself. That, in essence, will create WAY more questions than answers.

 

I realize you have 1,000 questions to ask and 0 answers and your head is totally swimming with thoughts of "how do I get her back." Those are normal...but I high waste of time and emotion. There is no gameplan on "How to get back an ex." I bet you probably Googled that a couple hundred times lol. Trying to read all those "How to get your ex back in 5 steps" or "Text her and win her back" type stuff. I will tell you that its all garbage. They dont mention the simple fact that if they dont want you back, none of that crap they spew matters.

 

I saw you mentioned "Maybe I should text her." NO NO NO!!! Again, all you are doing is being that lost puppy dog right now. You see movies, read books, watch tv...all those romantic flicks that show the guy winning his girls heart as some indy rock song plays in the background. Truth is, most people in a relationship want them to fight for them WHILE STILL in the relationship, not after. When they are done, there is a VERY good chance they are done for good. You said your ex has done this before? That's a pretty big red flag right there.

 

When talking about reconciles, there are always exceptions to the general rules. With that said, the chances of her realizing her mistake are incredibly slim. Longer relationships usually have better chances because you have shared such a connection for so long. Its much easier to end a shorter one and just go on to the next one.

 

Relationships, if you think about it deeper, are practice runs into understanding how to handle, love, and care for others so that when you meet that perfect someone, you know how to do it right. Some people can practice it a couple times and be ready for the game. Others take years of practice until they are game ready. This is just another drill in practice. You will know when its gametime. Take what you learned in practice (failed relationships) and use them to make future relationships better.

 

I dont say all of this to bum you out man because honestly, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. It sucks and I honestly wish there was something I can do to make you feel any better. I think a large majority of people on here do. What sucks is I've been on here for a year now and have seen SO many stories that mimic yours. Everyone wants to fix it right away to stop feeling so awful, but they always make matters worse. Talking to her in ANY fashion WILL make it worse. You will get NO answers, you will get her MORE ticked off, and YOU will ALWAYS be that crepper stalkish guy in her head. In terms of another party (yes, I'm meaning another guy), it's possible and I'd probably put it at a high level. Maybe not dating, but someone she is interested in. There is nothing you can do to change that.

 

Many of us say go No Contact to really MOVE ON from it. It's not easy, but its what needs to be done. Think about it like this if you want (But DO NOT FOCUS YOUR ENTIRE TIME AND ENERGY INTO THIS SAYING): Talking to her will hurt. The ONLY way to ever have that chance of a small hope of reconciling is being a ghost. Leave. Disappear. She MIGHT (and a small might) realize that you were the right one all along and try to get back with you.

 

You just have to keep moving forward. AND BLOCK HER FROM SOCIAL MEDIA! Right now. Go do it. Now.

Edited March 3, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[poor boy]

Well first, I know how bad it sucks, especially with how random it happens. The worst part for a dumpee is that its usually a blindside move. The dumper has time to think about it, so it doesnt hurt as much. You, on the other hand, get slapped across the face without knowing what hit you. Just insane.

 

To answer your questions, you will probably never know the real answers as to why she did this and what she is actually feeling. Easier said than done, but try to not think about that at all. That is a dead end road that will delay any sort of healing. You will drive yourself MAD with the "what if"

 

I read your previous thread on here as well, so I did get a background of who your ex is and was. You have that dreamland-like mind right now where you are not thinking clearly. As mentioned, its going to be a suicide mission to try and piece together the reasons why she did it. Even if you called her or met her and asked the reasons why, I highly doubt they will be accurate. You can overthink and say "well, maybe its because I did this" or "I bet she left because of this." You are playing the guessing game with yourself. That, in essence, will create WAY more questions than answers.

 

I realize you have 1,000 questions to ask and 0 answers and your head is totally swimming with thoughts of "how do I get her back." Those are normal...but I high waste of time and emotion. There is no gameplan on "How to get back an ex." I bet you probably Googled that a couple hundred times lol. Trying to read all those "How to get your ex back in 5 steps" or "Text her and win her back" type stuff. I will tell you that its all garbage. They dont mention the simple fact that if they dont want you back, none of that crap they spew matters.

 

I saw you mentioned "Maybe I should text her." NO NO NO!!! Again, all you are doing is being that lost puppy dog right now. You see movies, read books, watch tv...all those romantic flicks that show the guy winning his girls heart as some indy rock song plays in the background. Truth is, most people in a relationship want them to fight for them WHILE STILL in the relationship, not after. When they are done, there is a VERY good chance they are done for good. You said your ex has done this before? That's a pretty big red flag right there.

 

When talking about reconciles, there are always exceptions to the general rules. With that said, the chances of her realizing her mistake are incredibly slim. Longer relationships usually have better chances because you have shared such a connection for so long. Its much easier to end a shorter one and just go on to the next one.

 

Relationships, if you think about it deeper, are practice runs into understanding how to handle, love, and care for others so that when you meet that perfect someone, you know how to do it right. Some people can practice it a couple times and be ready for the game. Others take years of practice until they are game ready. This is just another drill in practice. You will know when its gametime. Take what you learned in practice (failed relationships) and use them to make future relationships better.

 

I dont say all of this to bum you out man because honestly, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. It sucks and I honestly wish there was something I can do to make you feel any better. I think a large majority of people on here do. What sucks is I've been on here for a year now and have seen SO many stories that mimic yours. Everyone wants to fix it right away to stop feeling so awful, but they always make matters worse. Talking to her in ANY fashion WILL make it worse. You will get NO answers, you will get her MORE ticked off, and YOU will ALWAYS be that crepper stalkish guy in her head. In terms of another party (yes, I'm meaning another guy), it's possible and I'd probably put it at a high level. Maybe not dating, but someone she is interested in. There is nothing you can do to change that.

 

Many of us say go No Contact to really MOVE ON from it. It's not easy, but its what needs to be done. Think about it like this if you want (But DO NOT FOCUS YOUR ENTIRE TIME AND ENERGY INTO THIS SAYING): Talking to her will hurt. The ONLY way to ever have that chance of a small hope of reconciling is being a ghost. Leave. Disappear. She MIGHT (and a small might) realize that you were the right one all along and try to get back with you.

 

You just have to keep moving forward. AND BLOCK HER FROM SOCIAL MEDIA! Right now. Go do it. Now.

 

Yeah it was the whole blindsided thing that killed me. I genuinely was absolutely convinced that she was in love with me. She lead me on to believe that, which is an absolutely awful thing to do isn't it. I guess it's kinda my own fault too, as I jumped in feet first, but for her to reciprocate then break it off is so painful. And as I say, it seems so senseless that she did it after the best night of laughs and company and sex of our relationship so far. I mean it was an awesome night and I dropped her off in a taxi and she said I love you see ya Sunday. Then blanked me for days, dumped me by text and blocked me on fb after winding me up. She's not a nice person is she.

 

I agree about the answer knowing thing. I wish she could've found the decency and courage within herself to tell me what was really the truth. I also regret not knocking at her door immediately after and demanding answers instead of letting her get away with it. Yes she's done it to other guys too, one she was serious with and meant to be going on holiday with, and one she was engaged to and living with. As far as I know, she told me the fiance one was not paying his half of the bills, started messaging other girls and going out with his mates a lot so she left him. But after what happened with me, it wouldn't surprise me if she is lying and the lad did nothing wrong and was heartbroken. She still has him as friend on fb though, and has blocked me which I don't get.

 

Yes you're right, but I find it so difficult to no ask the questions to myself. I mean if you've lost something really amazing and don't know why it kills inside. Especially if it may turn out to be something trivial or nonchalant like she thought I would get bored of her or she had trust issues, I could fix that. But if it was another guy, then that would be that. Maybe she didn't tell me if it was another guy, so she could keep me as a backup option or something? It's so horrible, I keep imagining her in my bed next to me, looking at me and talking to me all the time, I can't get her image out of my head and it's been weeks. I'm in such a bad way and am scared I won't get better.

 

Yes I have googled all those get your ex back things countless times lol! And yeah like you say, they probably don't work really. They provide hope for people like me who can't accept reality. I am so gutted I never got the relationship to last longer so that I could've became a bigger part of her life and therefore would've had a bigger chance of staying with her/getting back together after a bu. It pains me to think of myself as a mere shag or fling with her. It was more than that and I know it, heck we were even fb official lol! I just can't believe she was bored of me after 2 months, and she was always saying she can't wait to see me it feels like ages ago we were together, maybe she is just genuinely crazy.

 

I agree, but I did fight for her in the relationship didn't I? I mean I made a couple of mistakes, but I was a pretty awesome bf I'm sure, and tried very hard to impress her. I wish maybe I'd have played it cooler and been more mysterious, but who knows even that might not have extended things, maybe she had the whole thing planned out in her head all along. She seems very heartless.

 

Every day that goes by actually feels worse, because it feels less and less likely I'll ever hear from her, and the memories and meaning of them I have fade and fade. It basically feels like I never really met her and I merely imagined the whole thing. I hate the thought of her disposing of me like I was nothing

 

Would texting her really be that bad? I mean how could it be worse? It could open talks between us. I know a couple of her friends, and would love to ask them what happened, but they would most likely tell her straight away what I'd done. Would actions like these seriously hampen my chances of getting back with her in future? Do you think if I stop any further contact now, and it's only been a letter and a knock at her door, then I won't be forever remembered as the creepy stalker guy?

 

If she did meet a new guy, and things don't work out with him, dya think she might contact me? I just think it's crazy how a woman can go from one minute having sex with you, to the next minute dumping you and ignoring you and calling you a freak. Would she have to realise I was the 'right one' all along, or maybe just realise I was someone she liked and would like to see again. I regret sending the letter so much, maybe if I'd have just played it cool she may have wondered more about me. I thought it was worthy try at the time though.

[poor boy]

And do you think there's any significance in the fact that she thought I was checking her phone at night white she was sleeping? Maybe she is just really paranoid. Or maybe she had something to hide like another guy was texting her, but she asked me to guess her password for her phone in the pub the last time I saw her, which seems like she's really paranoid.

 

And the fact her friends have basically called me a weirdo on fb, do you think that she has maybe told them a false set of events to convince them I'm the bad guy. My ex basically called me a doosh on fb, which is very nasty mad hurtful. I guess I should not even want someone like that back if o had enough self respect...

[erklat]

Really, it is interesting and somewhat sickeningly heartenipng to know that there are others in my position. It's affected me so badly, more than anyone could've predicted. I have lost weight, train less, and my university work, which was the main focus of my life after leaving the navy, has suffered for it. I guess thats unacceptable really, and her nastiness towards mehas caused it.

Did your ex just cut you off like mine? It's horrible isn't it. I would honestly have preferred her to come and say to me, I slept with another boy, or I don't feel attracted to you, as atleast I'd know then. not knowing why is the worst. She's so selfish for doing it that way after leading me on.

Yes I certainly think she's immature, and also fickle. I worry that the short time we were together may mean that she completely forgets about me? If I leave contacting her now, will I ultimately be remembered as a great boyfriend who really cared, rather than a pest? You really think that you'll hear from your ex again than? Why is that, maybe as they realised they lost something good? Have you contacted yours at all, and if so what responses did you get?

I honestly would just like to be happy. I hate the thought of her waking up every morning and getting ready and going to work with a smile on her face and not a care in the world, as I on the other hand wake up every day and the first thing I think about is her. Maybe she done things like this to make me chase her and give her an ego boost? She was always very nervous around me and tried to impress me, which makes me think she was really into me. I just think she has trust issues. Are you going to try meeting other women yourself now? And maybe take your own advice? I'd be more than happy to leave and get on with my future if I thought the door was open for us two in the future again, but I guess there's really no way of knowing that. And if there was to be a chance, I guess I'd need to really work on myself and become the best I can be. But to do all that and hope for a woman who doesn't want to care for me seems fruitless in a way. Id like to be friends with her in ssome way, maybe text casually, and keep our communications open for future chances. But I'm really scared of anything I do giving her more ammo and hurting me more.

 

She is cold shouldering me for three or four months. Eventually I stopped contacting her

two months ago.

 

I done every mistake that is written in the playbook, sent letters, gifts, begging, pleading.

 

My thread with my thoughts on my situation is in my signature, check and you can comment.

 

There is no way of knowing if she'll be back. It is not easy to find another partner. I'm already looking for a new chick to hang out, hang out with some, but it doesn't feel right the same way it felt with her.

 

You have to suck it up and move on for now.

 

Reconciliations that work happen rarely. They can't happen in a month or two post bu as

personal growth needs time if you don't want the same issues.

 

Situations where they pop out because they realized you are the best for them happen often.

 

But most likely you'll either meet a new person or won't want someone who caused sommuch pain to you.

[David87]

You pissed her off with something, I don't know with what, may be with the phone thing, but it doesn't matter now.

 

What's done it's done , personaly I think that she found someone else or she has a crush. Don't try to find out because you will look even weirder in her eyes. Just let it be and start NC immediately.

[poor boy]

She is cold shouldering me for three or four months. Eventually I stopped contacting her

two months ago.

 

I done every mistake that is written in the playbook, sent letters, gifts, begging, pleading.

 

My thread with my thoughts on my situation is in my signature, check and you can comment.

 

There is no way of knowing if she'll be back. It is not easy to find another partner. I'm already looking for a new chick to hang out, hang out with some, but it doesn't feel right the same way it felt with her.

 

You have to suck it up and move on for now.

 

Reconciliations that work happen rarely. They can't happen in a month or two post bu as

personal growth needs time if you don't want the same issues.

 

Situations where they pop out because they realized you are the best for them happen often.

 

But most likely you'll either meet a new person or won't want someone who caused sommuch pain to you.

 

So you guys were together for two months like me then? And you chased her for two months post bu did you? What was her response, if any to your persisting? What did she break up with you for? I will check your story out now and comment.

 

Did you/do you regret doing the begging etc, dya think it lessened your chances? Do you think that it's common for these girls to pop back up in the future then yeah?I had two ex girlfriends that I was with for a year each. One ended really badly and I was really pestering her, and obviously we have never got in touch since, that was eight years ago. The other one ended a little less badly. She actually added me on fb a couple of years ago after being split up not a couple of years, but I never messaged her. I think I could've probably gotten back with her though, although I had no interest by that time, she had a kid aswell then.

 

I know from my past loves that what I felt for this girl is far greater, and I'm extremely disappointed that it's over. I can't comprehend the notion that it's over for good. I'd really like to believe that she'll come round one day. I keep thinking hopeful thoughts in my head, like maybe she is being really stubborn (which she is) and is waiting for me to text. Maybe she hasn't got my number as she deleted it. Maybe she doesn't want to reach out in case she's scared I won't want her back now and I might reject her...who knows ey.